Ask Ezlo questions

[Mysterious F.]

Dear Ezlo,

Did you know that the world is made of blue cheese?

[Keaton]

Dear Ezlo, what got you into the hat-making business in the first place?

[Mysterious F.]

Dear Ezlo,

Ezlo! I choose you!

*Throws Pokeball*

[Keaton]

Dear Ezlo, will you be my Halloweentine?

[Zelda Veteran]

Dear Ezlo,

Where the hell are you?

[Bboy94]

Tu es un singe?
Link est un chien?

[Mysterious F.]

Dear Ezlo,

And then... this one time... at band camp... I heard you did something... very graphic. Is this true? (Just say yes or no)

[Ask Ezlo]

The almighty Ezlo is back, boys and girls, to (hopefully) warrent the complaints of the great-editor-in-the-sky useless.


NOW ON WITH THE QUESTIONS!

From Whocares:
"Dear Ezlo, you are being arrested for crimes against humanity, and the UN will decide your sentence. If it is a death sentence, you will be executed by a giant falling blade (a.k.a. a razor blade) that will cut you in half. What do you have to say for yourself? "

What? There's a UN now? There's humans now too? Where the darned-editor have I been all this time?! This prompts an investigation. QUICK LINK! TO THE MINISH-CAVE!

From Malon the Ranch Girl:
"Dear Ezlo,

Can Whocares be executed for misspelling "executed"?"

Yes, yes he can. Just as much as a certain pointy-hat wearing guy should be 'executioned' for stealing my hot Minish daughter.  

From Magmarfire
"Dear Ezlo,

Paper or plastic?"

That darned secretary is the one to make these types of choices. But according to the knowledge of the almighty Ezlo, Both create much destruction to the environment, so why not use the patented DIMENSION BAG OF DOOM^TM! But of course! It's just a name, like the Death Bag or the Bag of No Return. All Bags like that have a name in the mysterious minish-pocket-dimension of DOOM^TM!

From Gamefreak
"Dear Ezlo,

The question as old as time.

Boxers, or Briefs?"

How rude, asking what kind of undertrousers an old minish like me uses. I think I'll just open the old mysterious minish-pocket-dimension of DOOM^TM and take out this nice shiny hammer...

From 10th Gear Link104:
"Dear Ezlo,
Will I ever beat the SNES version of Final Fantasy II/IV?"

Just as sure as Gamefreak will find his way out of the mysterious minish-pocket-dimension of DOOM^TM! They are, after all the same thing, so doing either would prove no greater a challenge, than oh say, making hair spontaneously combust.

:has someone whisper in ear:

Something smells funny... :Ezlo looks up: AHHH!! My COMB-OVER! PUT IT OUT!! PUT IT OUT!!

From Predator:
"Dear Ezlo,

Did you ever know that you're my hero"

:Slaps predator: I am NOT the father of great big aliens that a certain conspicuous editor 'inconspicuously' decided to create to terrorize all minish-kind.

(As far as you know...)

From Gamefreak
"Dear Ezlo,

Pirates, or ninjas?"

SECRETARY! File this under the 'fanboys of awesome' (AkA Chuck Norris) Folder of DOOM^TM!

From Violinist:
"Dear Ezlo, my sister likes Vaati. What should I do?"

Pray that Vaati elopes with my 'not-so-hot Minish Daughter'. That former apprentice of mine can keep her as long as he wants!

From Predator:
"Deer Ezzlow,

mai ingleesh iznt tew god.  wut shuld i du"

:slaps predator: GET A JOB AND STOP WASTING MY TAXPAYER MONEY!

(as far as you know, I pay my taxes )with dead monkeys

From Howl:
"Dear Ezlo,

Who is the better voice actor, Nicholas Briggs or Makoto Shink"

Billy West. There, I said it.

From Whocares (again)
"Dear Ezlo,

Who do you think is the Weakest Link"

Simple answer with a not so simple question: How about You?

From Vaati:
"Dear Ezlo,

Where's Waldo? And is Vaati locked up in your closet like Daphne said?"

My-secretary-whom-I-can't-remember-the-name-of is a liar. She will go into the mysterious minish-pocket-dimension of DOOM^TM! She will be soon followed by the mysterious Waldo and Vaati. And preceded by Jimmy Hoffa. There to play for eternity... E.T. FOR THE ATARI 2600 OF DOOM!^TM


From Predator:
"Dear Ezlo, what got you into the hat-making business in the first place?"

I blame the mysterious Minish God of DOOM!^TM


From whocares (again take two)
"Dear Ezlo,

And then... this one time... at band camp... I heard you did something... very graphic. Is this true? (Just say yes or no)"

:uses mighty ezlo powers to send whocares to the mysterious minish-pocket-dimension... OF ETERNAL PERIL^TM!:

Does that answer your question of DOOM^TM?

......

Hmm... :cleans fingernails of DOOM^TM:

:has Someone whisper in ear:

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE RIAA IS SUING US?! JUST FOR OVERUSING THE DOOM^TM symbol?! THIS IS BLASPHEMY! THIS IS MADNESS! THIS_IS_THE-POCKET-DIMENSION-OF-DOOOOOM^TM!!!

:promptly sends the RIAA's lawyers to the pocket dimension of Eternal Peril:

And with that, boys and girls, the Almighty Ezlo is done for the day. Now to go sleep for another month or so. Hopefully, by then, the MPAA and RIAA will be off my back. I SWEAR THAT IS NOT MY COMPUTER!!!

(as far as you know...)

[Twilight Wolf]

Dear Ezlo,

I didn't know you used the Atari 2600 version of "E.T." as a torture device. Wouldn't that be considered "cruel and unusual punishment?" Or have you exploited a loophole of some sort?

[size=-3]P.S. I've heard the Atari 2600 version of Pac-Man is good for torture, too.[/size]

[Bboy94]

DOOM? u tink we don now hoo u r now?

[Mysterious F.]

Dear Ezlo,

If a train leaves Chicago at 12:32 PM, and another leaves New York City at 2:54 AM, then when and where will they cross paths?

[Keaton]

Dear Ezlo,

Will JDog ever find a reason to stop making new sites?

[Mysterious F.]

Dear Ezlo,

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

[Mr. bubbles]

Dear Ezlo,

Can i have youre walking stick.

[DW]

Dear Weetle,

Read the post above you.