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A New Series

Started by Fierce Deity Link, October 20, 2008, 02:00:43 PM

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Fierce Deity Link

October 20, 2008, 02:00:43 PM
Here is an excerpt from a new series I'm making called A Wind in the Stars.

    I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him, face down, not moving an inch. The noise he made could've been heard for miles. It started out with a loud, blood-curdling scream, and then slowly faded into a slow, sad weeping. Then, the noise just faded away, into the sky. It took me awhile to realize Jonah was wrong. Xavier Hooktail and I took one last glance at our home, and headed for the mountains. "Goodbye everyone!" we called out to the village. We drifted off into the moonlight, and headed for the stars. Before Xavier and I could set out on the long and perilous journey, we had to collect necessary provisions to take with us. Xavier stopped by the Moonlit Coastal Supply Store and picked up a map of the Milky Way, a bow made of lions teeth, and a quiver of arrows made of phoenix feather. I stopped by Crystal Resources to get some food, but something strange caught my eye as I was browsing. "What's this?" I asked the shopkeeper. "Ah! A very fine product of mine! It is a golden griffon tail!" he told me. "What does it do?" I asked him, interested. "That's for you to find out my friend!" he replied. "Only 200 gold coins!" I hesitated. "I'll take it!" I grabbed the griffon tail and ran off to meet Xavier. I cried out in pain. An arrow pierced me write through my side. Everything went black.

Hi no Seijin

#1
October 21, 2008, 07:53:48 AM
A few things.  One, Fan Works is for Zelda-related stuff, so in the future you might want to put this on the Chatboard.  Or better yet, General Discussion so people don't go off on a tangent.

Now for the stuff relating to what you wrote.  Based on that excerpt, I'm not sure I would read all of it, so a synopsis of the plot at the beginning might help people get hooked.

When you're writing dialogue, every time a new person speaks, you start a new paragraph.  It doesn't matter how short it is; you always start a new paragraph when the speaker changes.

I don't really like the first person point of view since you only get one side of the story.  I like to know what everyone is thinking and feeling, even the antagonists.  But that's a personal preference, so if you want to use first person p.o.v., you go ahead and use it.
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xarlote

#3
March 05, 2024, 03:47:46 PM
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xarlote

#5
June 06, 2024, 03:40:52 AM
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xarlote

#6
September 05, 2024, 03:47:49 AM
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