Relationships Topic

[Vaati]

That's quite a predicament. It's tough when parents are so overprotective that they will go to such measures as to call the cops on their child's boyfriend as if they don't care about their happiness.

You're 18, right? I don't know how old Mia is but if she's at least 18 as well, then I don't think her father will have any authority to get the police involved if she's a consenting adult--even if he is a judge. If she's not 18 yet, I guess my best advice would be to still go out in secret until she does turn 18.

I can't say that I know her father's personality. He might be the type to kick her out once she turns 18 if she chooses to stay with you. But it definitely sucks when family can interfere so.

[The Glamour Nazi]

That's quite a predicament. It's tough when parents are so overprotective that they will go to such measures as to call the cops on their child's boyfriend as if they don't care about their happiness.

You're 18, right? I don't know how old Mia is but if she's at least 18 as well, then I don't think her father will have any authority to get the police involved if she's a consenting adult--even if he is a judge. If she's not 18 yet, I guess my best advice would be to still go out in secret until she does turn 18.

I can't say that I know her father's personality. He might be the type to kick her out once she turns 18 if she chooses to stay with you. But it definitely sucks when family can interfere so.

I've decided not to bother even trying to talk to her until she's 18, and even then, only if she tries to contact me first.

I really don't want to be arrested.

[Vaati]

I'm really sorry to hear that, man. =( Stay strong! Things will work out.

[MagmarFire]

I must have clinical tardiness on TDC now or something. >_>

But that stinks, man. It really, really stinks. I'm going to try to demonize this man as little as possible, considering I doubt he's abusing his power as a parent (as a judge, on the other hand, I could see him abusing down the road...which honestly, should be grounds for excommunication, so to speak), but it can't be easy for you, either.

If it continues helping you, don't hesitate to continue talking about it!

[Twilight Wolf]

Welp, Imma jump on the relationship issues bandwagon too.

I broke things off with my girlfriend about a month ago.

I won't get too detailed, but her mental stability had been deteriorating for months and she became emotionally abusive. I decided to separate from her temporarily and she used that opportunity to stab me in the back and ruin any trust I had left in her, so I broke things off immediately.

Even though she told me over and over how much she loved me and how she wanted to spend her life with me, and she still begged me to reconsider after I left, she began dating a mutual acquaintance less than two weeks later. Go figure.

[MagmarFire]

Somehow, I doubt that she's a person with the memory of a goldfish, but this doesn't do any favors against that... Emotional abuse is never a good thing, and you shouldn't have to have dealt with it. I realize that's probably one of the most-said things on this board, so I apologize for the lack of originality, but...man, what gives? Heck, I wonder if that says anything about the world and this trial-and-error system we have set up for this sort of thing.

I mean, really. First, my sister's relationship ended on a bad note (while she was very sick!), and now TW had this happen to him.



Are these even worth it?

Just...

[Vaati]

I thought I might tell you guys this but there's a girl I met on DA back in September or so and we've been talking a lot on Skype and Tumblr. This past April we both admitted to each other than we have feelings for one another. We're not technically dating. I've already made it clear that I would like to date her, but because she recently broke up with her girlfriend of 5 years back in about March (I think), she's not yet ready to enter a relationship. When we first admitted our feelings to each other, she said something along the lines of "being in a relationship isn't any better or worse than being single." It seems to me that "relationship" is only a word to her, and that with the feelings we currently have for each other, it doesn't seem to matter whether we call it a relationship or just a really special friendship. But that's my interpretation, anyway.

I partially don't mind this. However, it makes it hard to explain to other people that we both love each other but we're not dating. There's nothing I'd love more than to call her my girlfriend, but I feel that would be disrespectful to her to call her something she isn't right now.

I'm constantly reminded of the popular Romeo & Juliet quote,

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;"

Reminding me that despite calling what we have a "relationship" or a "special friendship", it won't change the fact that what we feel for each other is indeed special. Still though, I would like to be able to give our relationship or whatever you wanna call it a name.

[MagmarFire]

Relationship is a rather loosely-defined term. I'd define it as any type of social connection, be it platonic, romantic, or even adversarial (assuming being acquainted is not strictly the upper limit of familiarity, but I digress). Any combinations thereof would also fit.

Courtesy of TV Tropes, you could take a third fourth option. ...Although, that definition doesn't quite fit this situation, but it's a start at helping you piece things together, I hope.

[Vaati]

Yes, it helps a little bit. Thanks, Mags. (lol, TV Tropes, is there anything you can't explain? :,D)

But there's also been something that's been plaguing me.

While we still have feelings for each other, deep down she still misses her ex and the time they've spent together. I guess to tell you our story, I'd have to tell you theirs (or what my crush has told me). They were together for 5 years and they only met up once because my crush lives in Canada and her girlfriend at the time lives in Texas. At one point, my crush (who we'll call 'R') was considering proposing to her girlfriend but over time, they gradually drifted apart and broke up this past winter.

While R cares about me, she's incredibly saddened when she reminisces about her ex. I know that big part of the reason why she's not ready to say she's dating me is because she feels that if she did, the fact that she's not completely over her ex might ruin our own relationship.

We both know that a relationship between R and I won't work until her wounds from her last breakup have healed. She apparently was crying tonight before signing off of Skype because she misses her girlfriend. While it pains me to see her this way, I'm glad she feels she can open up to me about these sensitive matters.

I feel there's nothing I can do about her lingering feelings of her ex and despite her coming to me with her feelings, it's something only she and her ex can work out. This may sound incredibly selfish of me and I feel horrible for thinking it, but I'm afraid that one day she may leave me for her ex. I want her to be happy, of course, but I would be a liar if I said I wasn't concerned about my own happiness as well. I feel like there's no one else in the world I love the way I do her and if it doesn't work out between us I don't know what I'd do. ;_;

[MagmarFire]

Hmm. A predicament.

As much as I'd hate to say it, it does sound like you'll have to play the waiting game for a while. Having her heal from the pain naturally is probably the best way to go, but on the upside, I'd say you're doing enough good already by letting her talk about it. However, it still comes down to giving it time for the results to come in.

[DW]

So...it's been a while since I said anything here. Just thought I'd give an update.

I've been dating the same girl for...umm, 3 years, 6 months, and 4 days, I guess. She's pretty okay, I guess.

But seriously, I love her a lot. The last two years have been long distance, with me being in New York and her being back home, but the time I've been home over the summer and at Christmas I've been almost exclusively with her. Yeah, she's a bit clingy, but honestly when you don't see each other for over half the year it's kind of expected.

I guess the only issue is...what to do, I guess? I mean, I plan on staying here at least for a few more years while I try to make a career. (On a side note, this just made me realize how little I've told you all about my experiences and the things that we've done; maybe over the next few days I'll go into those details)

She doesn't want to live in New York. She won't even visit, actually. She's afraid I'll try to convince her to live here. Honestly, I wouldn't. I know this isn't the life she wants, I just really want to show her things...I don't want to raise my kids here, honestly. Not because it's bad, I love NY, I just...picture raising them in a place with land, and dogs, and everything the movies tells us is normal.

The best thing would be for me to make a living soon. Like, very soon. The chances of that are low, but if I work hard enough I can make my own breaks. I'm just not sure if it's mutual. These last two years, she did a few months of community college and dropped out. She hasn't been working, and has done very little but watch tv. We talk at least an hour a day, usually more, and I know that it's not entirely her fault; her parents have done nothing to help her pursue her desires, and actually insisted she stay home until her younger sister graduates.

I sort of feel like she relies on me to make up for the life she isn't getting to have, and in consequence I'm enabling her evasion of college, jobs, responsibility in general. I'm not sure if it's better to comfort her like I want to (which, in turn, gives me less time to do the work I need to do because I'm spending it all on the phone) or be hard and pressure her into working on her own life. I'm the only person in her life not making her feel bad right now, and I love being that person. I don't know what the consequences would be if I got confrontational.

At the root, I guess it feels like she's preoccupied with us now, in the present, wanting to spend as much time as we can together while I'm worried about making money and the future. The problem isn't with feelings for each other, it's the situation.

It's not all that dramatic, we love each other and are definitely stable in our relationship, and I know we'll figure out the situation. I just wanted to let you all know what was going on. I've been a bad forumite.

[MagmarFire]

^ No worries, man. We've all had times when we've been really busy, but it's good to hear that your relationship's still in the black despite that. However, don't overdo it. Your being a crutch for her may be a mutually-beneficial thing in the short term, but in the long term, it would probably be best if someone helped her in getting her life sorted out. If left unchecked, I fear it may lead you to a "If you chase two rabbits, you'll catch neither" scenario where you're under a perpetual crunch trying to support both her and yourself. This is just a hypothesis on my part, but still. Confronting someone and being adversarial are totally different things, so if you're gentle about it, you can avert some stress. In other words, try going for a middle road in being soft on her and confronting her about it by being indirect.

Anywho, speaking of not saying anything for a while, I had a date yesterday. And it lasted for twelve hours. Yeah. It was pretty good, indeed.

...Get your mind out of the gutter!

[DW]

Happy Facebook-official girlfriend, Mags!

[MagmarFire]

Haha, thanks, DW!

[Mysterious F.]

Mags has a girlfriend? I hope he gets all of the snuggles! <3