Whocares the Movie Critic

[Mysterious F.]

Well, we've all seen them: absolutely terrible movies. So I can have some fun, I've decided to take up a jod here as a movie critic and insult bad movies while promoting good ones. I'll attempt to do this weekly, and might hire others to help while I'm gone. Let's start with Rob Zombie's remake of Halloween:

Rating: ** out of *****

Crap. Complete crap. They butchered an excellent movie.

There were far too many unneeded killing scenes, over three times that of the original movie. Alot of them were overlengthed, too, which made them even worse.

The actors and characters were just terrible. Laurie's character was terrible when compared to the original movie's Laurie. Her voice sucked, her lines were terrible, and they made her too dorky.

Then there was how they overlengthed the ending. The ending in the original movie was brilliant, though this one concentrated too much on violence and angle-age (which also sucked). It was also really hard to follow at certain points. Not too mention Laurie's screaming at the end.

Probably the only good thing about the movie is how they extended Michael's backround. An abusice step-farther, a sex-obssessed sister, a mother with no clue on how to improve her family, and the constant bullying at school were unique and somewhat cool, but overall the entire movie sucked.


Well, that's it this week. If any of you have suggestions for me to do (whether good or bad), please PM them to me, and I'll try my best to watch it as soon as I can so I can criticize it. Bye.

[JDog]

I agree, I haven't seen the movie yet, but it looks like complete crap, I watched the original halloween, I didn't really like cause the graphics and acting pretty much sucked as well, but the new one does look ok with the graphics, other than that, sucky....

[Mysterious F.]

The original one was one of the best horror films ever. What made it good was instead of concentrating on murder and violence, Carpenter used the low budgets to his advantage and made it suspenseful and thrilling. The fact that they rarely ever showed blood only further proves that point.

[JDog]

yeah, those parts were good, but I myself liked H2O better...

[Gamefreak]

Such is the curse with many remakes....

[JDog]

yepp, remakes are never better than the original... unless...

[MagmarFire]

yepp, remakes are never better than the original... unless...

For movie remakes...I don't really know about that, since I can't think of any movie remake that I like at the top of my head.

For VIDEO GAME remakes, on the other hand...well, you'd be wrong.

[Rev Rabies]

unneeded killing scenes

do those even exist?

[Mysterious F.]

Yep. They spent far too much time with scenes where Michael kills someone.

[Rev Rabies]

i assume then that you arent from america, americans enjoy killing scenes, it's what we watch movies for!

[Gamefreak]

I don't know what you're talking about.  Some(far from all) watch movies for good plot, and interesting characters rather than unecessary killing or sex jokes.

[Commodore Axilon]

And perhaps an even smaller number of people can enjoy both sophisticated and unsophisticated films.

lol @ false dichotomy

[Mysterious F.]

I'll be doing Hostel 2 on Saturday. Just a heads up.

[Hi no Seijin]

*checks to see what board he's posting in; sees it's the Chatboard*

No.

[darkphantomime]

How about moving away from the domain of crappy-as-hell horror movies and examining movies that actually have substance?

Or are you incapable of doing that?