Ask Ezlo questions

[Vaati]

Dear Ezlo, is there somthing wrong with Vaati fangirls, 'cause I'm one.

...(Hugs Violinist)  

Dear Ezlo, Do you know is there will be a new Zelda game coming out? And if so, what will it be called, what game system will it be on, and when will it come out?

[violinist]

Dear Ezlo, do people really slip on banana peels?

[Mr. bubbles]

Dear Ezlo,
WHY WONT YOU ANSWER MY CALLS???

[Keaton]

Dear Ezlo,

Why are newf-gs so obsessed with marquee text?

[Ask Ezlo]

:walks into forum:

......

:End oversized commercial Break:

And that children, is why Beer makes a wonderful suppository.

Now before another oversized commercial break (or a certain entertainment strike ensues) ON WITH THE QUESTIONS!


From Twilight Wolf--

"Dear Ezlo,

I didn't know you used the Atari 2600 version of "E.T." as a torture device. Wouldn't that be considered "cruel and unusual punishment?" Or have you exploited a loophole of some sort?

P.S. I've heard the Atari 2600 version of Pac-Man is good for torture, too."

Hollywood will never be able to replicate the success of video games based on movies! NEVER!

Detail must be important in every  feature of success! That is why there's no detail in anything. One can only make a whole out of an oversized hole (hopefully from a bigger hole than the tank society has set up against entertainment)

Not that they haven't already tried...

PS - See detail clause above. And Pac-man will never be as successful as the Mario Bros. Movie! NEVER!

From Link--

"DOOM? u tink we don now hoo u r now?"

The almighty Ezlo has nothing to hide. Just pay no attention to the man behind the curtain Cap of DOOM^tm! Maybe then, I'll have you, my pretty! And your precious doggy too!

:blinks:

Did I black out just now?

From Whocares--

"Dear Ezlo,

If a train leaves Chicago at 12:32 PM, and another leaves New York City at 2:54 AM, then when and where will they cross paths?"

You forgot one simple detail... where do the trains keep the speed? Surely, a train must have much Speed! Now if only I could find some...

From Big Daddy--

"Dear Ezlo,

Will JDog ever find a reason to stop making new sites?"

There is no way a person won't find a reason to hack jdog's sites. It is the harmony of the universe. That and Karma. Never forget the Karma. Just don't let it run over your Dogma.

From Whocares--

"Dear Ezlo,

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"

You dare tempt the almighty Ezlo with a Klondike Bar?

:WHACK!:

What? I didn't steal his Klondike Bar... Karma stole it. Then Karma smiled with fortune and gave the bar to me. Ignore the bloodstains, children, remember... KARMA.


From Weetle--

"Dear Ezlo,

Can i have youre walking stick."

But that ain't my walking stick! That's all I have for an arm! Do you want me to cut off my arm, man?!

From Commodore Sororitas--

"Dear Ezlo,

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"

See question and answer a little up. It was all karma.

From Big Daddy--

"Dear Ezlo,

Can you count to frosted butts?  I can."

Egads! if a drinking man can count to frosted butter, then how long do we have before the world ends?! Oh wait... looks like.... five years, seventeen days. hmm...

From MagmarFire--

"Dear Ezlo,

Have you ever scored a touchdown during a baseball game?"

The Almighty Ezlo actually used to be the goalie for the Redskins before our pitcher got fired for a full-body check in the twelfth inning. And Ezlo has no idea why the narrative person keeps changing...

From Link--

"Dear Biagios Pizza,
Uh, yeah, I want an extra large cheese, with uh, a small peperoni, and uh, some breadsticks on the side."

Hello, this is Mr. Sexy's pizza. Oh, you wanted some of that?

......

:leaves phone and area, both are now officially bio-disaster zones:

From Big Daddy--

,olzE raeD"

"?sdrawkcab daer uoy naC

nac I ,seY
?dnelB ti lliw tuB

From JDog--

"Dear Ezlo,
If your friend's dad burned you a copy of photoshop and forgot to give you the cerial code, what would you do?"

Gonna have to side with Big Daddy this time. Just don't tell the MPAA or RIAA. Grampa Ezlo is in hiding... as knowledge is becoming forbidden.

From Vaati--

"Dear Ezlo,
How many Minish does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

An infinite, they'll never be able to reach the bloody thing! They do'na have da powar!

From Link--

"Dear Ezzylolo do you own an ipod? You bet you do."

SHH! Do you want the RIAA to hear about this? Not that they were very successful to begin with...

From Big Daddy--

"Dear Ezlo, I'm leaving now, do you know why?"

Yes... And I salute your bravery at... Wait, weren't you just here?

From Whocares--
"Dear Ezlo,

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"

Let's see, I'm neither Tortoise or Owl... But I'll take it anyway... a-one, a-two... a-three... HOLY HELL! THAT THING IS HUGE!

(Remember Children, Ezlo is still a tiny old man)

From Vaati--

"Dear Ezlo,
Do Minish have last names? If they do, what are yours and Vaati's?"

If Vaati has a last name, there is no reason that I'm not related to him by some weird combination of random incest and animal fetishes.


From Weetle--

"Dear Ezlo,
When I grow up I wanna Be Pac-Man. wampa wampa wampa"

Despite that statement not being a question I... Why am I doing this again?

From Aureliano--

"Dear Ezlo,

Why are you so lame, unlike Aureliano?"

But you say you are not actually Aureliano...  Who is Aureliano, and why are they not lame when I am? WHY?!

From Big Daddy--

"Dear Aureliano,

Why do you insist on asking questions like that when you're new here?

It definitely isn't very impressive for your seventh or so post."

:points out lack of green stars on Big Daddy's part:
Who are you and why do you care again?



From Big Daddy--

"Dear Ezlo, I sure can be a horrible person some times, can't I?"

Yes, yes you can.

From MagmarFire--

"Dear Ezlo,

May I answer Tacheon's question for you? ><"

What's this? Could this mean... That I'm more important for once? GO ME!

From Vaati--

"Dear Ezlo,
How small are baby Minish. I say the size of your thumbnail."

They're smaller than Karma but Bigger than Dogma,  does that help?

From Weetle--

"Dear Ezlo,
Are you Pac-Man?"

If I was, then would that mean that you wanted to be me when you grew up?  How flattering.

From Vaati--

"Dear Ezlo, Does Daphne bother the crap outta you?"

Who are you and why do you speak of an unknown 'Daphne' again?

From Weetle--

"Dear, Ezlo
Does this    look disgusting to you, it does to me."

I see nothing wrong with eating flowers, rice, cakes, orflowery cakes of rice.

From Aureliano--

"Dear Ezlo,

Can you hook me up with Zelda?  I'll give you Tingle tied up and a fruit basket....."

I keep Zelda, you keep Tingle away from me... EVERYBODY WINS!

What was it about fruit baskets again?

From Weetle--

"Dear ezlo,
I will expose the embarrasing photos that are used to force you to work."

Is that a bad thing, or a good thing?  And how did you get ahold of then anyho--

Photos? What Photos?

:Slits Weetle's Throat:

Ahem... nothing to see here, folks... Just another case of a plot device taking care of itself... yep, nothing to see...

From Violinist--

"Dear Ezlo, I have a crush on video game characters. (including Link.) Is there somthing wrong with me?"

Nope, nothing wrong... Just as there's nothing wrong with a nice hot soak with my estranged minish daughter.

From Vaati--

"Dear Ezlo, GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!!!"

But what about the rest of me? Do you want me to cut off my butt and send it to you via Snail Mail?! That thing I sit on?! I'm little more than a feeble old minish!

From Violinist--

"Dear Ezlo, is there somthing wrong with Vaati fangirls, 'cause I'm one."

There's nothing wrong with worshipping the guy who captured me and turned me into a hat. Yep, normal everyday idol behavior at work.

From Big Daddy--

"Dear Ezlo,

I must admit, there are several instances in the Zelda series where I've uttered "I'd tap that..." (ZoMg MiDnA fUrRy LoVe).

Is there something wrong with me?"

:goes off to urbandictionary.com:

......

:returns:

STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU SICKO!

But why not stay for a little tea... Who were you again?


Whoo.... All those questions have left the almighty Ezlo tired... Looks like I'll be taking another nap. And wake up hopefully before the world ends. Not that it would matter either way. But I will awaken from my slumber, after all... I MUST WATCH _________!

[Gamefreak]

As Ezlo's spokesman (Yes I have other jobs), I would like to say that thanks to the Writing Guild strike in Hollywood, this was all pure Ezlo.  Ezlo had to ad lib all these questions.

[DW]

...I'd rather have Jimmy Kimmel, thanks.

Dear Ezlo,

The latest member who joined this forum is lipsexperry. You're old and have experience; Could you please tell us what 'lip sex' is?

[MagmarFire]

Dear Ezlo,

How often do you play with fire and gasoline at the same time?

[Gamefreak]

Dear Ezlo,

It's obvious that you're the greatest thing to happen to gaming.  Is it possible that the new Zelda 08 game will be centered around you?

[Mr. bubbles]

Dear ezlo,
Do you know what pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is? i do

[Keaton]

Weetle, I actually know that off the top of my head.  No lie.

It's the scientific term for black lung.

And yeah, I did just ruin your question.

[Aureliano]

Dear Ezlo,

Why are you so violent?  Did Daphne make you mad?

[Peka]

Dear Ezlo,
Can you talk to fish?  And if so, what do they say?

[Keaton]

Dear Ezlo,

Who is Daphne?

[MagmarFire]

Dear Ezlo,

WHOOPS! WRONG ADDRESS!