Greetings, greetings! I am Ezlo, the world renowned Minish Keeper of Lore. I know everything and anything about Hyrule, from the total annual rainfall in the Parapa Desert (zero!) to the average height of the Gerudo Male (6'2"). I have made my vast resevoir of knowledge of the ways and facts of Hyrule available to the readers of the Desert Colossus, and thusly if you have any questions for the Great and Wise Ezlo, then ask away using the form below! You can also email webmaster [at] desertcolossus [dot] com with the subject line "Ask Ezlo Submission."
Uggghhhh asks
Dear Ezlo, *cough* Ezlo,
I *wheeze* feel like *hack* I'm going to die. *sneeze* What should I
*dies* do?
Ezlo replies...
Since according to your letter you have already died, I think the point is moot.
katie asks
Dear Ezlo, Was Vaati really evil his whole life, i mean, most villins i
know start out a little nice.
Ezlo replies...
Let's put it this way, when he was born and the doctor slapped his butt, Vaati hit the doc with a 2x4.
somedude asks
Dear Ezlo, what would you do if my friend copy-writed from your
segament?
p.s down with tingle
p.p.s the girls names are Katy and Erica
Ezlo replies...
WHAT?!
shadowknight asks
Dear Ezlo, If you truly knowest everything, Here are some questions to
stump your LITTLE bird brain!
Yes. I AM insulting you!
-Where did the Shiekath folk come from?
-Who were The Hero of Time's parents?
-Why do redeads in WW wear earrings?
And yes, i must agree, they have terrible fashion sence. :D
Tata!
Ezlo replies...
(1) Kakariko Village, they were the offshoot of the Hylian race charged with protecting the peoples' cemeteries and observing rites of the dead; (2) Link's parents were Hylians, the father a soldier who died in the Great War and the mother an unassuming housewife; (3) Redeads in their previous lives were pirates.
Navi asks
Dear Ezlo, ...Why is the sky blue?
Ezlo replies...
Nitrogen in the atmosphere reflected by the passage of light through it.
Fado asks
Dear Ezlo,
Who's your favorite TWW Sage:
Me (Fado) or Laruto
You'd better say me!!!
Ezlo replies...
Clearly my favorite sage from TWW is Medli. (Ha! Trick answer!)
Aryll asks
Dear Kaepora Gaebora,
You are like the most neat owl in the entire world!!!
You rock!!
Ezlo replies...
This is "Ask Ezlo"! No one can ask questions to my guest answerers. I refuse to share my meager pay check with anyone else. Especially that crazy feather head.
rose asks
Dear Ezlo, did you have any friends in during your childhood?
Ezlo replies...
Of course I did! Who told you differently?! Was it my mother? Blast her! Always telling my terrible secrets to anyone who will buy her a drink!
An asks
Dear Ezlo, if you were stranded on a tiny deserted island with Link,
what would you do?
P.S Admit that those hugs you gave Vaati were more than "oh, my hands are dirty, I must clean them... where's my rag? Oh look, there's Vaati" kind of hugs. ;D
Ezlo replies...
Club him in the head with a coconut and use him as my food supply until rescued. And, nevah!
chris asks
Dear Ezlo, sorry for asking so many questoins but I digress I once hit a
tingle statue and the tyrant bombed me,you hate Tingle but what about
his brothers?
Ezlo replies...
All of them are cut from the same, evil cloth as Tingle himself. Except for poor David Jr, who is a captive of Tingle.
happy asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you need a hug?
Ezlo replies...
Yes! *uncontrollable sobbing*
Cupie asks
Dear Ezlo, hiya! you know what? I like you! (just as a friend)i don't know why
though. anyway, if a train is going 10000000000000000000000000 miles an
hour, and a ant is going 1 mile an hour, what time will they eat my
toes?
Ezlo replies...
25 o'clock.
ARGH!!!!! asks
Dear Ezlo, why are you and link wearing the same color clothes? was
there a sale at JC Pennys or supthin? P.S what is Tingle's weakness cuz I
an hideing out at tingle tower and I am going to attack tonight!
Ezlo replies...
Actually there was, how'd you know? As to your second question, Tingle's weakness is eggplant, surprisingly enough.
Sunshine asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like pepsi? Im not sure if that has been invented, but if it
hasn't, the do you like milk? who wouldn't? ^_^ (i know, im pretty
demented)
Ezlo replies...
What can I say, Lon Lon Milk does a body good.
Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, If you really never cared for Vaati, then how come child services
hasnt gotten on to you yet?
Ezlo replies...
Ah, the Minish government has no such entity. Mostly because Minish children are so annoying.
somedude asks
Dear Ezlo, i hate what Tingle wears. I'm worried that he might come
after me.
Ezlo replies...
I advise you to surround yourself with a ring of salt at all times. I received a chain email once that said Tingles are repulsed by salt circles.
Evilslayer asks
Dear Ezlo, I have Tingle tied to a chair in my room, and I wonder if you know of any efficient ways for
me to torture him. I want it to be as painful and lasting as I can. Any ideas?
Ezlo replies...
Not to give you any ideas or condone the practice thereof, but...
Zidane asks
Dear Ezlo, Umm...where's the bathroom?
Ezlo replies...
Down the hall on the right.
See, Ezlo knows everything!
Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, having a wonderful time here in Villain Limbo. (The place
where all villains who are only temorarily defeated go, so they can be
revived for inevitable sequels) Ganon and I have been having fun playing
"pin the sword through Link's heart" and are currently working on a
new world domination scheme with Majora. Can't wait to get back and
rain death upon you all. Wish you were here.
Ezlo replies...
Daphne! What did I tell you about getting the Post Office to change our P.O. Box number?!
digdug asks
Dear Ezlo, what are you going to be for halloween?
im thinking of being an arcanest or necromancer or some kind of magic
user.
Ezlo replies...
I'm thinking of dressing up as a shoe, you know, for a change of pace.
mondain asks
Dear Ezlo, have you ever played D&D?
have you noticed aloot of games are based on it?and alot of online
games are based on it too why is this?
Ezlo replies...
Let's just say Ezlo ran with a bad crowd in his university days. The reason D&D is used in a lot of games—specifically the D20 gaming system—is because it works so well and makes for a quick, easy foundation for a wide variety of games (especially RPGs).
some asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a crush on 2 people wich one shold I go with,the eighth grader
or the seventh grader.
p.s. I am in the seventh grade
Ezlo replies...
THe seventh grader. Age-different relationships never work at your age.
Hola! asks
Hi Ezzy! I was Just wondering, If there really is gonna be a TWW2?
Because I read an Article that says TP is gonna be last one?
Response would be Greatly approved.
Thank you, Dear Ezzy.
Ezlo replies...
Last "one" being Zelda? No, no. Not a chance. Though, Twilight Princess was called "The Wind Waker 2" because of early rumors that it would be a direct sequel to TWW.
Koholint asks
Dear Ezlo, on the movie Rudolph, why was the miner alway licking his
pickax? I've always wondered that.
Ezlo replies...
For luck I suspect. Or perhaps he likes the taste of dirt.
Librari asks
Dear Ezlo, what are your plans for this upcoming Halloween?
Ezlo replies...
I'm going to sit on my front porch and yell at children who attempt to come to my house trick or treating. Same thing I do every year.
legendary asks
Dear Ezlo, I cant seem to find where the article about all the
legendary swords throughtout the loz series. could u provide a link to it, or
directions on how to get there?
Ezlo replies...
I assume you're talking about the History of the Swords article.
Emily asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you get that curl in your hair?
Ezlo replies...
Lots of gel, and a little pizzazz.
Pondererer asks
Dear Ezlo, How is it that our feet smell and our noses run?
Ezlo replies...
I suspect for the same reasons that we park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
Zelda-Freek asks
Dear Ezlo, what's up? Ok, who is more annoying: a): Navi, b): Tingle,
or c): Link? You CAN choose all of the above, ya know...Have a good
day! :)
P.S: I would choose Tingle. He sucks!! He's evil!
He's...he's...Tingle!! :)
See you soon, and in the meantime, I'll think of more questions. Your
site rocks!
Ezlo replies...
I think we all know my position on this... wait no, it's kind of a toughie. Hrm, I'd say Tingle, for obvious reasons.
Dodongo asks
Dear Ezlo, who's your favourite, Ricky, Moosh or Dimitri? My favourite
is Dimitri.
Ezlo replies...
I agree, Dodongo's are far better than kangaroos or flying bears.
blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, why do you only show up in front of kids?
Ezlo replies...
Don't worry, we also show up in front of people with purple Rupees.
Ms.AskTooMuch asks
Dear Ezlo, How come you kept on giving Link Dating advice for Zelda. Are you
hooking Zelda and Link up? (yay!)
Ezlo replies...
I was helping him?
Cupie asks
Dear Ezlo, my cat,Cactus, she says she wants to eat you. Do ya think you two could
arrange something?
Ezlo replies...
Make an appointment with Daphne. My people will talk with your people.
weird-o asks
Dear Ezlo, who is Oni Link?? please please please tell me!!!
Ezlo replies...
The form that Link takes in MM when he puts on the Fierce Diety Mask. It is supposed to be a representation of the hero in majora's twisted play world of the Moon where he and the Four Giants' twisted copies play games (though he is often excluded).
somedude asks
Dear Ezlo, has link ever been so mean to you that he made you clip his
toenails?
Ezlo replies...
I'd stab him in the big toe with nail clipppers before that ever happened. There are just some things one does not do!
Lindsey asks
Dear Ezlo, I've heard that Nabooru is Ganondorf's daughter. Is that
true?
Ezlo replies...
Not at all, they are of the same generation.
Blank asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Veran from OoA shekiah? The eye would certainly make you think so.
Ezlo replies...
You'd think, but that's really just a side effect of her dark powers.
blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, why do you hate link so much?
Ezlo replies...
Hate is such a strong word. I prefer "is annoyed by".
KKoro asks
Dear Ezlo, 6*9=42 in base 13.
Also, why doesn't Ganon ever say to himself "Hey! I've been soundly
defeated n times by this one kid's ancestors, and I said I was going
to destroy his descendants! Maybe I should actually try to follow up
with that!"
Ezlo replies...
Ha! This is Ganon we're talking about, he'd sooner start dressing in pastels.
Princess asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey I was just wondering, when I was turned to stone in TMC,
what all did you and Link do while trying to rescue me? I know that
Link would have saved me in a heart beat, but with your
influence......why did it take so long?!?
(P.S. Some one has been messing around in my closet.....<_<)
Ezlo replies...
Well, we had to stop off for burgers a few times. Also, I know nothing about that stolen money from your closet... Curses! I've said too much!
mr asks
Dear Ezlo, then if you are still a minish and you still use a
typewriter then how is it that you can make a capital letter. I mean it is a
fair strech from the shift button to ,lets say the letter u. and then how
on earth do you manage to return the carrige after you're finished a
sentence. as well why do you hate computers?
Ezlo replies...
Caps Lock? Also, I hate computers because my wife once cheated on me with one.
Daphne, stop laughing, I can make up answers if I want to!
Heroine asks
Dear Ezlo, i have 2 questions...1) whats your favorite color and 2) why
the heck would link send you the the dry cleaners!?! you're too cool!
Ezlo replies...
(1) Green, and (2) tell the little squirt that!
MMM asks
Dear Ezlo, Has Link ever been dumb enugh to try to have a conversation with an
enemy?
Ezlo replies...
Only with some Dark World trees. And Cukemen. What can I say? The boy's nuts.
???? asks
Dear Ezlo, Your age seems to be affecting your judgement and mobility....
Ezlo replies...
And your body odor seems to be affecting your ability to ask cogent questions. Ha! (I'm so smart)
Who asks
Dear Ezlo, Okay, I recently got all of the figurines in MC! It\'s sooooo cool!
But anyway, a while ago someone called you a sage and you asked when
that promotion came down.
If I may quote your figurine...
"Minish Ezlo:
The Minish Ezlo, before he was cursed by Vaati. He is a famous Minish
SAGE. Even among Minish inventors, he was renowned for his amazing
creations."
(emphasis added)
So ha! And by the way, someone else asked if they could become a sage.
Well the definitoin of a sage from the dictionary is...
Sage (noun) one disguinguished by wisdom.
So ha! All you have to do to become a sage is read a lot of philosiphy
crap and become super wise...right?
Ezlo replies...
Well sure, but that's how you beocme a "sage" which, sure, I am. However, I am not a "Sage" like Rauru, Zelda, etc.
um asks
Dear Ezlo, hola, have you ever thinked that tingle may be a real fairy?
Maybe a deformed one.
P.S. I still hate him.
Ezlo replies...
If by fairy you mean a creepy thirty-year old, then yes, yes I have.
Jared asks
Dear Ezlo, I think you and Navi should get married. You guys are
perfect for each other, and dump your wife. She's mean and evil, and goes of
and cheats with a baseball cap. THAT'S NOT RIGHT!
Ezlo replies...
I'd love to move on, but Ezlina is the one who wears the moo-moo in the family, and thus has a tight fiscal noose around my neck. Also, she's huge.
Ezlina asks
Dear Ezlo, Its your Birffywirffday tomorrow so we got all of your friends, Vatti,
Tingle, Dark Link, Ganon, Majora, The Nightmare, The Helmeroc King,
Puppet Ganon, Phantom Ganon, Ganons Monsters, Volvagia, Gohma, Trinnexx,
Aghanim, Moblin King, General Onox, Vetran, Twinrova, Daddy, Grandma and
Grandpa, Sea Creatures, Link, Zelda, Navi, Skull Kid, Oni Link, and the
Eggplant Army. Will you come?
P.S. Ooga Booga Booga!!!!!!
Ezlo replies...
Only if you wear that skimpy red number I got you for our anniversery.
galadriel123 asks
Dear Ezlo, will i marry elijah wood? (he's an actor and he's hot)
Ezlo replies...
I know who Elijah Wood is! You darn kids thinking I'm not "hip". The nerve. Oh, and the answer's no.
Mark asks
Dear Ezlo, When you where/are a hat, how/what did you eat, if you ate
at all. And don't tell me that you ate Link's flaks.....(Ewwww)
Ezlo replies...
Actually, funny story. One week Link went completely without food because whenever he picked something up to taste I'd snatch it out of his hands. Good times, good times.
Matte asks
Dear Ezlo, how tall is you????
Ezlo replies...
I "is" one inch tall.
Trevor asks
Dear Ezlo, I really hate tingle. He is so weird. Can I come with you
guys on the war on tingle?
Ezlo replies...
Yes, but you have to buy your own uniform. It's two hundred rupees, so I advise you save up a little first.
Zora asks
Dear Ezlo, My friend's brother is being Tingle for Halloween!! What
should I do about that?
Ezlo replies...
You don't happen to keep electric cattle prods in the house do you?
Gerudo asks
Dear Ezlo, Why are you a bird hat thing, how can the Twinrova Sisters both be
pragnent with Ganondorf at the same time, and who created my favorite
dragon creature, Trinexx, I just whant to know!?!?!?!?
Ezlo replies...
Surprisingly, the answer to all three is Dairy Dome.
Jaysee314 asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you feel about all these questions being asked to
you? Do they get you annoyed?
Ezlo replies...
Let me put it this way: there's no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people... Just kidding, love you guys!
blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, on a scale of one to ten, how stupid is link?
Ezlo replies...
Is eleventeen a number?
superduper asks
Dear Ezlo, have you ever tried pecking link to death?
P.S who's head would you rather be on? Zelda's Link's Impa's or a cucco's?
Ezlo replies...
Please, do you really think I haven't thought and failed at an attempt to remove Link's annoying presence from my life? Well, I haven't, so there! And the answer to your second question is Zelda, since I could snatch some caviar while she wasn't looking.
machinewashonly asks
Dear Ezlo, did you have anny WILD colledge parties
I LOVE TINGLE
Ezlo replies...
Well, one time in my day, me and my chums from Minish State got really overhydrated on some dew and tp-ed those bums over at Minish U. Go Feathercaps!
Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, Whats the final digit of pi?
Ezlo replies...
Didn't I field that question before somewhere? Anyways, apparently it's zero.
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, I have bad news for you Ezlo. I heard that Tingle going to
come after and make you a part of his crew weather you like it or not.
So i suggest you hide. its for you own safty and you would look fat in a
tingle suit.
Ezlo replies...
Ha! Good luck to the little oddball finding a size -43 unitard.
Skull asks
Dear Ezlo, how many side kicks are there in the whole Zelda series and
who are they?
Who`s your favorite character in the hole TLOZ series (besides you)?
PS, down with Tingle
Ezlo replies...
Ummm... let's see: Saharahla (kind of, through the telepathy tiles), Navi, Tatl, King of Red Lions, his three copies, and Midna. So, eight.
Flutist asks
Dear Ezlo, I rescently heard a theory that during the seven years of darkness in
OoT Sheik/Zelda pledged false alegiance to Ganon...and like...killed
people. Is that true?
Ezlo replies...
Nope, in the seven years Zelda spent her time hiding among the Sheikah, learning their customs, and then working to undermine Ganon's reign.
Kelthor asks
Dear Ezlo, how was it that when you were turned into a hat you had eyes
and a beak?
Ezlo replies...
Like a baseball cap, I had eye and a bill. *rimshot*
Lindsay asks
Dear Ezlo, I submitted a fan fic about two weeks ago...how come it isn't up yet?
Should I re- send it?
Ezlo replies...
Yes, we never got it. Make sure you send it to webmaster@desertcolossus.com with FAN WORK SUBMISSION as the subject line so a spam filter doesn't eat it. Can't wait to read it!
??? asks
Dear Ezlo, Who do you think is more annoying Kaepora Gaebora or Navi?
Ezlo replies...
Gaebora, because his annoyance takes place over the course of eight text windows that take FOREVER to read through. At least Navi says only three words at a time.
tyler asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you go to the bathroom?
Ezlo replies...
In a thimble with a bucket of water attached to the top. It's quite ingenious.
Bob asks
Dear Ezlo, I've noticed that Vaati's laugh in Minish Cap is almost
exactly the same as that of Prince Peasley from Mario and Luigi:
Superstar Saga...
This means something.
Ezlo replies...
Yes, it means Nintendo didn't want to pay for a new voice actor.
aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, Im running out of stupid questions to ask you can you help
me?
Ezlo replies...
Ask an intelligent one?
sum...thing asks
Dear Ezlo, orangutan heart? and towards the end of tww whose bed is it
that zelda is sleeping on. "and ,confidentaly, if it's who i think it
is then ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! that thing must stank badly!"
Ezlo replies...
Well, it's no so bad. Though, ever since the transplant I've had an unhealthy craving for bananas. Oh, and that bed was the wood that Puppet Ganon would later be made from. Ganon apparently likes to watch people sleep. Freak.
Vaati's Brother asks
Dear Ezlo, I have captured Daphne! I'f you ever want to see her again, you say
sorry to my brother NOW! I tell ya, ever since you and link sealed him i
that......whatever you call it, and it was lil' sis to the rescue,
belive me, he was NOT HAPPY! so i'm giving you a chance befor vaati goes
after link,you,AND princess Zelda!
p.s i'm only giving you this chance because i have less of an evil
side.
Ezlo replies...
Sorry, not my policy to negotiate with hostage-takers. You might as well kill her, she's no good to you. Erm, but make sure you send me her coffee preparation recipe first. It'd be a shame if the world lost that.
Salvatore asks
Dear Ezlo, What is your relation to Sturgeon? After all, you guys both
have the same knowledge, age, and temper, apparently.
Ezlo replies...
What are you trying to say? That Sturgeon is a complex automaton that I built to have a part in another Zelda game? Because then, you my friend, would be WRONG, and STUPID.
Daphne! Hide the Sturgeonbot!
Tina asks
Hey Ezlo! I remember what I was going to say! In OoT, are fire arrows
more efective then normal arrows on Bongo Bongo. I'm to lazy to find
out my self.
Ezlo replies...
Not entirely sure, but I think they all work the same. Though, Light Arrows, if you had them, would probably work the best.
Paleo asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is Vaati so pale?
Ezlo replies...
Iron defficiency.
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, You used vaati as a rag and made it look like you hugged
him?! no wonder his evil! Have you ever just given a hug to him telling you
care?
Ezlo replies...
Care? What the heck is "care"? Sorry kid, I don't speak gibberish.
Evilslayer asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey, it's me again. Have you noticed that GANON's head is
spinning around on Tingle's Tower?! Now, if THAT doesn't prove
Tingle's evil plans to conquer the world...
Ezlo replies...
That diabolical monster!
Mimiko asks
Dear Ezlo, Did Vaati live with you or did he have his own little home? If so,
where was it? And also. Were you really teaching him magic and stuff or
did you make him clean the house and tell him that his magical power was
getting stronger?
Ezlo replies...
He lived in my basement with the dogs. Vaati actually enjoyed cleaning the house. You know, if that boy didn't turn to evil, he would have made a great janitor some day.
LINK asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you realated to Navi??
Ezlo replies...
WHAT?! NO! YOU! MUST! BE! JOKING! HEY!
Celester asks
Dear Ezlo, Is there a way to unfreeze Zora's Domain in OOT?
Ezlo replies...
Cast Din's Fire a thousand times in a row. Email me back and lemme know if it works. (heh heh heh, sucker...)
D... asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you suggest any weapon I could use to pay Tingle back with? I
wanted a map deciphered, and he jacked my lunch money! I want to kill him!!I
hate Tingle more than eggplant!
ps. And you are the coolest dude alive. Oh and how old are you, Tingle wants to know, so he can say he's older.
Ezlo replies...
From what I understand the best weapon against Tingle is anything blunt. And I will only tell you I am old enough, no one must know my age!
??m? asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you seen Link? I feel bad for the poor guy. Yesterday he bent
over and ripped his tights, right in front of Zelda. If you see him,
don't make fun to much.
P.S. I don't feel too bad, he was being a show off any way.
Ezlo replies...
BWAHAHAHAHAHA *lightening stirkes* AHAHAHAHA.... but, I digress.
? asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is Kasuto similar to Laruto, the earth sage?
Ezlo replies...
Well, when you have two "oo-toh" sounds in two different words, people call that rhyming. If that's what you mean by "similar".
Brown asks
Dear Ezlo, What would you do if I told you that you looked like Tingle?
Ezlo replies...
Have Daphne trae your address and then send some of my Minish buddies to slowly steal all your stuff and hide it in the walls. Fear me!
Mark Zero One asks
Dear Ezlo, are you jealous of Medi in the upcoming Twilight Princess
game? C'mon, I we all know that you miss being Links pal.
P.S. Tell the truth.
Ezlo replies...
Nah, I'm just mad I didn't get that fat paycheck and the shot at the Best Supporting Actor award again.
Pimpshi asks
Dear Ezlo, what do minish people eat? Do they have extremely small
food, or do you sit there and nibble on our food for weeks?
Ezlo replies...
Well, our food is primarily miniature fungus that we grow ourselves, or crumbs and morsels that we salvage from the big folks' dinners. Thankfully we Minish long ago mastered the knife, so nibbling is not an issue.
Lindsey asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you and Orca from TWW hang out?
Ezlo replies...
We tried once but Orca is just the most boring person you'd ever meet. Fighting this, and punching that, just blah blah blah with him. Never ends.
mr. flachenheiner asks
Dear Ezlo, why are there walls around Hyrule field in ocarina of time.
Ezlo replies...
Leftovers from the war I think (fortifications, battlements, etc).
Superzorro asks
Dear Ezlo, what's the funniest letter you got so far?
Ezlo replies...
Oh geez, that's a good question. I'm going have to get back to you on that, amybe a "Best Of" feature for Ask Ezlo.
Dark asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Tingle have brothers? HE'S BAD ENOUGH ALREADY!
Ezlo replies...
Terrible parents, horrible, unpeakably evil parents.
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, So you hugged vaati to much? what like every time you saw
him you hugged him? Or if he did somthing you hugged him? Man talk about
alot of hugs.
Ezlo replies...
It was more of a "oh, my hands are dirty, I must clean them... where's my rag? Oh look, there's Vaati" kind of hugging. Many of those.
haru asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know plue naruto haru or sasuke?
Ezlo replies...
Gesundheit.
Joejoe asks
Dear Ezlo, What color was your hair before you became all old?
Ezlo replies...
A beautiful and dignified grey.
mr. flachenheiner asks
Dear Ezlo, I read once that you used a typewriter. how on earth do you
use one of those if you\'re a hat? because if so wouldn't you have to
peck the keys to type? and if so you would have to be a really heavy
hat because the keys on those things are hard to press.
p.s.which do you prefer? bad polka music or country music
Ezlo replies...
Hat? Heavens no, I'm a Minish my lad. What an odd assumption. And the answer is polka music, if only because I'm 12% Polish, as opposed to 8% Texan.
Koholint asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you ever wondered if the real reason Vaati turned evil
was because 'he' was actually a 'she', and nobody listened when
'she' tried to explain that?
Ezlo replies...
Can't say I have.
P asks
Dear Ezlo, What's the first thing that comes into your mind when I
say:
(1)Knowledge
(2)Apricot
Thanks for taking this survey! :]
Ezlo replies...
[1] Ezlo [2] Tocirpa, hope that helps.
Ezlina asks
Dear Ezlo, dont forget that mommys birfbay-wirfday is tomorrow!
*mommy
Ezlo replies...
Ugh, I can't wait to put you in a home.
SpanishOwnsFrench asks
Querido Ezlo, In all of these 3-d Zelda games, Link barely speaks at
all. Instead he emits these hollers and whoops like a caveman. And I
wonder, does Link speak the same language in all these games? (Oot, MM, WW,
etc.) Oh yeah and my second question is in Oot when Link warps through
7 years of time. I mean, How does his clothes fit him when they are
well 20 sizes over? Does Rauru strip him, buys merchandise at JC Penny's,
and dresses Link in Tunic and Spandexes? Now the earring thing is just
freaky.
Ezlo replies...
Unfortunately, it seems logical that Rauru redressed Link during the seven year slumber. Typically with the process of aging one does not grow new clothes and sprout jewelry. Now, let's all emit a collective shudder.
Lenzo asks
Dear Ezlo, Just exactly how dense is Tingle? I mean, He is light enough
to be suspended by a (helium?) baloon, however when he falls he creates
this earth-tremoring quake and flinches.
Ezlo replies...
Despite appearances, Tingle's balloon is magic, rather than filled with any particular element.
duh asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think that Vaati could have been Sheikah? And could Impa be his
mom? 'Cause she looks alot like him... Ewwww!
Ezlo replies...
Sure he looks spindly and pale, but I don't recall Sheikah being so tiny.
sum1 asks
Dear Ezlo, Could you give me your opinion on this opinion? Do you think
Keapora could be the reincarnation of Kasuto the sage noone knows
about? If not who do you think it is? thank-you for your time:)
Ezlo replies...
Unfortunately I don't know the answer for sure. The only thing we know about Kaepora Gaebora is that he is the reincarnation of a sage, but we don't know which one. And all we know about Kasuto is that that's the name of a town, but all the other towns are named after people from OoT (in a ret-con sort of way), but we don't know if he was real, a sage, or both.
Trevor asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like monkeys. I do if you don't, why.
Ezlo replies...
I like any monkey who isn't Kiki. That little jerk keeps stealing my bananas.
blam asks
Dear Ezlo, BOO!
Ezlo replies...
AHH! My orangutan heart... arrgghh... Daphne... bring the... aspirin... *thud*
Tina asks
Dear Ezlo, What exactly is the new Tingle game about? It sounds more
like a desperate act from Nintendo.
Ezlo replies...
Well, it seems that early fear and loathing may have been premature, that Tingle RPG is actually just a misinterpreted screenshot. Though, we'll have to wait to find out for sure.
!!! asks
Dear Ezlo, if in the artworks of alttp link has blonde hair, why the
hell is that, in the actual game, link`s hair is PINK!!?? Has he dyed, or
something like it? This has anything to do with Tingle`s evil doings?
PS: I agree with you, this boy really got issues....
Ezlo replies...
Oh, if only we could blame this on that vile Tingle. The purple hair is actually due to the fact that aLttP takes place a few days after Hyrule's Halloween, and for the holiday Link dressed up as troll doll.
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, help me!I rideing in my boat you see and then everthing
went balck! When i woke i saw Tingle infront of me! Now his trying to
ge me in that stupid oufit! please help me! what do i do!? Save me! Oh
crud here he comes hep me!
Ezlo replies...
Hrm, considering it takes three weeks for letters to get here from Tingle Island I'm assuming poor Maki is doomed by now. Tell David Jr. I said "hi" by the way.
arthur asks
Dear Ezlo, what is the question to the ultimate answer(42)?
Ezlo replies...
What is 6x7. Come on people, old joke now.
jojo asks
Dear Ezlo, Can I have your wife's number?
Ezlo replies...
Sure, it's 7.
Wander asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is Vaati the only one without a tail feather? And why do they
have tail feathers? I mean did some little kid just grab a minish, shoved
a feather up thier butt and it just cought on with the other Minish? If
so... Why doesnt Vaati have one!?
Ezlo replies...
Seems to me that may be one of the reasons for the depths of his malevolence.
Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do you make fun of me?! I have had to go into therapy 94 times
because of you! You are so mean! I'm telling your mommy!! Wahh!!
Ezlo replies...
Ask me that again next time you are not dressed up like a giant green pixie, alright?
Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you ever hugged Vaati? Maybe thats why hes so cranky.
Ezlo replies...
I actually hugged him way too much, and that may have been the problem.
Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Hi man. Been a while since LoZ:MC hasn't it?
Anyway... If you have Minish tools, couldn't you save yourself against
those octorocks??
Ummmmmmm......
BYE!
From your pal,
Link
Ezlo replies...
You fool! You know I'm terrified of sea life!
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, Could it be possible that Zelda and link are brother and
sister?
Ezlo replies...
Ewww... I hope not. Plus, probably not. I mean, they're both blond, about the same height, Hylians, magically attuned, and look kind of similar.
Beedle asks
Dear Ezlo, Wouldn't you like to buy a rare albino picolyte? only 500
rupees.
Ezlo replies...
When you put it like that, how can I not?
Zamorak asks
Dear Ezlo, When facing Vaati in his Second Phase (Transfigured), where
exactly does Link fight him?
Ezlo replies...
On top of (Dark) Hyrule Castle I believe.
Saria asks
Dear Ezlo, why couldn't you ever be cheerful or give good advice? And
did Link ever get lice?
Ezlo replies...
I could, but I choose not to. And yes he did... BECAUSE I GAVE IT TO HIM!
sheik760 asks
Dear Ezlo, by what your teling me, you dont like link do you? BUT WHY!!? HE'S
SSSOOO SWEET, AND DONT FORGET HE'S THE ONE WHO SAVED YOU! HOW MEAN!
PS: next time you see that ADORABLE little hylian, please tell him that i stood up for him and that....I WANT HIS ORTAGRAPH!!!
Ezlo replies...
I will as soon as I find out what a Ortagraph is.
Emm asks
Dear Ezlo, Oh horror of unspeakable horrors!! There isn't going to be a Tingle game, is there *shudders*? SAY IT
ISN'T SO!!!!!!!!!
Ezlo replies...
No, it appears Tingle RPG may have been a horrible rumor/misinterpretation of a screenshot of the Zelda DS game.
Key-like asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Impa from Ocarina Of Time look like cross between Vaati and
SA-X?
or
Is the Sheikiah race realy Minish?
Ezlo replies...
She really does and no they aren't.
superfart asks
Dear Ezlo, why do temple bosses in Manjora's mask wear masks? are they
ugly or something? P.S DOWN WITH TINGLE!!!
Ezlo replies...
Because Terminan culture is based around masks... and the four giants... and... oh, I give up.
Firen asks
Dear Ezlo, do you like applesauce?
Ezlo replies...
Only on my porkchops.
Somechick asks
Dear Ezlo, Uh...I have a little thingy up where the web address is, and it looks
a little bit like a leever.
Ezlo replies...
Yeah, that's called the "favicon." On many browsers it will appear as an icon next to your bookmarks. Just to make sure, you should bookmark TDC and check it out (bwahahahaha).
Person-person asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Sheik supposed to be a girl or a guy? At first, I thought he/she was
a guy, and I noticed that Link seems to try to lean in to kiss her/him,but it dissapears ,and he's all like "dadadadad...HUH?"
Ezlo replies...
Ummm... finish OoT and talk to me then.
"Her" asks
Dear Ezlo, Tingle is getting his own game! NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME? HE
IS TAKING OVER THE WORLD!
Ezlo replies...
We must rise up against his tyrannical nonsensical rule. Quick, to the ship!
tyler asks
Dear Ezlo, if you could kill tingle what would it be with?
A.sword
B.mole mitts
C.20 hours of the Andy Griffith Show
p.s.think about it
Ezlo replies...
That'd be C, the slow and painful option.
Fart asks
Dear Ezlo, Are Kokiri um... EUNICH?
Ezlo replies...
No, just pre-pubescent.
Deutsch asks
Dear Ezlo, In a recent email, someone asked who exactly Fado in TWW
was. i'm not sure where,but i once read in an official Nintendo site that
he is actually your Kokiri friend from OOT who was always trying to
pick up rocks. What do you think?
P.S. How exactly did Saria and the other OOT sages die before TWW?
P.P.S. Why does Hyrule in TWW look so different from OOT?
Ezlo replies...
Probable, though we don't know for sure. They do look similar. I don't know about how the other Sages died, though it seems possible Ganon killed them in the invasion prior to the flood. As for Hyrule, a wizard did it.
Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Vaati jumped out from behind the corner and scared me, i think i
wet my tights. Now everyone is laughing at me, I NEED A HUG!!!
Ezlo replies...
Shudder.
Zora asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm a little freaked out. In Wind Waker when you're
fighting Puppet Ganon, at the very first part of the battle, Zelda and her
bed disappear!!! Where did they go?! Oh my gosh oh my gosh...
Ezlo replies...
Oh the bed folded back into the wall.
I asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think Super Smash Bros. Melee sucks?
Ezlo replies...
Bite your toungue, heretic!
Jeeves asks
Dear Ezlo, Which university did you graduate from?
Ezlo replies...
Minish State.
girl asks
Dear Ezlo, Is there any dork who makes earrings with triforces on them(I mean
someone who is not in Hyrule)I'd LOVE to come to school wearing thAT!
PS.Link is HOT!
Ezlo replies...
Not that I know of, but sure, if I was a female (or a pirate) I suppose that'd be "cool".
Elissa asks
Dear Ezlo, Your HOT! Will go to the movies with me this Saturday?If not,
I guess that will just brake my heart! But if yes, then I will be the
happiest girl on Earth.((sorry for spelling mistakes))
Ezlo replies...
God Goddesses, I'm married!
the asks
Dear Ezlo, how does Hyrule look like in the MC, we can only see it on a
gameboy advance screen ('')
Ezlo replies...
Oh, about the same: tiny and pixelated.
TL asks
Dear Ezlo, is it possible to get all of the cuucco ladys cuccos back in
TMC? cause every time I get some cuccos for her, she always asks for
help again and AGAIN. please reply. THanx ^_^
Ezlo replies...
There is, but there's like fourteen gazillion levels of that minigame.
Whocares asks
Dear Ezlo, In case Jack hasn't noticed, Aryll doesn't leave Outset at
the end of the Wind Waker! Also, I have the key to your house! It is
mine now!
P.S. You really should stop leaving books all over the floor.
Another P.S. What is your favorite type of hatred do you have against
Gold Skulltlas? I'll give you 2 purple rupees if you tell me!
Ezlo replies...
She does, but on a different ship... yes... that will do nicely... And what the heck is a "favorite type of hatred"?
Tink asks
Dear Ezlo, Today is my birthday! What would you give me? And i'm 9, SO DON'T GIVE
ME BABY STUFF! Got that?
Ezlo replies...
Oh, well in that case, how about a pacifier and a bwah-bwah? (I'm sorry, I don't know what is "hip" these days with you stupid kids.)
blah asks
Dear Ezlo, If I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich do I get rabies
Ezlo replies...
Only if the raccoon you made the bread, peanut butter, and jelly out of was rabid.
Sirius asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is it that all the villains who looked at least socially
acceptable at one time eventually decided to turn ugly/freaky? Because, let's
face it, Vaati's final forms look like BUTT.
Ezlo replies...
It's an important metaphor for proper hygiene.
Wondering asks
Dear Ezlo, What does Daphne look like?
Ezlo replies...
She's a short brunette with long legs and stubby arms. She wears glasses too.
weido asks
Dear Ezlo, Why are you so cute? I want to squeeze you! hi
Ezlo replies...
Daphne, defend me!
Forist asks
Dear Ezlo, In TP is Midna always with Link in wolf form?
Ezlo replies...
After the two meet, yes.
MnM asks
Dear Ezlo, how does ocarina of time end? everyone (not friend) says it
ends by link giving the ocarina of time back,but then lots of forums and
my friends say that when zelda gets her ocarina back,she stabs link
with a knife!!!!PLEASE TELL ME THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ezlo replies...
Oh, you're friends must be confusing OoT with Grand THeft Auto: Hyrule Castle Town. No, OoT ends with Link going back in time and a happy ending and all that garbage.
kirstie asks
Dear Ezlo, if you switched bodies with link what would you do?
Ezlo replies...
A freak out of the highest caliber.
Hyrule asks
Dear Ezlo, Who do you think the wierdest dude in the Zelda series is? I think the
mean guy in the shadow world who is kicking the ball guy around from a
Link to the Past is, but my friend thinks it is the Running guy from
the Ocarina of Time, we need your input.
p.s. my friend thinks your a dope... but I think your pimp.
Ezlo replies...
Definitely the Running Man. ...And thanks.
????? asks
Dear Ezlo, have you seen Link since the Minish Cap, and if so has he gotten any
dumber?
Ezlo replies...
Wait, is that really possible?
Ezlina asks
Dear Ezlo, It's your mommy! I was cleaning out the attic today and
guess what I found! I found your baby pictures, including the one when you
threw your eggplant at your uncle when he was visiting! You were such a
handful back then! Anyway, how are you doing with your job? Are you
eating well? Are you brushing your teeth three times a day? Are you
remembering to wash your face? Have you been eating your eggplant??
Your mom, Ezlina.
PS. I sent the pictures to Jack, so you can go pick them up when you havw the time! Okay, sweetie?
Ezlo replies...
(And she wonders why I never call on Mother's Day.)
Pingpat asks
Dear Kaepora Gaebora, why did Ezlo let you answer a question?
Kaepora Gaebora replies...
He owed me -hoo- one for loaning him some dough -hoo- so those mobsters -hoo- wouldn't crack his kneecaps.
#1 asks
Dear Ezlo, Why are you so mean, and I think your Hot!^^*blushes*
Ezlo replies...
What?
Hikari asks
Dear Ezlo, If you look at the offical art for the Forest Minish, there's a
feather in the back. I was curious;is that a tail or is it decoration? Oh,and
wich dungeon did you like the best in TMC?
Ezlo replies...
It's jsut a deocration. And my favorite dungeon in TMC is the mountain one.
scissors asks
Dear Ezlo, Tell me how stupid Link is?
Ezlo replies...
He's so stupid it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Shadowknight asks
Dear Ezlo, Wouldnt it be cool is TP put oni-link in there?!
Ezlo replies...
Yes, but it would be hard for Nintendo to work it in.
Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, Howdy-doody,friendo!Here is the emoticon of a kissy wissy.(3 I hope
you just LOVE it!
Happy Goodbyes,
Tingle
Ezlo replies...
That's weird... my eyes just started bleeding for no reason.
Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, can you protect me from the evil monkey in my closet?
Ezlo replies...
Yes, but I'll need a banana, piece of wire, stick of dynamite and bottle of water.
Advair asks
Dear Ezlo, On a less humorous note do you believe that Link was looking
for Navi in Majora's mask? I've read theories and Navi is tthe only
one that makes sense. On a humorous note it takes 372-400 licks to get
to center of a Tootsie Roll pop, trust me.
Ezlo replies...
That's what I assume too, and gotcha on the lollipops. That sounds about right.
LttP asks
Dear Ezlo, Hi! What are the names of the six maidens in a Link to the Past? And
also, what is up with Shashalra?
Ezlo replies...
We don't know their names. As for Sahasrahla, he was an old-timer Sage who retired prior to LttP. He was also the mayor of Kakariko.
Jario asks
Dear Ezlo, who is Kasuto?
Ezlo replies...
Good question. Truthfully, we don't really know if Kasuto was a person, or just the name of the town. Many theorize he was an ancient sage.
Zora asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm playing WW right now (I've already beat it like 20
times) and why aren't there any other Zora?! They're my favorite! P.S. I
hate eggplant too.
Ezlo replies...
There are two theories: (1) that the Zora evolved into the Rito or (2) that they migrated to new Hyrule.
Lizzie asks
Dear Ezlo, My... uh friend has a crush on you. What do u like?
Ezlo replies...
Money, tell your "friend" to send lots of money to buy my love.
Firelight asks
Dear Ezlo, Thank you for answering my last note. I hope I ain't bothering you too
badly, but I have another question please.
In Termina, once Tatl mentioned that there was a Time Goddess. Is that
one the same as one of the three goddesses, or are there more that
hasn't been told of yet?
Thank you for the time!
Ezlo replies...
Well, Termina is a parallel version of Hyrule, so it stands to reason that the Time Goddess could just be a parallel version of one of the three Golden Goddesses, or a amalgam of the three altogether.
Lindsey asks
Dear Ezlo, How come you hate Tingle so much?
Ezlo replies...
Behold!
Someone asks
Dear Ezlo, Okay, I'm dying to know. When Vaati says he's going to extract the
Triforce from Zelda, what does that mean? I mean, if it's something in
her heart or mind or something it'd be hard to extract, but if it's
like a pendant on a chain it wouldn't be that hard? What is up with
that?
Ezlo replies...
Ganondorf meant that he was going to draw the essence of the Triforce out of Zelda, not physically remove it per se.
Emm asks
Dear Ezlo, Me and my buddies here are having a little pool. Who would you rather
go out with? Din or Nayru? Mamma wants a new pair of shoes!!
Ezlo replies...
Din definitely, she's sassy.
charles asks
Dear Ezlo, can i add you to my Hi5?
Ezlo replies...
Who shot whom in the what now?
fashion asks
Dear Ezlo, did you wore livestrong bracelets at a time?
Ezlo replies...
Nah, I'm too cheap to be charitous.
wise asks
Dear Ezlo, por favor tienes que hacer una nueva version de esta pagina
web pero en español porque algunos no entendemos el ingles y me parece
que la pagina esta bien chevere por favor ademas tus compendios son tan
buenos como la pinga...
Ezlo replies...
Amaría a, pero desafortunadamente no hay bastante tiempo de traducir el sitio entero. Agradecidamente, si usted descarga el Google Toolbar, traducirá automáticamente la página a un manojo de diversas idiomas para usted.
Sora asks
Dear Ezlo, Why are you so mean?
Ezlo replies...
Why are you so STUPID? Ha ha, good one Ezlo.
maye asks
Dear Ezlo, do you like women? i'm serious!
Ezlo replies...
GASP. How DARE you! ...Daphne, call Raul and tell him to move up my massage for today. I'm feeling much more stressed than usual!
Strong asks
Dear Ezlo, If it takes you a while to form a word, how do you manage to
answer letters so fast?
Ezlo replies...
I'm a famous Minish magician, for Din's sake, I have... tools at my disposal.
Lucky asks
Dear Ezlo, Can you name the magical marshmallow shapes in me lucky
charms.
Ezlo replies...
...No.
Evilslayer asks
Dear Ezlo, You said earlier that Link is dumb. But how did he beat
Ganon using the Triforce of Wisdom in LoZ? Does that make LoZ Link the
smartest (or at least wisest) Link?
Ezlo replies...
Unfortunately, but that's hardly an accomplishment.
Commander asks
Dear Ezlo, The Tingle People and the Eggplant empire have joined up. Im
gathering the best warriors (Both fighting and magic and all that other crap) I
want you to get a Army of your best Minish to defeat the Eggplant and
Tingle nemisis. And after that we are all going out for Pizza! Wanna
come?
Ezlo replies...
Once I stop wetting myself in fear, yes.
Lindsey asks
Dear Ezlo, Will Princess Zelda be controllable in Twilight Princess?
Ezlo replies...
We don't know for sure yet, but it looks possible.
newcarnage92 asks
Dear Ezlo, i llke a girl Mariss but her bro Nathan is my best friend wat
do i do.
Ezlo replies...
Ask Nathan if he has a problem with you like Mariss. Making a move on her without consulting him first will be considered a breach of trust by your friend.
Kamakaziplumber asks
Dear Ezlo, I've heard that you use a typewriter. Do you have an extra belt?
Because my typewriter's conveyor belt snapped, so I can't use it anymore.
I tried stapling and taping the belt, but it won't work. Can you help?
Ezlo replies...
I'll mail you one of my belts asap.
PwnageLink700006 asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do you guys live in such close quarters with people who
dont even know you are there. I mean if they saw you wouldnt they
squish you.
Ezlo replies...
We Minish are both voyuers and adrenaline junkies, make sense now?
Koholint asks
Dear Ezlo, Has Vaati EVER been nice? It could be something small like remembering
to get the mail! Be honest. Oh, and what type of Minish is Vaati
exactly? He's quite peculiar. Where his parents different types of Minish?
(Like his mom a Forest Minish and his dad a Lake Minish?)
Ezlo replies...
Well, one time Vaati offered to tie my shoes for me... no wait, he tied them together... gah, I hate that little bug. And Vaati's parents were both JERK Minish, if that clears it up for you (and I know it will!).
Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, You want to know somthing? I think its your fault that vaati
turned evil. You were not nice to him and made fun of him.you could
have been a little nicer to the poor little guy. Shame on you!
Ezlo replies...
Pah, the little bug got what came to him!
Animerican asks
Dear Ezlo, If you have to do so much to even type proper words, then how come you
keep answering us? You must've broken something at least once =P
Ezlo replies...
Oh yeah, I've taken a few spills off of the side of the keyboard and onto the desk. Never pretty.
