King Harkinian stood in the middle of the square, looking oddly out of place without men in shining armor anywhere in the proximity.

"Somebody help!"

As the travelers glance toward the distraught King, it takes them three, maybe four takes to realize just who the frail figure trembling in the courtyard is. He stands in his royal robes, clinging after anyone who will listen, shouting out:

"My Royal Guards have been gone for ages! I just don't know what to do! Who will father my illegitimate children, or cook my meals now that my wives are dead! Oh, and they were also working on some war thing."

As his mad hands scrambled, they latched onto the shoulder of a familiar mercenary, who turned his head towards the King with eyes full of strength and compassion and wisdom and everything. Hair blowing in the wind, the world-renowned warrior declared in a booming, sexy bass voice:

"I, Sabertache, shall accept your quest!"

Tossing the thankful King aside, he strode forward, massive gold-plated flamberge held aloft in one hand, his other acknowledging the masses.

"Who will join me?"

OOC: I claim none of this as canon. Let's have some fun.

Kuro stood at the front of the crowd, listening to the king's plight, and feeling quite sorry for the poor king. There was only one thing Kuro could do. The one thing that he was obligated as one of the most respectable of Hyrule's warriors to do.

He stepped forward next to Saber. Turning to face the crowd, he began to give one of his glorious single sentence speeches: "I, a humble citizen of this fair nation, Kuro, shall assist you in this quest!" He pulled the giant two-handed sword from his back and lifted it toward the sky. Several of the beautiful young women in the crowd swooned after a mere glimpse of the brave and honorable and courageous hero.

OOC: Self glorification ftw!

In Sabertache's eyes, there was no companion as valuable as Kuro. With a glorious nod of his perfectly-featured head atop his battletower of solid neck, the mercenary bellowed for all to hear.

"Then forth we shall sally!"

And so he departed, headed for adventure whilst the King fumbled about, picking his crown up off the ground and giving it a good polish.

"But you don't know where you are going!"

Bursting through the massive gate door with a flick of his wrist, Sabertache called over his shoulder,

"We need not any direction to complete our quest, when we are guided by our warrior's instinct!"

And so he fell into, then walked atop of, the moat, and off into the distance.

Kuro could tell by the look in Saber's eyes that there was no companion better than he, and he wasn't even looking into his eyes! But, nevertheless, Kuro couldn't agree more. He was the man to assist the great Saber on the search for the Royal Guard, and nothing could compare to the might, superiority, and ravishingly good looks of the duo.

Sabertache wrote:"Then forth we shall sally!"

"Aye!" Kuro bellowed in agreement, replacing his massive weapon back on his back.

He drew one of his boring normal sized blades as he approached the moat, and, making use of his mad skills, pole vaulted over said moat, and walked with Sabertache into the world, making a beautiful scene, in which painters the world over will paint and make cheap copies of and try to pass of as real for many generations to come.

"I shall assist thee in thine quest!" A voice calls out from the top of the castle wall, and there on the battlements stood Hyrule's greatest (and only... but what does that matter?) archer, Leth! He stood with his hands in fists on his hips as his dark cape fluttered behind him in the wind. "Tarry a moment, and I shall be with thee in a jiffy." With that, he leapt off of the castle walls, and what a leap it was. He soared majestically over the moat, arms spread wide in a wild embrace with the Hylian air. He began his descent onto the land and gracefully-
THUNK!
He landed in a crumpled heap on the grassy plains of Hyrule.
"I always screw up the landings..." He muttered to himself. "Well, anyways, on with the noble quest!" Leth trumpeted, trying to muster some of the pieces of his dignity which seemed to have scattered all over the ground along with him when he 'landed'.

Greeting Leth with naught but a nod of the head and a laugh of the heart, the mercenary pushed onward across the open plains, covering the entire distance in two massive strides. Thus our heroes arrived at...

STAGE ONE: THE DEKU WOODS

While monotonously slicing through the massive branches impeding their path with his blade, the sandy-haired Hylian had grown bored. It seemed there was no reason for the journey after all. What a bore this had been, an entire ten minutes and nothing to show for it!

"Let us make camp here, and set out on the morrow!" He declared, dropping the massive rucksack balanced on his bicep to the ground. From it he extracted a canvas, tent-like version of today's finest Ritz-Carlton, complete with running water and stables.

Casting forth an immense fire from the palm of his hand, he started cooking the live goats that happened to be standing nearby, and within seconds they had a full meal ready for consumption.

"Care to break goat with me and discuss the day's adventures, fellow heroes?" He queried, sitting cross legged on the air.

"Why yes indeed, i do believe that sounds simply smashing!" Leth says to Saber at his suggestion of 'breaking goat'. So saying, Leth picked up a nice roasted slab of goat and proceeded to break it, ripping the tender meat with his hands and devouring it ravenously. "Tell thee what," Leth commented through a mouthful of goat, "all this arduous travel makes one very hungry. In fact, I am so hungry, I could eat an elephant!" At that moment, a large elephant burst from the dense foilage of the woods. Leth, with a gleeful shout, shot an arrow straight through the elephant's brain and killed it in an instant. He then devoured it whole.

"So," He said, "Whats the plan for tomorrow?"

-"Burp"- A sound came through a pillar of flame that appeared out of nowhere right next to Leth, and out came Kasei, drunk as a certain cleric. "I do say, what are all ye gorons doing here in my house? And for that matter, why's my house look so much like an outside?" Inquired the drunk yet stunningly powerful Shiekah, also handsome, who proceeded to shake hands with all present, including a nearby mongoose. "Noone has answered me yet, rockmen! What say ye, fight!" He shouted.

And then he sat down and began drinking, pulling a bottle from inside his jacket.

OOC: I do hope i'm not too late, and that I grasped the purpose of this topic.

Suddenly the heroes found themselves in a bit of a situation. A deadly situation. Moblins, ten of them, popped out from the trees and pointed spears at them. That wouldn't be so bad if these were ordinary Moblins, but these were no ordinary Moblins. These were Ganon's Elite Guard Moblins, bred for ten thousand years to be the strongest, fastest, and most loyal warriors ever to walk the planet.

Just as the Moblins were about to run the adventurers through, a fountain of blood shot from the neck of one of the Moblins, spraying the heroes with the vile liquid. The other Moblins looked stunned as their mighty brother collapsed to the ground, revealing a small boy in ninja clothing, not much more than four feet tall, standing behind the Moblin corpse with a bloody katana in his hand. This was Raptor Ravenclaw, son of the greatest assassin ever to walk the planet.

The Moblins became angry, and the Raptor smiled at them cockily. One of them rushed forward to attack the boy, and ended up being punished severely for his grave mistake. Raptor just stood there smiling as the Moblin brought his spear down toward him. A black and silver blur shot underneath the Moblin, and suddenly it found itself standing on the bloody stumps of its legs. The blur, which turned out to be Raptor's sister, Raven, back-flipped over the Moblin, doing some fantastic move with her sword and removing its arms. Raptor, who's nerves of steel hadn't allowed him to budge an inch, finally did a flip over the quadriplegic Moblin and removed its head in the process. Raven and Raptor glared at the Moblins, then at the heroes. "Don't tell us you are going to let us have all the fun," Raven said.

"Come on, Raven," Raptor said, "I have an hankering for Moblin stew. And I plan to eat it raw."

"I don't think you're supposed to have more than one sarcastic thief sidekick," Seth remarked.

"I'll be the beautiful sorceress, then," Arrika replied.

Be it coincidence, fate, or simply the god-like power a writer possesses, the two young thieves had conveniently stumbled upon a group of adventurers camping in the middle of the woods.

"Beautiful?" Seth snorted.

"Thin is sexy nowadays," Arrika replied.

"Who's going to be the dashingly heroic hero?"

"I can do both."

"You're not heroic, you're moody and mentally unstable," the green-haired boy reminded her. "And only by chance did the knife make its way through your hair instead of across your wrists. Where's your pipkin of vodka, I suppose you'll take up a life of alcoholism next. Further self-destruction is your only logical career choice at this point."

"We still need the adorable furry creature."

"That's like a sidekick, and if we've already got a thief, we don't need anyone else for comic relief."

Arrika nodded. "Makes sense."

"Moblins!" Seth gasped, his eyes glowing dramatically, albeit a split second after they appeared.

"Here's the plan: I seduce them with my feminine wiles, and you can stab them in the back!" Arrika said excitedly.

"I feel like we do that every time."

"The tried and true method."

"...is that Kasei? I thought he died," Seth commented, and the two thieves approached the others. "And why are you so chipper? You're supposed to be traumatized and contemplating the meaning of life. Get back into character."

OoC: I hope that was adequate foolishness.

Coincidentally another thief and her fairy companion had been stalking the moblins, waiting for them to pillage a town so they could take their pickings of the valuables.

An angry shout cut through the forest. "Hey, you pint-sized punks just atacked my moblin army!" A dashing shiekan girl stepped out of the shadows, revealing herself to the odd group. "I've been following these brutes for days, you have no right to just kill them as you please!" She tossed her long silver hair, pouting at her bad fortune.

A dark fairy flitted out of a tree as a sudden puff of flame engulfed two more of the creatures, sending them running about, squealing as their flesh was slowly roasted on the bone. "Well now that our plans are ruined we might as well have some fun."