Ask Ezlo questions

[The Glamour Nazi]

Why does ZeldafreaK page stretch like this?

[captainfalconeedfoodbadly]

Dear Ezlo:

As a sack boy i understand How you feel Being small and unsignificant Now the real question When i kill you do you want to be killed painfully or fast and how would u like to die

[Ask Ezlo]

"Hey Ezlo,
I forgot to ask you this question but....

Is Giga Impact an egg move for Buizel if the father is a Feraligatr and the mother is of course a Floatzel?

If you know the answer to this question does that mean you are also a fellow pokemon breeder?"

Why do you keep on asking me questions involving sex?  Does your school not have a sex ed. class?

What's that?  Pokemon is a game?  Oh....

Well, I do not know what you're talking about, but I'm sure this thing called the Internet has all the answers you seek.

"Dear Ezlo,
Why am I doing this?"

Because you are doing this.

"Dear Ezlo,
Is there anyone you admire in the "Ask _____" industry?"

Myself, of course.

"Dear Ezlo,

Because he is under the wrong impression that he is funny.

No, I was under the impression that you knew the answers to my "Why did ____ cross the road?" questions... but now I'm under the impression that you dont!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And also um... why dont you like my questions?
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The "Why did ____ cross the road?" jokes are so horrendously bad, they ought to be outlawed.  As a matter of fact, they are outlawed in Minish society.  "Why did ____ cross the road?" is, if anything, an exploration into the psyche of the thing crossing the road, but as it is such a brief event, the actions of the thing would have to be followed for a while longer, and more questions pertaining to the thing to be asked for the explorative exercise to have any real value.

The second reason why I do not like your recent line of questions is because it is, in essence, the same question repeated several times.  I have been blackmailed to answer new questions every month, not the same one.

"Dear Ezlo:
As a sack boy i understand How you feel Being small and unsignificant Now the real question When i kill you do you want to be killed painfully or fast and how would u like to die"

I do not feel insignificant; after all, I have this job.

And what makes you think you will be able to kill me, when you can barely use proper spelling and grammar?  I am more scared of cuccos than I am of you.

[The Glamour Nazi]

Dear Ezlo,

Why did you answer our questions so quickly this time?

Also, might I add, you pwned Sackboy.

[Vaati]

Dear Ezlo,
Why so serious?

[The Glamour Nazi]

Dear Ezlo,

Why do I keep coming back to this site?

I don't want to, for real.

It's cause of some people...

[Teadrinkinglooney]

Dear Ezlo,

Why does a particular co-worker of mine yell at me when I hold open doors for them as they're walking behind me and call me a "pig" while telling me how they don't need a man to demonstrate their superiority?

Second question, I don't look behind me if I hear someone, I just leave doors open as a curtsy; how can I continue to be polite and respectful but also not incur her wrath? If I check behind me to see if it's her she tends to ask me what I'm looking at and why I have to stare at her.

Third question, if you give me an answer; may I spread said solution around the workplace to my other male colleagues who are equally frustrated by said behaviour?

Thanks.

[Pale Dim]

Dear Almighty Ezlo,

Is Nintendo ever going to release an official timeline for the events of the entire series, or is the series one big, I don't know, plotless, just for kicks chain of stories like Mario?

[Ask Ezlo]

"Dear Ezlo,
Why did you answer our questions so quickly this time?

Also, might I add, you pwned Sackboy."

I have already explained this; I got rid of that infernal dog that insisted on chasing me and cleared up my schedule so that I can answer your questions, no matter how trivial, once a month.

And it was no less than he deserved for trying to threaten me.

"Dear Ezlo,
Why so serious?"

You obviously haven't seen the photos Jack is blackmailing me with.

"Dear Ezlo,
Why do I keep coming back to this site?

I don't want to, for real.

It's cause of some people..."

Well, I'd say you just answer your own question there.

"Dear Ezlo,
Why does a particular co-worker of mine yell at me when I hold open doors for them as they're walking behind me and call me a "pig" while telling me how they don't need a man to demonstrate their superiority?

Second question, I don't look behind me if I hear someone, I just leave doors open as a curtsy; how can I continue to be polite and respectful but also not incur her wrath? If I check behind me to see if it's her she tends to ask me what I'm looking at and why I have to stare at her.

Third question, if you give me an answer; may I spread said solution around the workplace to my other male colleagues who are equally frustrated by said behaviour?

Thanks."

Understand that I am not a qualified psychiatrist, and what I am about to say should therefore be taken with a grain of salt.

It sounds to me that this woman could be a radical feminist.  Perhaps the best thing you can do is try to explain to her that you are merely trying to be polite and that you would hold open the door for anyone, man or woman.

If this woman still yells at you, then just report her to your boss.  She obviously does not work well with others.  If she is your boss, then you might want to start looking for a new job.

By all means, share my advice!  It seems like you wish to be polite to everyone, and it would be quite rude if you hog the advice all to yourself.  This is the sort of thing that if it benefits one, it will benefit all.  And if enough people complain about this woman, then something surely will be done about her.

"Dear Almighty Ezlo,
Is Nintendo ever going to release an official timeline for the events of the entire series, or is the series one big, I don't know, plotless, just for kicks chain of stories like Mario?"

Why release the official timeline when they can just as easily torment you by withholding such valuable information?

[Vaati]

Dear Ezlo,

Can't you just fire Daphne and replace her with me? I have references and everything! 

[Pale Dim]

Dear Ezlo,

Why the sarcasm?

[Vaati]

Dear Ezlo,

Forgive me for asking but, this has been bothering me with curiosity for far too long...How were you able to pee when you were a hat?

[HylianHero92]

Dear Ezlo,

I shall set you aflame in the night.

[Ask Ezlo]

I...I feel like I should wait for some other whippersnappers to ask me a question.  However, the forums being down messed with my schedule.

"Dear Ezlo,
Can't you just fire Daphne and replace her with me? I have references and everything!"

I'm not allowed to fire her.  She's my friend's second cousin thrice removed on his step-brother's mother's father's side.

"Dear Ezlo,
Why the sarcasm?"

You try doing this job when you're being blackmailed into it and see how cheerful you can be!

"Dear Ezlo,
Forgive me for asking but, this has been bothering me with curiosity for far too long...How were you able to pee when you were a hat?"

That is a highly personal question!

But since you're so curious and asked so nicely, I'll have you know I only had a nervous system as a hat.

"Dear Ezlo,
I shall set you aflame in the night."

Good luck with that.  And by "good luck," I mean such horrible luck that you catch yourself on fire instead.

[The Glamour Nazi]

Dear Ezlo,

Who would win between a ninja, a pirate, or a cow?