Greetings, greetings! I am Ezlo, the world renowned Minish Keeper of Lore. I know everything and anything about Hyrule, from the total annual rainfall in the Parapa Desert (zero!) to the average height of the Gerudo Male (6'2"). I have made my vast resevoir of knowledge of the ways and facts of Hyrule available to the readers of the Desert Colossus, and thusly if you have any questions for the Great and Wise Ezlo, then ask away using the form below! You can also email webmaster [at] desertcolossus [dot] com with the subject line "Ask Ezlo Submission."
Jario asks
Undear Ezlo, you told me that the 999 Rupee Wallet in OOT doesn't
exist, but my friend said he has it! As soon as I see he has it, I have
proof! What do you say about that, birdy boy?
Ezlo replies...
Prove it! What's the name? How did your friend find it?
Mr. Jinx asks
Dear Ezlo, you called Daphene a peach. But earlier you said you wanted
to kill her. So is she like, a really sour peach, or is she just
exploring her inner peach child?
Ezlo replies...
She's really Princess Peach's sister, and thus, by definition a Peach.
Link asks
Dear Ezlo, what if vaati turned everyone into chocolate instead of stone?
Ezlo replies...
They'd probably all melt and make an awful mess on the castle's carpeting.
The asks
Dear Ezlo, You really need to stop making stupid excuses and start answering the
questions! Why do you fall asleep, make stupid faces, and sometimes
even say, "Daphe! Throw this one in the geek-bag!" or something dumb
like that!? Oh, yes, and Rachelle! I'll be your friend! I love the story
(cute!) and I don't have any friends, either. *sniff* I want to know
how old you are! (For the record, I'm 14. Almost 15!) ^0^ Will ya be my
friend? (I'm not talking to you, Ezlo!!)
Ezlo replies...
They don't pay me enough to do this...
Đąłiåґæ asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do all the LoZ characters have such weird names? Like
Ezlo, (no offense) and Romani, and Link, and Malon, and Ruto, and Tetra,
and Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule, and....you get my drift, I hope.
Ezlo replies...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You, Đąłiåґæ, are saying that I have a weird name? Ha! I laugh in your general direction!
Yukimi asks
Dear Ezlo, I LOVE EGGPLANT! And iam gunna make you eat it! Ill strap you to a
chair!!!! MUWHAHAHAHA! Yes Yes then Ill take a picture of your face when
you finaly eat it and put it on Google and every time they type in
"Elzo" for a picture of you THEY WILL GET YOU EATING EGGPLANT!
Ezlo replies...
That would be pretty funny if typing "Elzo" brought up eggplant. You'd get me good! Yes, you would! (*snickersnicker*)
martin asks
Dear Ezlo, wiil you kill the graceful goron for me? because in OOA
(oracle of ages!) his challenge is so bloody annoying. please bring his head
to me i will do anything for him dead.
Ezlo replies...
I'm sorry, I don't do violence. Talk to Daphne on your way out, she can refer you to a nice Garo assassin.
Slughorn asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is Vaati obsessed with eyes?
Ezlo replies...
It's his thing, like how Ganondorf is obsessed with Pigs, and Tingle with Fairies.
Zelda-Freek asks
Dear Ezlo, for some reason I DO like getting attention. I liked getting
it ever since I was a little kid. I don't even know why I'm, uh,
typing this down. Maybe it's because, um, I like this website, and, uh,
yeah. Heh. Wait...will you answer this? Or will you pretend to fall
asleep because I am boring you?
Ezlo replies...
zzzZzzzZzzz... er, what?
GEeKbAg14 asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is LuLu the ONLY FREAKIN' ZORA THAT ISN'T BUTT-NAKED!? Gosh!
Don't you all realize that there are children playing the Zelda games!?
Ezlo replies...
Oh, it's perfectly okay, a Zora's genitalia is not where you'd expect it to be.
The asks
Dear Ezlo, Why on earth do most girls think Clay Aiken is hot!? OPEN YOU EYES, YOU
BOYCRAZY MANIACS!! He is, by far, THE dorkiest excuse for a celeb that
I have EVER seen!! And his singing sucks! (Believe me, if you had to
sit through his messed-up vioce for six hours straight while you ride in
the car with your mom to Iowa, you'd throw up every time you hear his
name too!!) He was on the top 50 sexiest men list of 2005. Please tell
me why! Did I miss something!? AGH!!
Ezlo replies...
What in the hay does this have to do with Zelda?!
Kilafer asks
Dear Ezlo, Who is the second smartest person in Hyrule, with you being the
smartest???
Ezlo replies...
Kaepora Gaebora I suppose. Ganondorf is pretty high up there too (evil genius and all).
usopp asks
Dear Ezlo, Why in the world do I have an obsession of making fun of
Tingle?
Ezlo replies...
It just means you have a healthy sense of right and wrong.
gysm asks
Dear Ezlo, I forgot. Who are the Seven Sages again?
Ezlo replies...
Darunia, Saria, Rauru, Zelda, Impa, Ruto, and Nabooru (in no particular order).
noonehere asks
Dear Ezlo, if someone likes you a little bit,what does that mean? I mean
like,how much on the scale 1-10?
Ezlo replies...
I suppose somewhere between a two and a five would be a little bit. What does this question mean though?
Anonymous asks
Dear Ezlo, How come everyone hates Princess ruto? I think she's cool. I have a
confession to make. I'm madly in love with Tingle. Do you think I'm
crazy? All my friends think so.
Ezlo replies...
Don't ever write here, ever again, you vile Tingle-lover.
Oreobytes asks
Dear Ezlo, what's the square root of the multiple of cheese devided by
cow?
Ezlo replies...
NEXT QUESTION!
martin asks
Dear Ezlo, if you and me were in a volcano what would you do?
Ezlo replies...
Float your corpse to safety. Sorry, women and Minish first!
Aryll asks
Dear Ezlo, in one of Komali's letters,you
said you liked hotwings.What topping do
you like on them?
Ezlo replies...
Depends on my mood, sometimes buffalo sauce, sometimes teriyaki flavoring.
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, so you dont like egg plant? no one likes egg plant? well
then... my job here is done i shall go crawl in a hole and sob about it!
Thank you egg Plant Hater!
Ezlo replies...
Why do you find eggplant so interesting?!
King asks
Dear Ezlo, Are all the main trees from the Zelda Games related? Such as
the two Maku Trees and the Deku Trees.
Ezlo replies...
Not unless you buy into the Gaia Theory.
Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, Ezlo! I shall come back, someone will revive me, Someone always does. I
HATE YOU.
Ezlo replies...
Daphne! Toss this in the "bad revenge threats" pile, if you wouldn't mind. Thanks, you're a peach.
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, On the minish cap When you turn Link into minish size there
are blue letters that i don't know about. What are you saying?
Ezlo replies...
"You klutz, get off my beak!"
martin asks
Dear Ezlo, if you know everything about zelda games, will vaati be in
twilight princess?
Ezlo replies...
Not a chance. Vaati's done.
Who asks
Dear Ezlo, do you think there's a strong connection between Tingle and
Michael Jackson?
Ezlo replies...
Other than them both being creepy middle aged men who think that they are, in fact, young fairies? Not really.
monkey.d.luffy asks
Dear Ezlo, what do you think of tingle? And in The Legend of Zelda :
The Wind Waker do you pity the guy stranded on tingel island? You know
the guy in the white tingle costume? I sure pity him!
Ezlo replies...
I agree, poor David Jr. It must be hard having to live with that fruitcake day after day. Frankly, if it were me, I'd throw myself to the Gyorgs.
Some asks
Dear Ezlo, Is mixing ramen with milk a bad idea? thanx for ur time.
Ezlo replies...
Not if you like the taste of your own vomit.
the asks
Dear Ezlo, i am death what must i do i can't play zelda becuase i am in
a coffin, get me out of here.
Ezlo replies...
How in blue blazes did you get a computer (and internet access!) in your coffin?
link asks
Dear Ezlo, i whant to tell zelda to marry me but im to shy what should i
do?
Ezlo replies...
How 'bout you tap into that Triforce of yours, O courageous one?
Idunno asks
Dear Ezlo, I like your hair! how did you manage to style it? a pencil
or a Q-tip?
Ezlo replies...
Both of those are far to large for my tiny hair. Rather, I use a broken matchstick to keep the flip going in place.
Kei asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey do you like South Park? Hm C'mon everybody has got to love south
park and if you like it who is your favorite character?????
Ezlo replies...
I love South Park, but alas, Minishland does not get Cable, so I am left without a constant source of it.
Kaleb asks
Dear Ezlo, how did you like being a hat?
Ezlo replies...
It was okay, if not a bit stuffy.
Mr. Jinx asks
Dear Ezlo, why won't you answer my questions? You don't find them...
too ruanchy do you?
Ezlo replies...
Any questions deemed inappropriate by the Grossness Committee (ie. Daphne) is rejected. Sorry. Oh, any I refuse to answer any and all questions asking how old I am. It's just not done.
Superzorro asks
Dear Ezlo, sorry to bother you but at the end credits of MC you see a
picture of a minish. That minish does have legs (you see the feet). How
come you said that "Minish do not have legs"? Did they all have an
accident or something?
Ezlo replies...
Oh, we Minish have feet, but no legs to speak of. Our feet connect directly to our hips.
anthony asks
Dear Ezlo, I got information from the internet that nintendo coming out with a new
system called the nintendo game pyramid have you ever heard of it?
Ezlo replies...
Can't say I have, but that's also because there's no such thing.
ton asks
Dear Ezlo, when someone is getting turned into a skullkid and abot to
loose their face, Does their face get ripped off or does melt off.
Ezlo replies...
It turns into water and drips off. Are you happy now?
Mo asks
Dear Ezlo, I just saw on an EB games commercial on G4 that the release
date for Twilight Princess was 11/21/05?
Ezlo replies...
Pure conjecture! No one knows the real date!
Hunny asks
Dear Ezlo, Is it called the chicken dance there or the cuckoo dance? Is it the
same? Could you show me pretty please? Shake your minish booty!
Ezlo replies...
In Hyrule it is called the Cucco Dance. And, I'd love to dance for you, but rather fortunately, Minish do not have legs.
sanji asks
Dear Ezlo, what would you do if you met tingle?
Ezlo replies...
Flee for my life.
Sakura asks
Dear great and all powerful Ezlo, I have to agree with Rachelle on alot
of things. You were mean to Vaati. I mean I bet the kid had no family
so hes gonna be confused and think he sould be an insane little mouse
lookin thing bent on world domination... Did you ever hit Vaati?
Ezlo replies...
Only when he looked at me cock-eyed.
LinknZelda asks
Dear Ezlo, can you PLEASE give me a whole list (for MC) of people you
have to fuse kinstones with?I only need one more,but I can't find it!
Ezlo replies...
Check out Gamefaqs.com, they'll have what you're looking for and more in their Minish Cap section.
Ganondorf asks
Dear Ezlo, Hello, its come to my atention that You have the ability to turn people
into tiny creatures. If I could harness your power maybe I can find a
way to sneak into link's room and steal the triforce. Anyways Im
offering ya a deal how bout it, one rupee if u let me borrow ya. Come on its
a deal You can't refuse.
Ezlo replies...
I wish I had a rupee everytime someone impersonated Ganondorf. Cause then I'd have a rupee.
a asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you think of Ruto from OoT?
Ezlo replies...
Crazy as a fox... a really, really crazy fox.
Zelda-Freek asks
Dear Ezlo, why do I always ask strange and stupid questions? Is it
because I like getting attention? Or maybe there's another reason...
Ezlo replies...
No it definitely is the result of a strange desire for attention, stemming from unloving parents in your early childhood.
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, A dork by the name of Achiro said that i am crazy. That is so not
true, but i am very Passionate. Thanks for standing up for me. :)
Ezlo replies...
Of course, 'tis my job. To answer questions. And this wasn't a question... I've failed.
colossus asks
Dear Ezlo, does Link LOVE Zelda?My friend told me they love
eachother.But since there different Zeldas and Links(you know like Zelda III or
Zelda V,stuff like that)They all like eachother,then?I heard that after
some game(I forgot which)Zelda and Link got married.And in some website I
saw this 3-D picture of Zelda and Link getting married(in a small
picture),but I couln'd open it(to get it bigger),and I lost it.Do you think
it's still out therer?'Cause I really want to show my friend the
pic.PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION!PLEASE!!!Gracias...te veo al rato!
Ezlo replies...
The only time Link has ever displayed an active interest in Zelda is in the cartoon and NO TIME else. And, for the love of Din, THEY NEVER GOT MARRIED.
someone asks
Dear Ezlo, you can call me tingle.
Ezlo replies...
Okay, Ishmael.
Yukimi asks
Dear Ezlo, I know you dont like eggplant but does link???? Or Zelda or tingle? I
MUST KNOW!!!!!!!!!!
Ezlo replies...
No one likes eggplant, NO ONE!!!
harry asks
Dear Ezlo, ever go on newgrounds.com?
Ezlo replies...
See the question below.
Fourswords asks
Dear Ezlo, do you have an e-mail address or a xanga?
Ezlo replies...
No, I hate computers. In fact, I conduct this column by sending my answered mail back to TDC World Headquarters by Singing Telegram.
Aska asks
Dear Ezlo, you said that fairies are little women with wings that
generate light so they look like balls of light... but what about Tael,
Tatl's BROTHER?? is he a little man that generates light? And my mommy
says they're aren't any good Ninjas, but I'm one. Is my mommy lying?
Ezlo replies...
As a rule, Fairies are generally female, but in the cases of specimens such as Tatl or Oberon (Spryte's father and King of the Fairies), then the fairy is actually a little man with wings that generates light. And, you're mommy is a bad liar. Sorry.
The asks
Dear Ezlo, Does the land of Hyrule ever become uncovered after WW? It
made me truly very sad that such an awful thing would happen, even if
it stopped Ganondorf. And why does Ganondorf have a green skin tone? I
find it quite strange that his skin is such a sickly green color. And
who does Link like more Zelda or Malon? Please answer my question or I
shall be forced to use my magic to turn you into something truly
horrible, or perhaps I will just get one of my many minions to do you in.
Thank you for you time.
Sincerely, The Great and Powerful Toryn
Ezlo replies...
As far as we know (since we have not been given evidence otherwise), Old Hyrule was never recovered. The King of Red Lions himself stated that he wished Old Hyrule destroyed so that the Hylian refugees could make their own destiny rather than be tied to the old land. I think, therefore, it's reasonable to assume Old Hyrule is gone forever.
Persona asks
Dear Ezlo, What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over
100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Ezlo replies...
If someone ever tells you to give more than 100%, the law of physics behooves that beat that person with a rolled up National Geographic magazine as you repeatedly remind them that there is no such thing as more than 100% in the real world.
Persona asks
Dear Ezlo, what's a fruitcake? Does it taste good?
Ezlo replies...
A fruitcake is a dessert make of stale bread and rotten fruit. As a rule of thumb it is supposed to taste awful.
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, so Mr. I hate eggplant why does Zelda have green eye brows?
i mean she has blond hair and blue eye but then you see those green eye
brows... whats up with those?
Ezlo replies...
Me thinks the contrast on your TV is screwed up.
Someone asks
Dear Ezlo, what's a moomoo?
Ezlo replies...
A cow with a stutter. *rimshot*
Evil asks
Dear Ezlo, how come every Zelda game is diffrient? I mean, in Minish
Cap, Link and Zelda have been friends since they were 2. And on Oot (
Ocarina Of Time ) They've never even met! What's with that?
Ezlo replies...
Because there are different Zeldas and different Links.
Vixenn asks
Dear Ezlo, Thank you for the pleasure of your your reply to my previous question.
I am curious: How come, In TWW, when all these girls (including Aryll
and Tetra) were kidnapped, and they were looking for blonde-haired,
blue-eyed girls, they had that one brunette-haired girl in the cell with
the rich girl and Aryll? Also, how come they let you play the game two
times in TWW, and not in any other LoZ game? (Or in any other game I\'ve
seen, for that matter...)
Ezlo replies...
The bird was bound to make a mistake once or twice after snatching up so many blondes. Or, mayhaps he's colorblind? As for the second playthrough, only one other game has a second quest, and that is Legend of Zelda (the original), which had a much harder quest for the second round.
Superzorro asks
Dear Ezlo, how would you describe yourself?
Ezlo replies...
Belligerent and numerous.
Zelda-Freek asks
Dear Ezlo, has Link ever tortured you before? You always seem to be
torturing him by yelling in his ear. Poor Link. Oh, and by the way, you
torture Daphne too, correct? You always seem to be torturing everyone. I
hate to say this, but you're a bit bossy. Especially to Daphne. But I
still think you're hot. No, I don't have a crush on you.It's crazy
to fall in love with a video game character!
Ezlo replies...
Uh... huh...
KamakaziAtomicGreenElephant asks
Dear Ezlo, Did you teach Vaati how to use magic or did the hat make him cheat.
P.S. You are like the most awesome talking hat bird thing in the whole world dude.
Ezlo replies...
Awww shucks. As for Vaati, I was teaching magic, but he cheated and used the hat for a boost.
Persona asks
Dear Ezlo, if I stared at an orange juice can that said "CONCENTRATE"
what would that make me?
Ezlo replies...
A fruitcake.
Deoko asks
Dear Ezlo, Can you tell me a story?
Ezlo replies...
I would hope so.
Quagmire asks
Dear Ezlo, how come in The legend of zelda:wind waker all the people and moblins have big heads and stuby hands and feet?
Ezlo replies...
It's just the animation style. Kind of like anime, but more colorful.
tony asks
Dear Ezlo, who do you think is crazier? Vaati for thinking he can get
away from turning in hat or Tingle for just being him? And what in the
world made Tingle act that way?
Ezlo replies...
Definitely Tingle. I'm pretty sure the boy has a chemical imbalance.
TMC asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a question. What would our quest have been like if
Vaati turned you into a tunic instead of a hat?
Ezlo replies...
Very uncomfortable.
King asks
Dear Awesome Ezlo, I just bought your game about a week ago and I
already have 2 elements. But now I\'m stuck on where to go next. I went to
the Sanctuary and infused the elements in the White Sword and talked to
the Minish in that shoe store and they said to find Syrup's hut. I
can't find her! Do you know any good reliable guides to read for free to
help me find the witch? Also. You rock. Enclosed in this question is
$100,000 for being awesome.
Ezlo replies...
Sweet, thanks for the dough. As for a free game guide to the Minish Cap, perhaps I can suggest THIS WEBSITE?!
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, If Vaati was to say sorry and gave you 100,000 dollars, what
would you do?
Ezlo replies...
Take his money and then still not forgive him.
tobius asks
Dear Ezlo, how could epona live so friggen long?
Ezlo replies...
It's all those carrots Link fed her.
aldrea asks
Dear Ezlo, do you think there will be any dragons in the next zelda game?
Ezlo replies...
I doubt it, Dragons are so over done, between Aquamentus, Gleeok, Volvagia, and Valoo. We need a new giant enemy. Like a big bird. Oh, wait.
luigi asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do they call it The Legend of Zelda, shouldn't be called The
Legend of Link? I mean seriously people!!! All Zelda does is dilly-dally
and get caught by some weirdos!!
Ezlo replies...
Excellent point. Let's get in my time machine and go back to the 1980's so we can point that out to Shiggy before it's too late!
Harry asks
Dear Ezlo, If you are a famous sage with your great power, why don't you just
zap Link like the blue ChuChu does? hehehe
Ezlo replies...
I'm a Sage? Wow, when'd that promotion come down?
Achiro asks
Dear Ezlo, is rachelle like realy crazy? she acts like she is in the looney ben.
Ezlo replies...
She's just... very passionate.
exodus asks
Dear Ezlo, I have beat majoras mask twice and the third time i played it the
people said diffrent things like when i went to the milk bar the owner
started talking about how the moon is going to fall o the second day the
milk bar was gone is this like a glitch or somthing?
Ezlo replies...
Yes, very much so.
Kinnik asks
Dear Ezlo, Why can't Link(and other hylians) talk? Nintendo gave
him(and others)voice actors, so why don't they do something other then yell
and gasp? Even if Link talks in japanese I'd be happy..actually, I'd
be happier then if he talked in english..
Ezlo replies...
Well, there are only two spoken words in the Hylian language, "Arrrghhh!" and "Ohhh!!" The rest are communicated by holding a black piece of bardboard with your dialouge written on it in front of your body.
Wingu asks
Dear Ezlo, you answered my last question wrong. You said that Kafei
chose Anju because she was the mayor's daughter. Anju's just the
innkeeper, Kafei is the mayor's son. Soo..reanswer.
Ezlo replies...
You must have read me wrong... I said Kafei choose Anju because she's the major's daughter. Yes... that will do. I mean, you can't get drafted when your father-in-law is a major in the Clock City Army, right?
martin asks
Dear Ezlo, has link ever killed an octorok in the worst way imaginble?
Ezlo replies...
By bouncing its rock back at it? Yes. often.
Mr. Dragmire asks
Dear Ezlo, where do you think Navi went after OOT?
Ezlo replies...
Vacation. Wouldn't you after such a long adventure?
Timestopper asks
Dear Ezlo, My mother says that I should get over Zelda games and snap
back to reality,Because I play and talk about Zelda alot.But my motto is
that you should be who you are no matter what any body else thinks or
says.I mean, I'm your average christian and a overall good person.Do
You think I should quit playing Zelda like my mom wants meto,or stick to
my beliefs?
Ezlo replies...
Tell your mother Ezlo thinks she should mind her own business. And then, when your mother stops beating you, tell her I've changed my mind and you should stop playing Zelda.
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, has link ever step on a minish before? and if he has did it
die and were you mad? and may i have a hug from the eggplant hater!
Ezlo replies...
Yes, no (the guy owed me ten rupees, had it coming), and no. Sorry, no touching.
ton asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does tingle think he is a fairy.
Ezlo replies...
He's not... all there.
cucumberman asks
Dear Ezlo, If you were to get a piece of the triforce, what piece would you want
to get? And what part don't you want to get?
Ezlo replies...
Probably Power, for obvious reasons (to make up for my tiny size). The one I'd least want... most likely wisdom, since it would be superfluous. I'm wize enough as it is!
Darker asks
Dear Ezlo, is TDC going to make a tricks section for mc(minish
cap)? Because I have a few triks/gliches up my sleeve.
Ezlo replies...
No, but one can be made. Send your sleeve of tricks to webmaster [at] desertcolossus [dot] com and things will get done.
Zelda-Freek asks
Dear Ezlo, ok, I was wondering if the Link in 'Twilight Princess' has
a connection with the Hero of Time Link (in OoT and MM). Oh, and by the
way, tell Daphne that I can't sign her paycheck. Thanks!
P.S: Also tell Daphne that she can't take a day off next week.
Heh-heh, I'm so evil...
Ezlo replies...
Yes, stop being so mean to Daphne, that's my job dagnabbit. As for TP, I can't tell you for sure that that Link has any connection. It is certainly feasible, but I haven't played the game yet, and am not willing to throw guesses around willy-nilly.
Maku asks
Dear Ezlo, why do you hate egg plant i mean i hate the stuff to but why
do you hate it???
Ezlo replies...
Have you ever tasted eggplant? I mean, blech, yuck, wretch... gah...
Achiro asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you play any online games like world of war craft or ultima
online?if so whats your chars name?
Ezlo replies...
The only online game I play is "Balance the Checkbook Using Hyrule Bank's Online Banking Service." Not a lot of fun.
Mr. Jinx asks
Dear Ezlo, if vegitarians eat vegitables, what do humanitarians eat?
Ezlo replies...
Humanitables.
Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, Okay. You said that the minish were all guys. All dudes. No
females... Then.. How do you have a wife and kids?
Ezlo replies...
Whoa, I said all the fine Minish ladies look like the not-so-fine Minish dudes. Don't misquote me now!
Jared asks
Dear Ezlo, how on earth do you find the wallet in OOT that can hold up
to 999 Rupees? I asked a guy on Zelda World, and he told me that it
existed. Can you please tell me how to get it because he wouldn't!
Please!
Ezlo replies...
In OoT there is no such wallet. The Giant's Wallet is as big as you can get with 500 Rupees as the limit.
Wingu asks
Dear Ezlo, How did Malon get the cow in Link's house if it's a
treehouse? And if Kafei liked both Cremia and Anju, why'd he choose Anju?
Ezlo replies...
Malon used an elaborate system of pulleys and ropes. Or magic. Let's go with magic. And, clearly Kafei choose Anju because she's the Mayor's daughter. I mean, set for life, am I right?
Ryujii asks
Dear Ezlo, Who's cooler, Tetra or Sheik?
Ezlo replies...
Sheik, no contest.
~Pickles~ asks
Dear Ezlo, Can me/my descendents be in your will? (I earlier read that
someone else who wants to be in your will probaly wouldn't out-live
you, so if I don't out-live you, then my descendents can have the
money!!)
Ezlo replies...
Not a chance, I plan to be buried with all my posessions!
Zelda-Freek asks
Dear Ezlo, if you were King of the World for ONE day, what would you
do? Would you, a): get the day off. b): Burn Link to crisps. Or c): Uh,
give Daphne more money. Or would you like to choose all of the above?
You had better reply to this, or I will destroy you!! *Ahem*.
Ezlo replies...
Give Daphne more money? Ha... HA HA HA HA!! Hmmm, my coffee tastes funny...
link asks
Dear Ezlo, what did ghoma do to valoo's tail?
Ezlo replies...
Nibble at it incessantly.
krytela asks
Dear Ezlo, you said that if there was a legend of Ezlo, you'd be the boss and
link would sit on your head..... are you sure you want link sitting on
your head? he looks kind of heavy and fat. (plus you're kind of
weak....)
Ezlo replies...
What are you implying? Why, if you were here right now, I'd--GAHHH... my back! Oh, Daphne, call the chiropractor!
Firelight asks
Dear Ezlo, I was a bit confused about Fierce(sp?)Deity. What was he, and how did
he get stuck in the mask? Thank you for your time!
Ezlo replies...
Fire Diety is a horrible, evil god that was unique to Termina. Not much is really known about him other than the destructive power he posesses.
The asks
Dear Ezlo, Wouldn't it stink to be a magic Shoe? Who wouldn't be tired of Link's feet?
Ezlo replies...
It'd be a fate worse than death.
Katie asks
Dear Ezlo, If i were to call you a peck, what would you do?
Ezlo replies...
Be very confused.
Maku asks
Dear Ezlo, do you like egg plant?
Ezlo replies...
Blech, no way.
~Pickles~ asks
Dear Ezlo, In the Wind Waker, what are the golden forks? Are they like
royal cutlery or something?
Ezlo replies...
The "Triumph Forks" as the Great Sea legend detailed are actually the Golden Sacred Triangles, the Triforce.
~Pickles~ asks
Dear Ezlo, Est-ce que tu parles le français?
Ezlo replies...
Non.
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, why was link never turned into a monster when he went into
the lost woods?
Ezlo replies...
He had the protection of the Great Deku Tree.
carlos asks
Dear Ezlo, why is ganondorf so evil?
Ezlo replies...
He wasn't very loved as a child. As I recall, he parents called him "stink breath."
vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, How come skullkid doesnt havea a face? what happened to it?
did his face get ripped off?
Ezlo replies...
Skullkids, as part of their monstrous nature, lack discernible faces.
mm asks
Dear Ezlo, What do deku scrubs eat?
Ezlo replies...
Deku Scrubs don't "eat" per se, they use photosynthesis to get their nutrients.
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the difference between a Sage and a Mage.
Ezlo replies...
In the Zelda universe, a Mage is someone who practices magic (like Agahnim) and a Sage is a member of the Sage's Council (like Darunia).
Excited asks
Dear Ezlo, Are there any cute and Sexy minish girls, Cause i would really like to
know.
Ezlo replies...
Sorry, all the fine and sexy Minish ladies look just like the Minish dudes. Ours... is not a kind god.
Sarroy asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you ever give good advice when the player press's
select, or is all you can do yell at poor link?
Ezlo replies...
I really can only give advice through shouting. It's just my way. HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!
woot asks
Dear Ezlo, is tingle crazy? if so, Can medicine cure tingle?
Ezlo replies...
Yes, and certainly not.
Boss asks
Dear Ezlo, Dah, we here Moblins just caught some of them Kokiri kids. Normally,
we'd go to Master Ganon for this kind of thing, but he's busy getting
ready for "Twilight Princess", so I figured we'd ask so you what to
do with them. So, do you think Kokiri would taste better roasted or
boiled?
Ezlo replies...
When cooking a Kokiri there is a delicate recipe one must follow. Firstly, remove all dirt, twigs, and leaves from their person. Then, try a little seasoning as you roast (being careful not to char), and top it off perhaps an apple in the mouth. And finally, when serving to your guests, a tart savignon blanc is ideal to unleash the crisp flavor of a forest child.
Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, Who do you prefer, Marth or Roy? I like Roy and I'm just
taking poll.
Ezlo replies...
Roy. He has better moves in Smash Bros. Melee.
a asks
Dear Ezlo, when i was born i had a small unoticeable
mole under my chin. when i turned 5, a horde of moblins jumped out of
the mole and stole my garfeild book. they then dressed it up as shiek
and stabbed it with a model of you.a giant skalchild jumped out of my
gameboy color wearing din's clothes, and jumped into the mole. what should
i do, besides send pictures of you and maple to your wife? p.s. what
fate do you think daphne deserves: decapitacion or being sent to the sun
on a nclear bomb?
Ezlo replies...
That's quite the mole, if you ask me. As for Daphne, she's not getting off that easily!
chris asks
Dear Ezlo, Will there be a legend of zelda trilogy in the movies? And
if so, isnt the first one called the triforce of the gods?
Ezlo replies...
As much as I'd love to see it, there will never be a Legend of Zelda movie or movies.
Anonymous asks
Dear Ezlo, What is Link doing these days?
Ezlo replies...
Traeling the world. Last time I heard from him I got one of those amusing "Wish You Were Her" postcards. I envy him.
Komali asks
Dear Ezlo, the man Ezlo,Do You Like Hotwings?
Which is Better McDonalds,Jack in the Box,Burger King, or Cheese?
And If you thought I was rude in one of my Past Letters,Sorry.
Komali DOES Have a sister in Ww, Her name is, Medli.
And,Please Don\"t Zzz...GAH this letter Because It turned My Freind
into a Maniac of Zzz...GAH.
Ezlo replies...
Yes, BK, and Komali and Medli are not related. Sorry.
Superzorro asks
Dear Ezlo, you answer the questions like you're still a hat, but you
turned into a normal minish at the end of the game. How did that happen?
Ezlo replies...
I actually try to answer all questions from one of two perspectives: Hat Ezlo or Minish Ezlo. Depends on the wording of the question as to which perspective I use.
gannon asks
Dear Ezlo, are deku scrubs made out of wood?
Ezlo replies...
Yes.
Darth asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you noticed something different in the gamecube version
of Oot? Remember the gerudo symbol:a moon with a couple of stars that
appears on the mirror shield and different switches? On the gamecube
Nintendo has changed these symbols to something else a really strange
symbol. Even the the mirror shield has this symbol. Why did they change the
gerudos symbol?
Ezlo replies...
Hrm, well this I have yet to see with my own eyes, but as I understand it, the Crescent Moon and Star (ie. the Gerudo Symbol) is a prolific symbol used in Islam. Perhaps Nintendo was attempting to be culturally sensitive?
julian asks
Dear Ezlo, what would you do if i put you in an old navy store but
forgot to put you in the hat section?
Ezlo replies...
I'd just escape and slowly make my way over to the Food Court, and chill with the other Minish.
No asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Link have dandruff?
Ezlo replies...
Take a look at my powdery white backside. You tell me.
SIR SPAMALOT asks
Dear Ezlo, YOU DON\'T KNOW EVERYTHING. you're
just some sarcastic minish. If you did know everything, you would know
what the ESS stands for, what is its purpose,what sector is the largest
minish settelment in,AND WHAT IS THE FIRST NAME OF THE PRIME MINISTER
OF THE OFFENSIVE MILLITARY(also known as the master of fire)???HMMM?
Ezlo replies...
You are correct sir, my one weakness is not knowing the answers to questions that don't exist.
Liam asks
Dear Ezlo, Its my birthday, 7/7, so Elzo waddaya get me?
Ezlo replies...
An answer to your question. Happy Birthday!
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, YOU NEVER ANWSER MY QUESTIONS ABOUT VAATI!!! YOU ALWAYS MAKE UP
EXCUSES, PLEASE I am always being treated rudely, (sniff) I need friends. The
people who send questions here seem nice, I will really like to be
friends with them. (Sniff)
Ezlo replies...
(cough)
Darker asks
Dear Ezlo, how come some of your submitters are mental?
Ezlo replies...
Law of probability. For every sane one there are twelve insane ones.
Darker also asks
Dear Ezlo, who is your favoret Nintendo character (besides yourself).
Ezlo replies...
Samus Aran, he's so cool!
*whispers*
He's a she?! She's a woman?! Oh ye gods!
Ganondorf asks
Dear Ezlo, I have seen the vast amount of knowledge you posses. I still do not
see why you work here. So with that in mind, I'm willing to offer you a
job at my castle. I pay 500 dollars a hour, you can get paid with
weekends ( wether you work or not) you'll get a master bedroom with
matrimonial bed ( no wife nor kids) just as long as you help me with any
questions I can come up with.
So what do you say? Do we have a deal? (personal cheff included)
Ezlo replies...
I'll never join you! *jumps off platform and tumbles a thousand feet down a shaft, yet curiously doesn't get injured when Ezlo hits the ground below*
Dana asks
Dear Ezlo, what changes when you beat Wind Waker and play it a second
time?
Ezlo replies...
You get to play the game with Link in his pajamas and all the Hylian text is translated for you automatically.
Laur-laur asks
Dear Ezlo, If you had another girlfriend, would you dump your wife?
Ezlo replies...
No, I'm ever faithful... unlike my ungrateful wife!
Peachy asks
Dear Ezlo, Can kangaroos drink out of a straw while dancing?
Ezlo replies...
If it could, that'd be a neat trick.
goldfinger asks
Dear Ezlo, If you had one gold bullion, what would you do with it?
Ezlo replies...
Melt it down and make a nice walking stick out of it.
Saria asks
Dear Ezlo, does the name "Twilight Princess" have anything to do with
the plot, or did Nintendo just think it sounded cool? And why do we
never see Link's family?
Ezlo replies...
The "Twilight Princess" is actually Zelda, of Hyrule in Twilight form. And, we do see different members of Link's family—such as the Uncle in ALttP, Aryll and the Grandma in TWW, and the Grandfather in TMC.
Rose asks
Dear Ezlo, Any relation to Elmo?
Ezlo replies...
No, but I am quite ticklish.
Ella asks
Dear Ezlo, What's the difference between a Hylian and a Hyrulean?
Ezlo replies...
A Hylian is a member of the Hylian race (or Hylia), whereas a Hyrulean is a citizen of the Kingdom of Hyrule.
Hero asks
Dear Ezlo, I just beat Wind Waker and it says the gods sealed Hyrule
away. But why? Because Gannon was going to take it?
Ezlo replies...
Yes, the Goddesses wanted to preserve Hyrule so that Ganon could not take it, and so that enough time would pass so that the Hero would return and be able to defeat Ganon.
Coleenia asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you use deodorant? If so, you need to use more.
Ezlo replies...
And I don't use deodorant, does that mean I need to use less? Or just the right amount?
Prime asks
Dear Ezlo, IF a giant blob of SPAM fell from the heavens an landed SMACK
DAB on the Triforce, then made all of hyrule into a SPAM mine, what
would YOU do?
Ezlo replies...
Quit this crummy job and spend the rest of my days rolling around in Spam.
~Pickles~ asks
Dear Ezlo, What's your favourite t.v. show?
Ezlo replies...
M*A*S*H.
Amidala asks
Dear Ezlo, At the end of Minish Cap, why did you give the red wish hat to Zelda
and not Link? What did you think he'd wish for?
Ezlo replies...
Cakes, lots of cake. The boy is simply to irresponsible.
chris asks
Dear Ezlo, i am very confused. On aol games they said that twilight
princess is commin out on june 1st and that past. All the other sites say
it comes out in November or october im really mad!. Who is right?
Ezlo replies...
It's late 2005, so October or November could be right, though it will probably be November, in time for the Christmas buying season.
Hikari asks
Dear Ezlo, I was on thefanlistings.org today,and suprisingly,there's a Tingle
fanlisting,and a Vaati fanlisting(which I joined,yay!)but there aren't
any for you! I was wondering if you noticed this,and if so,how does that
make you feel?
Ezlo replies...
I'm absolutely terrified. In that Tingle has a fanlisting, that is.
Total asks
Dear Ezlo, is there a way to get the triforce?
Ezlo replies...
Yes, but it involves smashing your Ocarina of Time cartridge with a hammer.
Medli asks
Dear Ezlo, Why hasn't Adult Link been in more games? More people like
him than Young Link.
Ezlo replies...
Either (a) it's because Nintendo is trying to appeal to a younger audience with a younger hero or (b) like in Adventure of Link, the Hero is called when he is thirteen, and thus when he is usually very young.
Onnet=Ness asks
Dear Ezlo, why doesn't anyone care about the voice-actors for Link? I
doubt 60% of LOZ fans even know the names. Or know what else they've
done voices for.
Ezlo replies...
Probably because the voice talent for Link is limited to him yelling in three different ways. Unless, I missed an extended monologue in The Wind Waker.
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, I HATE It when you do not anwser my quesions! TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU
KNOW ABOUT VAATI OR I WILL GET MAD (AND BELIVE ME I WILL GET SO MAD
ARNOLD SWARZENAGER WILL BE COWARING BEHIND HIS TEDDY BEAR.) I have been
knowen to curse and even harm kids. So YOU BETTER ANWSER MY QUESTIONS AND
EVERYONE ELSES OR YOU WILL BE THE NEXT CHARECTER WHO GETS SEALED AWAY
IN THE FOUR SWORDS!!!
Ezlo replies...
:(
Someone asks
Dear Ezlo, Olah cenour Ezlo, comosta!
Ezlo replies...
No me gusta.
Deku asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a friend that used to like
Zelda,but now he devotes his life to manga,and he says that Zelda is
going to fight in Twilight Princess,is that true?
Ezlo replies...
It looks like she will have some part to play, but I don't know how large it will be and if she will be controllable at all or for a major part of the game.
Blank asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Link return to Hyrule after Majora's Mask? also, in the legend
at the beginning of The Wind Waker, when it says the Hero did not appear
in Hyrule's time of need, was this a way of telling us that he went to
Termina or that he travelled back to his childhood like at the end of
Ocarina of Time?
Ezlo replies...
I don't think he ever made it back to Hyrule after Majora's Mask, but instead was trapped inside Termina for the rest of his life. (I mean, really, do you think he could climb up that giant hole and out of that tree?)
lol asks
Dear Ezlo, which one do you like better a human or a hylian.
Ezlo replies...
Hylians. The long ears are cool.
naury asks
Dear Ezlo, are skullkids people or are they just a bunch of monsters?
Ezlo replies...
Skullkids once were people, but they wandered into the Kokiri Forest and were transformed into monsters.
Komali asks
Dear Ezlo, Hello From Dragon Roost! I Think You are Plain Anoying And should Get
off Links head. you Know Why? Because Link Saved And helped My sister!
So stop Nagging and Yakking and get off The Head.
Ezlo replies...
Erm... since when did Komali have a sister?
Aryll asks
Dear Ezlo, I am the same person as Medli.
(Don't listen to Komali.)
Why was I kidnapped?
Ezlo replies...
Because you fit the description that Princess Zelda would have fit (blond hair, young girl, etc.).
pepe asks
Dear Ezlo, if you know everything, what is the question you don't know?
Ezlo replies...
That question... from that movie... where the answer is that number... you know what I'm talking about.
julianb asks
Dear Ezlo, what is your best dream and your worst nightmare!!!!!????
Ezlo replies...
My best dream is that I wake up and Daphne has quit and taken all the mail with her. My worst nightmare is Daphne has quit and left the mail for me to deal with alone.
Superzorro asks
Dear Ezlo, what does links voice sound like? and why doesn't he say
anything in the game? Did you gave him a cookie to shut him up? If
so......can I have his cookie?
Ezlo replies...
Link can speak but he only knows how to say "Ahhh!!!" and "Harrruaghhh!!" There were no cookies exchanged in our friendship, so no treats for you.
~Pickles~ asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Link your friend? Cuz you looked like you were going to
cry at the end of the game!!
Ezlo replies...
Well,w e did travel all over Hyrule together. Plus, the sun was in my eyes, that's all. Sniff.
Linkey asks
Dear Ezlo, You said in previous letters that you had a wife and kids. Please tell
me about them. I'm interested. Are they baseball caps?
Ezlo replies...
I've already said quite enough about Rita, the fantastic layabout, and my fourteen ugly children. Yes, my children are baseball caps.
Queen asks
Dear Ezlo, If Link were to spontaneously combust, would you cry? Is he in your
will at all? I think you owe him something for putting up with you.
Ezlo replies...
The only beneficiaries in my will are the good people of Burger King.
Bobbie asks
Dear Ezlo, Something tells me you're an evil fiend. Is this true?
Ezlo replies...
Lies! Who told you that? Was it Link? Oh, he's so dead!
Someone asks
Dear Ezlo, I think a squadron of gibdoes are attacking my house. Do you think you
could steal Link's fire lantern for me so I can burn them with much
happiness and glee?
Ezlo replies...
Or you could just turn your house into a giant Hurdy-Gurdy so that the monster circle it endlessly in a haunting Dance of the Damned. Though, I like your option better.
Speedroid asks
Dear Ezlo, what would you do if Moblins ran the doughnut factory?
Ezlo replies...
Stop buying doughnuts!
Joe asks
Dear Ezlo, do Deku have teeth?
Ezlo replies...
No, they have a spout-like mouth with a series of glands inside their "mouth" cavity that secrete special plant chemicals to break down any food they ingest.
Mr. Evasive asks
Dear Ezlo, is evasive is as evasive does?
Ezlo replies...
Depends.
Link asks
Dear Ezlo, can I donate you to Goodwill?
Ezlo replies...
No, I was banned from there after a... very unfortunate incident.
michelle asks
Dear Ezlo, my friend, the all knowinmg lee says that if you paint a
"S" on a bed sheet and tie it around your neck you can fly. i did so but
i didnt fly, i leeped of the roof, and now in in the hospital. do you
think i painted the S rong.
Ezlo replies...
Yeah you forgot that it's crucial to paint "TUPID" after the "S" to complete the package.
Scythe asks
Dear Ezlo, Which came first? The chicken or the egg?
Ezlo replies...
Easy: the Dinosaur (which evolved into the winged proto-bird, which evolved into the proto-chicken, which through a process that took a million years and a bazillion eggs lead to the one egg which held what we consider a chicken today).
Vixenn asks
Dear Ezlo, Where do you read previous entries? I sent you quite a few to you, and
I assumed you answered them, but I can't find them!
With all due respect.
Ezlo replies...
Well, every month I "clean the slate" so to speak. And, I don't have archives of the last months' entries up yet, but I will soon enough. Until then, use the "Find" tool of your browser to find any of the questions sent by you this month.
King asks
Dear Ezlo, Can I be in your will?
Ezlo replies...
If you can outlive live me, and frankly, you shall not. Besides, I'm pretty sure Daphne's already embezzled everything I own.
terry asks
Dear Ezlo, Who do you hate more navi or tingle?
Ezlo replies...
Can't I just choose all of the above?
KamakaziPlumber asks
Dear Ezlo, If you were a taco, what kind of taco would you be? Would you have a
soft shell or a hard shell? Would the shell be curved or flat? What
toppings would you have? Finally, would you put chicken or beef in your
taco?
Ezlo replies...
I'd totally be a hard shell beef taco with melted cheese galore. And no beans. I hate beans.
carlos asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know that ezlo spelled backwards is olze?
Ezlo replies...
Yes.
BLAH!!! asks
Dear Ezlo, Is this Desert Colossus the same Desert Colossus from OoT? If so, how
did you get a pass from the Gerudos?
Ezlo replies...
I wowed them with my mad nunchucks skills.
julianbravo asks
Dear Ezlo, if you had the choice to be any other type of clothing what clothing or acsessory would it be?
Ezlo replies...
I've always wondered how it would feel to be a magic talking shoe. Just for a change of pace, you see?
zeldamaster asks
Dear Ezlo, What is your fav zelda game beside the minish cap?
Ezlo replies...
Legend of Zelda: Ezlo's Adventure. But that's not yet out.
vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, How come when a person gets lost in the lost woods they turn
into monsters? Did the kokiri put a curse on the lost woods to turn
people into monsters?
Ezlo replies...
No, it was actually the Great Deku Tree, to prevent people from interfering with the Kokiri's work in the forest.
Daphne asks
Dear Ezlo, Can I get a raise and the week off?
Ezlo replies...
No! Get back to alphabetizing my underwear!
~Pickles~ asks
Dear Ezlo, who's Daphne?
Ezlo replies...
My thieving secretary... yes, I'm onto you, you traitorous wench!
Ploi asks
Dear Ezlo, how was it when Link did spin attacks?? Especially when he
did a whole bunch in a row. What did you do after??
Ezlo replies...
Vomit endlessly.
Kuto asks
Dear Ezlo, could you please list the 7 sages in order depending on
their intelligence from smartest to dumbest??
Ezlo replies...
Rauru, Zelda, Impa, Darunia, Ruto, Saria, Nabooru. Really, who's surprised?
Soup asks
Dear Ezlo, how old is child OoT Link, adult OoT Link, Link in WW, and
Link in MM and Minish Cap??
Ezlo replies...
I believe: 8, 15, 13, 8, and 13.
Zelda-Freek asks
Dear Ezlo, I agree that you SHOULD get paid doing your job. In fact,
I'll pay you $20.00 per hour. And every Friday, I'll give you some
homemade cookies, if that makes you so happy. I hope it DOES make you
happy. Wait...will you reply to this? Please?
Ezlo replies...
What... what is this salty discharge coming from my eyeball? Oh, I-I'm happy. What an odd sensation.
darunia asks
Dear Ezlo, is twilight princess based on the movie Lady hawke i can see
some likenesses and how did the webmasterget the blackmailing pictures
of you?
Ezlo replies...
I've heard of that connection before, but I haven't seen the movie, so I can't comment directly on it. As for the photos, he hired a private eye to take them.
Yellow asks
Dear Ezlo, How did the orange slay the rake? And do you like llamas? Were you
once a treehouse? Did you live in a cake? I\'m three years dead... do
you have any suggestions?
Ezlo replies...
Stop listening to the safety rail.
tangar asks
Dear Ezlo, are you and navi cousins or related in some way because your both
kinda annoying (no offense)
Ezlo replies...
Let's look at this objectively: Navi is a fairy, I am a Minish. Yes, we are clearly cousins.
Icaneatyou asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you taste like? I'm hungry!
Ezlo replies...
Go chew on a hat to find out. You'll be pleasantly surprised!
wannahockalooge asks
Dear Ezlo, I've been to the doctor like 20 times and they can't figure out why
my blood hurts. Any suggestions before I tell my doctor that he's a
freakin' idiot?
Ezlo replies...
Perhaps I missed something, since when does blood hurt? Perhaps you're mistaking blood for your foot?
... asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does I can only see your head when you are talking (
When link is walking you look like a simple hat ).
Ezlo replies...
I'm confused, what more did you expect to see other than hat?
Fox asks
Dear Ezlo, How are you alive? I mean you are a hat, where are your
lungs, your heart, etc.
Ezlo replies...
When was the last time you saw a hat breathing, bleeding, etc.
GanonDwarf asks
Dear weird hat Ezlo, Do you like cheese?
Ezlo replies...
No.
King asks
Dear Ezlo, Dis is da boss. When do ya want da goods? By the way. We
appreciate you joinin da mafia. We shall now try to destroy thems phothos
da webmaster has and release you from this job. Should we include
Daphne in this buisness trip? Should we release her too?
Ezlo replies...
Take her down to the river for a swim, if you receive my meaning.
link asks
Dear Ezlo, is it true that ganondorf and nayru are my parents *crying*
Ezlo replies...
Hrm, considering that the Goddesses would nary let Ganon within twenty feet of them, I find your paternity highly dubious.
kaileyharold asks
Dear Ezlo, how old is Vaati?
Ezlo replies...
Like fifteen. One of those really immature ages.
~Pickles~ asks
Dear Ezlo, once you said that Link was lucky to have you on his head so
he would never have to brush his mess of hair, and I know that his hair
is really wacked, but at the end of the game, did you ever think about
getting him a comb instead of a stupid hat! It's sooooo un-original!
Ezlo replies...
Blonde is so overdone. I'd rather cover up his hair with a nice, smart little hat.
Anonymous asks
Dear Ezlo, Which race of Hyrule do you like better the Kokiri (cute little forest
sprites that can live forever) of Koroks (ugly tree things that were
once Kokiri)?
Ezlo replies...
The Kokiri. I like their hats.
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you have a little voice in your head that tells you what to do and
what not to do, if so what does the little voice sounds like someone
you know, I have a voice in my head, He sounds like Vaati, He keeps
telling me you are a no good, dirty rotten, donut gobbling, beer drinking,
ugly old goat, and not to be mean or anything i think he is right (No
offense) and Vaati is NOT A HOMICIDAL MANIAC! He is a nice young man who
shod have a chance to kick links big fat butt, Besides i have been
doing reaserch and i found out at least a Few 100,000 boys like him as
there favorite charecter. And at least 500,000 girls fell in love with him
and liked him as there favorite charecter. So stop being so mean to him
and let him rule the world for a few hundred years.
Ezlo replies...
We are talking about the same Vaati right? Took over Hyrule? Turned Zelda to stone? Kidnapped young maidens? Killed bunches of people? Turned me into a hat?? Okay, just making sure.
Bryan asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the meaning of life to you?
Ezlo replies...
A Gamecube controller in my two hands and eight hours of free time to use it.
???? asks
Dear Ezlo, What does Skull Kid's face look like without Majora's
mask? Is he butt ugly or soething?
Ezlo replies...
His face is shown without the mask in Majora's Mask... I believe... I recall it being horrifying. I think I may have blocked it out.
blaze asks
Dear Ezlo, If you were in any game other than legend of zelda, would it
be Super Mario Brothers or Sonic the Hedgehog?
Ezlo replies...
Probably Mario. I've always wanted to be a plumber.
Zelda-Freek asks
Dear Ezlo, do you like this job? You know, answering everyone's
questions? Isn't it kind of boring once in a while? Well? ISN'T IT??? I
mean, your job is cool, in my opinion, but still...
Ezlo replies...
The job's okay. It'd be nicer... IF I GOT PAID.
NPC asks
Dear Ezlo, why are you like a good not-so annoying npc all other npc's
in all other zelda games are so annoying i wish i could take my sword ,
ram it through them take out the sword leaving a hole in them shove a
remote bomb in the hole detonate it then shoot fire arrows at the
peices untill theres nothing but carbon ashes left either that or simply
avisserate them. answer this in a real answer not a dumb dapfne get me the
letters not the scary murdures psyho imformation sheets oh and show
them disturbing pics or i'll avisserate you too
P.S. this letter cannot
be ussed in the coart of hyrule
Ezlo replies...
Did you even ask a question?!
asks
Dear Ezlo,
Ezlo replies...
Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you going to play the upcoming Zelda game?
Ezlo replies...
Only if they get rid of Link and make some super-sexy bird hat the main character.
sad asks
Dear Ezlo, Someone asked you if they poked you with a stick what would happen and
you said they would lose the stick and an arm or two. Well i burned a
picture of you (By acident, it's not my fault my room caught on fire,
blame my brother he shouldn't be playing with matches,) and i have been
sick and i mean SICK for 1 month, 25 days, 10 hours, and 42 minutes,
WHAT'S UP WITH THAT. PLEASE Take This Curse Away, I Want To Have A Good
Summer
Ezlo replies...
I'm sorry I don't do curse removals. Try Maple, down the hall and three doors on your right.
Freekill asks
Dear Ezlo, In any first person shooter (like Counterstrike or Bond or
something) what do you do? Do you find a sniper rifle and find a high up
place? Or do you just run like mad?
Ezlo replies...
I'm more of a camper. Death from above, Ezlo-style!
Tails asks
Dear Ezlo, Why'd you turn into a birdish hat? (That can talk?)
Shouldn't you have just been a normal hat?
Ezlo replies...
What can I say, the boy lacked creativity.
Pit asks
Dear Ezlo, if you could, would you put Navi into a bottle, cork it, and
throw it onto the highway? In front of a dumptruck?
Ezlo replies...
Why would I do that? Us annoying sidekicks have to stick together!
Sam asks
Dear Ezlo, do gorons, zoras, and gerudos produce assexually? 'Cause
they all seem to be one gender...
Ezlo replies...
Gorons may seem asexual, but that's because all the females and males look alike. You can tell by the diameter of their earhole what gender they are. Zoras do have females, but their numbers are very minimal. As for Gerudos (and I am NOT making this up) they usually reproduce via one-night-stands with the local males of Hyrule Castle Town.
Celeste asks
Dear Ezlo, Coke or Pepsi?
Ezlo replies...
Pepsi, it's the Cola!
...Daphne, has my endorsement check from Pepsi arrived yet?
Cassandra asks
Dear Ezlo, Of all the things that Vaati could've turned you into, why a hat?
Ezlo replies...
Vaati suffers from a terminal lack of creativity.
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Vaati have an family, if so whats his mother's name, father's
name, sister's name, and brother's name.
Ezlo replies...
Last time I check Vaati had no family at the moment. Moreover, those that he did have before mysterious disappeared...
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, I love to draw charecters from the game the minish cap, i want to draw
you (I drew the three stages of Vaati in monster form from the minish
cap.) The problem is you never do anything you just sit on links head.
You just sit there like an old drunk man, please if you are in other
games do something interesting! Oh and thanks for anwsering my other
questions, it's been fun wrighting to you.
Ezlo replies...
I'll see what I can do.
fartsnapple94 asks
Dear Ezlo, why does AOL stink so bad? *no ofense*
Ezlo replies...
None taken! The answer is quite simple: they have poor hygiene.
Jared asks
Dear Ezlo, The N64 released 2 Zelda games. Ocarina of Time and
Majora's Mask. In one game, you can control your age and you become a mature
adult, who uses sophisticated techniques and equipent (and becomes a
part of the Gerudo); or you can transform back into a child with the same
power, but who can fit through small places. In Majora's Mask, you are
only a little kid, but control the very fabrics of time, and are able
to use a variety of masks, 4 being able to turn into new versions of
Link. If you had to pick one of these Links to travel with, which would
you be with, and what are the reasons for your decision? Please decide
one of the two choices I've given. Please. If you don't say one of
these two, I will bomb your current residence and kill the majority of
people you know and live with. Say one of those two. Two. No more options
than two. Choose now!!!
(btw, I loved that "cicks"/"sic" comment.)
Ezlo replies...
Why must you take all the fun out of my job? In any case, I suppose I'll take number two. The whole masks deal makes him more interesting.
Vaati's asks
Dear Ezlo, have you ever thought of opening your own fast-food chain?
Just think! Vaati burgers! Hyrule Sundaes! Light Force cucoo nuggets!
Doesn't that all sound so good? I will be your #1 customer...
Ezlo replies...
Do I look like I have the time to open a highly successful chain of fast-food resturants? Surely not!
Superzorro asks
Dear Ezlo, The Vaati in The Minish Cap also appears in other. Which
games and does he till looks as cool as in The Minish Cap?
Ezlo replies...
Vaati appears in three games: Minish Cap, Lttp/Four Swords, and Four Swords Adventures. He looks the coolest in TMC. In the rest he's just a giant, angry eye.
Raiuryu asks
Dear Ezlo, why didn't Vaaiti just kill you? And why couldn't you
understand the minish before Link ate the jabbernut?
Ezlo replies...
Vaati is a very stupid Minish, 'nuff said in that regard. As for your second question, I didn't really feel like helping Link. He needed the exercise anyways.
yobyalpatonmai asks
Dear Ezlo, How come you and others aren't offended that zoras, tokays,
gorons, and koroks are completely naked?
Ezlo replies...
Apparently you haven't heard of HPFTCONRIZG (Hyrulian Prudes for the Clothing of Nude Races in Zelda Games).
kinnik asks
Dear Ezlo, How the heck did your eyebrows get so long?
Ezlo replies...
Constant combing and an illegitimate Rogaine prescription.
Samui asks
Dear Ezlo, you made that red hat Vaati stole for humans, right? Why's
it so tiny then?
Ezlo replies...
I was planning to run it through a hot water wash a few thousand times.
anonymous asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Tetra from the Wind Waker actually Princess Zelda?
Ezlo replies...
Have you... played the game yet?
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, my friend (Well used to be friend) Is totally in love with Ganondorf
(EWW, gross) I have a hobby of breaking peoples hearts (Like make them
fall in love with someone then tell them the person is dead,or something
like that)I really need your help, she is already going threw the stage
of kissing a picture of him (Ugh i think im going to puke,)I tried
everything but she still is in love with him, I need your helpful advise.
Ezlo replies...
Villain worship is so passe. Tell her nothing is cooler than the supporting character who's constant complaining nudges the main hero towards victory.
Kaepora asks
Dear Ezlo, Who said, "Somebody set us up the Bomb"?
Ezlo replies...
Behold!
shiekwarrior asks
Dear Ezlo, how long do minish live for? Are they immortal or something
because you looked preeeeety old in Minish Cap!
Ezlo replies...
We live for exactly 800 years and thirteen days, and then our fourteen hearts give out simultaneously. Make sure you lay down newspapers first if you have a Minish that old.
Mr. Smith asks
Dear Ezlo, Whatever happened to Vaati at the end of the Minish Cap?
Ezlo replies...
He got locked away within the Four Sword, only to be released during LttP/Four Swords and set up the story for that game.
michelle asks
Dear Ezlo, can I have a dollar?
Ezlo replies...
No.
kolulu asks
Dear Ezlo, which do you like better a skullkid or a zora?
Ezlo replies...
Zoras, since they tend to try to destroy the world less than Skullkids.
Bouyo asks
Dear Ezlo, Did you get that thing I sent you?
Ezlo replies...
Daphne, please put the bomb squad on speed dial.
Sabriel asks
Dear Ezlo, Did you ever have fun with Link, or was he a pain in the rear? I think
he's cute!
Ezlo replies...
He's a bit of a handful, but he's a good kid. Just don't tell him I said that. I hate when he thinks I like him.
Lady asks
Dear Ezlo, does Link have lice? I hope not, seeing as you were his hat
and that would mean... *shudders*
Ezlo replies...
Oh... that explains... so much.
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, What is Vaati's last name, who is your favorite singer why did you
take Vaati as your aprentice,and if your girlfriend fell in love with
Vaati what would you do? Oh and Ezlo i have had a life like vaati's not
like the get killed by link thing i mean the teased being hurt and that
stuff. I also have this craving for power so can you please send me
that Hat that makes your wishes come true to my house because i want to
get rid of the kids who hurt me and abused me. Please i'll send you more
cookies.
Ezlo replies...
Minish don't have last names; Alvin and the Chipmunks; he threatened my cat (really, that should have been a tipoff); I don't have a girlfriend. The Minish Cap was destroyed as I'm sure you are aware. And please, no more cookies, they make me bloat.
and then Rachelle later writes...
When i asked you the question about you being lonely and you said
something about a Women called Angelina Jolie i thought of a story and i
want to tell you it. There once was a minish called Ezlo, He was a
skilled craftsman. One day he heard rumors about a portal to a world called
Earth, Ezlo was interested to see this portal so he went to see it. When
he got there Angelina Jolie came out of the portal, "Oh my, what a
darling minish!" Angelina said and walked over to Ezlo, "Are you talking
to me?" Ezlo said "Yes of course i'm talking to you, Lets have a
date pick me up at 7:oo P.m." Angelina said and walked away. After that
Angelina and Ezlo became very, very, very Good friends and Angelina fell
in love with Ezlo and Angelina and Ezlo lived a happy life together.
The End
Please tell me if you like this story.
Ezlo replies...
It was okay, could have used more explosions.
What asks
Dear Ezlo, You are a frod!!!If someone ask's you a question you cant
answer you just dont post it and nobody know's about thoses questions do
they? Answer this old hag!!
Ezlo replies...
Daphne, bring me the Cover Up Scissors. Oh, and have yourself shot in advance, I don't want you pulling a Deep Throat on me!
swirly asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know where is atlantis?
Ezlo replies...
I have an inkling.
Soup asks
Dear Ezlo, are there male fairies? and (pretty much) regardless of that
question how are fairies produced or created?
Ezlo replies...
Daphe! I told you to bring me the letters, not the "Make Ezlo Uncomfortable With Your Horrible Double Entendres Bag"!
Lily asks
Dear Ezlo, how old are you? i know i asked this before but i thought i
would find your answer when i came back in.... a long time. You're
going to ridicule me or say something sarcastic aren't you??
Ezlo replies...
Me? Sarcastic? Nooooo. You're silly. I like that. Really.
Sara! asks
Dear Ezlo, My boyfriend pays more attention to comic books than me. What should
I do?
Ezlo replies...
I'm sorry Sara, you clearly cannot compare to a good Spider Man #204 or Fantastic Four meets Dave the Duck #5. Just give up now and start dressing in tights and a cape to be rekindle your romance.
GoogleBean asks
Dear Ezlo, Where do babies come from? I'm 13 and my parents still say it\'s the
stork! Can you please tell me?
Ezlo replies...
Well, as I told it to my kids, it involves a loom, but that probably wouldn't apply in your case, eh?
emily asks
Dear Ezlo, Why did the chicken REALLY cross the road?
Ezlo replies...
He didn't, but I'll tell you why the car was going 65 in a 40-zone and the terrible consequences of his actions.
some asks
Dear Ezlo, when SomeDude asked you why you put up with this you replied
the webmaster had photos of you. What were the photos like?
Ezlo replies...
If I'm trying to keep them safe, why would I just give up the goose so readily? No dice detective!
lulu asks
Dear Ezlo, which race would you rather be a goron, a zora, a deku, a human, a hylian, a skull kid or a sheikah?
Ezlo replies...
A Goron, if only to make up for being so tiny my entire life.
Zako_gurl asks
Dear Ezlo, Why wuz Ganon sooo fat in WW?
Ezlo replies...
You spend hundreds of years locked away with nothing to eat but Fun-Yuns and tell me you'd do any better.
harry asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is there only one girl zora?
Ezlo replies...
Genetics has not been kind to the survival of the Zora race.
Can't asks
Dear Ezlo, Why can't I be wrong
Ezlo replies...
You were wrong enough to forget ending your sentence with a question mark. So, bit of a misnomer in this light, methinks.
swordmaster asks
Dear Ezlo, whats the most embarrassing moment for you and Link in The
Minish Cap?
Ezlo replies...
The cameras catching us in bad. I had so much explaining to do to the Mrs.
Hokkunido asks
Dear Ezlo, how does Farore survive if she is always in the Maku Tree?
Doesn't she get forgotten or something?
Ezlo replies...
It has a door...
Anonymous asks
Dear Ezlo, Will you go out with me?
Ezlo replies...
Daphne! I told you, bring me the letters, not the Creepy Stalker Bag.
Luke asks
Dear Ezlo, What's it like without the force? What else gives you life? Is there
a dark side? Have you ever had lice?
Ezlo replies...
Daphne, you are THIS CLOSE. Thisclose! I swear!
Mimiko asks
Dear Ezlo, I have Link tied up in my basement. I demand $1000 and a tub
of swiss cheese or else I'll feed him to my fangirl sister.
Ezlo replies...
I'm tell you the same thing I told Ghadaffi when he pulled a similar stunt: I DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS.
Link's asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you do when you aren't riding around on Link's head?
Ezlo replies...
Crochet mostly. Backgammon with the Hennington's. Oh, and bridge with old Mrs. Lulu. My life, it's very boring.
Lithlia asks
Dear Ezlo, how many girlfriends have you had, do people treat you
wierdly coz you're a hat, do minish like caps or is it just a passing
craze, why is link so cute, why cant zelda get a life(or some decent
bodyguards)how much would you pay me to shut up and how old are u REALLY (none
of this "old enough" rubbish)?
Ezlo replies...
I gently weep for my worthless Enron stock.
nayru asks
Dear Ezlo, why did the rich family in kakariko village get cursed
turnrd into spiders in oot.
Ezlo replies...
Word of advice my friend: never steal a witch's newspaper.
PinkLink asks
Dear Ezlo, is majora's mask going to return for revenge on Link?
Ezlo replies...
Funny story, I actually could Maj at the annual Zelda Headwear Reunion last month. He's enjoying retirement alot, so that's probably a "no" in the revenge department.
sally asks
Dear Ezlo, u no, ur on the menu screen 4 tmc, do u think that's cool???
Ezlo replies...
...yes.
Dude asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you a virgin?
Ezlo replies...
No, I'm from New York.
teresa asks
Dear Ezlo, do you have any brothers and sisters?
Ezlo replies...
No, I was an only child. As if you amateur shrinks couldn't tell.
JacobT asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like Sexy Minish cicks?
Ezlo replies...
What the heck is a "cick"? Oh, oh, did you mean a "sic"? Cause that's ironic. It really is.
Jacob asks
Dear Ezlo, What it if was Legend of Ezlo?
Ezlo replies...
Oh man, that'd be sweet! I'd be the boss, and Link would have sit on my head.
akaDarker asks
Dear Ezlo, is Din on the minish cap the samem Din from the oracle series?
Ezlo replies...
Yes.
me asks
Dear Ezlo, will link and zelda ever get married??? :P =( :D
Ezlo replies...
Ugh, I hope not. I can only imagine how bratty their kids would be.
Saria asks
Dear Ezlo, why do so many idiots seem to think that zelda and link are
related?
Ezlo replies...
Lack of reading comprehension?
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, When you die (And if you do i will be sad) can Vaati Take your job. I
have a lot of questions for him.
Ezlo replies...
Ouch, that hurts. I know one person who won't be in my will. And, to answer your question, I plan to burn down this website so no one can take my place. Sorry.
Zelda asks
Dear Ezlo, How do i send you questions?
Ezlo replies...
...
Din asks
Dear big strong, uh, Ezlo, I really what to know what you sound like? Can you send a cd of
you sing to my house, I want to hear your wonderful strong voice.
Ezlo replies...
Just inhale a balloon (note: I am NOT condoning inhaling helium... yet) and sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Stat" and you'll have a good idea of me singing.
sad asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a secret crush on Vaati (I know, I know, it's wierd.) But i am
afraid that he might die again or get seriously Hurt so please forgive
him for the wrongs he has done and leave every bad thing he has done
behind you.(Although you did look cute when you were a hat, Annoying, but
cute.) Please for me?
Ezlo replies...
Okay, but only because you sent me those freshly baked cookies.
Ganondorfgerudo asks
Dear Ezlo, do the sages from oot,the maidens from fsa and the wise men from
lttp share some kind of sageism
Ezlo replies...
They're all related to each other, if that's what you're asking.
Darker asks
Dear Ezlo, is the light force like the triforce?
Ezlo replies...
They are, in fact, one and the same.
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm righting a story about Vaati, Link,Zelda, and the one and only
you. I made Vaati fall in love with someone and my friends love what i
typed. i need someone to fall in love with you, i'm going to make her
hot and sexy. i think it is sad you are alone so i will let you name
her.
Ezlo replies...
Hmmm... how about, Angelina Jolie. Rawr.
Rachelle asks
Dear Ezlo, If Vaati had a girl friend what would you do?
Ezlo replies...
Warn her that her boyfriend is a homicidal maniac?
BOO! asks
Dear Ezlo, You were asked: Dear Ezlo, do you have Minish babies? and
you replied Actually, funny story: seems my wife gave birth to a
litter of little baseball caps. Don't know why though. i thought that you
said that minish were asexual...wats with that?
Ezlo replies...
My wife was cheating on me with a baseball cap, must you rub salt in my wounds?!
Jason asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think that Ganondorf and Vaati would ever become evil
partners and try to rule Hyrule together, and kill Link?
Ezlo replies...
*cough*FOURSWORDSADVENTURES*cough*
Ceril asks
Dear Ezlo, What number Link is the one in Twilight Princess? Link the Third?
Will this affect any of the histories that have already been established?
Ezlo replies...
If it takes place after OoT like indicated, it'll add a new dimension, but not really screw anything up, unless it completely spits on the canon and forces everyone to rewrite their histories.
PinkLink asks
Dear Ezlo, in the end of the minish cap, why did you leave link?
Ezlo replies...
I finally had legs, it was my chance!
PinkLink asks
Dear Ezlo, will there ever be a Zelda movie? If so will you be in it?
Ezlo replies...
Probably not, and I'll never work again in Hollywood after I named those names at the HUAC hearings.
Darker asks
Dear Ezlo, do you like Halo or the sequel Halo2?
Ezlo replies...
Neither, I'm strictly a Nintendo Minish. For contractual purposes of course.
sally asks
Dear Ezlo, hi, despite my title, i m really Rachel.(please don't ask)
Michelle, or Hi, asked if i eat worms. YOU SAID YES, IDO NOT!!!! just
clarifying that. Anyway, does Michelle really eat dirt, would you think
me friends are cool, why do i make so many typos, and why am i rambling
and asking you these questions????????????
Ezlo replies...
That's odd... my eyes just started bleeding for some reason...
Arthur asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything?
I mean, we know the answer is forty-two, and I do not want to have my
brain examined by mice or scanned by a manically depressed robot. If
you could kindly provide the answer, we would be most appreciative. Oh,
and by the way, do you drink tea? If so, what is your favorite
variety?
Ezlo replies...
The Ultimate Question is... (drumroll please)... 6x7! Okay, you know you saw that coming. And I hate tea.
Daphne, more coffee!
Toshiro asks
Dear Ezlo, I was hoping to ask someone who'd know first hand
(cough)... Does Link snore? Is he a light sleeper?
Ezlo replies...
No, but he talks a lot in his sleep. Something about Princesses and Castles. Weird kid.
Mr. Evasive asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you have access to the internet? If I sneezed on a telephone
pole, would you die? If a worm has 24 teeth and loses 9 in a fight with
a giraffe, how many does it have left, assuming it grows back a square
root of 8 teeth? Am I evasive? Vok sen visken torcon? If I took over
the world, would you eat crackers?
Ezlo replies...
"Sonny, go to school and you can get a good paper-pushing job" my Ma says, but NO I had to rebel. Now look at me! This is a job? I'm not a Minish... I'm a child... ugh, I need a midlife crisis.
Sinerella asks
Dear Ezlo, I think I'm the only one in the world that HATES, and i
mean hatewanttokillwithabloodychainsawsickagoronit hate, star wars!! Its
turned my best friend into a mindless geeky zombie!! What should I do?
Ezlo replies...
The best way to kill a zombie is to either (a) decapitate it or (b) blow its brains out. In the case of your friend, just smash all his Star Wars toys.
Wyndisis asks
Dear Ezlo, If I torture you and burn you to death in front of a crowd of people
who I have turned into violence obsessed maniacs, would you be happy?
Ezlo replies...
If that means I get a day off from work, then sure.
SomeDude asks
Dear Ezlo, why do you put up with this? Do you get paid?
Ezlo replies...
TDC's webmaster has photos of me, horrible, unspeakable photos. I have no choice...
Deathbringer asks
Dear Ezlo, I live in a family of Fourteen children.. Five girls, nine boys. You
can probably guess how much attention I get. I think it's cool and all,
and my sibs aren't bratty little terds. We don't fight (usually), and
my mom and dad are our ONLY parents (we all come from the same mother
and father. No divorces). I almost lost my sister and father, but
they're still with us today, thankfully. I'm not lying. I hate lying. But..
do you think I'm lucky?
Ezlo replies...
Zzzz... gah... what? Sorry? Was there a question?
Medli asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you related to Vaati? Do you have a brother? And who is
your dad?
Ezlo replies...
Assuming the paternity test works in my favor, no; no, I'm an only child (can't you tell?); Ezlo Sr.
some asks
Dear Ezlo, do fairies have bodies or are they just balls of light or
something?
Ezlo replies...
They are little women with wings that generate lots of light, so they look like balls of light.
Daxter asks
Dear Ezlo, Who did you want to win the 2004 election, Kerry or Bush?
Ezlo replies...
Ralph Nader! Go perennial loser candidate!
Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, Where do babies come from?
Ezlo replies...
Oh... oh my... why me?
john asks
Dear Ezlo, in majora's mask why does the moon have a face?
Ezlo replies...
How else will the Moon make the googly eyes at Clocktown if it doesn't have a face?
Darth Citrus asks
Dear Ezlo, You replied to my last request with "Daphne! I said bring me the
serious letters, not the Geek Bag!". I am seriously offended by that.
Because of you, your planet will be destroyed. This battle station is fully
operational!
Ezlo replies...
NEXT QUESTION!
