The Spell of Eight Souls

Takun · December 30, 2007, 02:05:00 PM

We go to a dark room. The only glow is emited from the candles that held their gloomy blue glow. And in this darkness there was a boy. A small lonely, angry boy. A powerful boy. His hair spiked up and dyed blue. His eyes red with longing for the father that was stolen from him. And after a sigh he slouched back into his chair and spoke.
"Skrum." he said to the skeleton butler that stood quietly next to his masters throne.
"Yes my lord?" he spoke in an old cracked and creaky voice. The boy licked his lips and said,
"Tell me...a story. An old one. Like the ones you told father." The butler smiled. If a skeleton could smile that is. And said in a soft caring tone,
"Yes, my lord." and so the story began. And it went like this.
Thousands of years ago there was a secret. A secret wispered only to the trees and the once peaceful Keaton, and the rocks and river. They told of a "recipe". A recipe of life and death. A recipe that claimed that if the souls of the seven sins and the soul of a pure hearted child were obtained, then that which was once gone...could..."live" again. But-
"Enough." The boy said with an eagerness in his voice.
"Yes lord" the skeleton said with a hint of sadness. The boy stood up and began to hover. And in mid air, his cape flowing behind him, he crossed his legs and said,
"Come Skrum." and he began floating toward the hallway outside the dark gloomy room.
"What is is sire?" Skrum said with a nervous tone. He thought that he might already know what his lord was planning. The floating boy turned a corner, chuckled and said,
"We have souls to collect." Skrum gasped and spoke quickly.
"You intend to bring back your father?! But, the story, was just a...story." he lied.
"Well we'll just have to find out wont we?" the boy chuckled as he examined the carvings of demons on the walls and the Phanom Guardians marching about, and the small imps and demons and possed skeletons running about, doing the chores of the house. The boy stopped and very gracefully came down to the floor.
"You intend to help me, right?" he said smiling. The old skeleton sighed,
"Of course." the boy took to the air again.
"Good, lets go then." the skeleton sped to keep up with the excited boy.
"Yes, Gonde. Son of Gannondorf..."
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Ok, well reply to this and tell me how you like it. I'll come back in a min to add to it.

Keaton · December 30, 2007, 06:05:55 PM

Very macabre. I think the main thing you need to work on are your tenses, though.

You know, like decide whether it's going to be in the past tense or the present tense. You kind of waver throughout.

Hi no Seijin · December 30, 2007, 06:17:59 PM

The "We go to a dark room" is very Twilight Zone-ish, you know? Not saying it's a bad thing. I kind of like it.

Also, you might want to go back and fix those italics and underline tags.

Takun · December 30, 2007, 09:06:51 PM

I know, I have a huge problem with the tenses, it constantly occurs in all my writing. Well heres the second half.
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Link walked through the many allyways that led to his favorite place to go. Telma's Bar. As he walked he thought to himself how peaceful things had become. There was no sign of Gannon or any other old nemisis. And so after thirty years he had put away his sword and sheild. He was a farmer now. He had a family as well. He had married his child-hood sweetheart, Ilia. And they gave birth to a baby boy. No longer a boy though. He was thirteen years of age, and Link often wondered if he should have taught him the way of the warrior for his twelth birthday, as he did. But no, he tried to hide his past from the boy. And him and his family, in his oppinion, had lived better because of it. He finally rounded the last courner and went down the old moldy steps that led to Telma's bar. And as he opened the door the mixture of sounds boomed out. The sounds of beers and ales of all kinds and cigerette smoke drifting up to the ceiling. He walked in and sat down. Ordering his usual beer with some Cuccoo wings on the side. He looked up from his food and saw Telma. Their eyes met and he waved her over. She came up and sat down next to him.
"So Telma, whats the latest gossip." he asked. He always asked. It was like a ritual. She frowned, which caught him by surprise. The only time he ever saw her frown was back in the old days when the Prince Zora was injured and taking rest in her bar. She cleared her throught and whispered,
"Well, that old Glutonous mayor of ours was found fried to a crisp. His blood slpattered all over the walls. But heres the creepy part. His eyes where opened up wide, but there was no pupil. It was just pure black! And carved on his forehead was the number one." she shivered.
"Gives me the creeps!" Link was wide eyed. Nothing like this had happened for at least twenty years! He was about to speak when he heard yelling and little wails of pain. He turned to see two big tough men, probably miners from what it looked like, and they were beating on a tiny little figure that looked like a child. He quickly stood up and ran over. Out of old habbit he almost went to draw his sword. He tapped one of the men on the shoulder, the man spun around and linked knocked him directly in the jaw. The other one turned in confusion.
"What the-?" but Link had already brought his knee into the mans stomach, followed by a swift elbow to his back. They both quickly crawled out of the bar, and almost emediatly started to run. He turned and looked down quickly crowching to the floor to see the boy. He gasped. The boy looked EXACTLY like the wind god Vaati! He had mangy purple hair, and pure purple eyes. The only difference was his clothes. They were old and looked as if they had been dug out of an old alley. The boy looked up timidly. Link smiled and said,
"Its ok, my names Link. Are you ok?" the boy looked down and nodded.
"Whats your name?" Linked asked. Hoping to get some more info on the mysterious look alike.
"M...my name...I..is Vaati."
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Ok, this Vaati is an old character that I used in one of my old storys. He is the reincarnation of the REAL Vaati. He comes equipt with the powers, but they're very unstable.
Tell me how you like it :3