Ask Ezlo questions

[Sovelis]

Dear Ezlo,
   Why didn't you return my calls? I was trying to recruit you into the New Order of Darkness, but you seem to not to like us evil people, Is it because we have Vaati as a member? Will you join if we get rid of him?

[Mr. bubbles]

Dear, Elzo

What will you do for a klondike bar.

[Bboy94]

Ezlo, was that a question?

[Vaati]

Dear Ezlo, What would you say if I told you that Link was not really wearing you during Minish Cap, it was Vaati...

[violinist]

What is the order of sages smartest to dumbest?

[Mysterious F.]

I'll tell you, Axel!!!!!   *taking question seriously*

Rauru -> Saria -> Impa -> Zelda -> Nabooru -> Darunia -> Ruto

Dear Ezlo, did you know that you got chocolate in my peanut butter?  

[DW]

dEer 3zlo, rn't u sik of teh horibel gramer of som ppl on this sight??? i no i am!11!! it maykes me so madd i cant tak it!!!

[Pale Dim]

Dear Ezlo, will I survive this entire trip?

[Zoratunic]

Dear Ezlo,
Will you ever reply to us?

[darkphantomime]

Dear Ezlo,
            If God is an orange, then why does Lake Hylia reek of Garlicy Tomatoes?

[Mysterious F.]

Dear Ezlo, did you like that copy of the ACTUAL video from The Ring I sent you?

[darkphantomime]

Ezlo has informed me that due to extreme circumstances, he will be unable to take your calls at the moment.

So instead of waiting and waiting and waiting I offer a new service!

*Uses remote to turn on TV*

Announcer: 1001 reasons why picori go good with culinary arts. Featuring: Stewed Minish, Fried Minish Sauteed Minish, and my favorite, minish pot pie!

*switches TV off*

...

O_0

I think I've hadf enough shock for one day...

[MatthewThief]

Dear Ezlo, did you die 0_o' ?

[Ask Ezlo]

I have not abandoned my column writings yet, gentle reader!

......

Unlike a certain SOMEONE.

Now onto the questions!

"Dear Ezlo,
   Why didn't you return my calls? I was trying to recruit you into the New Order of Darkness, but you seem to not to like us evil people, Is it because we have Vaati as a member? Will you join if we get rid of him?"

I'm sure that a certain SECRETARY is to blame for this malovent deed. Rest assured, she will be punished... as soon as I can remember her name... Now if only Vaat didn't have so much eyeliner...

What?

"Dear Ezlo,
           If God is an orange, then why does Lake Hylia reek of Garlicy Tomatoes?"

As I can assure you, gentle reader, GOD IS AN ORANGE! err... maybe I should stay away from that weird pipe... :collapses:

"What is the order of sages smartest to dumbest?"

Wrong Whocares! I believe it is... err... the smartest would be that fine, oversized fish lady, yeah, the big smelly one... ruatoa-what was it now? Next we have... the lovely miss Durania!

:has someone whisper in ear:
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING THAT THIS ISN'T A BEAUTY PAGEANT?! IT SAYS... :mutters: ...

Where is that darn secretary of mine? She is the one to blame for this mess.

NEXT QUESTION!

"Dear Ezlo, will I survive this entire trip?"

If you can survive 3000 miles across the continent, then I'm sure I can survive being on a certain "Green Fairy's" head 24/7...

:has someone whisper in ear:

Are you telling me  that that wasn't the original question? HUMBUG!

Now gentle reader, according to this chart, I will attempt to make as many appearances as humanely possible. If only 'that-secretary-whom-I-can't-remember-the-
name-of-and-whom-refuses-to-wake-me-up' would remember to wake me up. Or it will be back to the dungeon with her!

[Commodore Axilon]

Dear Ezlo, Who's better, Kirk or Picard?