First off I don't expect anyone to read this and I kind of don't want anyone to. I do not like to vent, but I need to get this out and see it out right. For awhile I've just used word, but it isn't the same and doesn't appear to work. This seems to be the best location as I never post here and only one person who might see it actually knows me. Intro concluded I can now officially begin.
My GPA now officially sucks. When I was taking six high school classes.. I think it was six.. and a full load at college I had amazing grades. Well at least grades to be proud of, especially under the circumstances, but now... well I have recieved two Fs maybe more. I just cannot do work. If I force myself nothing happens and against my mother's beliefs it is not because I am not motivated. I know what's riding on everything right now and yet nothing happens. Before I just did it and even liked it. Now... I had to be dragged to a meeting with two teachers, a school administrator, a counselor, and my mother just to see if I will graduate this year. Which I might, if I can do more work than I would like to even think about. If I don't.. well I won't get a diploma.. at all. I couldn't go back to school.. not a former Honors Student and Drum Major. I couldnt face it. I couldn't get the college option, because if I didn't make the high school it means I tried the college and got kicked out. Yes, it has reached that level. Now I not only dread school, I can't stand work. When I don't have either of those.. I don't have time to relax. I can't sleep and don't have 'friends'. Right now... life sucks. Relationships suck. Dreams suck. Goals suck. Work sucks. School sucks. Families suck. Time sucks. Lack of time sucks. Being 18 sucks. Ok I am done.
Note: This is not in anyway edited or thought out. OH and I would never kill myself, too scared of death and not enough faith.
Quotetoo scared of death
Join my crew... and postpone the judgment.
In all seriousness, let it out.
maybe you should unleash your anger?
I'm kind of in a similar situation. I'm messing up my classes and worry that I'm failing some of them. There's a huge amount of work that needs to be done but I'm afraid of doing it.
Sorry to hear that you're having so much stress. Letting it all out can be a relief.
schooool sucks balls.
I'd say to follow my example and take a lot of easy-as-crap classes to make flat 100's in to bring the GPA up. AP classes get a 15 point curve at the end of the month, so if you're making an 85, it reads as a 100. this only works with a 65+, though. pre-AP classes get 10 points in the same manner.
my report cards say:
pre-cal pre-ap: 75-80
physics pre-ap: 80-90
apparel (easy class): 100
english 3 ap: 90-100
art 3 drawing (easy class): 100
dance (easy class. we watch movies): 100
us history ap: 80-90
german iii: 80-90
so my average should be 88.125 - 93.75, but I'm making a 98-100 average.
i also try and do as little work as possible. we have a GT (gifted & talented) program at our school that judges our creativity and crap, but the only benefit of it is to the school- it makes it look so much more professional, while we get nothing. colleges don't care, they just look at our grades.
don't work yourself too hard, you'll end up like me and that's a bad thing.
Ugh I'm a member of a similar G&T thing but it's pathetic.
I can kind of relate to your problems in a very small way Brizzy.
I recently got a real exam result back and hadn't done as well as I'd wanted. I mean it was a good mark, an A, but in my stupid assessment I'd been predicted all A*s and everyone seems to have these unreal expectations of me, when a lot of my friends ended up getting A*s I got really worked up. Thing is, I know that I got a great mark, but after having a long talk with soemone I've realised that I've been concentrating so hard on what others think of me, and about what others expect of me, that I'd forgotten why I was really bothering. And I also realised that despite what everyone thinks of me/my marks, I dont have to try to be perfect. yes it sucks that I could tell everyone was obviously gloating that they'd beaten me but I just had to ignore that. And plus I suppose that I should be proud that everyone expects so high of me. Everyone thinks of me as being clever without trying, and because I often get good marks,m whenever I slip everyone goes crazy like "Omg I beat Alice!" whereas if I said that every time I got a better mark than anyone they'd think I was big headed and full of myself, which I'm not. But they just dont relaise how stressful it is.
Yeah, that was my mini rant.
Quotedon't have 'friends'
I give up.