Hyrule Adventures 2

~Under Construction~
Darmini entered the area and started cutting the grass to get some rupees sao he could buy more bombs. Then he heard a a loud, evil laugh echoed from the canyon side, followed by a voice that said "Now nothing can stop me!". "Who's there?" "You should know." Replied the voice. Someone jumped off of the canyon. Darmini asked "Who are You? Come into the light." The voice said "If you insist." He came into the light, and lo and behold, there was Darkel. "I have been looking for you my brother." Darkel said, "You have something of mine." You mean the Power Medallion." Darmini said, "Over the past months you made sure that I didn' get my hands on it. Now I know why. Because if I got my hands on it, it would be your downfall." "You finally understand your destiny, my brother. Too bad youNEVER FUFILL IT!Tonight is the night that you will die, my brother." "Ithink not." said Darmini
OOC:Okay, if your getting tired of all this, be patient the action is about to begin, so in the words of some guy, "Enjoy the movie!" well this really isn't a movie. *Places people!*Action!
IC: "Draw your sword, Brother!" said Darkel. Darmini drew his sword, and Darkel's eyes widened with fear. "What's the matter Darkel, when whe were first talking you sounded all brave, but now you're quivering like jello! Now you die!" Darmini stabs Darkel in the heart, and he slumps over.

To Be Continued

OOC:Okay people, long story short, I screwed up, my edits got deleted, vote yes or no.(to continue the series)

OOC: Darmini, I think that you should continue your story but I'd like to make a few suggestions.

Try to make your topics a bit more meaningful. Fighting is great and all but sometimes you have to calm down and add a topic that sorta shows some of your character's personality. Add some emotions other than anger.

Make some topics that other people can join in. I would try to plan out a storyline and maybe add some interactive parts where others opinions and characters can join in your story. They might just help you in thinking of new ideas.

Italicize. Actions and dialogue need to be seperated some how, whether it be through paragraphs or italicizing. Oh, and you don't always have to say 'Darmini said' or 'Darkel said'. It gets sometimes repetative. I'm sorry if I was a bit critical in my judging but I think that this will help you alot and that you'll be alot happier with your work.

Try to watch the way I made the eclipse mirage saga. It had more of a mystery to it, as well as an interactive part. It's blended into the Element Knights, try to do a blend as well...
Your saga seems a lot like the Hiro vs. Remix saga...
Not trying to judge, tho...

OOC: Thanks for the ideas Phantompigcollector. The Poll shall soon be changed.
Edit:or not.

OOC:The votes are in! Drum roll And the story is going to be continued!( sorry for the double posting)