Is it normal for stepparents to be resentful towards children that aren't theirs?
No. If they're being resentful, you should try and talk to them to see what's up. That isn't normal outside Hollywood.
Quote from: Awesome Ninja on July 22, 2008, 05:07:41 PM
Is it normal for stepparents to be resentful towards children that aren't theirs?
Yes, they represent a threat to their relationship with the significant other. It's like knowing that your girlfriend has a gigantic tick that's going to latch onto you once you kiss her, but doing it anyway. Just because she's worth it doesn't mean you have to like it.
-points to Tac's comment-
Though my dad's never been too horribly mean to me, he's been... not nice a lot of the time.
Case in point, been grounded for two years.
I don't think people are actually like that....
Quote from: Awesome Ninja on July 22, 2008, 05:07:41 PM
Is it normal for stepparents to be resentful towards children that aren't theirs?
Yes, yes it is... I've known this because I've lived with my stepdad almost my whole life. And the beatings... and the scarring...
Quote from: MasterKey0 on July 22, 2008, 05:12:38 PM
I don't think people are actually like that....
You're kidding, right?
Well, I mean, they're adults. Shouldn't they grow up and stop being so petty?
It's just been eating at me for a while. My Stepdad has never been very supportive, but I can't really blame him because he has depression and such. But...it seems like everything he says to me lately is mocking me. Constantly ragging me about Bri, the theater...yesterday, two of my friends from the theater (who are dating) wanted to know if me and Bri wanted to eat out with them. We couldn't, but when he asked what they wanted and I told him, he made comments about how 'Oh, so I guess everyone in the theater is rich then' and started ranting about how it was elitist. Just now, he made some comments that I really couldn't reply to, stuff about how my clothing was kind of bright and he asked if I was going hunting. Then he said that the clothes weren't really orange, so it didn't work. I had nothing to say, so I didn't reply. Then he turned to his friend and said "Yeah, he doesn't talk to me because I'm just peon compared to him being a--what was it? Thespian?" He's just acting like I do nothing but get in the way lately. It wasn't this bad before.
So, yeah, sorry to drop a bomb on the whole happy/insane chatboard posting, but this has really been getting to me lately. I haven't been myself. I just don't know what to do.
Umm... Fisticuffs?
Apparently I'm quite ignorant...
What to do... well I guess avoiding him wouldn't work... would talking to your mom work?
Quote from: Awesome Ninja on July 22, 2008, 05:17:17 PM
It's just been eating at me for a while. My Stepdad has never been very supportive, but I can't really blame him because he has depression and such. But...it seems like everything he says to me lately is mocking me. Constantly ragging me about Bri, the theater...yesterday, two of my friends from the theater (who are dating) wanted to know if me and Bri wanted to eat out with them. We couldn't, but when he asked what they wanted and I told him, he made comments about how 'Oh, so I guess everyone in the theater is rich then' and started ranting about how it was elitist. Just now, he made some comments that I really couldn't reply to, stuff about how my clothing was kind of bright and he asked if I was going hunting. Then he said that the clothes weren't really orange, so it didn't work. I had nothing to say, so I didn't reply. Then he turned to his friend and said "Yeah, he doesn't talk to me because I'm just peon compared to him being a--what was it? Thespian?" He's just acting like I do nothing but get in the way lately. It wasn't this bad before.
So, yeah, sorry to drop a bomb on the whole happy/insane chatboard posting, but this has really been getting to me lately. I haven't been myself. I just don't know what to do.
Seriously, I'd recommend a fight with him. Verbal OR physical. Just to show that you don't take nothin' from on one. Although, he MIGHT call the cops, so watch yourself and knock him out before he can get to a phone. I'm sorry things are so rough for you, man.
Also,
Quotetwo of my friends from the theater (who are dating) wanted to know if me and Bri wanted to eat out with them
TOTALLY took that the wrong way.
She just plays the depression card, and he's way larger than me, fighting would end up very painfully for me. Besides, I don't do violence. Just not my thing. Which actually might be part of the problem...see, he had his kids taken away from him in a divorce, and he hasn't had any contact with them at all in about ten years. He had a son, and he was the athletic, masculine type of kid. I'm the only son he has now, and I'm...not like that. At all. I wonder if that has anything to do with it, if he wants me to be more masculine or something. It would explain his resentment towards the theater some.
EDIT: Tacheon, I love you.
If that is the case, he's gonna have to accept it. I wouldn't change for him at all, screw that. He'll either accept it or not. And no, fighting is certainly not the answer. You'd get hurt, and it could end badly with the law.
Quote from: MasterKey0 on July 22, 2008, 05:23:59 PM
If that is the case, he's gonna have to accept it. I wouldn't change for him at all, screw that. He'll either accept it or not. And no, fighting is certainly not the answer. You'd get hurt, and it could end badly with the law.
But what could I say? It's hard for me to connect with him, because whenever I try to have a discussion about anything it ends with depressing statements. He's not physically violent at all anymore, and the thing with the divorce really does suck. He's a great guy, and he didn't deserve any of the stuff that happened to him, he just doesn't seem to appreciate me in the slightest.
I'd go about it by being bluntly honest. Just tell him exactly what's on your mind. He can't yell or get mad or make fun of you for telling him exactly what you think. Blunt. Be blunt.
If being blunt doesn't work, try using something blunt.
You know, like a sledgehammer
to the base of his skull
Tach, if you don't mind me asking, did you have some issues with a step parent at some point?
I'm wondering whether you're being serious, Tacheon...
Quote from: MasterKey0 on July 22, 2008, 05:33:52 PM
Tach, if you don't mind me asking, did you have some issues with a step parent at some point?
Nope, never.
In fact, I've never met my father.
I'm sorry to hear that, man. I'm sorry if I offended you at all.
But I still don't think that violence is the answer.
Quote from: MasterKey0 on July 22, 2008, 05:39:14 PM
I'm sorry to hear that, man. I'm sorry if I offended you at all.
Don't worry about it, you have not.
QuoteBut I still don't think that violence is the answer.
It is not the answer.
It is the question.
The answer is yes.
I'd support whichever route Shika takes, but I'm afraid he might get hurt.
I have to say this: it's basic psychology. Usually step-parents won't like their step-children as much if a) they haven't known them for a long time or b)it's just deep in their mind that it's just because you're not related. This doesn't just happen in Hollywood, guys. It happens in real life, too. I've noticed, and so has my cousin Christy, that my Aunt Caroline, who I'm related to, often acts snobby towards my Uncle Steve (her husband's) daughter, Alison, who is a year younger than me (so she's old enough to know better) and her step-daughter. Of course my aunt Caroline would never actually SAY that she doesn't really care too much for Alison, but it's probably in the back of her mind.
I'm not even going to attempt violence. I lack both the physique and the will to.
I've been working with him for a little over a month now, I thought it'd help us bond more, but...now I just hear him talking about how everything in life is pointless more often. I don't know how to respond to talk like that, but it offends him that I don't. How do you connect with someone who's depressed?
Quote from: Awesome Ninja on July 22, 2008, 05:45:36 PM
I'm not even going to attempt violence. I lack both the physique and the will to.
I've been working with him for a little over a month now, I thought it'd help us bond more, but...now I just hear him talking about how everything in life is pointless more often. I don't know how to respond to talk like that, but it offends him that I don't. How do you connect with someone who's depressed?
By the way, Shika, I'm not pro-violence, I'm just adding levity to a non-jovial topic. And so--
QuoteHow do you connect with someone who's depressed?
With a sledgehammer?
You're comical, I'll give you that. :P
Shika, if he's depressed the best way to connect with him would be to just listen to him, and respond when you think it's right. Even if it's a little stuff. Respond positively. Make him feel like he'll be okay.
Serious déjà vu there, Tacheon. (About violence not being the answer.) :P
Quote from: MasterKey0 on July 22, 2008, 05:29:22 PM
I'd go about it by being bluntly honest. Just tell him exactly what's on your mind. He can't yell or get mad or make fun of you for telling him exactly what you think. Blunt. Be blunt.
I concur. Fear of consequences aside, people often discard the idea of being blunt to approach people, and from what I see, they don't realize its potential. Just look at how it was with my dad: He wanted me to stay with him and not move in with my mom, where I would be able to enroll school on a clean slate and
not get bullied on a daily basis. I was enraged that the courts wouldn't let me decide what
I wanted, so I called him on the phone while I was with my mom, saying that I didn't want to stay with him anymore. Plain and simple. He was upset, yes, but that was just the price.
Hope this helps, but people often don't take the direct route. So...sorry.
Quote from: Iroh, Dragon of the West on July 22, 2008, 05:37:23 PM
In fact, I've never met my father.
Neither have I man, neither have I : (
So he talks all about depression all the time? I think too that this would be an excellent time to be blunt with him. Let him no straight away that you won't take any more of his BS, and if he tries to counter you by saying something depressing, be even MORE blunt.
Good advice JQ. Shika should listen to you.
Fix your post, btw.
I last saw my father when I was three. We were scheduled to go camping and he left the night before. I later found out he was running from paying child support. From what I hear he is a pot head and an alcoholic who is constantly in rehab.
My mother married my step father when I was 10. He treated me like his own until they were officially married. Then it was as if I was the only thing holding him back from a good life. He treats my two step brothers like gods. I get no support what-so-ever from him in anything. The bad out ways the good with him. He does pot as well. When he's high he treats me better, but I still know its only because of the pot. We used to wrestle on the trampoline until one day he took it to far and punched me in the face. I punched back and left the trampoline. We dont really play anymore.
Do step parents naturally hate their step children, I believe so. I think we act as a monument connecting our parents to the one they used to be in a relationship with.
Wow, that sounds tough... sorry man.
It happens. But thank you for the sympathy.
Won't get into any personal experiences here...
but I will say that, in a lion pride, if a different male lion takes over, he will take the time to kill the cubs of the previous male. This is so that it is his genes in the gene pool, not those of the previous male.
While humans have evolved to be much more "intelligent" (for lack of a better term) and adaptable, we still retain our basic animal instincts. Fight or flight, for instance.
That's actual probably a plausible reason for a lot of malice in households that have step parents.
That was a brilliant way to explain this situation. Here, you get a SUPER STAR COOKIE TROPHY!