Relationships Topic

[MagmarFire]

Hmm, that is a sticky situation. If you want my opinion, though, I say to be direct with him now than to inadvertently get his hopes up later. I'd say the amount of hurt resulting from finding out you don't like him is directly proportional to the change in time from now to the time he finds out. In other words, the longer you wait to tell him, the more it'll hurt (for him) when you get it over with.

Just keep in mind that romantically rejecting him is not the same thing as globally rejecting him.

There's actually someone else who I like...

O.O Mission accomplished, guys!

Vaati, why don't you tell us about this special someone, hmm? ;3

[Vaati]

That sounds like a plan as far as telling him up front. Although, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "romantic" and "global" rejection.

And yeah, the guy I kinda like I've known since freshman year but I hadn't really become good friends with him until junior year when we had lunch together. We had lunch and Adventure PE together last semester but nothing this semester which is a bummer. I'm thinking of maybe going to prom with him. I dunno. ^^

EDIT: Yes, we're going to prom together. :3

[The Glamour Nazi]

Epic.

Win.

Is this the same Vaati that seemed to not be interested in any guy except her titular purple mage?

[Vaati]

Titular purple mage and Lokomo with a metal arm.  

My sister actually told me that she could tell he liked me, because he took me to a movie and offered to pay, then paid for dinner at a Chinese restaurant nearby. And when I asked him, he said "Sure" and that he was actually going to ask me, but wasn't sure how to. So, I'm glad one of us worked up the courage. 

[MagmarFire]

That sounds like a plan as far as telling him up front. Although, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "romantic" and "global" rejection.

By "global," I was referring to a generalization.

Is this the same Vaati that seemed to not be interested in any guy except her titular purple mage?

Hence the "Mission accomplished, guys!" XD

[Vaati]

That sounds like a plan as far as telling him up front. Although, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "romantic" and "global" rejection.

By "global," I was referring to a generalization.

I'm still not sure what you mean exactly. Could you give an example?

[MagmarFire]

"General" as in not necessarily in the romantic sense.

[Vaati]

That's not an example. (sigh) Nevermind, forget I asked anything. XD

[MagmarFire]

It's good enough, considering an antonym of romantic is platonic--meaning rejection by, say, friends. If it's not romantic, it fits my description. You can do the categorization from there.

[Vaati]

Ah, I see. 

[The Glamour Nazi]

Okay, I'm giving you all warning, the following post may or may not contain mature themes and strong language. I'm gonna beige it, but if you feel it's necessary to give me a warning and censor the words, fine, but I need to say it like this.

I'm sorry for getting you all down... But I have no one else to talk to...

So for anyone who wants to read on, do it at your own risk. Nothing about it will be very happy.

Over the past couple weeks Alex and I have been arguing quite often, about really dumb stuff, she suggests something and I over-react. She suggested going to the mall yesterday for example and I freaked out at her, yelling and everything, stuff like "I hate the mall" and "We planned to stay in today! Why do you wanna change it now?!"

Things were going so well for us for the first 4 months... She said I was perfect and that she loved me and the nothing was ever wrong. We never fought, we never disagreed, there were no problems at all, I was, to quote her, "A prince" but now... I just keep messing up.

It may be no secret to some of you that Alex and I sometimes do... Intimate things, but it's not that often! But I can't help but think all this started when we did them for the first time.

I'm stressed out all the time, she sees it and she hates it, I feel like I'm growing up too fast, I have a job, I have responsibility, I have graduation coming up... And all of it was forced on me 3 months ago with very little preparation...

Because I feel like I'm growing up too fast, I think I try to cling to all the immaturity I still have left... But that just leads to me clinging to how emotionally unprepared I am for a relationship like I have with Alex...

She tells me she never wants to be with anyone else, that I'm the only person she ever wants to be with, and I feel the same way, but when I do some of the horrible horrible things I do to her, I can't help but think things would be better off... If we weren't together.

Last night was probably the worst night of my entire life. I was stressed, I go over to her house and we talk things out, and for once I feel relieved. We get back to her house after a walk, and start watching some anime. She and her friend start saying she's like a character, but I just can't see it, so semi-jokingly I say "I guess I don't know the real you, do I deserve to date you?" Then she gives me a scared look, and insists she is like that character.

I don't say anything, and instead pull out my phone and send a fake message to my parents saying "I'm ready to go" which makes her react... Exactly how I thought it would, although... I hated myself for doing it.

She stands up and runs to her sisters room, I hear her start crying and instantly think "I fudged up big time." I go to her kitchen and almost throw up because of how bad I feel.

She tells me after she calmed down that at that moment, for more than an entire minute all she could think about was saying "I want to break up with you" and it took all her willpower not to say it.

Eventually she calms down enough to want to talk, I go back there and she's crying more than she ever has before, yelling at me to shut up yelling how it's all my fault, and that she can't tiptoe around what she says because she's worried about me freaking out, because that's all anyone has ever done. I finally get her to calm down and we start talking...

I don't think I deserve someone as amazing as her, and I... I think it'd be better if I left... So she could find someone better...

Why does life change like this? Why did we start fighting? Why did I do what I did? Why am I stressed? What can I do? Should I let her go find someone better? If not, how should I apologize? How do I know this won't happen again?

I don't get anything anymore. There are too many questions...

Cerebus syndrome fudging sucks.

[Keaton]

Okay, I'm giving you all warning, the following post may or may not contain mature themes and strong language. I'm gonna beige it, but if you feel it's necessary to give me a warning and censor the words, fine, but I need to say it like this.

I'm sorry for getting you all down... But I have no one else to talk to...

So for anyone who wants to read on, do it at your own risk. Nothing about it will be very happy.

Over the past couple weeks Alex and I have been arguing quite often, about really dumb stuff, she suggests something and I over-react. She suggested going to the mall yesterday for example and I freaked out at her, yelling and everything, stuff like "I hate the mall" and "We planned to stay in today! Why do you wanna change it now?!"

Things were going so well for us for the first 4 months... She said I was perfect and that she loved me and the nothing was ever wrong. We never fought, we never disagreed, there were no problems at all, I was, to quote her, "A prince" but now... I just keep messing up.

It may be no secret to some of you that Alex and I sometimes do... Intimate things, but it's not that often! But I can't help but think all this started when we did them for the first time.

I'm stressed out all the time, she sees it and she hates it, I feel like I'm growing up too fast, I have a job, I have responsibility, I have graduation coming up... And all of it was forced on me 3 months ago with very little preparation...

Because I feel like I'm growing up too fast, I think I try to cling to all the immaturity I still have left... But that just leads to me clinging to how emotionally unprepared I am for a relationship like I have with Alex...

She tells me she never wants to be with anyone else, that I'm the only person she ever wants to be with, and I feel the same way, but when I do some of the horrible horrible things I do to her, I can't help but think things would be better off... If we weren't together.

Last night was probably the worst night of my entire life. I was stressed, I go over to her house and we talk things out, and for once I feel relieved. We get back to her house after a walk, and start watching some anime. She and her friend start saying she's like a character, but I just can't see it, so semi-jokingly I say "I guess I don't know the real you, do I deserve to date you?" Then she gives me a scared look, and insists she is like that character.

I don't say anything, and instead pull out my phone and send a fake message to my parents saying "I'm ready to go" which makes her react... Exactly how I thought it would, although... I hated myself for doing it.

She stands up and runs to her sisters room, I hear her start crying and instantly think "I fudged up big time." I go to her kitchen and almost throw up because of how bad I feel.

She tells me after she calmed down that at that moment, for more than an entire minute all she could think about was saying "I want to break up with you" and it took all her willpower not to say it.

Eventually she calms down enough to want to talk, I go back there and she's crying more than she ever has before, yelling at me to shut up yelling how it's all my fault, and that she can't tiptoe around what she says because she's worried about me freaking out, because that's all anyone has ever done. I finally get her to calm down and we start talking...

I don't think I deserve someone as amazing as her, and I... I think it'd be better if I left... So she could find someone better...

Why does life change like this? Why did we start fighting? Why did I do what I did? Why am I stressed? What can I do? Should I let her go find someone better? If not, how should I apologize? How do I know this won't happen again?

I don't get anything anymore. There are too many questions...

Cerebus syndrome fudging sucks.

That really sucks, man.  Women have a way of making us males say the worst possible things at the worst possible times, I feel your pain.  That reminds me a bit of how I treated my first girlfriend (but, like, the third time we dated, it was on-and-off for close to a decade).  She just needs time.  If things are meant to work out between the two of you, they will.  Just tell her you were wrong, you didn't know what you were saying, you were just being stupid.  Be vulnerable.  Be honest.  Be insecure.  If she loves you, she'll understand.

Anyhow, even if you're going to color that text, there's still no tolerance for that kind of language-- no warning since this is an emotional topic, but I've edited your post correspondingly.

[Deku]

Awww, dude... I came here to post a happy story, but now I'm just sad

I'm really sorry. I've seen this situation before. What you two need is a break from each other. Sever all contact with her for as short as a week or as long as a month. That could be exactly what it takes to make you guys appreciate each other again.

I'm not a licensed counselor, so don't take my advice too seriously- but my ex and I used to do these types of things, and it really did make things better. Another thing we did was spend a day with each other, but neither of us was allowed to speak.

"Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm..." -Depeche Mode

That sentence has more truth to it than it leads on. Without words, only emotions make contact. Every little movement is closely scrutinized, and by making a mental contact with your eyes, she should be able to make out the words, "I love you". That's the best advice I can give (if you wanted any at all).

Now I'm gonna tell the story of a relationship that may be just beginning. If everything goes well, I'll be typing up a post like Shoe-sama's next year XD

*ahem*

So at the beginning of my last semester in college, I didn't have any friends at the college. I was a freshman who didn't go there at the same time as his pals. So one day I was walking past the lunch room, and I noticed something new. It wasn't the room that was separated from the hallway by a large glass window- but rather that everyone in it was playing Magic. Magic is a card game that I picked up last summer, and I love it. I decided to check it out, and upon entering the room I was immediately noticed... Okay, so nobody even turned to look at me, but I was determined to make myself known.

I found a table with an empty chair and took a seat. "Only watching." I confirmed as I observed their skills. One of the dudes asks, "You play?" to which I responded, "I do!" Now what was really intriguing about this table was the girl that was playing with them. She was absolutely gorgeous. Never for a second did I contemplate that she might be single- hot nerd chicks are rarer than any other kind. I'm not the worst looking guy, and I'm pretty good at making people laugh- so I'm not the type to think I don't have a chance. We got to talking, and it was better than I could imagine. She was also a hardcore gamer! She was getting two thumbs way up from me, and the dudes at the table were pretty cool themselves. They asked me to bring my cards next time.

I'd found my niche.

For the rest of the semester, we became friends. We did all sorts of "friend" stuff, like take pictures, go out to eat- lots of nice stuff. The girl and I (I won't say her name, sorry, lets call her Girl) weren't close yet, but I didn't really expect that anyways. The rest of the semester was pretty cool too. I got her phone number, but I dare not text her yet. I didn't want to seem like a creeper (the school is full of them). There was little contact over summer- none of us were close enough to hang outside of school. We just throughly enjoyed each others' company. However there was SOME contact. I was down at the local nerd shop, and I ran into her there! Yep! She was with her boyfriend! OH-NO. THIS IS TERRIBLE. HE'S NOT A FLORENCE. HE WAS ACTUALLY REALLY NICE GUY. OH-NO OH-NO. RED ALERT. SHIP HAS HOLES IN IT. THEIR RELATIONSHIP SEEMS AIR-TIGHT! What do I do?!

Second Semester

With some kind of miracle magic at work, we all wind up having a big break together. No idea why- we didn't coordinate schedules or anything, but there we were hanging out again. In any case, Girl and I wind up being much much closer friends. During this time, we text a little more than normal, exchange gifts for holidays, and sometimes meet up at the local nerd shop. We have some time alone during lunch before the others show up, which is amazing. We get lunch together, and discuss each others' stalkers. Yes, no matter what school I go to, I have ugly stalkers XD

As the semester continues, all of us grow closer, including her and I. All I can do is hope that her boyfriend messes up really bad- because at this point, I'm likely next on her list. Recently, my buddy Dave went to a gaming/anime convention and got a whole lot of stuff for free, some of which he didn't want. He gave me two Pokemon White/Black posters- they were really nice. They were made of a really high quality material (not paper, but like a floppy aluminum material), and the deal was that I only wanted one. My friend Dave is a genius, and he was like, "give it to one of your friends then, I'm sure they'd appreciate it."

THUMP THUMP

Dude.

THUMP THUMP

THUMP THUMP

BRAIN BLAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lmao, so yeah, I decided to take one to school for her. I left it in my trunk, and at lunch I told her I had a "sprize" for her. She followed me out to my car, and was absolutely thrilled about it. It was so nice to see her so happy. She Pokemon, and often times plays her DS at lunch. She immediately took it back to her car, and we went back inside. I couldn't believe how happy it made her, lol. But I think I was also surprised at how happy I was to see her happy. You see, I don't love her. At least I don't think I do. I really enjoy her as a friend, and she's totally hot, but I don't love her yet. I think the happiness I got out of making her happy might be the beginnings of a small feeling of affection towards her.

This happened just yesterday (the poster thing), and I just wanted to say that I'm really excited about this. I have plenty of girls that are going to wind up being friends with benefits right now, but only one promising possibility of a relationship. That's the story so far- and I'll let you guys know the moment something happens.

MEDIT: That word's not allowed. Fortunately, though, it's not one of the warnable ones--just one of those don't-do-it-again-or-I'll-fire-mah-laz0r kinds.

[Pale Dim]

Shoe, you've been a good friend of mine for a while now, and you have told me a great (GREAT) many things about you and your love life, but now it is time for my feedback.

Me and Des have been having a steady relationship for a little while now, and it's mainly steady because of how infrequently we see each other. We see each other, oh, I don't know, maybe once or twice a week. Sure, we keep good contact on Facebook, but mainly it's just to talk about how our days have been, and then we go and make up stories to keep us entertained. When she is busy, I do something else that I find fun so my skills in that subject do not rust. When I am busy, she does the same. Recently, however, she was finally allowed into my room so she can play Twilight Princess for the first time. My room was a mess. It looked like a tornado went through. I told her how sorry I was that my room was that messy, and do you know what she did? She wrapped herself in my blanket, picked up the Wii remote, handed me the nunchuck, and said "It looks like my room. Let's go".
The point is, I was being vulnerable and insecure about the way that my room looked, and she looked past that and made me feel better by ignoring the small stuff.
When we went to watch a show at the High School a few weeks back, they played a really sad song with a slideshow of the soldiers overseas. I could not hold in it. She looked at me, and she could see the tears running from my eyes. I thought I was gonna lose it. You know what she did? She snuggled in closer to me.
I was feeling vulnerable, and I needed a hug. She gave me that needed comfort.
Just recently, she made joked with me about cheating on her. I do not look lightly on cheating at all. Even if it's a joke, I cannot take it. I told her this, and the next thing we know, there is a sense of awkwardness flowing through the air. And then, a minute later, we continue on like it never happened.
Whenever I get too concerned with anything and almost panic, she jokingly calls me paranoid and says everything is going to be okay.
We got into an argument about glasses. She doesn't think she looks pretty with glasses, and this is an opinion that she is gonna stick to. I told her otherwise. Apparently, this is a big no. The whole time I'm thinking "(w)itch, just accept the damn complement!" But then her (w)itchy as all hell best friend comes online and orders me to stop arguing with her. I saw red, and I wanted to kill something, but I held it in because I love her, and her friend has her moments when she's fun to be around, and I didn't want to mess that up.

She also does not like to be patted on the head. I learned this the hard way. Nor does she like to be lifted when we hug.

You understand what I'm getting at? If she really loves you, she will look past the small details and forgive you for your mistakes. You need to make mistakes with her, and learn from those mistakes. If you need to cry in front of her once in a (great) while, do it. Real men cry once in a while. You don't need to be the absolute strongest person that she knows, because if you do, it'll give her the impression that you are insensitive.

We don't listen to the same music (Hers is okay, it's just not the type I listen to. Mine, well, she hasn't heard the good good songs yet. ) and she doesn't like anime as much as I do, but that's okay! I can watch the cheesy kid stuff that I still like around her (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Tacheon?), along with the good Disney movies that we both know and love, and we still enjoy each other.

And now she has slowed down the whole relationship so that we don't rush into things. It's my turn to join in the slowdown.

Long story short, she doesn't have to like EVERY THING that you do, you can't be insensitive, and you don't need to be together ALL THE TIME. You need time to be apart sometimes. There are gonna be fights. There are gonna be times when you disagree. The best thing I think now, for you two, would be to spend some time alone. Away from each other. Time heals all wounds if you're not already dead. And for the love of all that is holy Shoe, if you find the time away from her unbearable, FIND SOMETHING TO DO!!!

This is just my feedback to what you have been telling me over Facebook. I hope that I have been helpful as this will probably be the last time I voice my opinion to you....hopefully.

[MagmarFire]

Just so you guys know, I read what you said, so don't think I'm ignoring you. ^^;

But there is something I need to say: Sadly, in this world, no relationship is perfect. If you manage to forge one without clashing with your other half at least some of the time, then either you're luckier than a guy who's won the lottery or you know something's wrong with the relationship. Fighting is risky business, sure, but without it, a relationship can't grow to its fullest. Clashes raise red flags like, "Hey, stupidhead, you need to communicate more!" or something like that. Not that I'm necessarily saying that you guys have a communication problem, but I am saying that fighting is like failure: It sucks, but use it to your advantage by learning from it.

But of course, remember that I don't speak from experience. It's just another way of thinking I started utilizing. I realized that disagreements and grievances are inevitable, and trying to get out of your way to prevent them from happening is an exercise in futility and is only a source of frustration, which could damage a relationship further. ...Remember, though, that frustration can help you learn to "go with the flow" and try to fix things that need to be fixed, not things that cannot be fixed. Trying to prevent fighting is, in a way, simultaneously trying to patch up what's wrong with being a human being. Humans are flawed by nature, after all.

Finally, don't think that I'm trying to say you shouldn't try to lessen the severity of disagreements. That, of course, is a more manageable task than trying to erase them completely.