Greetings, greetings! I am Ezlo, the world renowned Minish Keeper of Lore. I know everything and anything about Hyrule, from the total annual rainfall in the Parapa Desert (zero!) to the average height of the Gerudo Male (6'2"). I have made my vast resevoir of knowledge of the ways and facts of Hyrule available to the readers of the Desert Colossus, and thusly if you have any questions for the Great and Wise Ezlo, then ask away using the form below! You can also email webmaster [at] desertcolossus [dot] com with the subject line "Ask Ezlo Submission."
Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you think Ganons motives are? Why does he want to
conquer? Was it a trauma in his childhood?
Ezlo replies...
You see, the "Triforce" represents Ganon's mother, and "Hyrule" his childhood. Ganon wishes to capture the "Triforce" and use it to conquer "Hyrule". It's a classic œdipal-thanatos complex where above all, Ganondorf wishes to return to the warmth and comfort of his mother's womb. He is a very, very sick man.
"Her" asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you mean by "hitting the Chateau Romani a little
too hard"? I only had fourteen bottles! ... ...YOU MUST HELP US! THE
KILLER BUNNY RABBITS ARE ATTACKING! AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!
Ezlo replies...
*headdesk*
link asks
Dear Ezlo, when will TP finally come out? I'm so anxious that i'm
smoking a lot!!!
Ezlo replies...
April 2006. And don't smoke! It makes it that much harder to run away from things that want to eat you.
maye asks
Dear Ezlo, what's your mother's name?
Ezlo replies...
Ezlina.
Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, If Sephiroth from ff7 got in a fight with Link who would
win?
Ezlo replies...
Link, unfortunately. The boy is plucky, and usually tends to pull through.
hero asks
Dear Ezlo, how do u get the house of the third oracle in the TMC? thx for ur time ^-^
Ezlo replies...
Oddly enough, you can't. There are only two houses that are possible to give/build.
Aryll asks
Dear cool Ezlo, What happens at the end of Majora's Mask?
Because Komali (Who has not asked a
question in ages) and I haven't
completed the game yet.
Sincerly,
Aryll
Ezlo replies...
Link says good bye to Skullkid, Tatl and Tael and wanders away in Termina, presumably still looking for whoever it was he was looking for. As the game closes, the camera pans onto a tree stump when the Skullkid had drawn a carving of him and Link playing.
Strong asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you type with feathers on?
Ezlo replies...
I hop around on a keyboard from key to key. Obviously, it's takes me a long time to form a proper word.
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, What if vaati turned you into eggplant? What would you do?
Ezlo replies...
I don't deal in hypotheticals, Maki, especially terrifying ones.
Minty asks
Dear Ezlo, If the minish can't fight Chu Chu's because they're too big, could
you fight the bugs that come from underneath rocks in OOT instead? And
could the minish ride golden skulltulas like horses?
Ezlo replies...
Actually those tiny bugs are used by Minish like cows. We herd them for their delicious steaks. As for the Skulltulas, they are our sworn enemies, and I shall not speak of them further.
King asks
Dear Ezlo, I sent you a question to you last week and you didn't
answer! Why not? Also why is Daphne working for you? Does Jack have
blackmail on her too?
Ezlo replies...
I might have not answered it because it wasn't something I could answer in a humorous manner, or the question didn't make sense to me at the time. Sorry. And Daphne works for me because she was fired from Starbucks and I was the only one hiring at the time. (And you'd think she could make a decent cup of Joe, but nooooo.)
hero asks
Dear Ezlo, a friend of mine said that there is a stone in tww that makes
u become an adult.is that true?And i read the oot comic and zelda and
link really love each other!!!Thanks for taking time to read this
p.s u rule !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ezlo replies...
That stone doesn't exist, sorry. And the comic isn't canon, but it definitely fuels the fan girl flames, huh? (Thanks!)
curious asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey what's up good buddy? Anyway I'm close to finishing a
continues game from OoS to OoA.*possible spoiler alert*
I noticed that when Twinrova starts talking after I defeat the last
boss that instead of saying 'General Onox' they say General Knox. I was
wondering if anyone else might have noticed and asked you about any
strange glitches like that.
-just being a little \"curious\":)
Ezlo replies...
A typo perhaps? Unless the honorable General Henry Knox has a side job in the great beyond we're unaware of.
Kira asks
Dear Ezlo, Did Link go through the twillight realm whenever he smashed the barrier
to Ganon's castle in TWW? Because it just seems like it if you look at
the background. And when you first arrive in Hyrule in TWW, are you in
Zelda's garden from OOT?
Ezlo replies...
It sure looks it doesn't it? But I think its just an odd connection confused by there being black and white in the Castle. And no, that was a separate courtyard never seen in OoT.
...hunh? asks
Dear Ezlo, in wich way is David Jr. related to tingle and buddies? are you navi,
tatl,midna and other sidekicks asociated to kill link or something?
Ezlo replies...
David Jr. is a poor fellow who washed ashore on Tingle Island and was pressed into servitude by the Evil Green One. And no... as far as I can say (until our evil plans are revealed! ...mwahahaha... *ahem* er, yes).
Dude asks
Dear Ezlo, In Wind Waker Link Stabed Ganondorf in the head,turned him to stone and
drownded him in water deeper than the Pacific Ocean will he return? What is with all these versions of Link. Mario and Link have been in the
Nintendo family for a long time, why haven't they met?
Ezlo replies...
Well, if we go by the TDC timeline, Ganondorf is reincarnated during FSA, long after TWW. And, the two have met, in Super Smash Bros. Albeit in a very... confrontational... way.
Orson asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Jack Candian he said eh? just wondering o and what do you
think about the revolution controller? Wouldn't it be sick to control
Link with the analog stick extension and then decapitate a Stalfos with
the controller pointer? Did you realizee i formed all my sentences into
questions? and finally how big was the largest minsh ever born?
Ezlo replies...
No, Jack was born and raised in the Boston area. I actually really like the look of the Rvolution controller. Yes. Yes. That would be Monstrominish, who was a whopping nine inches tall. What a freak of nature!
The asks
Dear Ezlo, how old are you and how did you get bigger from minish size
to big size as a hat without your staff?
Ezlo replies...
I plead the fifth on your first question, and the answer to the second is that I used a stump to make myself bigger.
mr. flachenheiner asks
Dear Ezlo, in MM how is it that tingle manages to get from the
mountains to the swamp faster than Link? I meran is he like some psyco stalker
that pretends to sell maps?
p.s. I think that Tingle is the most annoying caracter ever
invented in all the history of all mankind.
Ezlo replies...
The answer is Tingle's giant balloon that he uses to fly around Termina and elsewhere. And agreed.
Josh asks
Dear Ezlo, I was wondering do you know Nevi and Tatal?
Ezlo replies...
Thankfully not! Last thing I need is another ulser!
charantahatay asks
Dear Ezlo, did you ever defeat chaos in the first Final fantasy? and do
you read the Zelda fan-fiction library on nintendoland.com?
Ezlo replies...
No, and no.
Glen asks
Dear Ezlo, What would you do for a klondike bar?
Ezlo replies...
Not much, surprisingly.
Randomguy#1 asks
Dear Ezlo, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie
roll center of a tootsie roll pop?
Kaepora Gaebora replies...
Ah, thanks to -hoo- Ezlo for letting me -hoo- answer this -hoo- question. The correct answer -hoo- is of course... One... Two... *crunch* Three. Three licks. -hoo-
Gamefreak asks
Dear Ezlo, You can see everything that goes on in the world, but can
you see why kids like cinnamon toast crunch?
Ezlo replies...
Unfortunately, that is the one mystery that still eludes me. Well, that and when people go koo-koo for Cucco Puffstm.
Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, Will you go to the prom with me?
Ezlo replies...
For the fifteenth time, NO!
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, Was Vaati like a son to you? did you raise him? Was vaati
ever good? Do you like getting mail?
Ezlo replies...
To answer your first question, Vaati was like an ungrateful leech to me. He was also a terrible cook, and I reminded him as much whenever I saw him in that terrible green apron of his. Just awful omelettes. And I love mail, it's the only thing that keeps me sane. Well, that and my the voices.
Mwahaha asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Lloyd from tales of symphonia hang out with Link? They are a bit
the same:
× swordsmen
× princess
× quest
You know the drill. The only diffrence is Lloyd has a party. And the
princess is with you most of the game.
Ezlo replies...
Unless ToS has a magical third world attached to the other two I doubt the two of them hang out. Still, they are spookily similar. I smell a lawsuit...
"Her" asks
Dear Ezlo, I am serious! Tingle is planning WORLD DOMINATION! Right
now, as we are speaking, he is raising killer bunny rabbits to devour any
who oppose him! He is working with "Them" so he can turn the people
of Hyrule and Termina into mindless zombies, like Romani! HE MUST BE
STOPPED! YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP HIM(If Link can't stop
him...)!
Ezlo replies...
Uh. Huh. Listen, I think you've been hitting the Chateau Romani a little too hard.
dj asks
Dear Ezlo, im confused are there 2 zelda games coming out for gamecube
soon or just twilight pricess or just legend of zelda HELP
Ezlo replies...
How about Legend of Zelda: the Twilight Princess?
Yeah asks
Dear Ezlo, My friends and I are making a home video of you. Which one of us
should play you?
-Jeanne, funny and outgoing
-Me, boring and loud
-Stephanee, quiet and pretty
or
-My baby sister who just barely learned to say "ma ma"?
Ezlo replies...
Oh, the baby, she'll capture my emotional depth.
Tyran asks
Dear Ezlo, can one apply for the job of a sage?If so how?
Ezlo replies...
No, you have to be appointed by the King and approved by the Royal Senate.
Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Vaati hate you?
Ezlo replies...
I used to hit with my hat (Skipper-style), apparently he didn't like that.
link asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know when the legend of zelda twighlihgt princess is
coming out
Ezlo replies...
April 2006.
Kitty poo poo asks
Dear Ezlo, Who is the weirdest person in the OOT?do you have a pet or something? I
mean u have got 2 get pretty bored around your place.also I agree about
the eggplant thing.
And I think Roy is much better!
Please reply, Your weirdo person, Megan(AKA Kairi)
Ezlo replies...
The running man. No, I hate little creatures that depend on me for survival, like Link. Roy is a tool.
Aryll asks
Dear Ezlo, Who is Majora?!? Is he the creepy Mask Salesman,or is he Skull
Kid or what? Oh! And by the way...On the Majora's mask gameguide you
have on your site,you spelled it 'Stalkid'!
Ezlo replies...
Majora is the ancient tribal deity that inhabits the Mask. And Stalkid is a typo. A Stalchild is that skeleton creature that rises from the ground at night in Hyrule Field.
Link asks
Dear Ezlo, TETRA MADE ME CRY! Is there =sniff= any kind of herbal tea that you
reccomend?
Ezlo replies...
Earl Grey will lemon can soothe what ails you.
hopeful asks
Dear Ezlo, GAAA!They had better un-delay TTP!
Ezlo replies...
TP will be a better game for the delay. You just wait and see!
bhhGHg asks
Dear Ezlo, YOU HAVE AN UGLY NAME. MY CAPS LOCK HAS ISSUES. WHY?
Ezlo replies...
NEXT LETTER.
Chu asks
Dear Ezlo, What are the jellylike blobs called in all the games?
Ezlo replies...
Erm... Chu-Chus?
meepo asks
Dear Ezlo, you said wallmasters are terrifiying , did you have a bad
expericence with them or somethin'?
Ezlo replies...
A giant hand, a little Minish, you draw the picture yourself. Not much to imagine... (His hand was everywhere!)
Eggplant asks
Dear Ezlo, Muwahahahaha! Fear me, the writing Eggplant!
(Cow walks through door.)
Cow: Mooooooooo!
Eggplant: Why are you looking at me like that you stupid cow!? No! No!
AAAAGGGHHH!!!
Ezlo replies...
...
KKoro asks
Dear Ezlo, Is it likely that Minish Cap comes before Ocarina of Time? For one,
the Picori Blade that becomes the Four Sword seems to look like an early
Master Sword (and the Four Sword doesn't have Vaati's eye on it).
Also, the prologue seems to indicate that the "Hero of man" was only
quelling the outbreak of monsters, not Ganon, and, to me at least, it just
SEEMS more oldentime. My theory is that there was the first Hero, who
sealed away the Monster and Dark Tribes in the Bound Chest, then Vaati
rereleased them, and when Link sealed Vaati in the Four Sword, his taint
eventually corrupted the Sacred Four Sword so that it split into the
Cursed Four Sword and Legendary Master Sword, which was the remaining
light in the sword, while the 4-S remained as a lock on Vaati\'s prison.
What do you think of this, since you were there during that whole
episode?
Ezlo replies...
It's a good theory, but I can't tell you definitively, as my time spent in Hyrule was limited to the years during and immediately around TMC. I wouldn't be able to tell you the position of events relative to my own experiences.
Why asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you think of Dark Link?
Ezlo replies...
I like the cut of his jib.
Mr. flachenheiner asks
Dear Ezlo, I've noticed that you always appear grumpy. why is that? I
mean that all the times I've seen you you've been grumpy looking or
you have snappy anwsers. why can't you be happy some times. It usually
makes you and other people feel good.
Ezlo replies...
I'm not grumpy! You have your secretary screw up your morning cup of coffee, AGAIN, and see how you approach the day!
1234Jario1234 asks
Dear Ezlo, I submitted a fan fiction but desert colossus hasn't posted
it. Did I do something wrong?
Ezlo replies...
According to Jack he never got it, there must have been an issue en route. Could you please send it again?
Celesta asks
Dear Ezlo, In the Wind Waker, how come whenever you teach Makar the
song, Link and Fado bow and there's clapping in the background. What's
up with that?
Ezlo replies...
Oh, that's the small audience that always follows Link around, just out of sight from the camera.
Who asks
Dear Ezlo, What was your least favorite place to visit in Hyrule with Link and
why? What was your favorite?
Ezlo replies...
My least favorite was the Minish Woods, because everytime we went there I had to visit my ex-wife. My most favorite is Mt. Crenel, cause it's on the other side of the world from my ex-wife.
M asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think Like-Likes eat dog food?I am just asking for no
particular reason. It's not like I OWN one,I mean, but...
Ezlo replies...
Like-Likes only eat clothing and weaponry. So, if you have a Like-Like, keep it out of your closet.
Random asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Vaati a Minish? I know you said he was in the game, but even before
he got the Minish Cap, he looked a bit...different (red eyes, purple
skin, no tail, etc.).
Ezlo replies...
He is a Minish, but a very ugly one.
mr. flachenheiner asks
Dear Ezlo, i've always wondered how zelda's earrings stay on because
at the end ocarina of time you clearly see them just "there". aswell
how would Zelda's lullaby be able to send Link back in time. I mean
other times I've played it, it doesn't send the nearst person to some
other time or strange dimention.
Ezlo replies...
You can chalk your first question up to crappy polygonal technology. As for the second, Zelda's Lullaby only sends people back in time if played by Zelda, the Sage of Time.
twilight asks
Dear Ezlo, does shiek carry around a harp or a lyre?
Ezlo replies...
Hrm, seems to be a small harp, since a lyre typically has a large piece attached to the bottom of it.
another asks
Dear Ezlo, How does the minish world look like?
Ezlo replies...
Funny enough, in the Minish world, we're the tall ones and everyone else is 2 inches tall. Other than that, there's a lot of green. Like everywhere. That's why I left, I hate green.
zeldamaster asks
Dear Ezlo, answer my question!how does the great fairy`s sword
look?! show a picture of it!
Ezlo replies...
So pushy! (You can find it on this page).
Killer Cottoncandy asks
Dear Ezlo, Don't the people of Hyrule notice the constant changing of
the graphics? I mean, what if someone wakes up and says, "Holy Crap!
I'm 2-D!" and the next day is all, "OMG! I gained another
dimension!" That'd be weird...
Ezlo replies...
If Hyrule noticed half the things that go in there, I'd be worried for them.
Celesta asks
Dear Ezlo, Who do you like better: Ruto or Tingle?
Ezlo replies...
No none of the above? I guess it comes down to less who do I better and more who do I hate worse... and the answer is Ruto of course. Cause I haaaate Tingle, so much.
wind asks
Dear Ezlo, I heard that link and medli get married. is this true?
Ezlo replies...
If it is I got a bridge for sale if you're interested.
Gavin asks
Dear Ezlo, what's it like, being a hat on a hero's head? (By the way,
you're awseome!)
Ezlo replies...
Sweaty. And thanks!
ZELDA asks
Dear Ezlo, Which Zelda game is your favourite?
Ezlo replies...
TMC, duh... :P
Kojinka asks
Dear Ezlo, What would you look like if TMC Link put the Fierce Deity's
Mask on?
Ezlo replies...
It'd be so cute! That giant head all pale and angry looking? Awwwww...
Coalar asks
Dear Ezlo, Me again. Listen, I came across Valoo the other day and
asked him if he was related to Volvagia. As usual, I didn't understand a
word he said. So, I ask you the same question: are Valoo and Volvagia
related in any way? (besides the fact they're both dragons, of course.)
Ezlo replies...
Considering Link killed Volvagia in OoT, I think it's a fair assumption to say the answer is no.
Mommy asks
Dear Ezlo, Why aren't you eating your veggies??? Eggplant is good for
you! Are you wearing clean underpants? WHY HAVEN'T YOU GOTTEN MARRIED
YET?!?
Ezlo replies...
I'M A MAN NOW, YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME ANYMORE!!
Steiner asks
Dear Ezlo, if I were you, I'd drop the hat thing and go on to
something new, like a sword. That way, if Link bugs you you can scar him
in more ways than one. Then you can go kill all the Sages that were
making fun of you. Yeah, I heard them. And Daphnes. He hates you, too.
Just thought you otta know that...
Ezlo replies...
What? Daphnes is talking about me again?! I warned the old coot!
"Her" asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the deal with "Them" in Majora's Mask? Why do
"they" steal cows, and why are "they" called "them"? And what did
"they" do to Romani to make her unresponsive(if you fail to save the
ranch)? Is it some sort of conspiracy? PERHAPS "THEY" ARE THE SERVANTS
OF TINGLE,WHO MAY BE PLOTTING A PLAN SO EVIL, IT'D PUT GANONDORF AND
MAJORA\'S PLANS TO SHAME?!?!?!?!
Ezlo replies...
You'd certainly think so, eh? Unfortunately for the denizens of Termina, "they" are actually extraterrestial beings from space. They kidnap cows because they use milk to fuel their starships. Or something like that.
Fado asks
Dear "Ez", Who is your mom? And what is her name? Do you like Ceaser Salad?
And p.s.
Do you help Link read maps, because there's a picture of you poking
your beak into a map.
Ezlo replies...
My mother's name is Ezlina. Not really. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't writing notes about me.
Skye asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the meaning of life?
Ezlo replies...
42? Ahhh... just kidding. Really, it's the following: (1) be born, (2) mate, (3) hold off dying until you've mated enough.
Farore asks
Dear Ezlo, Why in MC are the goddesses walking around Hyrule?
Ezlo replies...
THose aren't the goddesses, those are their oracles, which are kind of like the goddesses' spokeswomen.
the asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know any thing about Fado the wind sage? I mean, i
feel realy sorry for him, and i'm kinda wondering what hapend exactly. I
know he got killed by ganon, but I want to know who he was befor he
died. See what I mean?
Ezlo replies...
Unfortunately, we don't know anymore about Fado than what's in the Wind Waker. However, there is a rumor he will be in Twilight Princess in some form.
Nass asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Link Wear Pants? If not, It Must Be Pretty Awkward When
A Breeze Blows His Tunic Up.....Please Tell Me that's Never Happened.
Ezlo replies...
Thanfully, it has yet to occur, though I just know that little weirdo's planning to do it some day to freak me out.
Zelda-Freek asks
Dear Ezlo, what's up? I've been away for a few days, so I wasn't
able to see the answers to my questions. But, that's ok! :) Anyway, I was
wondering: how long have you worked here? Ever since the site opened,
or what? Please answer!
Ezlo replies...
I've been doing this sections since about April of this year. Not too long, not too new.
Jackzlo asks
Dear Ezlo, Is it true that the Minish are the ones responsible for hiding rupees
in bushes and pots all over the world (and Termina)since the beginning
of time?
Ezlo replies...
It's not so much that we hide them, then that we have really big holes in our pockets.
Kat asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm a sage and Ganondorf, Vaati and some other villans are
attaking my temple. Can you tell me what to do?
Ezlo replies...
Lock the doors and pull down the blinds and by all means, do not let ANYONE in the house, no matter how many kittens they have.
Others asks
Dear Ezlo, did u see the movie The Others? I am watching it right now
(August 1st at 12:30 Am)....it is scaring the bejeezus out of me. YEa
just tellin ya and askin. IF u did see it how freaked were you? Also what
do u do when u feel so scared that you're gona crap?
Ezlo replies...
Ahem, speaking of scary...
wes asks
Dear Ezlo, what do you do on the weekends?
Ezlo replies...
Breakfast in bed, spend a nice quiet afternoon in my private library with a glass of chianti, and formulate my plan to kill Jack and win my freedom.
dude asks
Dear Ezlo, who do you like better, vaati, or gannondorf? p.s.- Tingle
sucks
Ezlo replies...
Ganondorf, since he never turned me into a hat. And yes, yes he does!
Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, Where did Vaati get the scar on his face from? I noticed it
on the picture in the Minish Cap instruction booklet.
Ezlo replies...
Oh that, um, he ran into a door knob. What are you looking at Daphne?! GET BACK TO WORK!
martin asks
Dear Ezlo, Has link ever tried to kill tingle?
Ezlo replies...
Only once, when he found out how much a map translation cost him.
Darker asks
Dear Ezlo, one of my aunts dearets freainds pastaway the other day,and
she seams crushed...what shuld I do for my aunt?
Ezlo replies...
Buy her flowers and a card with a detailed message inside talking about how you're there for her and other supportive platitudes.
Lily asks
Dear Ezlo, how are Heart Containers, uhm... How does Link get the life
from a Heart Container? Does he eat it like candy; cause in MM when you
use the All-Night Mask and stay awake through one of Anju's
Gramdmother's stories she give you a Heart Piece but calls it candy; or does he
absorb it??
Ezlo replies...
You crack it open and drink the blood inside. Oh, oh I'm sorry, that was terribly graphic.
Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do you Hate tingle so much ?
Ezlo replies...
So many reasons buddy, so many reasons!
Chicken asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does your staff look like you as a hat?
p.s. You rule. You should be the king of Hyrule.
Ezlo replies...
Really good foresight on my part. And thanks.
michelle asks
Dear Ezlo, did you ever shrink in the wash as a hat?
Ezlo replies...
Not necessary, I had a tree stump to do that for me.
Zelda asks
Dear Ezlo, which zelda(not me)goddess do you like?
Ezlo replies...
Nayru, because she created the law and wisdom and all that smarty-pants crap.
Zeldacoolness^^ asks
Dear Ezlo, How come Link never takes a bath,never use the toilet,or combs his
hair?(If i was his mother,he would be grounded!!!Mwhahah!!)P.s.i don't
like link as much.
Ezlo replies...
Oh, if only you know how badly he smells.
Victor asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is it that you had so little lines in the Minish Cap? I mean, I\'ve
always enjoyed listening to Link's companions throughout his quests,
but you were the best by far. However, I feel that you had very little
to say, and therefore were not as much of a sidekick. This troubled me,
for I would have liked Minish Cap much more if you had been more
talkative. I always felt that your information helped alot, and even the
pointless ramblings were fun to read. So why was your script so bare?
Perhaps you should be reintroduced as a character in a later Zelda game, if
only just to be a cameo. You are definitely worthy of a cameo (more so
than Link himself, methinks).
Ezlo replies...
I agree. The reason I said so little is because I negotiated my pay from the game as being per word, and therefore the game designers scripted as few words as possible for me. Luckily though, I just signed a contract with Nintendo and I'll be appearing in the next Super Smash Bros.
Iceryu66 asks
Dear Ezlo, if your a Minish and you were turned into at Minish sized
hat, then how did you get so big that Link could easly see you to help
you in the Minish Wood?
Ezlo replies...
As part of being turned in a hat, I was turned into a regular-sized hat.
Koholint's friend asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think Zelda is pretty or ugly?
P.s: I like you better as a hat.
Ezlo replies...
As far as the ROyal Guard is concerned, she's a very pretty princess.
PS. Ouch.
Ray asks
Dear Ezlo, where is your house in Minish Village in TMC?
Ezlo replies...
In the Country Club section beyond the big iron gates. No visitors! Stay off my lawn, ya lousy gawkers!
Madoka asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you know if Link has a romantic interest? Because if he
doesn't, could you give him my number? I absolutely love him,
especially as a grown man. Yum.
Ezlo replies...
I'll take your number to give to him, but I can't guarantee it will get to him, and I won't sign you up for the "Do Call Me List".
Janet asks
Dear Ezlo, I think you should stop picking on Jack! He has to work hard
too! I mean with updates and keeping up a good website can be hard
work!
Ezlo replies...
Pshaw to that I say, pshaw!
curious asks
Dear Ezlo, I noticed than when I saw Darmani's ghost, he had a large
gash across his chest. It also appeared when I played the Elegy of
Emptiness for the Goron statue. Why is that? Also most of the statues from
that song mentioned above either have a what looks like a shocked
expression (Goron,Zora) and one that's just plain creepy (Link statue, it
haunts my nightmares). Have you noticed?
Ezlo replies...
Well, all those characters died pretty horrible deaths (being turned into a tree, boiled alive in the sea, etc), so I would expect them to look pretty unhappy.
Sally asks
Dear "Ez",
here's an offer, we can switch places, i'll dael withthe peach
clone and everyone else while you get middle school, a 9 year old sister,
and a bunch of other people i know. you won't get payed, but food,
shelter and oxygen will be provided.
~Sally~
(You still rock)
Ezlo replies...
Sweet deal! By the way, good luck... SUCKER! ...Erm, I probably should wait until we actually switch places before I taunt your horrible mistake.
mashoo asks
Dear Ezlo, you are so awesome.
may i wear you?
sincerely,
mashoo
Ezlo replies...
Only on the weekends. And dry clean only, please.
Ezlo asks
Dear fake Ezlo, Why are you saying YOU are ME??!! I am the only and
real Ezlo so get out of here now!!!!
Ezlo replies...
Hey, you want this job? You can have it!
Zelda asks
Dear Ezlo, People say Link is urr.. dumb, is he?
Ezlo replies...
The lad is as dumb as the day is long.
??? asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Majora's Incarnation and Wrath sound so freaky.
Ezlo replies...
Because it is?
King asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you answer all these letters? Do you have a really
tiny computer? Or do you write them on a piece of paper and send them to
Jack and then he has to go out and use a magnifying glass to read the
answers? And what do Minish eat? Grass? And how do you entertain
yourselves? Do you just sit in your houses all day and wait for the hero (AKA
Link?)
Ezlo replies...
I answer them by typewriter from my office (I hate computers). Minish eat pineapple pizza, mostly--well, I eat a lot of pineapple pizza, so I'm assuming the rest of us do as well. A Minish usually entertains itself by playing pranks on the Giant Folk, like cobbling shoes for them, and stealing small trinkets from their house.
Darker asks
Dear Ezlo, are you sure the next hyrule RPG is comeing out soon?Because
i alredy beat all 6 of them (10 times each)!:(
Ezlo replies...
According to Jack when he gets the time to do so. Of course, he says the same thing about paying me, the bum.
Makar asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a couple of questions. First off, why did you leave
Vaati completely unattended with the Minish Cap? I mean that's just
asking for it! Secondly, who is your favorite Sage? Thanks, and keep up
the good work!
Ezlo replies...
I thought I could trust him! I mean, honestly, he's so cute and innocent as a Minish, who would suspect that one? And my favorite Sage has to be Zelda (a-woooooo).
KKoro asks
Dear Ezlo, I just remembered that I thought, if they make the Great War,
it could work well as a DS game: 3D missions, 2D Tactics Battling (like
FFTA).
Ezlo replies...
That'd be sweet but I doubt it'd happen. Nintendo never mixes up a franchise's genre like that... erm, excluding Mario Tennis, Pinball, Dr. Mario, Metroid Pinball, Metroid Hunters, and every other example which proves me wrong.
? asks
Dear Ezlo, speking of "items" i mean ie: medli-komali. who's your
choice for link? answer or else.
Ezlo replies...
Let's cut to the chase, we all know Link will die alone. Discuss.
Mr. Jinx asks
Dear Ezlo, If they made a Dance Dance Revolution: Legend of Zelda mix,
what would you do?
Ezlo replies...
The Lindy Hop (get it? cause I have no legs?!). Ugh, I waste my best material on you whipper snappers.
Jario asks
Dear Ezlo, what if you got turned into a sword instead of a hat?
Ezlo replies...
Wouldn't work well, I hate blood. Although, there is the shininess...
Jario asks
Dear Ezlo, I am annoyed that Desert Colossus never gets updated! What's
with that?
Ezlo replies...
You think you have it rough? I haven't been paid in nearly a month! I say we organize a strike against Mr. O'Reily (AKA The Man), and show him some people power.
Z asks
Dear Ezlo, What do the sages do exactly? I mean, I know they don't sit around in
the Chamber of the Sages and play poker all day...but what is their
duty or whatever. Also, do any powers come with being a sage?
Ezlo replies...
Good question—the Sages are in charge of overseeing all fluctuations in the energies of their respective element, and moreover to guard over their temple and serve the Royal Family as an advisory council for the proper governance of Hyrule as deemed by the wishes of the Goddesses through the Triforce.
Darker asks
Dear Ezlo, do you like the king of red lions (aka king of hyrule)?Cause
he sortof bugs the crud out of me!
Ezlo replies...
I admit that wooden facial hair is a bit too much for me as well.
ME!!! asks
Dear Ezlo, In oot link turns into grown up but does he still has a mind
of a littel boy?
Ezlo replies...
Technically, yes. He'd have the maturity and thoughts that he did as a little boy, but his brain has grown along with his body, and thus while not really having a "little boy brain", he'd have the same sense of conscuiousness that he did as a child.
Nny's Assistant asks
Dear Ezlo, in the name of all things sacred, why did Nintendo delay
Twilight Princess?!!!
Ezlo replies...
As horrible as this may seem please put in perspective: Nintendo is delaying TP for quality control reasons, which means the game will be that much better when it is finally released!
Sally asks
Dear Ezlo, my friends and i were talking and my one friend said she thaught
Tingle was adorable, she said she was joking,(i'm not believing her) what
do you say to that?
Ezlo replies...
She a Tingle-lover and a liar! I demand you castigate her for me immediately.
DOYOUREALLYTHINK... asks
Dear Ezlo, does a fan fiction have to be finished before it can be
sumbitted to Desert Colossus?
Ezlo replies...
No, you can submit it one chapter at a time.
dark asks
Dear Ezlo, why do you never answer my Questions?
Ezlo replies...
My paycheck never came through so I took a break from work. Blame Daphne and that fatcat Jack O'Reily... That's right old man, I'm talking about you! *fizzle* Hey... where'd the power go?
Eggplant asks
Dear Ezlo, why do you give eggplant such a bad name? I LOVE EGGPLANT.
Maybe you need to try it cooked a different way...? Try stir-frying it
with chicken and lots of soy sauce.
Ezlo replies...
Who taught the eggplant how to write? Ye gods, we're doomed. DOOMED.
lump asks
Dear Ezlo, i have come to realize that why didn't you run away from
vaati (as he turned you into a hat) when you had like 1hr to run?
Ezlo replies...
It's quite hard to run when you don't have legs (be me Minish or hattish).
Lica asks
Dear Ezlo, are the Vaati from "Four Swords" and the Vaati from
"minish cap" the same?
Ezlo replies...
Yes, the Vaatis are both one and the same, but TMC takes place before FS and is the story of how Vaati gained his powers.
Aryll asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like to be called anything besides Ezlo? And I got a call
saying that that Twilight Princess isn't coming out until March!!
Hey,and why don't you start a "Ask Tetra" or a "Ask Aryll" or something like that?
Ezlo replies...
My chums call me "Ez" sometimes. But you're not allowed to! As for other Ask sections, there's only one budget for such features and I'm not splitting it with those two.
Deku asks
Dear Ezlo, what's the dumbest, most STUPID thing Link has ever done?
Who's more anoying, Navi or Tatl? Oh, and I TOTALLY agree with you
about the eggplant thing! Bleh. I think I'm going to puke...
Ezlo replies...
Well, there was that time he walked into the window thinking it was not there... or the time we tried tos ee how long he could hold a bomb before it exploded... or the time he tried to ride a Dodongo. So many great choices. Also, in future letters please be careful to not puke INSIDE the envelope and then mail it to me. Thanks.
Wind asks
Dear Ezlo, You say that Link never saved Hyrule from Ganon's seige because he
was trapped in Termina. If you pay close enough attention to the opening
legend in TWW, it says that after the events in OOT, and before
Ganon's later attack, the Hero's tale was passed down through GENERATIONS
until it became A LEGEND. Therefore, wouldn't The Hero of Time be long
dead by the time Ganon tried to destroy Hyrule? This would also lead to
the conclusion that Link returned from Termina (at the very end of MM,
Link is seen riding through the Lost Woods in Hyrule, where he first
started off in the game before falling down that huge hole/tree). Please
tell me if this has changed your opinion at all, and what are your
reasons. It seems like solid evidence to me.
Ezlo replies...
According to Jack he had not remembered that particular sequence when writing the article and will be updating it in the near future. I thank you for your vigilance and keeping Jacky on his toes.
ocean asks
Dear Ezlo, where is the minish village i'm a bit of lost ehe....
Ezlo replies...
Try the MINISH woods.
Fractured asks
Dear Ezlo, Vaati and Geno from Super Mario RPG. Ever notice the eerie
similarities?
Ezlo replies...
(Here's an image of Geno.) It's uncanny, but not intentional, I think... hope.
Coalar asks
Dear Ezlo, In TWW when Tetra changed into Zelda, how the hey did her
skin go from tan to white to tan again?!?!
Ezlo replies...
Bizarre I know. I chalk it up to the Xena Conclusion... a wizard did it.
Steiner asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Link wear a dress? Seriously.
Ezlo replies...
The boy has issues, I really don't know what to tell you.
Timigi asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Helmaroc King Look like an evil cucco under its
mask?
Ezlo replies...
Because a Helmaroc is really a mutant Cucco, dontcha know? (No, not really, jsut an unfortunate coincidence for the Helmaroc).
Jabu-Jabu asks
Dear Ezlo, I was um, well... wondering... If Zoras have the same bodily
functions as fish, doesn't that mean that well, their pond in Zora's
Domain is full of poo 'cause thats where they go. And if so, isn't
that a little sickening for Link?
(they should really hire a pool cleaner or something...) :B
Ezlo replies...
Well, to the credit of the Zora they have a bit more class than fish. They collect the poo and then refine it into thread for the tunics they sell to stupid tourists.
the asks
Dear Ezlo, are there any female ritos except for medli? and if not how
do thez get kids?
please answer and thanks for takilng the time =)
Ezlo replies...
There are many female Ritos, but the adult females are the traders and thus are usually away on business trips most of the time.
Mikau asks
Dear Ezlo, How did it feel when Link jumped into those whirlwinds (you know; the
ones in Cloud Tops) in tmc?
Ezlo replies...
Very dizzy.
Koholint asks
Dear Ezlo, were you mad when you found out your wife was cheating on
you with a baseball cap? 'Cuz it could've been worse. She could've
cheated with a bowler hat. Or a cowboy hat.
P.S. You rock. I like your hair.
Ezlo replies...
You know, I never looked at it like that, thank you for putting it perspective. And thank you for the compliment, but all the credit goes to Raul my hair style engineer.
Chris asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you smart. If you are, then what does this say- halb i
kniht ozle sllems!
Ezlo replies...
Something about a dude named Chris smelling.
Mario asks
Dear Ezlo, Can we have a fight between Princess Zelda and Princess
Toadstool for total control of the power of gold?
Ezlo replies...
THat's not really my department. I'll have Daphne give you Don King's number on the way out.
What asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you think are the freakiest bad guy in the legend of
zelda series? I would have to say the wallmaster and majoras mask!
Ezlo replies...
I don't know, Vaati's final forms in TMC very pretty freaky. Overall though, I'd have to agree on the wallmaster, those guys are terrifying.
someguy asks
Dear Ezlo, what if you were pants instead of hat?
Ezlo replies...
Blech... I'm sorry, I just vomitted a little in my mouth I think.
Emm asks
Dear Ezlo, In a past post, someone asked if you liked Marth or Roy better.
Personally, I'd go with Marth anyday, because he is absolutely HOT. On to my
question- Are Medli and Komali an item? Is there something going on
there?
Ezlo replies...
I think it's a good bet the two will become King and Queen of the Rito one day.
Sage asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm a little confused. When you are "awakened as a sage" what does
that mean? I mean, did they like die or something?
Ezlo replies...
Every sage has within them a subconscious identity as a sage. Problem is, they have become aware of this fate (or, "awakened") to properly take up the mantle of Sage and do their duty.
