The Desert Colossus

Community => Chatboard => Topic started by: Mysterious F. on September 01, 2007, 10:06:38 AM

Title: Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 01, 2007, 10:06:38 AM
Well, we've all seen them: absolutely terrible movies. So I can have some fun, I've decided to take up a jod here as a movie critic and insult bad movies while promoting good ones. I'll attempt to do this weekly, and might hire others to help while I'm gone. Let's start with Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween:

Rating: ** out of *****

Crap. Complete crap. They butchered an excellent movie.

There were far too many unneeded killing scenes, over three times that of the original movie. Alot of them were overlengthed, too, which made them even worse.

The actors and characters were just terrible. Laurie's character was terrible when compared to the original movie's Laurie. Her voice sucked, her lines were terrible, and they made her too dorky.

Then there was how they overlengthed the ending. The ending in the original movie was brilliant, though this one concentrated too much on violence and angle-age (which also sucked). It was also really hard to follow at certain points. Not too mention Laurie's screaming at the end.

Probably the only good thing about the movie is how they extended Michael's backround. An abusice step-farther, a sex-obssessed sister, a mother with no clue on how to improve her family, and the constant bullying at school were unique and somewhat cool, but overall the entire movie sucked.


Well, that's it this week. If any of you have suggestions for me to do (whether good or bad), please PM them to me, and I'll try my best to watch it as soon as I can so I can criticize it. Bye.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: JDog on September 01, 2007, 10:17:18 AM
I agree, I haven't seen the movie yet, but it looks like complete crap, I watched the original halloween, I didn't really like cause the graphics and acting pretty much sucked as well, but the new one does look ok with the graphics, other than that, sucky....
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 01, 2007, 10:26:37 AM
The original one was one of the best horror films ever. What made it good was instead of concentrating on murder and violence, Carpenter used the low budgets to his advantage and made it suspenseful and thrilling. The fact that they rarely ever showed blood only further proves that point.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: JDog on September 01, 2007, 10:31:23 AM
yeah, those parts were good, but I myself liked H2O better...
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Gamefreak on September 01, 2007, 11:40:06 AM
Such is the curse with many remakes....
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: JDog on September 01, 2007, 11:41:27 AM
yepp, remakes are never better than the original... unless...
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: MagmarFire on September 01, 2007, 08:57:52 PM
Quote from: Sora on September 01, 2007, 11:41:27 AM
yepp, remakes are never better than the original... unless...

For movie remakes...I don't really know about that, since I can't think of any movie remake that I like at the top of my head.

For VIDEO GAME remakes, on the other hand...well, you'd be wrong. ;)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Rev Rabies on September 02, 2007, 05:11:54 AM
Quote from: Whocares on September 01, 2007, 10:06:38 AM
unneeded killing scenes


do those even exist?

Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 04, 2007, 03:20:50 PM
Yep. They spent far too much time with scenes where Michael kills someone.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Rev Rabies on September 06, 2007, 12:34:58 PM
i assume then that you arent from america, americans enjoy killing scenes, it's what we watch movies for!
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Gamefreak on September 06, 2007, 01:44:42 PM
I don't know what you're talking about.  Some(far from all) watch movies for good plot, and interesting characters rather than unecessary killing or sex jokes.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Commodore Axilon on September 06, 2007, 02:14:36 PM
And perhaps an even smaller number of people can enjoy both sophisticated and unsophisticated films.

lol @ false dichotomy
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 06, 2007, 02:20:31 PM
I'll be doing Hostel 2 on Saturday. Just a heads up.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 06, 2007, 02:21:47 PM
*checks to see what board he's posting in; sees it's the Chatboard*

No.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: darkphantomime on September 06, 2007, 02:23:33 PM
How about moving away from the domain of crappy-as-hell horror movies and examining movies that actually have substance?

Or are you incapable of doing that? :-\
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 06, 2007, 02:27:42 PM
Ooo!  Ooo!  I know!  I know!  Review Austrian romantic comedies!
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 06, 2007, 02:32:12 PM
I just chose that because I had also seen it along with Rob Zombie's Halloween. And I've only done one so far and mentioned which I'm doing next, you can't judge everything I'm going to do with just two movies.  ;)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Commodore Axilon on September 06, 2007, 03:01:36 PM
Quote from: Mariel on September 06, 2007, 02:21:47 PM
*checks to see what board he's posting in; sees it's the Chatboard*

No.

Yes.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 06, 2007, 03:12:56 PM
Guess I can't argue with Commodore.  *shrugs*
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Gamefreak on September 06, 2007, 03:21:58 PM
I prefer the Bourne movies.  They're very good.

I intend to read the books sometime this year.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 09, 2007, 12:39:43 PM
Sorry I didn't do it yesterday.  :'(

Movie: Hostel 2
Rating: ***** out of *****

.....Awesome. Very much so. Surprisingly good considering how terrible horror movies are today. It's brilliant. Definetly not for younger watchers (that means you, Pein!  :P ). Every little scene and character were great. There isn't a better horror movie out this year. Watch it!  >:(

Sorry this is kinda short, but with good movies, you rarely have much to say.

I have no confirmed choice for next week, so please give me a suggestion within the next 3 days. If I haven't watched any of them, I'll just choose a movie from my own collection.

Bye!  :D
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: DW on September 09, 2007, 12:43:13 PM
Isn't it HOSTILE? Just wondering..
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Rev Rabies on September 09, 2007, 12:45:18 PM
no it's hostel


let's try not to review crappy horror movies?
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Fishalicious on September 09, 2007, 12:57:49 PM
A hostel is sort of like a hotel for groups; and it's where the film takes place at. So yes, it is Hostel.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 09, 2007, 01:00:07 PM
In the series, rich people from countries outside of the one with the hotel auction to kill those who stay. It's very bloody.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 09, 2007, 01:31:00 PM
Quote from: Whocares on September 06, 2007, 02:20:31 PM
I'll be doing Hostel 2 on Saturday. Just a heads up.
It is Sunday.  You are late.

(http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l267/Hi-n0_Selj1n/Forum%20pics/mc10655.jpg)

QuoteI have no confirmed choice for next week, so please give me a suggestion within the next 3 days.
I already told you.

QuoteOoo!  Ooo!  I know!  I know!  Review Austrian romantic comedies!
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Commodore Axilon on September 09, 2007, 01:32:31 PM
Quote from: Whocares on September 09, 2007, 01:00:07 PM
In the series, rich people from countries outside of the one with the hotel auction to kill those who stay. It's very bloody.

And also very retarded. I can't believe you actually liked it.

Whocares, you just pulled an epic Whocares.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 09, 2007, 01:33:44 PM
Don't you have a pic for epic Whocares?  Or do you not want to risk overusing it?
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: DW on September 09, 2007, 01:38:20 PM
It's my pic.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Commodore Axilon on September 09, 2007, 01:41:41 PM
Well, there's that. Also I'd rather save it for situations where someone exceeds around 50 Megaurkels.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 09, 2007, 01:42:59 PM
Whatever. Somebody make a suggestion or I do Mannequin, that really terrible 1980s movie.  ::)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 09, 2007, 01:45:17 PM
*slaps Whocares*
|
|
v
Quote from: Tethys, Beloved Dancer on September 06, 2007, 02:27:42 PM
Ooo!  Ooo!  I know!  I know!  Review Austrian romantic comedies!

Do I need to make it any clearer for you?
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 09, 2007, 01:47:40 PM
That's weird, I just had the feeling someone slapped me in the face for not reviewing an Australian Romantic Comedy.  :-[

Naaah!
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Commodore Axilon on September 09, 2007, 01:50:50 PM
Quote from: Whocares on September 09, 2007, 01:47:40 PM
That's weird, I just had the feeling someone slapped me in the face for not reviewing an Australian Romantic Comedy.  :-[

Naaah!

Pfft! (http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p55/Commodore_Axilon/Forum%20Crap/rofl.gif)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 09, 2007, 01:53:10 PM
You're right. It was probably Hungarian.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: DW on September 09, 2007, 01:54:06 PM
NEW PICTURE FOR THE OCCASSION ON ACCOUNT OF WHOCARES' IGNORANCE!

(http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w33/jackals_incarnation/SimpsonsDoh.jpg)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 09, 2007, 01:55:06 PM
...........................

Hah.  ;D
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Gamefreak on September 09, 2007, 04:24:36 PM
Do Bourne Ultimatum.

Or an Austrian romantic comedy.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 09, 2007, 04:37:29 PM
...

8)

*slaps Whocares again*

Austrian!  NOT Australian!  There is a BIG difference!
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Fishalicious on September 09, 2007, 05:11:22 PM
I suggest you review the Legend of Link... One (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7573426796770713155) Two (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8113238663847801210) Three (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7966235459721003522) Bonus (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7532616152204191764)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Twilight Wolf on September 09, 2007, 07:34:24 PM
Have you seen "Saw?" I'd like to hear your opinion on that.

[size=-3]I don't care that it's another horror movie....[/size]
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Rev Rabies on September 11, 2007, 04:08:13 PM
Quote from: Whocares on September 09, 2007, 01:47:40 PM
That's weird, I just had the feeling someone slapped me in the face for not reviewing an [size = 8]Australian[/size] Romantic Comedy.  :-[

Naaah!

i guess i'll try out the new pic!

(http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w33/jackals_incarnation/SimpsonsDoh.jpg)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Gamefreak on September 11, 2007, 04:16:05 PM
Quote from: Shikamaru Nara on September 09, 2007, 01:54:06 PM
NEW PICTURE FOR THE OCCASSION ON ACCOUNT OF WHOCARES' IGNORANCE!

(http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w33/jackals_incarnation/SimpsonsDoh.jpg)

Shikamaru beat you to it Rabies.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Rev Rabies on September 11, 2007, 04:22:57 PM
Quote from: Gamefreak on September 11, 2007, 04:16:05 PM
Quote from: Shikamaru Nara on September 09, 2007, 01:54:06 PM
NEW PICTURE FOR THE OCCASSION ON ACCOUNT OF WHOCARES' IGNORANCE!

(http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w33/jackals_incarnation/SimpsonsDoh.jpg)

Shikamaru beat you to it Rabies.
that's why i said i guess i'll try out the new pic, now you deserve the even newer pic!

(http://a489.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/83/l_7704f69fea3dfb3fb1752ed271c85250.jpg)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Gamefreak on September 11, 2007, 04:29:05 PM
I hardly think I deserve that Rabies.  And I'm starting to get sick of our constant treating of JDog and Whocares like our punching bags here.  

And you yourself are saying how you hate watching them being treated like this.  Yet here you are using pictures to make fun of them.  Sounds pretty hypocritical of you.

Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Commodore Axilon on September 11, 2007, 04:45:18 PM
As creator of the "epic Whocares" meme, I could retire it if you really think it's a problem.

...And by "retire," I of course mean "stop using." ;)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Gamefreak on September 11, 2007, 04:49:26 PM
I would appreciate it.  There's been a slew of them lately.

Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: DW on September 11, 2007, 10:01:35 PM
I'll stop the Jdog thing then too.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Gamefreak on September 12, 2007, 03:27:36 AM
You two aren't the ones I'm particularly angry with right now.  Rabies, to my knowledge has voiced sympathy for JDog and Whocares to other members.  The fact that he still uses those pictures despite that is why I'm angry with him.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: DW on September 12, 2007, 06:46:04 AM
Well, I think mostly it was in good fun. I believe that Whocares was actually in the conversation where Commodore created the pic, I'm not sure though...
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Rev Rabies on September 12, 2007, 12:36:27 PM
Quote from: Gamefreak on September 11, 2007, 04:29:05 PM
I hardly think I deserve that Rabies.  And I'm starting to get sick of our constant treating of JDog and Whocares like our punching bags here.  

And you yourself are saying how you hate watching them being treated like this.  Yet here you are using pictures to make fun of them.  Sounds pretty hypocritical of you.


you see... in my conversations with members i've talked about on this subject, my exact words were always: "it's ok to poke fun now and then, but it isn't ok when you do it en masse" and this has been the first time in awhile i made any jokes about them
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Gamefreak on September 12, 2007, 01:43:13 PM
I would hardly call what we're doing to them right now, a little poke.  This might have been one of the few times you did it, but it all just goes together in the mass of other insults and pics.  

By your logic, despite the mass of insults they're getting right now, it's ok for you to do it because you don't do it often.  Then, also by your logic, it would be ok for every other member of the site to do it because they don't do it often.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 12, 2007, 05:07:24 PM
Yes, forget I'm here, listening to you.  ::)

I really could care less about what he's doing (I for one think it's funny for my case; haven't seen him make fun of Jdog actually). I, in fact, actually liked the "epic Whocares". You can use it all you want (refering to all of you).
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: DW on September 12, 2007, 08:23:36 PM
Hooray, Zoidberg is right! Jdog's going by Nausea now, if you haven't seen him around.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 13, 2007, 02:01:14 PM
...Huh?

Anyway, I actually support the use of Epic Whocares. I, for one, think it's funny, and take no offense to it at all.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 13, 2007, 02:04:21 PM
Well, now that we have that settled, how about reviewing a movie?  This is what this thread is about, right?  Or was I lied to again! (http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l267/Hi-n0_Selj1n/Emoticons/mad.gif)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 13, 2007, 02:06:02 PM
As said, it would be easier if people were to actually give me suggestions. So far I have recieved a grand total of zero.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 13, 2007, 02:07:06 PM
I suggested Austrian romantic comedies.  How many times do I have to say it?  Austrian romantic comedies!
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 13, 2007, 02:10:16 PM
This time I have a feeling it's Austrian Romantic Comedies.

...........................

Nyaaaa!
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 13, 2007, 02:21:58 PM
At least you didn't say Australian this time. (http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l267/Hi-n0_Selj1n/Emoticons/tongue.gif)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Mysterious F. on September 13, 2007, 02:46:29 PM
Now I have that Australian feeling back.  8)
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Twilight Wolf on September 13, 2007, 06:22:16 PM
Quote from: Whocares on September 13, 2007, 02:06:02 PM
As said, it would be easier if people were to actually give me suggestions. So far I have recieved a grand total of zero.

Ahem!

Quote from: Twilight Wolf on September 09, 2007, 07:34:24 PM
Have you seen "Saw?" I'd like to hear your opinion on that.

[size=-3]I don't care that it's another horror movie....[/size]
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 13, 2007, 06:29:36 PM
Well, Whocares seems pretty bent on not listening to us, huh, Twilight Wolf?
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Zoratunic on September 14, 2007, 05:13:15 AM
Quote from: Anju the Cucco Lady on September 13, 2007, 02:07:06 PM
I suggested Austrian romantic comedies.  How many times do I have to say it?  Austrian romantic comedies!
Wouldn't it be a little hard for Whocares to understand Austrian?

Also, Whocares, you should give Transformers a go.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Fishalicious on September 14, 2007, 05:46:06 AM
Austrians speak German, most of the time... besides, there's always subs.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Hi no Seijin on September 14, 2007, 01:53:47 PM
What Fisk said.  Also, films and shows from other countries can always be translated into English and have English voice-acting (though it'll probably make the movie suck).  Otherwise, Americans wouldn't be watching shows like Bleach and Fullmetal Alchemist.
Title: Re:Whocares the Movie Critic
Post by: Gamefreak on September 14, 2007, 01:59:35 PM
Or as LittleKuriboh pointed out.  They dub stuff from America, and fill everything in with British voices.