Relationships Topic

[Aureliano]

Parents aren't that big a deal, I don't know why everyone freaks out so much about them :/

My parents don't let me date

How about you speak thoroughly with your mom about the situation

[alical]

I think where you choose to go on the date depends on how comfortable you are together. The cinema is good if it's a new relationship because you don't have to talk alot and afterwards you can always talk about the film.
If you know each other quite well, I think a walk is always nice, you can really get to know the person, plus you wouldn't have the driving with your parents thing.

My love life still sucks, since I last posted in this topic I was asked out, but it was by some guy who thought I'd say yes just because he has a car and is like 3 years older than me. I said No, plus I didn't know him at all, I only knew of him because he is a friend of my brothers and I'd answered the door a few times, apparently he told my brother he thought I was fit (I was quite flattered), my brother went a bit mental when he asked me out. 

[Kesmi]

Alright, I guess I like a guy who is easy to talk to and is really easy going but loyal.

Also, to the previous conversation: I would go to the cinema if I was a bit nervous, but if you feel really comfortable I would love if I guy asked me to go for a walk with him :]

[MagmarFire]

Well, the distance doesn't seem that large of a problem.

Better than three hours, anyway.

But if it works for you, go for it.

[DW]

What's your opinion on physicality in relationships...? I mean, not what are you comfortable with, but what kind of effect do you think physicality has on people's feelings?

[Hi no Seijin]

Physicality?  Could you be a bit more clear on what you mean by that?

[DW]

Meaning intimate contact. Making out, fondling, the like.

[Hi no Seijin]

Having no experience with relationships, I'm merely speculating here, but "making out, fondling, the like" shouldn't be the only aspect of the relationship.  While it may be enjoyable, it seems to be a superficial aspect, and the relationship ought to run deeper than that to be healthy.  If you can't talk to your partner about what have you or share your feelings with him/her, then you probably shouldn't be in that relationship.

[DW]

It's my opinion that being physical with someone can make you feel an attachment that wouldn't be there otherwise. You could be completely noncompatible with someone, but if you're extremely physical, the endorphins released by the actions make you think you're in the perfect relationship. Problem is that in today's relationships things get rushed...they do too many things ahead of time. I'm not saying it's bad to be that intimate, I'm just saying...if the feelings aren't there ahead of time, being that physical is dangerous...I've seen several of my friends stay in horrible, abusive relationships. When I ask why, they say it's because the guy 'loves them', even though it's clear that he either doesn't care about them much at all or there just isn't anything there between them. I think the physical aspect of the relationship is being portrayed as love now...I've always seen it as a statement of your attachment, not the attachment itself. But it seems like it's become that, and it's causing so many people to stay in unsuccessful relationships...they overlook the problems.

[darkphantomime]

Nice psychological break-down right there.

I believe intimacy is important, though I wouldn't go with HNS' line of thought of intimacy as entirely superficial. I haven't been in a relationship either. But I would say that it promotes a bonding experience. Though I can agree that a lot of relationships are based on the physical aspect, I must associate the physical and the emotional together in definition of intimacy.

[DW]

It's just...I guess mostly when I dated that girl a year ago, she got extremely upset that I didn't kiss her right away. In a way, it kind of made me afraid to be very physical in my relationships. Seeing the way it affected her, I didn't want to be that dependent on physical intimacy. So I tried hard to restrain myself and make sure that I didn't do anything with anyone unless I felt absolutely sure that I already felt that strongly about them and they were worth it. I may have held back too much though.

[darkphantomime]

So basically... You weren't intimate, she got upset, then with your future relationships you decide never to be intimate. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

If you go about without physical contact, physical touch, intimate touch you end up appearing cold. You want to be warm, open, intimate. Not cold.

[MagmarFire]

So basically... You weren't intimate, she got upset, then with your future relationships you decide never to be intimate. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Deciding to be intimate != being afraid of being intimate, JQ. However, if it means going out of his comfort zone to be that way, of course it makes sense for him to be afraid about it.

[darkphantomime]

So basically... You weren't intimate, she got upset, then with your future relationships you decide never to be intimate. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Deciding to be intimate != being afraid of being intimate, JQ. However, if it means going out of his comfort zone to be that way, of course it makes sense for him to be afraid about it.

lol I can't believe you didn't see the sarcasm there.

Sometimes one's comfort zone has to be extended, this is so in relationships as one's comfort zone between lovers is more 'close', than between normal people. The point is that he's afraid of extending his comfort zone for some unkown reason, as a result his relationships suffer.

Not that hard to figure out.

[DW]

So basically... You weren't intimate, she got upset, then with your future relationships you decide never to be intimate. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

I didn't decide never to be intimate. I just realized how important it was to see how things work without the intimacy. I saw how she really was. Besides, it's hardly like I went months without doing anything; it lasted two weeks, and it was after three days she started getting...yeah.

If you go about without physical contact, physical touch, intimate touch you end up appearing cold. You want to be warm, open, intimate. Not cold.

I try to be intimate in other ways though, through eye contact, actually caring, holding conversation, compliments, that kind of thing. Does that not count?

And yes, it may be causing my relationships to suffer, that's why I'm trying to figure it out.