Relationships Topic

[Keaton]

She has had lyme disease for several years now and it heavily compromised her immune system.  She didn't get it treated quickly enough, and now her body's being attacked by everything (including itself), and is shutting down.

[Deku]

Oh my God... I can't imagine what you must be going through.
I'm so sorry...

[Keaton]

I appreciate the pity but there's no use brooding on the inevitable.  What will come, will come.  I'm just going to make sure that what life she has left is as wonderful as possible.

[Pale Dim]

Do it, man. Make her the happiest woman alive.

[MagmarFire]

My mom had Lyme disease before. It's a nasty, nasty illness. Fortunately, she got better, but darn it to heck, it took a long time and a lot of energy to do. That really, really sucks, Tach. If only we could reverse autoimmunity...

[Vaati]

Righto then, so there's a guy at my school (who we'll call "Joe") who openly expressed his longing to be in a relationship with me. We're both huge Zelda geeks which I think know is one of the major contributors to why he likes me and I'm perfectly fine with that. Thankfully, as up-front as he was, it allowed me to be up-front with him to tell him that I only want friendships with people and that relationships make things more complicated for me than I want them. Like the cool bloke he is, he told me that he understood and would respect that of me.

He's still a little clingy to me. He gives hugs and stuff which at first made me uneasy but then he explained to me that that's just how he is with people and I believe him when I see him give hugs to his other friends. After all, I do consider myself to be a little more hands-off and territorial whilst he's just the type who's more affectionate and who am I to have any beef with that? I've gotten used to the hugs, but I still can't get over the fact that he's now (apparently) dating my friend (who we'll call "Mary") and yet still tries to hold my hand, give me backrubs, and braid my hair.

I'm still good Zelda-buddies with him and so I still talk to him and hang out like any other friend would. Today he asked me if I wanted to join him at a Halloween party the Friday before Halloween. Since I never have anything better to do on Friday nights other than linger on DeviantART and do homework, I said 'sure'. But he told me something that at first I didn't think too much about until I was driving home from class today and it kind of got to me: he said that he was worried that his ex-girlfriend would be showing up to the party and he wanted me to come along so he would have someone to hang out with so he wouldn't have to deal to her. That's not what bothered me so much as this: he asked me if I could just pretend to be his girlfriend for the time being just so if his ex was there, he could get her jealous. I really don't want to have to pretend I'm someone I'm not just so he can get his sweet revenge on his ex and I'm certainly not about to get some girl I've never met in my life (or if his ex is my friend Mary) mad at me. And I really don't want him to take this as a chance for him to try and "fake kiss" me or anything in front of people just to "put on an act" to make his ex really believe we're dating. I really want to go to the party, but there's a lot of push factors that are keeping me from going as you can probably tell.

So I have two questions for you guys:
1.) Can I go to the party and have fun without allowing Joe to cause drama between him, his ex, and me?
2.) What's the best way to ask Joe if he's still dating Mary and if he is still dating her, then ask if Mary knows about him trying to flirt with me without sounding too nosy or judgemental?

[MagmarFire]

1.) To quote the great Professor Layton: "Every puzzle has an answer." Yes, you can, but you'll have a much easier time trying to focus on the fun instead of avoiding the drama. It makes sense to surmise the possibility that actively trying to mitigate drama will only create the potential for more drama. Try to avoid the drama, yeah, but don't let it form the basis of your good time--because, unless you're a psychologist, it's not fun.

2.) Instead of asking him, why not ask Mary? Who is to say Joe really knows if Mary knows?

[Vaati]

Thanks for the advice, Mags. 

[MagmarFire]

No problem. Do let us know how it went!

[Twilight Wolf]

I'm... in need of some advice, guys. About a girl.

Time for some backstory: I met her at SNAFUcon. She loved my Blu Spy cosplay -- she had been a Red Scout the previous day I had been there, actually -- and when she saw me sitting by myself with my netbook since I didn't really know anyone, she invited me over to the table she and her friends were sitting at. So I went over with her, and we ended up talking for hours... we exchanged contact information and I've been talking to her ever since. We have a lot in common, actually, and she's super nice... we're both furries, too. She's also a talented artist, and she's even drawn us together in some of her work.

She's invited me to hang out with her in the past, as friends, mind you, but due to school and other life things getting in the way, I was unable to do so until a few weeks ago, when she invited me to go see Real Steel with her on opening day. I did so, and I paid for the tickets, and after the movie she drove us to her grandparents' house and we hung out there for a few hours. We had dinner there, she showed me some of her artwork, and I showed her my butterfly knife, and she thought it was the coolest thing ever. It was a lot of fun. :3

A few days later she showed me this piece of artwork she made of us. (I'm the wolf, she's the shark biting my shoulder.) I thought it was completely bitewolf, but when I looked at the page where she originally posted it again... I saw that she admitted to having a massive crush on me. I didn't say anything about it... I mean, I had no idea WHAT to say. I wanted to pursue this, though, so I invited her, along with another friend of mine, to a cosplay event at a local park that took place on Saturday that I thought she might have been interested in. Told her it'd be great to spend some time with her again. She went.

When I saw her again on Saturday she was most definitely giving me signs she's very interested in me. The first thing she did when she saw me was hug me. I brought my butterfly knife with me again, and every time I took it out to flip it she would, in her own word, fangirl over it. She took my hat and wore it for a while, and when I asked if I had hat hair she fixed my hair for me. She told me my eyes are pretty, and every time the three of us -- her, me, and my friend -- would sit down somewhere, she'd sit next to me. At one point she totally reenacted the artwork she made -- she actually said "I'm a zombie!" and started chewing on my shoulder. And dammit, it felt good. And when I hugged her again before we parted ways, twice, it felt so... right.

Again, we ended up talking for hours, and the weather was beautiful so it was super pleasant. I also discovered she not only likes the Sega Saturn, and she seemed to know what I was talking about when I said anything about it, but she likes Nights Into Dreams, specifically. Also, I'm totally giving her my extra Genesis and my copy of Sonic 3 for Christmas since she wanted to buy them when she saw them at a thrift store but was unable to.

I haven't gotten the chance to talk to her since that night, but... dammit, she's almost too good to be real! I'd like to tell her I feel the same way she does, but... I don't know how. I'm worried I'll say something stupid or cliche. I feel like saying it outright would be kinda... blunt, I guess, especially considering the way I found out was indirect. Some of my friends say I should just ask her out, but the fact she lives about 40 minutes away and my car constantly has something breaking, plus I'm flat broke, kinda complicates that.

Help me, guys. D:

MEDIT: Sorry, brah, but that word's not allowed.

[Vaati]

You two seem to have a lot in common, which, in my book, constitutes as being totally worth it. I'd say you don't have to worry about being too up-front with her about liking her back since she's obviously shown you many hints that she likes you just as much. From what you describe, you two seem very comfortable around each other, am I right? If you do say something that's "stupid" or "cliche", then I don't think it would be bad enough to break such an already strong bond. So, don't worry about that. Just build up your courage and tell her how you feel. Worst case scenario, she'll tell you she was leading you on the whole time (and if that would be the case, screw her, right?)

As for the car thing. That's a bit a predicament. Then again, seeing her only on occasion might have its perks: whenever you do go to see her, you'll be more excited to see each other. I dunno.

[The Glamour Nazi]

Ask your parents to take you every so often? I did it with Alex and I saw her 3 or 4 days a week, she lived 45 minutes away.

And just tell her. srsly.

[Twilight Wolf]

IT IS DONE. I TOLD HER.

oh man i can't believe i did it

So she finally signed in tonight, and I initiated a conversation. We made small talk for a while, then when I saw a chance I showed her that picture I took. She absolutely loved it. So I decided I'd take that positive reaction as my opporunity to tell her how I felt. She of course told me she felt the same way. I told her about how much I enjoyed spending time with her on Saturday and that after that I couldn't NOT say something, which she seemed to think was sweet, and we both ended up just feeling flustered for forever. We were both just kinda... giddy and stupid for a while. XD

She asked me what it was that made me like her. I told her it was because she has an awesome personality, she's really sweet, we have a lot in common, and also that I thought she was cute. I asked her the same thing -- she told me she likes how chill I am, and that she really likes how we just click. She also likes that I'm a guy she can just be herself around, "And even though cute isn't exactly the most masculine word, I would say that you're cute as well. ;D"

She told me she's glad we spotted each other at the con. I told her I was too. We talked some more, about nothing, really, and I asked her how she felt about trying the whole being a couple thing out. She liked the idea. :3

I couldn't have asked for things to go better. Mother of Zeus, I feel so good right now I can't even describe it. I can't wait until I can see her again. ^_^

[MagmarFire]

Okay, how the CRAP did I miss this!? *skyward scream* DARN YOU, CSE 335!!!!!!

But dude, seriously, this is so freaking awesome. ...Like...DUDE. I don't know what to say, either! This has to be the best news I've heard these past few weeks! (Except perhaps for my video game project getting 110%, but that's beside the point.)

...I'm expecting to see Blu Spy x Red (female) Scout fan art now. XDDDDD

. . .and I showed her my butterfly knife, and she thought it was the coolest thing ever. It was a lot of fun. :3

Bow chicka bow wow.

...Oh, come on! You didn't think I was gonna let THAT one slide, did you? XD

[The Glamour Nazi]

I'm not sure if any of you know that I was in a relationship for the past year, I'm pretty sure I told you all about Mia.

Well, it started back in June last year. The first of June. We met through the internet (she sent me a sweet anonymous message on Tumblr) and started talking on AIM. This continued for about two months and we eventually swapped phone numbers.

We started texting each other during our free time, sometimes staying up until 4 or 5 AM talking about nothing in particular and feeling absolutely wonderful.

We eventually started calling each other. Towards the end of the summer, to help her with her reading assignment, we even read Lord of the Flies together and loved it. We once read all throughout the night until 9 in the morning.

Time went by and she started going back to school, we talked all the time (though not as late) and even started skyping regularly around September. When November rolled around and I went to Nekocon and ran into my evil Ex Alex she was there to cheer me up and everything.

Christmas rolled around and we got each other presents. She wrote me a letter, knit me a scarf... I got her a stuffed cat and made her two bracelets. We stayed up until midnight on Christmas eve so we could open our presents together. The night was full of "I love you"s and actual crying.

New Years came up quick and while she was at her friend's house for a New Years party we had our first "kiss" is wasn't typing "*kiss*" on a text. No, we leaned into the webcam and sorta actually kissed. It felt more real than any kiss I'd ever had before.

Things kept going, and for a short while during January I thought I could visit her during the summer, but that was shot down by her parents. Her dad to be exact.

This is where the trouble starts.

We started fighting just a little, over the next five months things were amazing, but also tinged with little bits of "I can't see you for a long time." Still, things never seemed horrible at all.

We would skype as she did her homework, we'd cuddle and call at night and in the mornings before she went to school.

Well, her dad didn't like that I wasn't in college or employed at the time... And one day, while we were talking, she stopped replying.

I got a message from her dad saying that if I ever talked to her again he would call the police on me.

Her father is a judge. I wasn't going to argue with him.

We never really got any closure after that.

That's how my 11 month, 2 week relationship came to an end.

It's been two months and three days since I had to stop talking to her.

I'm clinically depressed, I've had thoughts of dying, and I have panic attacks when I think too much about her.

I may not be around here much anymore guys, but you're all still my second family. I just thought you all should know.

I miss her so much.