Greetings, greetings! I am Ezlo, the world renowned Minish Keeper of Lore. I know everything and anything about Hyrule, from the total annual rainfall in the Parapa Desert (zero!) to the average height of the Gerudo Male (6'2"). I have made my vast resevoir of knowledge of the ways and facts of Hyrule available to the readers of the Desert Colossus, and thusly if you have any questions for the Great and Wise Ezlo, then ask away using the form below! You can also email webmaster [at] desertcolossus [dot] com with the subject line "Ask Ezlo Submission."

Daphne asks
Dear Ezlo, Can I have a raise?

Ezlo replies...
Who taught you how to use a computer?! Get back to cleaning my dirt collection!

Milky Math Quest asks
Dear Ezlo, Can you tell if two emails come from the same computer?

Ezlo replies...
...yes. Well, not really, but if one is send three seconds after another it's fairly obvious it's from the same person.

Vaati Destroyer asks
Dear Ezlo, Sorry that last letter was just a joke. HAHAHAHA! Now my real question: Where do the people in Hyrule go to the bathroom? I don't see any out-house anywhere. Where do people go to the bathroom?

Ezlo replies...
In the rivers. Remember that next time you swim in Zora's River!

lord of all dragons asks
Dear Ezlo, What if Link didn't have a map for fishman to fill in when he feeds him upon reaching an island? Would fishman draw it in on Link's chest instead? If so, wouldn't that tickle?

Ezlo replies...
I suspect they'd jsut take his bait and swim away. Why throw good ink after bad?

GameFreak asks
Dear Ezlo, If your so great, how come your only in one game...and as a hat?

Ezlo replies...
Touché.

Joshua asks
Dear Ezlo, If you lived in the real world, where would be you most likely chosen enviroment?

Ezlo replies...
A nice beach somewhere in some tropical region.

Music Fan asks
Dear Ezlo, Do You like any of the following Music Bands?: L`arc-en-ciel, Weird Al, Aerosmith, Gackt or Led Zepplin.

Ezlo replies...
What kind of crazy new fangled bands are those? Don't you kids like any good music, like Mozart.

Dodongo asks
Dear Ezlo, How many wives have you had? can you name all of them for me?

Ezlo replies...
Gosh, I jsut got married again last month, and it's officially been... 34, I believe. I'd like to name them all, but I really don't have that much time in the day.

Tingle asks
Hello Mr. Ezlo, it is me your bestes friend Tingle. I have noticed suprising similarities between you and me. Such as we both treat our slaves, I mean workers very nicely, in other words David Jr. and Daphne.

Ezlo replies...
Bite your tongue, you verdant freak! I clearly treat my assistant worse.

King asks
Dear Ezlo, If you hate your job so much why not just get some of your own blackmail on Jack? I mean your a Minish so how hard would it be to spy on him?

Also dimitri Mario says "So long, King Bowser!" when you throw Bowser. Although it sounds like he says "So long, gay Bowser".

Ezlo replies...
Hrm, you do I have a point. I could live in one of those little faces on his wall and see what I find out. And thanks for the correction, I really have no idea what the hell that little pipe jockey is ever talking about.

Nintendo2.0 asks
Dear Ezlo, no offense, but what kind of name is 'Ezlo'?

Ezlo replies...
I'll have you know it was my grandfather's name: Ezloworth the Great. Stop disrespecting!

Purpleseahorse asks
Dear Ezlo, I recently read the Minish Cap Manga. In the comic, you tell Link he needs to start calling you "Sir Ezlo." Should I start calling you that as well?

Ezlo replies...
He better, I didn't bribe Queen Elizabeth II all that money to be knight for nothing!

Zelda Veteran asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm trying my hardest in school, but for some reason, I always fail. I just keep getting knocked down, because my best isnt good enough. I dont know what to do next. My parents are mad at me, and i get lots of glares from my teachers. What do i do? When the best isnt good enough, how do i improve? PLEASE HELP ME OH EZLO!!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Less time playing video games, more time studying. Ezlo firmly believes that practices means perfect, and that applies to your scholastic enterprises as well. Hit the books junior!

BamMargera asks
Dear Ezlo, do you wear undies if so are they boxers or briefs. And do you support undie raiders?

Ezlo replies...
Free and easy my friend, free and easy. 'Nuff said. As to your second question, only when they are in cheesy college films.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, in WW, when on the pirate ship, Nudge tells you about Tetra, and he says "respect has nothing to do with how many years you've been on the EARTH," Also, after you beat Kalle Demos, Makar says "when all went dark around me I thought my time on the EARTH was over." There's also an EARTH Temple, so Hyrule had to have been on the Earth. Duh!
P.S. THERE IS NO NEW HYRULE! THERE WAS ONLY ANCIENT HYRULE!

Ezlo replies...
When those characters say Earth, they refer to their own world, which is different than yours. The Earth Temple, moreover, refers to earth (as in dirt). As to your post scriptum, you fondly quote TWW as literal fact, but you ignore that Hyrule was destroyed at the end of the game?

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, I was playing mc and when i was wandering around the bottom left corner of link's room you said something was unusaul. what was unusaul? no jokes or i'll step on you.

Ezlo replies...
You couldn't see that poster on the south wall? Er, just kidding, put your foot down—if you go outside and did by the window on that wall you'll find a never-ending supply of red Rupees.

Kimimaro asks
Dear Ezlo, I was just wondering, there are so many Garo ninjas in Ikana Canyon. Why do they keep repeating the same information?

Ezlo replies...
Lack of originality. It was the downfall of their kind. That and the monsters.

Pokey asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you ever been in a desert? if so, which one? I'd probably like to know how much you know about them cause I live there!

Ezlo replies...
I once spent part of World War II in a cave outside of Cairo, Egypt after my plane crashed.

...Oh wait, that was The English Patient.

Aelita asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you watch Naruto?

Ezlo replies...
No! Why does everyone ask me that? Was there some law that I missed mandating everyone who visist this site watch that show?!

Saria asks
Dear Ezlo, I desperately need your help!(Meaning you HAVE to answer back!) I really need to know if Link likes me... *blushes* I like him alot and i need to know! You are the only alive male that knows him best! Oh, and if he doesn't like me... *glare...*

Ezlo replies...
Well, he mentioned something about some chick that was secretly a small tree. I assume that be you, right? Well, according to him he wants to "water that tree," whatever that means. Silly Hylians and their hormones.

Sapphira asks
Dear Ezlo, i am a half-breed, a Hylian Minish, so i'm about two feet tall. the Hylians shun me because they might squish me and the Minish shun me because i might squish them. what do i do?

Ezlo replies...
Ye gods, what unholy alchoholic tryst led to your creation? How is that even possible?! Gag gag... reetttcchhhhh...

Monica asks
Dear Ezlo, why are you so mean to Vaati?:(He's my faviorite villian and is cute!! I gotta admit it.....I LOVE HIM!!!!(blushes)>_<

Ezlo replies...
Good news, there's a pill for that.

kris asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you pronounce KAKARIKO?

Ezlo replies...
Kah-car-ih-koh.

dimitri asks
Dear Ezlo, does dark link have a fairy?

Ezlo replies...
No, he has an evil talking slug that he keeps in his pocket.

Princess Ruto asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like the Zoras

Ezlo replies...
With some lemon and a nice white wine, yes.

T3hM00nB@BYz asks
Dear Ezlo, Hello, It is I! Insane non-alchaholic drink mixer, and Zelda Fan here to ask yet another question... If YOU where the one who invented the Minish Cap, and there were other scholars in the Minish Village, why didn't you go there, Ditch Link, and help another scholar make one so you could turn back to normal?

Ezlo replies...
I like complicated questing rather than preferring the easy way out. It's just more fun that way.

GameFreak asks
Dear Ezlo, If you hate Vaati so much, why was he your apprentice in the first place?

Ezlo replies...
He gave me a muffin basket... You know I can't resist muffins!

kokir guy asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the difference between manga and Anime?

Ezlo replies...
The former is a comic book and the latter a cartoon show/movie, correct?

Weird Person asks
Dear Ezlo, Will you be my friend? Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes!

Ezlo replies...
The judge said you can't send me letters anymore! Don't make me call the police again!

Tommy Gunn asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm obssesed with Warhammer 40k and zelda. I think I can make a crossover. Is that possible?

Ezlo replies...
Er, good luck with that. I doubt you can fit a futuristic mythos with a medieval one. You know, moreso than WH40K has already done.

Juliusanime asks
Dear Ezlo, Its me agan. On the Gallery that shows "LOZ: Twilight Princess" artwork, theres thies two guys that are dancing and wearing female clothing (in a 'desert caulture' style). What is your guess that they do? are they just dressing up like that for fun or have they lost there minds?

Ezlo replies...
I think they're just clowns from Castle Town if I'm not mistaken.

Put the Lime in the Coconut asks
Dear Ezlo, I am in your house right now, and I locked the doors, and I'm about to kill you. Any last words?

Ezlo replies...
Yeah, please feed my fish while I'm on my vacation, wouldja?

Skull asks
Dear Ezlo, How much items are there going to be in Legend of Zelda : Twilight Princess?How long is it going to be?

Ezlo replies...
Hrm, I'd say somewhere in the vicinity of 30 to 40. And the game is be roughly 70 hours long.

L`arc-en-ciel Fan asks
Dear Ezlo, Why?

Ezlo replies...
Why not?

Manga Fan asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is it that nobody (includeing you) Knows that the minish cap manga came first and that the game was based of the manga?

Ezlo replies...
Erm, because it's not true?

Sokka asks
Dear Ezlo, Is the reason you don't post up some people's questions because you don't know them?

Ezlo replies...
How dare you! Ezlo knows everything that is worth knowing. Everything that Ezlo does not know is therefore meaningless.

You don't want to know! >=) asks
Dear Ezlo, ok wut happens in teh book teh giver? I dont want to read it so tell me wut ahppens!! gah
PS. I am no high!

Ezlo replies...
The protagonist takes the little boy and escapes the Utopia where after some journeying he finds a waterfall and hears singing. The end. (You should read the book, it's VERY GOOD).

hh asks
Dear Ezlo, do you like jabu-jabu?

Ezlo replies...
Spread on my morning bagel with some cream cheese, yes.

Mr. X asks
Dear Ezlo, What happened to Vaati after Link (Or should I say 'Links') defeated him in Four Swords Adventure? I heard from one website that he died, but on another said he was sealed away, and the ANOTHER said his true fate is unknown. Help me out here.

Ezlo replies...
He died. Sorry to all the Vaati fan girls, but the giant freaky is no longer amongst us.

Gufu asks
Dear Ezlo, This is a riddle I heard:
What's greater than God,
More evil than the devil,
Poor people have it,
Rich people need it,
And if you eat it, you'll die.

What is it?

Ezlo replies...
Nothing. Good riddle!

Hayls asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm confused. On different websites they spell Vaati's Japanese name different ways: Guufu, Gufu, Gufuu. Which one is the correct spelling?

Ezlo replies...
It's Gufuu.

LoZlover asks
Dear Ezlo, I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET TP SINCE I DON'T HAVE A GAMECUBE!!!T_T NAYRU WHY?!?! I WANT THAT GAME SO BAD!!!

Ezlo replies...
Well, you could get a GameCube... or a Wii... there are many options before you.

Link750 asks
Dear Ezlo, You know how in MM Tingle throws glitter(or something like that) and says some weird words?(I really hate Tingle too) I was making a personal comic(when i was bored) then i came up with this idea that the glitter might actually be magic that turns innocent people(and minish) into zombies that work as slaves for him and are planned to fight against us in his Tingle Army*GASP!!*!!!! What should we do?!?! WE NEED TO SAVE THE WORLD!!!

Ezlo replies...
Well, I have it on good authority that Tingle actually throws confetti, and non-fatal confetti at that. i think this may be one case we overestimated the little freak.

the original link asks
Dear Ezlo, heyy ezlo! long time no...... ask? anyways, i wa wondering. are the picori and the minish related, or the same? ( sry i didnt play TMC?) and if they aren't, then what do you think of them. and... i hav another problem (and i'm not joking) i..... i still really like my ex.... =..( i mean, i try to pretend i dont, and then there's this other girl that really likes me and i don't like her, but i don't want to hurt her feelings. and my ex (girlfriend by the way) i hav no idea what she thinks of me any more.... PLEASE HELP ME EZLO

(and p.s. i believ that tingle is the incarnate of darkness and deserves to SPLAT! on the ground when he falls next time) and again... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME! I ACTUALY NEED IT!

Ezlo replies...
Yes, Picori is just a name that Minish are called based on our language. As for your ex, you need to move on. If she doesn't like you any more, you have to accept that and continue with your life. If you dwell in the past you're going stay just there as life passes you by. It's very unhealthy to dwell on exes. I should know, have had several dozen of them. Each is deader to me than the last!

UR FAN asks
Dear Ezlo, i honestly am your biggest fan. u are SO cool. i mean, for an old guy. ^^

Ezlo replies...
...thanks?

Bumblebee Tuna asks
Dear Ezlo, something just struck me odd as i was reading some of the questions you have already answered. Sometimes you spelled something like "THanks". well, how do you capitalize a letter in the first place, if the SHIFT button is all the way on the other side of the keyboard? Do your legs grow long for a split second to stretch to the shift key? Also, is Daphne a minish? Thank you kindly!

Ezlo replies...
Caps lock is my friend. Sometimes I forget to hop over to turn it off though, and by then I'm two caps deep and I really don't feel like trudging all the way over to Backspace to fix my error. And yes, Daphne is indeed a Minish, and a hussy at that!

GameFreak asks
Dear Ezlo, In a reply to a question from Mikaudes, you say something about horses being a Minish'd greatest foe. That makes no sense, as in TMC you can shrink to Minish size and talk to Epona and she won't hurt you at all in any way. And she's the only horse in that game! Explain yourself!

Ezlo replies...
I explain myself to no one! Now, where's my Wild Turkey, I have letters to answer!!

Joshua asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you get annoyed haveing to press the keyboard with your beak or do you have hiddin fingers????

Ezlo replies...
Nah, typing for me just involves a lot of hopping. I need to invent a tiny keyboard...

vaaties girl asks
Dear Ezlo, i decidied to call vaati. can you give it to me? tell him to call me back at 555-444-i love you so so so much and i want you to call me!

Ezlo replies...
Right away... any annoyance of Vaati is a pal of mine.

Ro asks
Dear Ezlo, What do Poe's eat?

Ezlo replies...
They're dead, they don't! ...oh, and the souls of the innocent. But nothing too filling.

That guy asks
Dear Ezlo, how often do you update you comic?

Ezlo replies...
Somewhere between not often and never, unfortunately.

Vaati lover :3 asks
Dear Ezlo, yo Ez,A few Q'S
1)Does link achuly her the theam music in the game?
2)with one is the true story the series, cos i've been told by my friend that it's a link to the past, but I think I'ts in this order, OOT,MM,TWW, them posibly TP or PH, or thir in it somewher.
3)Is thir am Iron Maiden and SlipKnoT in hyrule,and how old is link in oot as a) chiled b) adult.
4)if twinvora/ the two wiches in oot are gan gan's mum, then how exacly was he born? and who's his dad?
5)Do you have MSN in hyrul, if so whats Vaati's addy( if he has one)
6)Isn't Shadow Link the real 'Dark link', if so what exacly is dark link?
7)Does shadow link have an addy?(can I have his?)
8)What happend to Zelda's perants after the 7 years in OOT?
9If a re dead bites you, do become a re dead?
10)do you know anny sites with good cheats/ gliches?
11)how come the gorons havn't evolded(changed, can't spell :s)in TWW?
12)I X-mas in japan in frbuary in englind?
13)How old is Vaati & Shadow Link?
14)What year is OOT,MM,TWW set?
and sorry for the really long e-mail but please answer them, and am sorry for saying I hate you, but isn't an emo.

Ezlo replies...
(1) No. That'd be violating the Fourth Wall Law. (2) Check out the Compendium, it's all there. (3) No...? And it's disputed by i think something on the other of 9/16 or so. (4) He was born by a Gerudo woman and Hylian male, then taken by the witches to raise in the traditions of Gerudo Royalty. (5) No, only AIM. (6) There is no real Dark link, they're all doppleganger apparitions. (7) No. (8) Ganondorf killed them. (9) No, ReDead don't bite, only hug. (10) GameFaqs? (11) Because evolution takes more than a few decades. (12) What? (13) Vsati was teenaged, Shadow Link doesn't have an age, being not technically alive. (14) Check the Compendium.

Squeazal asks
Dear Ezlo, I always wondered why you speak so ill of Link most of the time. You should be grateful that he saved you from those Octoroks in the Minish Woods! And the time that he defeated Vaati. As for the fact that he sleeps in his underwear, I aree with you there that it's gross. But other than that, STOP BASHING LINK!! *huggles Link soooooooooo tight*YAY!

Ezlo replies...
Why does everyone deny me my hobbies? First seal clubbing, and now this!

Purpleseahorse asks
Dear Ezlo, My sister, Lank, and I were wondering what happened to your and Vaati's tails? Other Minish have them. Did you two have a fight? Or just some horrible, unspeakable mistake at a hospital?

Ezlo replies...
We ripped each other's tail off during one of our patented slap fights.

dimitri asks
Dear Ezlo, in super mario 64, what does mario say as he throws bowser?

Ezlo replies...
"That's-a big lizard"?

Daphne asks
Dear Ezlo, How come whenever you talk to me you type down what you say?

Ezlo replies...
Kind of like a Ron Burgundy thing goes on when I'm typing. I type whatever I say.

xezlo asks
Dear Ezlo, This have been bugging me...ive always wonderd how Link's grandma (in WW) got ahold of the hero's clothes and the hero's shield,I asked my friend about that a couple days ago and he said that link's grandma is actually a spy that can time travel,so she killed link and stole his clothes and shield...it's really crazy but..is this true?

Ezlo replies...
Er... no. I suspect that either it was a treasure passed down through her family, or just something that changed hands alot among the people of Outset Island.

Unusual Genie asks
Dear Ezlo, if you want one of two of these, which would you chose, Orlando Bloom, or the best books in Hyrule?

Ezlo replies...
Erm... the books. I mean, as much as I love swarthy English men, I really can't pass up Hyrulian literature.

Hyookami asks
His highness Ezlo, i´ve been reading Minish cap manga, what a nice lecture (only because you appear on it)... but i was wondering... HOWS THAT POSSIBLE?? If not even Miyamoto and friends could pay you another aparition? (tell me, was you extortioned, threatened, tickled until you accepted, or you didn't even appeared in Minish cap manga and it was your evil twin?)

Wondering you are very far from horses, hyookami

Ezlo replies...
I'll given up on video games. I think I'll spend the rest of my days hosting a paitning show on public access television.

Shadow asks
Dear Ezlo, How small are minish? My friend thinks minish are the size of the mice in American Tale, but I say you almost microscopic. Your a minish yourself, so will you help?

Ezlo replies...
We Minish range from about three quarters of an inch to an inch and a half tall.

Ezlo's Mother asks
Dear Ezlo, it has been such a long time since me and you have sat down and had a lovely cup of tea! You're so busy with this letter answering job of yours! I say you come down to the village around 1PM on Sunday and we'll have that delightful cup of tea and talk about you providing me with some lovely legitimate grandchildren! See you then, dearie!

Hugs and kisses,
-Your mother

Ezlo replies...
Never! I told you when i sired my first octuplets, all my offspring would be nothing by illegitimate.

Jordan asks
Dear Ezlo, is there any other way to get Gold Dust besides the Goron Racetrack.

Ezlo replies...
No, sorry.

GameFreak asks
Dear Ezlo, In Four Swords/Link to the Past for GBA, did Vaati REALLY want to marry Zelda, or did he kidnap her for some other reason? Because I personally think that Vaati doesn't...like girls...in that way.

Ezlo replies...
It's not my place to insinuate, but let's just say I caught him a few times trying on my evening gowns.

Mabaraiju asks
Dear Ezlo, In my world, my name means "Queen of Thunder." Your name means "Doofus With Odour Problem." I thought I should tell you because in my world, what your name means is a prophecy for your life. I advise you use more deodorant.

Ezlo replies...
And I should tell you that in my world, my name means "He Who Knows It All," and your name means "She Who Will Die in a Trailer and Be Eaten by Her Cats." I advise you to treat the cats better.

Princess Shroob asks
Dear Ezlo, I have come in search for a new land to rule. This 'Hyrule' seems acceptable. I give you exactly 24 hours to flee or become my slave before I invade.

Ezlo replies...
Well, sitting her in the Minish lands, your invasion threats look quite agreeable to me.

Hayls asks
Dear Ezlo, In the Minish Cap manga comic, Vaati turns back to his normal Minish from like you, and goes back through the Minish portal with you. I know this didn't happen, but if it did, in a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how would you describe your frustration?

Ezlo replies...
Is a googolplex a valid number on your scale?

Elvira asks
Dear Ezlo,
What do minish celebrate on halloween?
What are you going to be for haloween?
Were you one of the people who got my show canceled?
Oh yeah and your future...
No more electricity untill your more...how can I say this? Nicer to Jack....
Oh yeah! No more eating his halloween candy!
Love, Elvira queen of darkness
P.s....I luv Ganondorf

Ezlo replies...
Samhainish Day, a thimble, yes, and as to your demands—NEVER!

Deidara asks
Dear Ezlo, This is a hypothetical question: lets say I'm a guy who looks like a girl, and remember, I'm talking hypothetically here, what should I do to make everyone stop making fun of me?

Ezlo replies...
People are terrible and therefore you won't get them to stop of their own. I suggest among other ideas to grow facial hair, get a haircut that's short and manly, bulk up with muscles to project a more masculine image, or stop going to school in make out and a halter top! (just kidding on the last one, of course)

Monomoke asks
Dear Ezlo, What would happen if I was found in a cradle at the Gerudo Pirates Fortress as a baby? What would happen if I was found in the desert as a baby at the fortress? Answer soon or ask Gerudo's what they would do.

Ezlo replies...
In both cases you'd probably be ritually murdered if you were a male, or raised as a Gerudo if female.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, I bet you don't know what an Arrowtongue is? (If you answer wrong, I'll correct you later)

Ezlo replies...
One of these? (Oh the wonders of Google!)

TwilightWolf482 asks
Dear Ezlo, I was just that the whole "Link being a righty" in the Wii is dumb.I mean, will we have a CHOICE wether or not he's lefty or righty when you begin the journey?. What about us lefties? Also, I think Tingle having his own game is retarded. He's fat, lazy, and steals money. LET'S KILL HIM!!!-hides rupees, gets pitchforks and torches-

Ezlo replies...
No, there's no choice of which dominant hand Link has, unless you count the choice of which game version (Wii or GameCube) to buy.

Seekcro asks
Dear Ezlo, In gamefaqs.com in the Super smash bros. brawl section, they have a forum for tingle as a playable character. I dont know about you, but that sounds scary. Can you help with your connections in Nintendo and tell them not to add tingle?

Ezlo replies...
They gave him his own game, do you really think they listen to me when it comes to this subject?

lyrid asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a few questions
1 in tww on the doors on outset island there are pictures of an upside down red triforce, what does that represent?
2 why did you take on vaati as your apprentice if he was so evil, i mean black with red eyes?
3 are vaati and veran some how related because they both have red eyes, pale skin and they both have something covering their right eye

Ezlo replies...
(1) It was just a cultural symbol passed down since the old days. It was likely based on the concept of the Royal Family's Seal, but that meaning was lost over the years. (2) His parents wrote me a nice, fat check. (3) Similarity of appearance doesn't connote familial relation. That like saying Mystique and Nightcrawler are related because they're both blue. Pshaw.

Amanda asks
Dear Ezlo,
what is 1/2 times 3/4
and 6/17 times 2/1
and 3/4 times 5/6
and 5.9 times 2.08
and 5/8 divided by 1/12
and 7.7 time 8.10
and 8/9 times 4/7
and 7.9 times 2.9
and 5.5 times 2.39
and 6/7 times 4/11
and 6.8 times 9.2
and 5.7 times 1.21
and 7/17 times 5/12
p.s. this is NOT my math homework... heh heh yeah...

Ezlo replies...
The answer is each and everyone is > 1, < 1,000,000, and != to 0.

7th Grader asks
Dear Ezlo, today was horrible! I missed the bus, and my mom was extreamly mad at me. The whole way to school she yelled at me. Finally at school I found out I'm getting a C- in Reading! Then in 4th period my friends all got mad at me! At lunch Hannah, that stupid backstabber of a friend told Jackson, the boy I've been crushing on, that I like him! What the nerve! wait a second..this is a website..!! I knew I shouldn't have put that desert colossus link nest to my journal on my computer!! uuhh....
Ezlo.. how much of my personal life did you hear??

Ezlo replies...
Just enough to shed a single dusty tear.

Zetsu asks
Dear Ezlo, Is it unhealthy to eat people? What? I don't have a problem... :(

Ezlo replies...
Actually, there is. Human beings that engage in cannibalism can catch transmissible spongiform encephalopathies (aka. TSEs) from the flesh they consume. TSEs cause what is basically the human version of Mad Cow Disease. Delish!

Ino asks
Dear Ezlo, Like, do ya know Zelda's phone number? Like, I wanna be her gal pal and all cause, like, I'm, Like a blonde like her, and like, I'd wanna ,like, Talk about fashion with her sometimes, Like, OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK???

Ezlo replies...
*head explodes*

Hidan asks
Dear Ezlo, I can help you kill this "tingle" person, but you have to pay me 200 rupee things, er, whatever you call them. Whadya say?

Ezlo replies...
Sure, but since you seem a little lost on the subject of "rupee things," I should point out that two Green rupees, as you shall be paid, equal 200 Rupees.

Fayble asks
Dear Ezlo, =]=]=]=] hey ho!! do you think there could ever be a MM remake like with all improved grapics sometihng like TP style,a bigger world(same places though just the field in termina is too small) and it could be master quest too!!!ooo that'd be soooooooo cool huh? huh? huh?

Ezlo replies...
It would be cool, but it's never going to happen. Zelda games don't get remade directly, just used as templates for new games (ala aLttP and OoT).

Ancient Man asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know how people can be born with purple eyes?

Ezlo replies...
If at all, genetic mutation. But I do believe such color is impossible...

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I want to ask a question related to this:

ZV asks
Dear Ezlo, If you clone yourself and kill the clone, is it concidered murder or suicide? Please answer this, its bugging me.

Ezlo replies...
Muder, the clone has a separate consciousness and is therefore considered a separate creature despite the genetic identicality it bears with you.

Ezlo replies...
Yes, because both are considered separate people. The reverse is sort of like saying, "if it's wrong from a mother to kill her child, is it wrong for the child to kill its mother?" Still wrong no matter which direction the equation faces.

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a relative who plucks the very few beard hairs off of my chin, what should I do to make them stop?

Ezlo replies...
Poke them in the eyes and run away?

gameboy asks
Dear Ezlo, have you ever met spider-man?
p.s. he is a superhero

Ezlo replies...
I know who Spider-man is! I AM NOT THAT OLD!! Yeesh...

ryebud258 asks
Dear Ezlo, i crushed 1 of tingle's ruppees and he died!!! But then someone threw an eggplant on his grave and... and.... the unspeakble hap-ack hes coming what should i do oh holy-!!!

Ezlo replies...
He never had a chance...

7th Trumpet asks
Dear Ezlo, Are Deku scrubs good or bad? In MM they seem benevolent but in FSA they like Gannon or are they just stuipid and weak to have there own minds?

Ezlo replies...
Most Deku Scrubs seem to be well-meaning folk, though there certainly are exceptions (they did sort of side with Ganon during the Imprisoning War). And, speaking of their intelligence, if we're talking about the Scrub that bought an XBox360 box from me on Ebay, then they don't seem to be that bright, eh?

Chris asks
Dear Ezlo, I do found something weird.At one letter,you said that you dont have internet.But at a another letter,somebody gived you a site with a pitcure that Link accidently fired his arrow at Tingle.How is that possible?

Ezlo replies...
I went to the library? (And, funny video, thanks)

Wingless angel asks
Dear Ezlo, I just wanted to say that I finished reading the MC manga and you looked verrry actractive!!(giggles)^_~

Ezlo replies...
Oh, why thank you... you know, the position of Wife #15 will be open soon enough. If you're ever interested in a pint-sized mysogynist, you know where to find me.

king doopliss von termania asks
Dear Ezlo, did the minish make stone tower in my kingdom.....if yes how tall is it?

Ezlo replies...
Of course not, you know how it would take a people of our stature to amke a structure that high? And, I guess because the answer is no i am freed from answering your second inquiry? Score!

Kathryne asks
Dear Ezlo, Tingle is in my house! What do I do?

Ezlo replies...
Annie git yer gun!

ganon asks
Dear Ezlo, why are you so small? and if I decided to step on you, would you die?

Ezlo replies...
If I were a giant, and did the same, would you?

Luke asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you think the phantom hourglass does? Do you think it'll be used for time travel or as a handy egg-timer or something else?

Ezlo replies...
I'm guessing a time manipulation device, ala the Ocarina of Time.

Monica asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you pronounce the name Aryll? And I actually discovered that the jerk is more stupid than I thought!! He studies Spanish and does'nt understand the word feo (I heard it means ugly and that's what he is)How can "Stupid" actually be more stupid than that?

Ezlo replies...
Ah (pronounced like as in "at")-rill. And you'd be surprised how moronic adolescent boys can be.

Oni Link asks
Dear Ezlo, u never put my question on the page

Ezlo replies...
It happens to a lot of people. Sorry if it offends you, but not everyone's letter get's answered.

7th Trumpet asks
Dear Ezlo, I was wondering, why do the sages in FSA do not have their appropriate colors and are just mixed up? And why are Duku scrubs are never aknowleged as a real race because in Hyrule they have to power?

Ezlo replies...
Sloppiness? And because there's already a foresty race?

Itaavi asks
Dear Ezlo, Ripi pi picori picori hat back Ripi pi turns people to stone Ripi pi picori picori.

Ezlo replies...
Ri pi pico ri co wrong spell riri pi co pico.

homestarrunner asks
Dear Ezlo, Sup my Homie G Unit Ezlo,i was wonderin you know, if someone buys a wii will twilight princess come with it or will you have to buy it separately, cause you know, i don't know. Oh, I also think Tingle is a scumbag savage! What are you gonna do Mr. Ezlo!?!?!?

Ezlo replies...
Twilight Princess is sold separately. Now please go away, your tone of voice frightens my advanced age-ridden mores.

Sora asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think link would ever be able to drive a car? No or no?

Ezlo replies...
With that giant head and those stubby arms? I think not!

nintendo girl asks
Dear Ezlo, you never guessed what l called my nintendog. EZLO. PS do you like being named after a dog or a virtual one ;]

Ezlo replies...
(Isn't the dog named after me?) And I'm surprisingly comfortable with it, believe it or not.

Mykel asks
Dear Ezlo, Is it true that David.Jr is not one of Tingle's brothers? Also,In WW,Which traveling merchant do you give the shop guru statue(the gold statue of Zunari)to?

Ezlo replies...
It is true, David Jr. washed up on Tingle's island after being shipwrecked and was drafted into the Tingle Corps of Evil. The Shop Guru Statue shop be given to the Goron on Greatfish Isle.

The Posh Questioner asks
Dear Ezlo, Since you, being the Minish Sage of Lore, obviously have had years of experience, I believe I am right to assume that even a great Sage such as yourself must have made a tactical error in a magically-oriented way at least once along the very-long line, despite your magical prowess, no? Therefore, I was wondering if you could detail me as to the most interesting/silly/horrific (delete where appropriate) of these mistakes, si vous plait?

Ezlo replies...
Well, one time I accidently created a magical red hat that turned whoever wore it into an evil giant eye, but I destroyed that one and made a new (identical) hat that could grant wishes, so it's all good.

Tirinexx Fan asks
Dear Ezlo, If I had a twin, and one of us told only the truth, and nothing but the truth, and the other is a dirty liar, which one is the liar, and which of is truthful!

Ezlo replies...
I'm guessing the one who wasn't convicted of perjury thirteen times would be the truthful one. Just a shot in the dark though.

hikuro asks
Dear Ezlo, would you ever try to be president?

Ezlo replies...
Oh you don't want to know the stuff the media could dig up from my past... I'd never make it past the primary.

Guardian Kiune asks
Dear Ezlo, Okay, I have one dilemma and one question. I'm in college and Ganondorf is my professer in my psychology class for some reason and threatened to fail me if I don't go out with him...ewwww! And I don't want to fail the class because Psychology is one of my majors. And for my other question, what was your reaction to Four Swords, you know, when there were four Links to deal with instead of one?

Ezlo replies...
As to your dilemma, I suggest dropping the class and picking up a different one, or perhaps sending a letter to the Dean's office. I'm sure Dean Rauru would understand, we're old Water Polo buddies and I can put in a word for you. As to your question, I had a psychotic episode and developed four distinct personalities, each more impatient than the last!

Izlo asks
Dear Ezlo, Yeah, I'm Back and with pictures of you making out with Daphne NAKED!!! P.S. I told YOUR WIFE!!!!!!!! SO Expect a divorce!!!

Ezlo replies...
First of all, I wouldn't touch that insolent heifer with a fifty inch pole, secondly it wouldn't be the first time i got divorced... or the fourteenth...

GameFreak asks
Dear Ezlo, I threw Link off a cliff when he didn't have the Roc's Cape. Was that bad?

Ezlo replies...
For him, perhaps, and I suppose by extension everyone except Ganon!

kokiri guy asks
Dear Ezlo, how do I submit a question for the ask Ezlo comic? And How do I view the other one? One more question, in the comic #2, it shows a picture of you from a side view. Where did they find that picture? (a serious answer please)

Jack steps in and replies...
You can't send a question specifically for the comic, I just find one that would make a good comic and go from there. I ripped the sprite of Ezlo from the side from TMC.

purple Link asks
yo Ezlo! why do you sometimes spell things like tthis. i thought you were smart. well i guess you are not as smart as you want us to belive!

Ezlo replies...
Even geniuses can make a typo sometimes. I'd like to see you hop across a keyboard with such vaunted efficiency.

dimitri asks
Dear Ezlo, can people ask questions about games other than zelda?

Ezlo replies...
They can, but I can't guarantee I'll answer.

Hinata asks
Dear Ezlo, Based on results from all the past games...what would you say Link's IQ level is?(2)..oh yeah,I gotta say Ezlo,I like your sense of humor.

Ezlo replies...
Very low, maybe 60-ish. It's almost like he's just standing around and someone else is doing the thinking for him. And thanks, I try.

FrightenedFairy asks
Dear Ezlo,
Ezlo! Please help me! Last night, I had a terrible nightmare! Ok, so Twilight Princess was a total flop, some people bought it but they hated it, and everyone else cancelled their order, and the game failed. But then, Tingle RPG sold more copies than all the other Zelda games combined and was hailed as the greatest game of all time! Ezlo, please tell me this won't happen!

Ezlo replies...
Well. I'm not sleeping tonight. Let's now weep together as we may.

ZV asks
Dear Ezlo, If you clone yourself and kill the clone, is it concidered murder or suicide? Please answer this, its bugging me.

Ezlo replies...
Muder, the clone has a separate consciousness and is therefore considered a separate creature despite the genetic identicality it bears with you.

June Flowers asks
Dear Ezlo, What would you do if Nabooru expressed undying devotion to you?

Ezlo replies...
Hubba hubba, wife number 23, here I come!

twinrova asks
Dear Ezlo,
Koume: Dear Ezlo, we're trying to get back...
Kotake: at that miserable brat of a son of ours...
Koume: for giving that insufferable Link an invincible arsenal...
Kotake: before he faced us!
Both: Any suggestions?

Ezlo replies...
Try silver arrows, word on the street is they do wonders.

JOE asks
Dear Ezlo, You know what Ezlo? No one ever talks to you about the Wii. It's such an awesome system that I thought everyone would be obsessing over it. So: What are your plans for the Wii's launch?

Ezlo replies...
On November 18th I shall steal all the Wiis in the world. It will be the day the Minish Stole Wiimas. BWAHAHAHA. Just kidding, I'll be hoofing it to the store and waying in line with the rest of the hoi polloi.

Ryebud258 asks
Dear Ezlo, i have found Tingle's true weakness: crushed rupees!!!!! Think it will work?

Ezlo replies...
Maybe a giant Eggplant-powered Rupee-crushing device?

Snooch asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Zelda Link's sister?

P.S. My friend thinks your name is Elzo. I've tried telling her your name is Ezlo, but then she kicks my shins. Ow.

Ezlo replies...
Nyet. And, how dreadful.

7th Trumpet asks
Dear Ezlo, I Think that you should be the minish ambassator to the U.N do you agree?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, but if only the Un recognized us. Unfortunately, the People's Republic of Minisha is blocking us from being considered a separate entity at the UN.

Kathryne asks
Dear Ezlo, What's a quick way to get seriously ill? My first day of seventh grade is impending.

Ezlo replies...
Lick doorknobs. Lots of doorknobs.

M Warrior asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think that Majora will make a reappearance in future Zelda games like Twilight Princess? Majora is really more destructive and twisted than any other Zelda vilain! (He can change weather, turn people into children, Posesse people, seal gods, and make the moon crash into the world! Ganon and Vaati can't do anything that destructive! Majora was really close to destroying Termina!)

Ezlo replies...
Well, he was defeated pretty soundly by link, but then again we all know the kind of track record Link has when it comes to defeating enemies.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, I have several questions.
1. When is the next Picori Festival?
2. If Hyrule isn't on Earth, were is it?
3. If Tingle gave you a trillion rupees would you hate him less?
4. Is it true that only children can see Minish?
5. Do you think Ganon could ever return and disguise himself as a criminal mastermind so no one would know who he is until he found a way to restore his full power.
P.S. AAACCCHHHOOO!!! Galupnog(betcha don't know what that meant! But if you do I will really be suprised, and even more if you know what language it was.).

Ezlo replies...
(1) 97 years, (2) it's own Dimension in a separate realm, (3) only slightly, (4) yes, and animals too, (5) I'd hope he'd think of something so clever! (6) I don't speak Gibberish, sorry!

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, what is the spirit inside the Fierce Diety Mask's identity. I heard on a website called Hyrule Realm that he is the god of fate and he is called Zal. Can you tell me if this is true or not?
P.S. I know that the spirit's name is NOT Oni. People just call him "Oni" Link because he looks big and demon-like.

Ezlo replies...
Yeah, that Zal thing is a load of bull biscuits. Likewise, we don't know what it is, sorry. Though, i hypothesize it's just Termina's version of a legendary hero.

Monica asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a irritating jerk (the same dork I meantioned last school year)is wearing my faviorite color for his back-pack. He is trying to upset me....and it's working. Should I kill him? (and i really don't detest you because you give me helpful tips when I need it)thank you ^_^

Ezlo replies...
Ask yourself this: should the color of backpack really irritate you? Seems like he's just pushing buttons that he knows will affect you, and you're letting him win. Methinks you doth protest to much, and are thus playing into his hands.

Mikau asks
Dear Ezlo, does Gollum live in the toilet of Stock Pot Inn, or is it someone else? Do you know?

Ezlo replies...
Nah, that's just a deranged coprophage.

NoteAFakeBank asks
Dear Ezlo, There is serious problem with your checking account. Please provide your check card number and PIN number so we can straighten things out. This is not a scam.

Ezlo replies...
Oh no! Do you need my Social Security number too?

Sir Arrogant asks
Dear Ezlo, as a fellow hat (myself being a rather angry banana hat), I would like to bring to you the topic of the next meeting of the HATS (Hats Against Tingle Society). We have uncovered some disturbing images of Tingle burning hats in the southern corners of Termina today. It is important that you come to our dinner on Friday night so that we can sort out this mess. (The mess being Tingle.) Thanks.
-Sir Arrogant President of HATS
P.S. Please RSVP right away.

Ezlo replies...
Daphne, file this away in Lotus Notes for me, wouldja?

Maku asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm here at my house, and I have Vaati tied to a chair, and i'm trying to feed him eggplant. But, his making my job really hard and wont eat it. Any suggestion?

Ezlo replies...
Starve him for a few days and try again?

Neji asks
Dear Ezlo, I don't know what I did wrong but everyone hates me now....... and these psycho girls bully me and I'm super depressed, what do you think I should do?

Ezlo replies...
Girls are terrible creatures when they put their mind to it. Just remind yourself that you're better than they are because your thinking for yourself and are not blinded by some disgusting pack mentality that forces them to pick on those they perceive as inferior to them. Grin and bear their hatred and constantly remind yourself how petty they are to be so vain. Plus, when they get older, they'll probably get diseases from their philandering boyfriends. Okay, that was a tad harsh, but you see the picture Ezlo is painting, yes?

Tsukiko asks
Dear Ezlo, what kind of jammies does Link wear to bed? (My friend wants to find out...) Does he wear feet jammies with little Triforces on it? Also, does Link have a Teddy Bear of Justice that he sleeps with at night?

P.S. *makes puppy dog eyes* Pwease answer. If you do, I'll wuv you forever. =3

Ezlo replies...
Oh, i was hoping this would never come up. He sleeps... in his udnerwear... oh the horrors!!

enki asks
Dear Ezlo, I was reading the Minish Cape Manga, and I was wondering what you and Vaati did when you both returned to the minish world.

Ezlo replies...
The Minish Cap managa is not canon, so do not take it's storyline as factual. Rather, after the game, I went back to my tenured teaching position at Minish University, and Vaati remained trapped in the Four Sword.

CrazyDude asks
Dear Ezlo, do you use rupees in the land of the minish? And if so, how do you pay for things with jewels bigger than your house?

Ezlo replies...
We don't use Rupees, we use crystallized flea droppings.

Spazztic Bunny Hood asks
Dear Ezlo, If you were given a piece of the Triforce, which one would it be and WHY? Me thinks that you would get the Triforce of...

Ezlo replies...
Wisdom. Duh, i mean, come on, I'm the Minish Keeper of Lore! It's my thing.

Abba asks
Dear Ezlo, Could the new Zelda game be rated M?

Ezlo replies...
Not a chance. There's no extreme violence, language, or sexual content to justify an M rating. Rather, the game WILL be rated T however, because the fantasy violence of the game is very realistic.

Minito asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do I smell like bologna?

Ezlo replies...
Could it be that you are LYING IN A PILE OF IT?!

DMOC Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey I was wondering about FD...could it be that he is the one who sealed majora away originaly. Since it would probably had the power to seal him in a mask as well. Or could he be links incarnation in that relm. Since the same person can exist in the same plane at the same exact time. Maybe he was turned into a mask ?

Ezlo replies...
Yes, I do believe that the Fierce Deity is Termina's "reflection" of the Legendary Hero.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I have two questions, my first question is, what is the #1 question you ask yourself every day? And my second one, would those photos that Jack have happen to be your baby photos, of you in a bathtub with your butt showing, are they of you cheating on your wife, or are they of something embarrasing at a Christmas Zelda Party, involving Link?

Ezlo replies...
To answer your first question, "who is that sexy guy in the mirror?" And as to your second, I'd rather not say, it would embolden jack to release them and ruin my hard won reputation with the good people at the Red Cross.

Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, One... Last... Rupee... left... No... Strenght... Must reach... rupee... HA! I HAVE IT MISTER EZLO MISTER SIR! HAHAHAHA!!!!You have fai;led once again! I'll be back! Bwa ha ha ha!!!!

Ezlo replies...
BULL COOKIES, this failure will not stand!

Sokka asks
Dear Ezlo, my little brother want's to ask you a question. he want's to know if you are his friend.

Ezlo replies...
Only if he keeps giving me his lunch money!

Monica asks
Dear Ezlo, I read one of the questions and you stated that Hyrule is'nt on the Earth! How in the hell can that be possible?! (please answer me)And what is Vaati's zodiac?

Ezlo replies...
Get out a map and you tell me where hyrule is. (Hint: not on Earth). I think I answered your second question elsewhere below, use find to find it.

Marco asks
Dear Ezlo,

gannon asks
Dear Ezlo, I went back in time and kept links parents fome ever meeting .Then this kid named michael came and kicked my butt.How is that possible?

Ezlo replies...
Like dude frogs becoming females, nature always finds a way.

Ezlo replies...
Indeed. That was the source of my analogy.

Leaf the Sacred Dragon Rider asks
Dear Ezlo, Remember when Kyuubi said Link's hair looks like cheese and the time Neji asked you if his name is a male or female's name and you said all those things.Well let me just ask.WHY DID YOU SAY THOSE THINGS TO MY FRIEND?!....I'm alright...I'm alright.

Ezlo replies...
Want a paper bag to breathe out of?

Hayls asks
Dear Ezlo, I read your comic! Lol! You should make more!

Ezlo replies...
Thank you. I try to make them whenever I really good letter that i can make a comic with.

Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, Alrighty! Now that I have your attention, I'd just like to inform you that I've turned the whole race of Minish into Manbearpigs, pushed Link down the well, and delivered a plague onto everyone's house! Doesn't that make you want to yell at me in Minish?!

Ezlo replies...
Al Gore, you treacherous cur! This is the last time I invite you to lecture at Minish university!

bookworm asks
Dear Ezlo, You liked to have your head in a book?!! So do I and Im only in 7th grade!!! I am so happy that someone reads alot!!!

Ezlo replies...
Remember kid, the bookworms shall inherit Hyrule... And then be bludgeoned repeatedly and have it stolen from them by the illiterate... But still, they do get to run Hyrule for a few days.

Oogie Boogie asks
Dear Ezlo,
Well, well, well, what have we here?
Old Ezlo, huh?
Oh, I'm really scared
So you're the one everybody's talkin' about, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...

Ezlo replies...
Huh... it just... goes on like this, for quite some time at that.

distraught friend asks
Dear Ezlo, I just found out that my friend is a shipper! And not just a dirty ranchshipper, not a stinky sageshipper but a god awful TINGLEshipper

Ezlo replies...
Intervention—NOW.

Akito asks
Dear Ezlo, One of my friends told me that the reason they've delayed Twilight Princess so much is because they're recording voices. Is that true?

Ezlo replies...
There will be the normal grunting and such, but no full length spoken dialogue. From what I can tell a lot of the delay was used to make Link a righty in the Wii version, make it compatible for the Wiimote, and add some more content to appease those they angered with the delays.

KalexnoMikau asks
Dear Ezlo, if you could reincarnate in any other Hyrulean race, which would it be and why?

Ezlo replies...
Goron for sure, so I could CRUSH my enemies. Plus, eating rocks always appealed to me.

Saetch asks
Dear Ezlo, is it normal to have a split personality?

Ezlo replies...
If by normal you mean "done by the vast majority of the population," then no it's not.

Gingerbread Man asks
Dear Ezlo, can you catch me? No one has ever caught me, not now, not ever! Not even if you had the Pegasus Boots!

Ezlo replies...
Eh, I'm too old for chasing bakery sweets. I'll just bake up a batch of your children and eat them instead.

Paladin the Invetiable asks
Dear Ezlo, Me again. Um, wait....I need to think of one.....oh, yea! Do you have a Nintendo DS game called Nintendogs? If so, YOU ARE TOTALLY THE MOST UBER COOL CREATURE ANY GOD HAS EVER MADE!!!!!!! &rightfullyso

Ezlo replies...
Shhh... keep it down I have a reputation to maintain.

Zelra Dragmire asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you ever listened to Weird Al? If so, what's your favorite song?

Ezlo replies...
Me and Yankovic are not on speaking terms—there were issues—though I did enjoy his Star Wars pardoies.

Playswaytoomaygames asks
Dear Ezlo, I quote:

What material did Tingle use to make his tower? I ask because I'm trying to think of a good way to destroy it.

Ezlo replies...
His own dead skin and cut toe/fingernails. Ewwwwww."

Ezlo replies...
Yes, out of Tingle's dead skin and cut nails... believable, no? ...ah, pay no attention to the Minish behind that curtain...

Sokka asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is water wet?

Ezlo replies...
Because wetness implies the presence of a liquid on an otherwise usually dry object or something that is by nature liquidy, and water is, by nature, a liquid.

Jean Paul asks
Dear Ezlo, Most races of Hyrule have their own symbol, but for Deku, Koroks, Rito and Minish it seems that a symbol doesn't exist. Do you known what are their symbols? Please, help me!

Ezlo replies...
Ah, well Koroks share the same sign with the Kokiri, that swirl symbol. Rito have a flag, which I don't have an image of at the moment, sorry. You can see it on Dragon Roost Island in TWW, though. As for Deku, I'm pretty sure their castle had a flag or two as well, could be mistaken. We Minish do not have a symbol, per se, because we are so divided (between Town, Mountain, Forest, etc) that it's been difficult to agree on one symbol.

Gaara asks
Dear Ezlo, Remember that guy last week who seemed a bit....screwed up?you know, this guy:

Neji asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think Neji is a girl name?! If it is, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~!! I'M A GUY!!! If it isn't, THANK THE MOTHER AND ALL THAT IS HOLY!!

Ezlo replies...
Well that clears it up. Wow, you people really love your "Naruto", yes?

Nintendo X asks
Dear Ezlo, I've been hearing that there's a Zelda Movie being made. Is this so?

Ezlo replies...
Nyet, sorry.

Jacky asks
Dear Ezlo, Did you ever wack Vatti with your cane?

Ezlo replies...
Only when he breathed without asking permission first.

Rainsinger Ansella asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a question that needa answering. I've asked all my friends, but none of them know, so I asked myself, "Who is so incredibly smart and wise that they would know the answer to this question?" And you know what? I immediately thought of you! I thought, "Why, the great, wise, all-knowing Ezlo should know!" So, if you're in the back of a plane going the speed of sound, and you walk from the back of the plane to the front of the plane, are you actually going faster than the speed of sound?

Ezlo replies...
No, because the way way inertia works is the vehicle you are in is moving at one speed while you are going at a separate speed inside the vehicle. Just like how the Earth is currently hurtling around the sun at 100000 km/h, but you're not moving that fast, because inertia keeps you at a base speed that's significantly less. Thanks for the intelligent, thought-provoking question though.

The Sage of Nothing! asks
Dear Ezlo, do you watch Project Runway? I just love that show! I don't like this season's people as much as last season's (there's no one like Andre!) but I still like it! You should really--AAAAAAAHHHHHH! Ganondorf's just appeared by me and he's trying to kidnap me! Help me Ezlo, I beg of you! Please! Use your aweome powers to save me! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Poor fellow, neve rhad a chance... watching modelling shows...

suppertime! asks
Dear Ezlo, I thought about this theory for awhile conserning if Shiek is really a boy. Since Zelda recieved a part of the triforce and getting part of the goddess's power, she could probably transform herself into the opposite sex(like how Ganondorf transformed himself into Ganon). Plus that would've thrown Ganondorf track for her way off if she became a boy. What do you think about this opinion? (be gentle ^v^;)

Ezlo replies...
I don't think she was aware that she had the Triforce of Wisdom until the end of the game, but it's certainly plausible. Personally, I still think she just wore a boy disguise.

King asks
Dear Ezlo, If you had three wishes, what would the second one be?

Ezlo replies...
Fill it with water.

kk asks
Dear Ezlo, remember this?

how did vaati REALLY get his scar..? my friend told me that the royal family gave it to him...

Ezlo replies...
Nah, the truth is not so glamorous. He just fell off his tricycle.

earlier in the questions you said he ran into a doorknob. methinks you might've lied. which is it?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, well, that's because he fell off the tricycle and right smack into a doorknob. Funny how such random disasters happen, eh? He he...

Jessica the legend girl asks
Dear Ezlo, How did Link act when he was trapped by Vaati and had to fight those monsters holding spears?

Ezlo replies...
Let's just said the stench of urine held in the air for some time. 'Nuff said.

Chibi-Chan asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey ezlo, remember last time when that guy said

"Dear Ezlo, How come when you ask your parents to play a videogame with you like SSBM they never do? Then they always say "they're busy""

And then you said

"Ezlo replies...
They probably are just too nice to say they have no interest in videogames."?

Well, my parents love video games and my dad always plays SSBM with me. Is this some kind of tear-in-the-universe-conspiracy?

Ezlo replies...
It's just one of those random things. Some parents hate games, other slove them. My own father refused to play abacus with me, said it took to much time from my studies and Archimedes would be mad. Just a crap shoot I suppose.

Edward Elric asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like Fullmetal Alchemist?

Ezlo replies...
I'm assuming this is another anime title. People, I think you're missing the point. I'm ancient, how many old people read anime? If you want to talk periodicals, let's talk Reader's Digest Big Print Edition, yes?

Cloud 9 asks
Dear Ezlo, I just wanted to compliment the site. It is awesome! Hyrule Adventures 2, which I play, is awesome too! I do have a question. Why, did the chicken cross the road?

Ezlo replies...
Thanks for the compliment, but I don't run the site, I just work slavishly for it. As to the chicken, he wanted to see how tire treads felt.

grit1412 asks
Dear Ezlo, In WindWaker I talked to the Zunari in the auction building at night trying to participate in the auction, but he just said "Someone made off with every auction item..." Does that mean I gotten everything I can or should I be looking for a thief? Please help me. Thanks.

Ezlo replies...
Yes I do believe that means that you cleaned out the auction. There's only so much they have for sale there.

Moonspazz asks
Dear Mr. Ezlo,
Forgive me if I have asked you this before, but is there really anything you get out of putting up with some of the nonsense that some of these people write to you? It's bound to get on your nerves... Sometimes I see my brother asking you horribly strange questions, and I sigh and walk away. I pity you, sir. You must be a saint or something. Hmmm think about that, Saint Ezlo... Has a ring to it! But anyway, my sincerest apologies from all of the sane sides of the weird people writing to you.

Sincerely, Moonspazz

Ezlo replies...
I get the satisfaction of knowing that I am forming young minds, or something like that. Plus, this place gives me a chance to condescend to strangers, which is reward enough. I accept your apolgy in absentia nevertheless.

Deidara asks
Dear Ezlo, YOU'RE so hurtful when you drink... Yeah...... (how dya like THAT?!?! HA-HA-HA!!!)

Ezlo replies...
It gets me through the tough times, who are you to judge?!

Rock Lee asks
Dear Ezlo, Whats with the phraze "you say such hurtful things when you've been drinking"? I drink and I'm 14 and all I do is hurt people.... I really don't say anything, so whats the story behind that?

Ezlo replies...
I apologize, I'm so use to saying to my wife that it comes out automatically when I am criticized. And 14-year-olds shouldn't drink. My wife wants you to send your booze to her for safe keeping until you're 21.

blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do people hate The Wind Waker so much? It is my favorite game!

Ezlo replies...
Probably because it looks childish, but I enjoy it as well!

h link asks
Dear Ezlo, in tww-my memory isnt that clear but anyway-zunari said he comes from a cold place far away from hyrule. so my question is, where is this place and will it be in tp

Ezlo replies...
A C-C-Cold Island is very far away from the Great Sea/Hyrule, and I doubt it will appear in TP, or any other Zelda game for that matter (maybe PH).

Akito asks
Dear Ezlo, I overheard Tingle saying that he was coming to your house tonight to abduct you. What are you gonna do?

Ezlo replies...
He can try. I have Like-Likes patrolling my house 24/7.

Animerican14 asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you ever felt emo? Or knew someone all emo? Because quite frankly....*pulls hair down over face* life is so boring...

Ezlo replies...
Why bother? *pout* I need to go write some poetry.

(Just kidding, Ezlo loves all teenage trend cliques equally! Come back next week when I make fun of the AV Club)

KalexMikorunoMikau asks
Dear Ezlo, considering the multipe cameos of Mario, and the fact that there are photos of Mario & friends, in Hyrule castle, can it be possible that the Mushroom Kingdom is in the same dimension as Hyrule, Calatia, etc.?

Ezlo replies...
Nah, it's just Nintendo being cute.

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, Sammy Boy recently asked:

In TWW, zunari gives you the magic armor, my question is, is the magic armor really Nayru's love from OoT and how did zunari get it...

Ezlo replies...
Zunari's the Inuit-looking shopkeeper in the Wind Waker, and yes Link can wear it but it doesn't change his appearance, just makes him glow purple.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, where exactly on earth is the sacred realm. Is it located within the earth?

Ezlo replies...
No, it's like Heaven, or Elysium, it's a metaphysical realm.

Link asks
Dear Ezlo, I noticed that there was 20 dollars missing from my wallet recently. Did you have anything to do with this?

Ezlo replies...
I blame Elzo, that handsome yet evil fool has struck again!

ShadowVaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I went to your house the other day, but ran when I smelled something awful from your house, what the *NAVI* was it?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, that's just the bod--ee...ow, it's a cold night tonight, eh?

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, did you tell Jack that I was rude? And what does HH stand for?

Ezlo replies...
Why of course not... (quick Daphne, prep the escape pods!). HH stands for Hyrulian Hero, although knowing me I spelled that wrong.

i had a bad day asks
Dear Ezlo, What is Link's world called? and please, be serious.

Ezlo replies...
It is widely accepted to just be called "Hyrule," which also contains a political monarchical entity called Hyrule as well.

Ponderous asks
Dear Ezlo, I was thinking......If in the Wii version of TP the player must swing the wiimote to make Link swing his sword, won't it be awkward because many people are right handed and Link is clearly a lefty?

P.S. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one that enjoyed Citizen Kane, Orson Welles rocks

Ezlo replies...
Actually funny I get to this today, the Wii version does have Link as a righty, mirrored basically, to account for the fact that the grand majority of the population is righty as well. The GameCube version will have Link as a lefty though.

Mikaudes asks
Dear Ezlo, forget about 2.0, now this is Kirby's anti-tingle dance 3.0!!
<("<) <('')>
(>")> ^('')^
v(..)V ^('')^ <('')>

Ezlo replies...
For the first time ever, I think I may be speechless.

Nintendo2.0 asks
Dear Ezlo, Is there a relation between the conductor's baton, the "Windwaker", and the instrument, the "Ocarina of Time"?
If not, then why did Shigeru Miyamoto change an well-known instrument to an newly introduced conductor's baton?

Please and thank you!

Ezlo replies...
The point of the Wind Waker is that Link uses it to conduct the wind to make the wind act a certain way, like an orchestra.

bob asks
Dear Ezlo, is the grand adventure dead?

Ezlo replies...
No, but TML (the webmaster) is more focused on ZeldaBlog at the moment. He has a job you know, a man can only juggle so many things at once!

ShadowMaster asks
Dear Ezlo, what would the people who live in Hyrule be called? Hyrulians, or Hylians? Isnt 'Hylians' be what the people who live in the 'Hyrule' continent? And the people who live in 'Hyrule town' be called Hyrulians? Is that right? Did that make sense?

Ezlo replies...
Hylians are members of the Hylian race, Hyrulians (or, Hyruleans) are citizens of the kingdom of Hyrule.

FireFarter asks
Dear Ezlo, Do birds fart?

Ezlo replies...
To paraphrase my favorite book, Everybody farts!

Daven B. asks
Dear Ezlo, is there going to be a legend of zelda movie?

Ezlo replies...
Probably not, Nintendo is still stung by the Mario movie snafu.

Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey,I found your underwear, I know it's yours because it has your name on it as well as pictures of your bird-hat-thing form as well as my face and some eggplants. It says in big shiny pink letters "EZLO".

Ezlo replies...
And I found your underwear as well. I could tell it was yours from the skid-marks.

lord of all dragons asks
Dear Ezlo, My older brother claims that the guy who runs the boat course in the Wind Waker has a huge mongo speedboat that he uses to get to Windfall Island in two seconds before Link gets there. IS THAT TRUE?

Ezlo replies...
...yes?

Marco asks
Dear Ezlo,

corey asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Kasuto.net dead?

Ezlo replies...
As a doorknob.

Ezlo replies...
Oh, you missed it, it was last Sunday. Sorry...

Ozlo asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey big brother! It's me, Ozlo! What happened to that dress mom sent you? Izlo told me you would send it to me after you're done, so we can also try it on.

Oh, and tell Izlo that I said "Hi"!

PS: By the way... in your picture on the page, is the head of your staff by any chance supposed to look like your bird-hat-thing form?

Ezlo replies...
How dare you show your face around here,a fter the stunt you pulled at my 16th wedding! The nerve mister, where's my toaster?!?!

Tatl asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey, is Navi naked under her glow? If so, tell her that her friend says she should make a pretty dress! SO PRETTIFUL!

Ezlo replies...
Nah, she wore a lady toga. Sorry.

Link is cute! asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you enjoy the Zelda manga? I think Link is sooooooo cyute in them! My desktop background has 2 colored young-Links from the manga! KYAH! CYUUUTE! *huggles Ezlo soooo tight*

Ezlo replies...
Gah... no... breath... can't... express... opinion... *thud*

Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, How would you react if I had turned you into a hat again and used my magic to permanently stick you onto Jack's head?

Ezlo replies...
Sheer. Terror.

fred frankenburger asks
Dear Ezlo, What is that REALLY weird dance that the king does in oronica of time?

Ezlo replies...
By "king" I'm assuming you mean Darunia, and the answer is the Goron Minute Shuffle.

Random Fan nicely asks
Dear Ezlo, when will you change the "Ask Ezlo" page? It's looking a little... big.

Ezlo replies...
Agreed, it needs an archival. Shortly I suppose, shortly.

Ancient Man asks
Dear Ezlo, I know what you fear the most *coughTinglecough* so I'm curious, what is your second worst fear.

Ezlo replies...
That loanshark I owe all that money to.

i do not ask anything asks
Dear Ezlo, the hyrule rpg thing is wierd. When i caught the thief, and the words come up, you have to scroll down to read the code, but when you take the mouse off the thief, the words dissapear. IM FRUSTRATED! GERRR

Ezlo replies...
Scroll the screen until you can see the thief's feet and then rollover the feet to see the text. How small is your screen exactly?

BRITISH asks
Dear Ezlo, Why don't you ever answer my questions?

P.S. You smell. Just Kidding

Ezlo replies...
Because you insult me? No, just kidding. (Actually if I don't have a good answer for a question, or it's not a good question, or it's something I already answered, or you don't enter a name, I will not answer it.)

Navi asks
Dear Ezlo, Do your crazy Ezlo scream please? And also, how come people don't seem to get hurt when you try to hit them? Also, do you play Ragnarok Online? It's a fun game!(MMORPG). BTW I love this section of TDS! I even made an Ask Navi page(on a forum)~ Also why do you not get hurt when cuccos attack you while on Epona in OoT? How come in the 3d Zelda games, parts of your body(Link's hand per say) can go through walls and objects and such? Would there ever be a video game system that doesn't let that happen in 3d?

Ezlo replies...
No, only for quarters. I am a very weak Minish. No. Thanks! Cuccos are afraid of horses? Technical limitations of the hardware, where the models pass through stationary objects. I think next-gen has fixed that, I could be wrong though.

Bam Margera asks
Dear Ezlo, Can I hire you to entertain at my next birthday party? Please?

Ezlo replies...
I suppose, but you'll need a really big magnifying glass just for others to see me.

the original link asks
Dear Ezlo, its me again! thanks for answering my previous question, it helped a lot! but....

is it true that link in TP is a descendant from link in OoT? 'cause if he is, who was link's wife? zelda?? malon?? saria?!?!

Ezlo replies...
Most likely that is the case, yes. As for the mother, I wish I knew, but perhaps TP may hint? TP's Link is outside of Hyrule, hwoever, so the answer may be "none of the above".

Tingle hater asks
Dear Ezlo, Who would you like link to marry Zelda, Samus,Peach or Daisy.

Ezlo replies...
Oh definitely Samus, hubba hubba. Any girl that can operate a firearm has won my heart.

Evanie Sylence asks
Dear Ezlo, for the record I was looking at the zodiac symbols and noticed that saggitarius (which I am) happened to be a Lynel......
MAY I ASK YOU WHAT THE HECK A LYNEL IS
oh and another thing if you asked link do you think that he could dye you red I think you'd look good like that
hehe

Ezlo replies...
A Lynel is a centaur-like creature from Legend of Zelda and the Oracle series.

No one asks
Dear Ezlo, I was thinking about TP and ALttP, and how they're similar in respects that there is the "normal" world and a "dark" world. Do you think Nintendo's beginning to run out of ideas?

Ezlo replies...
Well, if you notice, the idea of parallel worlds have been in many Zelda games since aLttP: OoT's imprisoned Hyrule, the present/past of OoA, the multiple seaosns of OoS, etc.

Crane asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Hakudoshi die in the anime series Inuyasha? (I know he does die in the manga)

Ezlo replies...
Inuwhatsa?!

lol asks
Dear Ezlo, When Vaati is not wearing the Minish Cap, it's red, but when he wears it it's blue. Why is that?

Ezlo replies...
One of his wishes was for the hat to be red to coordinate with his outfit.

Social Worker asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you sure Tingle is REALLY evil?What if he is just disabled.Either way, I would really appreciate if you kept evil Tingle comments down.My Skitzophrenic client is starting to spout off stories about The E.L.F.-Evil Little Fairy-who plots to take over the world.Do you like being a destructive influence to the,erm,'special' population?

Ezlo replies...
No bureaucrat can impede my irrational hatred! Away with ye!

arkngel asks
Dear Ezlo, why links hair is purple in altp but in all other games hi is blonde

Ezlo replies...
Teenage rebellion against his uncle I suspect.

Chibi-Chan asks
Dear Ezlo, is Link mute? If he is, don't you feel sorry for him not being able to talk much..? I mean... All he can say is "come on!" and a few random grunts and noises.

Ezlo replies...
Oh he's not incapable of speech, jsut unwanting to do so.

Slayer asks
Dear Ezlo, In reply to a recent question concerning how Tingle came to Hyrule after MM you said that the reason was because there is more than one Tingle. While I agree with this statement, we do not know for certain that it was a descendant of Tingle's "reflection". TWW states that one of the Rito's ancestors was a Postman. If TMC happens before OoT, then this is possible. Otherwise the Postman from MM would have had to travel from Termina to Hyrule. Just as Skull Kid was able to travel between the two dimensions freely, it makes sense that other characters would be able to, too. It is possible that TWW (maybe TMC) Tingle's ancestor came from Termina.

Ezlo replies...
Actually, I've been thinking a lot about this, and in light of Tingle RPG I believe that there are two Tingles. One is the Termina Tingle, which never went to Rupee Land, is mortal, and a loser. The other is the normal world Tingle, which did go to Rupee Land, is immortal, and thus appears in many further Zelda games due to his immortality.

MR. karton asks
Dear Ezlo, isn't link boring he isn't quite a speaker

Ezlo replies...
To his credit, he can play Beethoven's fifth entirely with his armpit. He has his useful moments.

Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo,

SwordKing asks
Dear Ezlo, In "Majora's Mask" I tried shooting Tingle's balloon with a fire arrow. I hoping that whatever was in the balloon was flammable and I'd be treated to a Tingle Flambe. No such luck. Any suggestions as to what I sould try next?

Ezlo replies...
Fill the balloon with Helium and try again. KABLOOIE!

Ezlo replies...
Not Tingle's balloon. just where exactly do you think he's getting the gas to inflate that balloon with...?

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, When was the last time you rode a horse?

Ezlo replies...
One time I hid in a horse's back hair, does that count?

Bowser Jr. asks
Dear Ezlo,
Which game is this artwork from?

It must be one of the FS games, but I can't find it in any gallery. I think it's hilarious and desperately want a bigger version.

Thanks.

Ezlo replies...
You can find the original image here. Enjoy.

Animerican asks
Dear Ezlo, What was life like when you were just a youthful Picori? Especially in those high school years?

Ezlo replies...
Oh you should have seen my in high school, I was beautiful. Long, flowing blond hair tied in the most exquisite of buns, a brain as fresh as a ripe peach and likewise no bugs in it to boot. Sure, all the ladies hated me, but I've more than made up for that in my later years with my many, many wives.

Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, is Vaati in Minish Cap the same as the one on 4 swords and 4 swords adventure

Ezlo replies...
Yes he is, though a complete demony-thing at that point.

somebody asks
Dear Ezlo, If you're constantly coming to his site, you're probably a lot in touch with Jack. So tell me............WHEN THE *navi* DOES AN ADDITION TO THE HYRULE RPG COME, ANYWAY!?!?!???!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!!1111''''

Ezlo replies...
Good question, I'm as mad as you are about that! I'll be sure to bring it up at our next teleconference, though I expect him to stonewall. In the meantime, shoot a letter to him through the Mailbag. He can't avoid those.

shadow ganon asks
Dear Ezlo, what is the family tree of all the links like the mother the father uncle do you cause i would.

Ezlo replies...
Is this what you're looking for?

asks
Dear Ezlo,

Ezlo replies...

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo,

cody asks
Dear Ezlo, why are you a hat at the begining of minish cap?

Ezlo replies...
Play the game to find out, or highlight the following:
((and you can read back on what you said. I dont want to spoil it for other peeps.))

Ezlo replies...
Did I? If so, that was an error and I apologize. The Minish Cap is the red wish-granting hat that I created prior to The Minish Cap.

asker asks
Dear Ezlo, what do you really think about tingle?

Ezlo replies...
If only there was enough screen space in the world to hold my words. To sum it up in two words, one of them hyphenated: whacked-out loon.

Polar Bear in a Snowstorm asks
Dear Ezlo, Remember this?

Wallmasterphobia asks
Dear Ezlo, Remember me?I listened to your advice and I am now the president of my own bank company! How can I ever thank you?

Ezlo replies...
Embezzled a few million and send it my way, wink wink.

Ezlo's Spam Filter replies...
Mozilla Thunderbird thinks this is junk email. [This is not junk]

alex asks
Dear Ezlo, will link ever marry zelda?

Ezlo replies...
I doubt it, the tension works out much better for the Royal Family. Marriages lead to too many scandals, ala Camilla Parker Bowles.

lordjackal asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm a bit confused, will you be able to plug a gamecube controller into the Wii to play the Gamecube version of Twilight Princess, Or do you have to play it on just plain Gamecube?Also,If Tingle is not a fairy, how does he last through all the generations between OoT and WW?Meh.

Ezlo replies...
I'm probably wrong, but this is the way I understood it: There are two TP versions, the GameCube version which can only be played on the GC with a GC controller or on the Wii with the non-Wiimote Wii controller, and the Wii version which can only be played on the Wii with only the Wii-mote.

some dude asks
Dear Ezlo, in tmc when you get to the festival one person said that the guy who one the sword fighting tournament was wearing black. i know that would be vaati, but in the official art it looks like he's in either blue or purple. can you clear this up for me?

Ezlo replies...
That person was color blind... now that's an answer!

Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, Hello, sir, I wanted to know if you wanted to go to the beach with me, sir? Pretty, oh, pretty please, sir! I can rub sunblock on you and give you coca colas, sir! Honest!

Ezlo replies...
Shudder.

ancient Aztec guy asks
Dear Ezlo, This is signifigant life threatening warning from me to you!Beware the ides of March,Beware the ides of March!!!I hope you are farmiliar with this phrase or you wont know waht I am talking about.Just a little reminder it is the words a prophet said to Roman emperor Julius Ceasar.Also were you aware that the Roman Emperor Maximinus Thrax was a Giant that exceeded the height of 8'0".

Ezlo replies...
Pah, I went to high school with Julius Caesar, and let me tell you something, he had that crotch-stabbing coming. Oh yeah. Imperator my tiny green feet.

gelus the cunning asks
Dear Ezlo, you have bad grammar and I hate you.

Ezlo replies...
Oh, is it my birthday already?

Maiko asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you bipolar or something? :O 'cause right after you changed back into yourself you got all serious and stuff ;D; If so, go see a doctor ;~; maybe he can help you.

Ezlo replies...
No doctors! Ezlo cannot stand doctors. Anyone know a good witch doctor?

Jerry asks
Dear Ezlo, why link is left in all the games but in one screenshot of tp link is holding the bow whit his right hand?

Ezlo replies...
You always hold the bow with your weak hand and the arrow with your dominant hand (in Link's case, the left) because to pull the bowstring back requires the kind of strength that only the dominant hand can provide.

kokiri guy asks
Dear Ezlo, (sob) Have you ever read The Outsiders? Couse your making me feel like johnny, all alone! (sniff) you never answer me any more! And if you don't answer I may commit suicide! (sniffsniff) No, I won't! (evil glimer in eye) I'll turn against you! I've been your loyal fan for to long! Daphne! Tingle! Vatti! To Arms!!!! DIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! (thunder rolls in distance and lightning illuminates my face)
I'M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!!! Unless, of course, you answer me! (smiles brightly)You know the questions I've asked! You should still be able to answer! If noooot...

Ezlo replies...
But I've answered you multiple times in the last few months...

happy asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you pronounce farore din nayru deku an gerudo?

Ezlo replies...
Fah-roar, Dihn, Nay-roo, Day-koo, Geh-roo-doh.

Wingless Angel asks
Dear Ezlo, I could'nt help but ask,what is Vaati's zodiac sign?

Ezlo replies...
Zora, the waterman.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, How come on Zelda websites like this, if someone is saying 'oh my god', they say 'oh my goddesses' or something that has Din's name in it? I mean, I understand saying 'goddeses' because there are the three goddesses, but if they only use one name, why do they use Din's name and not Farora's or Nayru's?

Ezlo replies...
Din's just easier to type, I suppose. Plus, being the Goddess of Power, she is the "coolest" of the three.

linkman5 asks
Dear Ezlo, i saw a picture of 4 tingles... they were wearing thongs and bras

Ezlo replies...
I think I just peed myself a little.

50 cent asks
Dear Ezlo, what is that Dekus Scrub looking Tree in the entrance to Termina?

Ezlo replies...
That's the Deku Butler's son. He was killed by Majora's Mask to make the Deku Mask and trap Link in it. (The transform masks can only be made using souls).

Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, If Vaatie would return to his minish form and return to the village. Would you welcome him back with open arms?

Ezlo replies...
Yes, but each hand would be holding a weapon.

Tommy Vercetti asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the difference between the Mailbag and Ask Ezlo?

Ezlo replies...
Jack answers the Mailbag letters, and only the letters that have something to do with the site or specifically his opinion on something. I do everything else.

Monica asks
Dear Ezlo, In TPH,what is the fairy's name? And I want to tell you that I am a sagitarius so that means my hylian zodiac sign is the Llynel just like you.

Ezlo replies...
We don't know yet, but I'm pretty sure it is not Navi. And nice, but I think technically that means we're supposed to hate each other.

fred frankburger asks
Dear Ezlo, are you dumbg or somthing send me a e-mail or I will send tingle to kill you there is such thing as a tingle assasin so my question is do you want to help me burn up tingle and his ruppes or not!

Ezlo replies...
Many have tried and many more have failed.

ganon asks
Dear Ezlo, How come i can never beat link in tLoZ games? Any tips?

Ezlo replies...
Yes, cna I suggest just killing him next time he sleeps. You always let him come to you, take the initiative for Din's sake!

7th Trumpet asks
Dear Ezlo, Can you say Peesident Machmud Ahmahinnejejhad 5 times fast?

Ezlo replies...
Peesident Machmud Ahmahinnejejhad 5 times fast?

navi hunter asks
Dear Ezlo, what would you do if a anoyying fairy like navi followed you around 24/7?

Ezlo replies...
Be noncommittal as whether to eat the fairy a flambe, or as a shake.

the master asks
Dear Ezlo, what kind of pie do you like

Ezlo replies...
Charts.

Kathryne asks
Dear Ezlo, If Tingle were to die and you had to give the eulogy, would you either:
A: Start laughing while you gave the eulogy, or
B: Kill yourself in order to avoid the task?

Ezlo replies...
No, I'd deliver the eulogy, but be really clever so that it sounds all nice and reverential, but if you recorded it and played it backwards it would say "I am so happy Tingle is dead... worship Satan..." etc.

SkullKid asks
Dear Ezlo, OK, I've got a bunch of questions here...
1. In ALttP, why does Link turn into a rabbit? I know it's supposed to represent his inner self or something, but I don't understand why he's a rabbit!
2. Why is it that the Happy Mask Salesman in MM seems to be the only one that remembers you when you go back in time, and where does he plan to go when the game is over?
3. Why is there a peaceful place inside the moon, and what's with the kids in the masks? Who are they really?
4. Is there any story behind Fierce Deity's Mask aside from being an uber0powerful item you can unlock?
5. Will you come back to see us on the next Picori Festival?
Thank you.

Ezlo replies...
(1) A rabbit reflects the purity of his soul, because are so fluffy and cute; (2) I wish i could tell you, but I suspect he's an evil even greater than Ganon and Vaati combined; (3) It's the Terminan version of the Sacred Realm, where the god's true forms play; (4) Not that we know of, and no the manga story does not count; (5) I'll do my best but I have a dentist appointment scheduled that day, and you know how hard it is to get a spot reserved with those people.

Vaati fan asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you know where Vaati lives at the moment? I must find him!

Ezlo replies...
Last I heard, someone saw him sucking quarters out of vending machines in Peoria.

Kankuro asks
Dear Ezlo, My little brother is out to get me and my older sister (who is shorter than me) and he said that he'll kill us, so whaddoido?!?!?! He's 12 years old and I'm 13 and my sis (who I may mention once again, is shorter than me) is 15, WE'RE OLDER THAN HIM BUT HE'S GONNA KILL US! HEEEEEELP!!!

Ezlo replies...
Well, if your parents haven't already been done in by the little terror, may I suggest informing them of his murderous intent?

Sasori asks
Dear Ezlo, My friend is a bit gender confused, and since he has blonde long hair, he tends to cosplay as Zelda and (I'm not trying to offend Zelda) its starting to freak me out, what should I do?!?!?!?!

Ezlo replies...
Hey, what can I say: live and let live.

vaati researcher asks
Dear Ezlo, I really don't know about vaati. So tell me, is he a magiacian? Is he really evil evil? Or is he just a misunderstood boy? Does he transform into things, like a bat? Do you think he would go out with me if we ever met? Err you don't have to answer that last one.

Ezlo replies...
Vaati is a two-bit street performer that needs to steal magical devices just to get anything done. He isn't worth a worm's romantic inclinations, truly.

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, do you like guns?

Ezlo replies...
Only to shoot burglars and door-to-door salesmen with.

JrP asks
Dear Ezlo, You said that at the end of WW, Zelda took the Triforce. In the game, it actually flies off to what I believe to be the Sacred Realm. Am I right?

Ezlo replies...
No, Zelda inherits the True Force (the whole thing) and the spping-off is just it transferring into her body (or something like that).

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, have you ever taken summer school? I'm just finishing up two-and-a-half months of summer school, and it's pretty lame.

Ezlo replies...
Nah, I was pretty much a bookworm, so school came pretty easily to me. Although, my evil (and learning-impaired) twin brother Elzo informs me that summer school is indeed quite lame.

Max asks
Dear Ezlo, in FSA the game was in Old Hyrule.But in MC its in New Hyrule.The Four Sword is fused with the four elements.Before MC legendery hero story,did the elements were seperated or there are two Four Swords?

Ezlo replies...
Actually, the order is TMC -> FS -> FSA, and all three take place in New Hyrule. And yes, before TMC, the Four Sword was separated from its elements after having been forged and then lost its powers over many years due to lack of use.

GONNAshootMYself asks
Dear Ezlo, does tp look a little depressing to you? I mean in almost every screenshot it looks really cloudy and is very miserable looking.

Ezlo replies...
Oh, that's just the Twilight Realm. Once yet get away from that part of the game where everyone is suffering and dying the world doesn't seem that sad.

oddface asks
Dear Ezlo, do you play world of warcraft? if you do, what server are you on and what lvl character do you have?

Ezlo replies...
I used to play back when WoW was cool, and I had a level 65 (because I was that awesome) Gnomish Warlock anmed SuperEzlo. Actually, just kidding. Ezlo doesn't have the reflexes required to play any video game faster than Minesweeper.

Sokka asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you do when link dies? Or when a ReDead jumps on his back, biting him in the head?

Ezlo replies...
Go find another sap--er, hero--to play ringworm--er, guide--to.

Leaf asks
Dear Ezlo, Hi how are you doing?I just have a few questions to ask.
1.Does Link like Pikachu as a friend?
2.How do I get rid of insane Naruto characters who are invading my website?
3.Why does Talim like Link?

Ezlo replies...
...I'm sorry, what?

Saetch asks
Dear Ezlo, could Tingle and Link be related? They both wear green, they're both really dumb...what do you think?

P.S. My mom told me to vaccuum my room, but I just sprayed Lysol around. Is that about the same?

Ezlo replies...
Thankfully not. Especially considering it appears that someone took a leak in Tingle's gene pool and Link appears to be (mostly) intact. As to your second question, unless vacuuming suddenly became applicable through aerosol, the answer is no.

Vatti asks
Dear Ezlo, ...I'm sorry for turning you into a hat. & everything I've done to you. It's just because you let me drink too much beer, & I was drunk. Actually, it's because I never got a hug. My parents never loved me. So.........can I have a hug? It would make me feel better...;(

Ezlo replies...
I see you reaching for my wallet, get outta here you deadbeat!

Suleiman the Magnificent asks
Dear Ezlo, I am Suleiman the Magnificent,perhaps you have heard of me?I am the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire!Now, if I put in charge of my king would you:
a.Kill Tingle by having 5000 Great Bombards shot hom with cannonballs the size of Gannon.
b.Attack Malta,I never liked them, there evil,like little elf peoples..!OH!anyway with Janissarys.
or c.Destroy Rauru for spreading rumors of you dating Koume.
Choose and I'll give you my kingdom when i go to China.
P.S.DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH ON THE GRAND ADVENTURES HOME PAGE HAS A VIRUS IN IT!!!!
Thank you.

Ezlo replies...
Give me Byzantium and we'll talk.

Paladin thr inevitable asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do you think Link is annoying? He saved you from the octos for GOD'S SAKES!!!

Ezlo replies...
Someone hasn't waited behind him in line at McDonalds I see.

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, what are the leever's magic words?

Ezlo replies...
Way too old! Er, I mean... "Leever Leever Smashy Smash."

lord of all dragons asks
Dear Ezlo, What material did Tingle use to make his tower? I ask because I'm trying to think of a good way to destroy it.

Ezlo replies...
His own dead skin and cut toe/fingernails. Ewwwwww.

Evilslayer asks
Dear Ezlo, I've just learned something terrible. Tingle is gathering an army to conquer the world. We must stop him at all cost!

Ezlo replies...
To the Ezlomobile! (screen spins, Batman music plays)

Sokka asks
Dear Ezlo, do you like boomerangs?

Ezlo replies...
Only the kind that don't come back to you.

Kyuubi asks
Dear Ezlo, Is link cheese you can listen to outside? I means his hair looks like some cheese...

Ezlo replies...
Someone has been watching way to many PSP commericals.

greeny asks
Dear Ezlo, Dear Ezlo,how come evryone confuses shiek for a girl in oot when u go to princess ruto for the second time she states"a young MAN named sheik saved me." plus in the manga link refers to shiek being a boy heres the link to the page and im also talking about if shiek was a person by himself not zelda

Ezlo replies...
Sheik is Zelda. Someone cannot be two different biological entities. Sheik was a disguise intended to hide Zelda from those around her, a disguise that looked like a boy. And, surprise, everyone who saw Sheik took him/her to be a boy and referred to him as such.

Akito asks
Dear Ezlo, have you ever played Kingdom Hearts?

Ezlo replies...
No, I have a court order forbidding me from coming into contact with any Disney merchandise. There was... an incident.

Paladn the inevitable asks
Dear Ezlo, why are you annoying on The Minish Cap?!

Ezlo replies...
I prefer to think of myself as enchanting, but to each their own, I guess.

thehadminstrel asks
Dear Ezlo, ah 1, 2, 3, 4...

EEEEE-ZL-OOOOOOO THE MINISH CAP!!!!!!!! HE LOVES ME AND YOU!!!! HEY!!! HEY!!!!! when there is a full moon at night he POPS!!!! out of the box and brings me PREEEEEEEEEEEEEE-S-AAAAAAAAAAAAA-NTS!!!!!!!!

.........right?

Ezlo replies...
Oh. My. Many. Minish. Gods.

deep thought asks
Dear Ezlo, Some people are asking me about the meaning of life, and the best thing I can come up with is 42 what should i tell them?

Ezlo replies...
THe meaning of life is, biologically speaking, to pass your genes onto a new generation. Everything else is fluff.

I need food asks
Dear Ezlo, why is it that you have long eyebrows (as seen on your picture above) ?

Ezlo replies...
I have very poor hygeine... there, you happy Daphne?! I said it!

Hinata asks
Dear Ezlo, (1)Don't you hate it when people ask you stupid questions, or say things that clearly shows that their sanity level is pretty low?(2)When they delayed TP, what were they doing with the game? I mean what can make a Loz fan angrier than delaying the newest game for like a year?

Ezlo replies...
(1) THere's no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid people that ask stupid questions. (2) They were adding more content and making it playable for the Wii.

Mr. Foursword asks
Dear Ezlo, Before you went with Link,had you ever been to the Elementel Sanctuary

Ezlo replies...
Why of course, that's how we Minish cross into Hyrule.

POP YO asks
Dear Ezlo, when you were young were you a party animal?

Ezlo replies...
No, I was more of a bookworm. Oh, big surprise, don't be so shocked.

riku asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you feel when link rolls over?

Ezlo replies...
Like one huge migraine.

new comer asks
Dear Ezlo, I am new to all of the newest games, so please tell me who the HECK IS VAATI?

Ezlo replies...
My apprentice prior to Minish Cap. He rebelled, stole my magic hat, turned me into a hat myself, and fled to conquer Hyrule. He's the main antogonist of TMC.

Minito asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Jack mad at you?

Ezlo replies...
Nah... although, that would explain why my water's been shut off.

gannon asks
Dear Ezlo, I went back in time and kept links parents fome ever meeting .Then this kid named michael came and kicked my butt.How is that possible?

Ezlo replies...
Like dude frogs becoming females, nature always finds a way.

Miss Zelda asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you know anything about Nintendo making a new zelda game.

Ezlo replies...
Other than Twilight Princess and Phantom Hourglass, there's talk about a Four Swords game for the DS, but that's only speculation.

Guardian Kiune asks
Dear Ezlo, My cockatiel keeps laying eggs under my bed and they're all duds but she still lays more and attacks me when I get out of bed. Can you talk to her and tell her she's gonna get calcium deficient if she keeps this up?

P.S.- My other cockatiel is a male and hasn't shown interest in her and only flirts with the mirror, his shadow, and with pictures of male birds. I think he may be a bit... well... fruity. What do you think?

Ezlo replies...
Dress the female Cockatiel up like a dude, and I think you'll solve both problems.

Oni Link asks
Dear Ezlo, why do u get to use Oni Link in the 5 bosses?

Ezlo replies...
Something about Oni Link being a god-like creature like the Four Giants.

Koholint asks
Dear Ezlo, What color eyes do you have?

Ezlo replies...
Black. Surprise!

Sweswe asks
Dear, Great, Wise Ezlo, from where and how did the Happy Mask Salesman from Majora's Mask get that Mario Mask? Oh, and can you tell me something about your wife? (the lucky woman!)

Ezlo replies...
Probably from Dimension M, the Mushroom Dimension. As for my wife, she is a cantankerous shrew, terrible in love, stingy with the purse, and yet some unfortunate chemical reaction keeps my coming home every night. Perhaps that is the one thing I shall never know... how I can love her.

Oh, wait, her parents are loaded. That's how.

Neji asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think Neji is a girl name?! If it is, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~!! I'M A GUY!!! If it isn't, THANK THE MOTHER AND ALL THAT IS HOLY!!

P.S: I used my Byakugan (a power that allows you to see far away) On Vaati once, you wanna know what he was doing? He was making a voodoo doll of you.

Ezlo replies...
I've never even heard that name before. I couldn't say what gender it was for if I wanted to. And that's okay, Vaati carried out and failed at his Voodoo plan two weeks ago.

Fire Wolf asks
Dear Ezlo, How come when you ask your parents to play a videogame with you like SSBM they never do? Then they always say "they're busy" and go watch The Simpsons. Do you think Dr. Phil is the doctor of Thinkologly? Do you like Mythbusters?

Ezlo replies...
They probably are just too nice to say they have no interest in videogames. No. No.

The Posh Doubter asks
Dear Ezlo, remember this?

Ezlo replies... I once had a Mexican jumping bean. He really wasn't much fun.

Ezlo replies...
If a giant bean crushed your house you wouldn't like it much either, eh?

RainyZora asks
Dear Ezlo, what are the names of tingles brothers? I forgot and I need to know!

Ezlo replies...
Ankle and Knuckle.

M Warrior asks
Dear Ezlo, Is the Happy Mask Salesman have magical qualities? Because he has swift mood swings, can disappaer like a ghost, and has a magical song that can turn troubled spirits into magical masks?

Ezlo replies...
No, he jsut has travelled far and wide and has picked a few tricks, like the Song of Healing. And bipolar disorder.

question asks
Dear Ezlo, is it true that Zelda and Link are a couple?

Ezlo replies...
That's a big negative. Both are officially unattached.

newbkyng asks
Dear Ezlo, I heard somewhere they were cancelling the GC Twilight Princess. Also, IGN's Top 100 Games has _NO_ Twilight Princess (GC) in it. But they haven't put 'cancelled' in the GC Twilight Game Profile. Is it cancelled or not?

Ezlo replies...
Nintendo will not cancel the GC TP. Don't worry about it. It'll still be released on time and all.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, Is there any Zelda game where you can ride Epona as a kid?

Ezlo replies...
Majora's Mask.

dimitri asks
Dear Ezlo, is animal crossing wild world set on the ruins of hyrule because my friend said on his game he found items called the master sword and the green tunic and you can also go to camp hyrule in the game.

Ezlo replies...
Ah, no. Those are just Easter Eggs.

Link asks
Dear Ezlo, In the Zelda manga- the minish cap you forgave vatti...but it seems here you hold a grude..watsup with that?

Ezlo replies...
The manga is not canon, and therefore neither is my forgiveness.

Syn asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you have the time to listen to me whine?

Ezlo replies...
I do for everyone else...

medli20 asks
Dear Ezlo, When Link gets an item, he holds it up in the air, but the item is floating and rotating in circles, right? Well, in that case, why doesn't Link just do that with Ganondorf, rendering the fiend useless and flailing his arms and legs in terror? Not that I have a grudge against Ganondorf, he's one of the best-desinged bad guys EVER!!!! ^_^ Oh, and why are Keeses so darn weak? I mean, they DO die when you hit them with a grappling hook in TWW....

Ezlo replies...
Oh that's just an effect, it really doesn't mean Link can make things float. And Keese are so weak because they are so small.

rebecca asks
Dear Ezlo, what carving is on your cane?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, the Minish national animal, the ornithos ezlodocus, the Green-spotted Blabber Bird.

Triforce Sage asks
Dear Ezlo, I've got a lot of questions regarding Minish Cap and the Triforce. (1) Does Minish Cap take place before Ocarina of Time? (2) In Minish Cap, the stained glass pictures show that Princess Zelda only has one Triforce piece. Why did she only have one and which piece did she have? (3) What happened to the Triforce when Vaati was extracting it out of Zelda? Who was its final host? (4)Did the Minish give the whole Triforce itself to the world?

Ezlo replies...
(1) No, much afterward. (2) She typically does only have one piece, that of Wisdom. (3) He didn't succeed extracting the Triforce. It stayed with Zelda. (4) No, they were in the dark themselves of what the Triforce was, mistakenly calling it the "Light Force".

kokiri guy asks
Dear Ezlo, I was looking at Expoloding Deku Nut the other day, (cool new layout, check it out) but almost eveything I clicked on didn't work! It either said "Page not found" or it wasn't a clickable link! For Instance, I try to view thier satires, but when I roll over the different ones, the mouse dissapears. I try cling, but all i can do is highlight words. Please, is something wrong with the site, or my computor or what?

p.s. PPPPLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE ANSWER ME!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Growing pains from the new layout methinks. I just took a look and everything is tip-top as far as I can see.

Desert manig monkey asks
Dear Ezlo, How did you find yourself in the grea desert colossus (the place)? Have you made good friends with the gerudo folk by becoming their pet or have you sat your hide down into the spirit temple to prey and give out helpful insites to passing travelers?

Ezlo replies...
Sorry it's not so wonderful as you think, but I just file my columns from my beachside home.

hi violet asks
Dear Ezlo, what type of underwear does link wear?

Ezlo replies...
Thong... don't ask how I know.

golden minish asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the tribe that possessed Majoras Mask before the creepy salesman got it and do you think they will have any signifigance in Twilight Princess or Phantom Hourglass

Ezlo replies...
Well, we don't know the name of the tribe. All we know is that they were a band of evil people, perhaps led by a witchdoctor of sorts. Nevertheless, I think they were solely Termina's problem, and now are long gone.

Zora person asks
Dear Ezlo, Did the minish exist in OoT+ do Zoras reproduse like fish?

Ezlo replies...
No, Minish ere still hanging out in our home dimension then.

mjasterlinks asks
Dear Ezlo, do you think link and tetra will make a nice couple

Ezlo replies...
Yeah, if Tetra weren't so domineering.

kirima asks
Dear Ezlo, how did vaati REALLY get his scar..? my friend told me that the royal family gave it to him...

Ezlo replies...
Nah, the truth is not so glamorous. He just fell off his tricycle.

sammy boy asks
Dear Ezlo, in TWW, zunari gives you the magic armor, my question is, is the magic armor really Nayru's love from OoT and how did zunari get it...oh and your so awsome!

Ezlo replies...
No, it isn't. Though that would be cool. According to one of the Fishmen, Zunari just found it somewhere. My theory is he bought it off a trader who didn't know what it was. Or maybe pulled it out of the ocean.

Banan Phone asks
Dear Ezlo, Get a pencil and paper ready, 'cause I am a curious little monkey here.
1.) Why doesn't Link ever talk? Does he have laringitis or something?
2.) Where on earth is Hyrule on the Atlas?! I've checked EVERYWHERE!
3.) Why doesn't Vaati look like all the other Minish?
4.) Why am I asking so many questions?
5.) If you can teach Vaati magic, can you teach Navi to shut her butt?
6.) I wanna learn a magic spell!

Ezlo replies...
(1) No, he just doesn't have much to say, (2) Hyrule isn't on Earth! (3) He's corrupted by he Cap, (4) Crippling desire to be noticed? (5) If I wan't her to die of septic shock maybe, (6) Only Minish, sorry.

A Fluh asks
Dear Ezlo, How old is Vaati?

Ezlo replies...
Very young. Like 15 I believe. Though, in full disclosure, I never did care when his birthday was.

Koholint asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is it that Vaati has such pretty hair? Well, besides the obvious fact he has much better personal hygiene than Ganondorf....

Ezlo replies...
My theory is that he uses that shampoo with the ground up Fairies in it.

burnett asks
Dear Ezlo, What the heck is with blondes turning guys on??????!!!!!!Err what that isn't my question.(Can you please answer it though) Here is mine.
Is the triforce some power of the godesses? I heard it is. Please tell me.

Ezlo replies...
Well, to answer your first question, I did a little research and the reason blondes tend to attract guys much better is that having fairer hair was a mutation that emerged tens of thousands of years ago and worked to make the blondes stand out from the brunette cave women and thus give them a better chance to find a mate. Even after that gigantic span of time, blondes still attract men simply by standing out and appearing genetically appealing.

That said, the Triforce is an incarnation of the Goddesses' powers, and can do anything they can.

hikaru asks
Dear Ezlo, do you have a picture of vaati's human form in four swords?please show it to me

Ezlo replies...
Vaati was never anything but a giant angry eyeball in Four Swords.

Random Fan nicely asks
Dear Ezlo, can I have your autograph?

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo.

zelda fan asks
Dear Ezlo, why is link young again in manjoras mask or is it a different link

Ezlo replies...
Because Zelda turned Link back to his original childhood at the end of Ocarina of Time.

happy asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you eat with just a beak, do you turn back to a picori or something?

Ezlo replies...
If the premise of this question we correct, wouldn't all the birds be dead?

Deidara asks
Dear Ezlo, REMEMBER??? Yeah...

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, If you were a soda what flavor would you be?

Ezlo replies...
New Coke.

Ezlo replies...
You're so hurtful when you drink...

ShadowMaster asks
Dear Ezlo, what is the zelda RPG quest thing? is it a game? do you have to download it? what do you do? is it free? can i make a link in it?

Ezlo replies...
I'm assuming you're talking about Hyrule Adventures, which is indeed free. You can't make Link, but you can make your own character based on one of the many available races and classes. It's really fun, try it out.

kokiri guy asks
Dear Ezlo, what does "cannon" mean? and who the heck is Ralph?

Ezlo replies...
"Canon" is material that is considered "official" and "true" in regards to a storyline. If something is "not canon" then it doesn't count. And Ralph is a character from Oracle of Ages.

Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm having trouble with the Majora Mask. I'm at the part where you need to give the witch a potion. I got the potion and every time I try to give it to her, Link always drinks and I have to run back to get more. What am I doing wrong? Please help.

Ezlo replies...
Are you Z-Targeting her?

Gaara asks
Dear Ezlo, Thanks for answering my question, BUT I DON'T DRINK!!! I'm underage! I'm only 12! But my freind Lee drinks and he's only 2 years above me. WHADDYA THINK OF THAT?!?!?!

Ezlo replies...
Quick Daphne, round up the Nattering Busybodies League, we have a protest to create!

bornio456 asks
Dear Ezlo, I was wondering if a new zelda game for gba sp.

Ezlo replies...
Er, no, sorry. GBA is done as far as support from the major Nintendo brands go. I wouldn't expect anything significant there again. The future is DS!

carpet merchant asks
Dear Ezlo, there is a glitch outside links house in TMC that gives me infinite rupees, and i have been using it rather alot, should i feel guilty about this or is it ok?

ps: watching tingle run from bombchu is fun! try it! muhahahahaha!

Ezlo replies...
So you're the one who has been stealing my buried Rupees. Have at you, good sir!

Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I've ironed you're shirt, waxed you're shoes, and thrown out all the age questions. And I hid the secret of defeating Tingle in you're pillow. Can I be you're apprentice again?

Ezlo replies...
Empty out my used Depends hamper and we'll talk.

SwordKing asks
Dear Ezlo, In "Majora's Mask" I tried shooting Tingle's balloon with a fire arrow. I hoping that whatever was in the balloon was flammable and I'd be treated to a Tingle Flambe. No such luck. Any suggestions as to what I sould try next?

Ezlo replies...
Fill the balloon with Helium and try again. KABLOOIE!

no name asks
Dear Ezlo, if u go to gamefaqs.com Zelda is voted the best game series. What do you think of that?

Ezlo replies...
It's terrible, I was hoping my little known "Where in the World is Ezlo?" series would win.

Plushdoll_Invincible asks
Dear Ezlo, There was once a man who had a big, round, orange head. So, one day one of his friends asked him: "why do you have such a big, round, orange head?" "Well," sighed the man "one day I found a genie bottle and it gave me three wishes. The first thing I wished for was a lot of money, and that's why I'm so rich. Then I wished for a beautiful wife to share it with and that's where she came from. And then, now I think this is where I went wrong, I wished for a big, round, orange head.

Ezlo replies...
Technically this isn't a question, but I'll allow it because Ezlo loves ironic comedy.

kokiri guy asks
Dear Ezlo, i'm begging you answer this question. i've asked you twice, and you've updated thrice, but my questions are not there! PLEEEAAASSSE, answer. If Tingle is from Termina, how in the world did he get into Hyrule?
P.S Please???

Ezlo replies...
Well, like Link, there are multiple Tingles. The one in Termina is also a "reflection" of the Hyrule Tingle. And Din knows where that one was in OoT.

corey asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Kasuto.net dead?

Ezlo replies...
As a doorknob.

Team Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, We are Team Tingle and demand you face Tingle in a fight! We will see how strong you are when Tingle Owns j00 wid his liek totally not n00b powas!
P.S: We are a real group not something I made up for this question

Ezlo replies...
Phew, you have me for a moment there. I was thisclose to peeing myself.

the original link asks
Dear Ezlo, i hav a girlfriend, but i dont know if she considers me her boyfriend! i mean, she sed yes 2 wen i asked her out, but im not sure if she only just considers me her friend! its been 2 months since i asked her out, and we havnt even gotten close 2 even holdding hands! please help me!

Ezlo replies...
Well, if your pretty young (say younger than 13), it's possible she may not know what going out means. Either way, have you considered asking her what her feelings are? Take her somewhere nice and ask her just that.

cody asks
Dear Ezlo, why are you a hat at the begining of minish cap?

Ezlo replies...
Play the game to find out, or highlight the following: Vaati turns me into a hat using the Minish Cap.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, Can you submit more than one caption into the Caption Contest?

Ezlo replies...
You can, but Jack won't put up more than one of your captions per update and skip any extras he finds. The trick is to submit an extra about every five days or so if you must.

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, I have an idea for you (and Jack) to update this place so it'll be fresh. Once, every two weeks, on a day you guys get a chance to, update the site, so you can answer more questions, and people wil quit spamming on you about not answering their letters. Do you think that is a good idea?

PS
Forgive me for being gross, but earlier, I sneezed, and blue snot came out, is that a bad thing?

Ezlo replies...
Good idea, though I think the problem would be best remedied if I just answered letters more often. Also, stop sticking blueberries up your nose.

Higsby asks
Dear Ezlo, In one of the newer Twilight Princess Artworks Link is wielding the Master Sword, so my question is, where in the Zelda's timeline will TP be? because if it is after WW means that someone traveled to the bottom of the sea and removed the Master Sword from Ganon's head.

Ezlo replies...
Nintendo ahs stated that TP will take place between OoT/MM & TWW.

Insatisfied guy asks
Dear Ezlo, I've seen dessert colossus is pretty inaccurate:
1.-In Majora's Mask section you call the Skull Kid Stalkid.
2.-In the TimeLine it says Link was eight in Ocarina of Time, when he was 12; and he was 15 in Wind Waker when he was 12 too.
3.-Tingle is not evil, he is a Fairy.

What can you tell me about this huh?!

Ezlo replies...
(1) The MM guide was originally a preview guide based off of Japanese translations. A lot of information has remained since then. It will eventually be overhauled like the LoZ and AoL guides. (2) No where has Nintendo officially stated the age of Link in OoT or WW. (3) Tingle is not a fairy, he's a creepy Hylian, and that "Tingle is evil" piece was written in jest. And while we're being picky, insatisfied isn't a word. Nor can 3 "issues" out of a bazillion facts make a site "pretty inaccurate".

Link asks
Dear Ezlo, I just found this weird mask, I think it's name is mayor or major's mask, i don't remember, anyway I think it's spikes are cool, should I use it?

Ezlo replies...
Um, no. Put it down, and walk away. Slowly.

asker asks
Dear Ezlo, i am new in this place an i want to ask a tingle question: i know you hate tingle and i also do cause when i am four swords advetures he always take my rupees! it is agaist the law to just steal anyones rupees,so i also wanna join the hate tingle thing or what it is if that is okay? i also have a plan: take one of his brothers as a hostage and charge all his rupees to get him back!

Ezlo replies...
Tingle cares about Rupees more than anything else, I don't think your plan would work. And yes, robbery is against the law in Hyrule.

what is Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, what kind of creature is Vaati in 4 swords? Is he the same thing in MC?

Ezlo replies...
Yes.

Marco asks
Dear Ezlo, Who is Fierce Deity?
The transformation masks in MM all have something in common, they transform you into a once alive person (Mikau, Darmani, Deku Scrub), so Fierce Deity should have been someone, who? Also, the mask (and the transformation) look like Link, and he looks evil, so that means Fierce Deity was an evil predecessor of Link? Maybe that´s why Link has to save Hyrule and why he reincarnates so many times, to pay for all what he did as Fierce Deity long time ago, what do you think? Please answer me!!!!

Ezlo replies...
I think you're over analyzing FD. If I had to guess, I would say that the FD is a Terminan reflection of the Family of the Hero in a psuedo-divine sort of way.

Ezlo asks
Dear Ezlo, in MC Vatti gets destroyed by link how does he become a minish again and my freind asked who created the majoras mask in MM and you didn't answer it!!!!

Ezlo replies...
He was corrupted by the Cap and can't return to his old form. As to your friend's question: the mask was created by an ancient Terminan tribe as a tool for their hexing ritual.

thatdude asks
Dear Ezlo,

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo,

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, how much does dark link weigh? I was told he weighs about 30lbs. Is this true?

Ezlo replies...
He's a shadow, so, nothing.

But if he's only a shadow, how can you hit him, and how can he hit you?

Ezlo replies...
A magic shadow.

Ezlo replies...
He has magic shadowy weightlessness.

Sora asks
Dear Ezlo, whats your favorite movie?

Ezlo replies...
Pretty Woman... ha, just kidding. Citizen Kane.

Name asks
Dear Ezlo, i have a question, even though most of the time it makes sense, why does nintendo use ganondorf as link's enemy almost all of the time, i mean, it kind of gets ridiculus.Why dont they keep making new guys, maybe even make up a son for ganon, cause this always happens, link kills ganondorf, he comes back and some future link kills HIM. Not some other guy, but him. Why does he always come back to life???

Ezlo replies...
Why does Bowser keep coming back? I really can't say, it's jsut a plotline thing. Ganondorf has a touch of immortality about him, and really wants to conquer Hyrule, so he keeps trying to.

Oni Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Roar!

Ezlo replies...
Eep.

NOGARE asks
Dear Ezlo, you know how you minish people are pretty much immortal? Do you see Link again? In Phantom Hourglass, maybe? Or is the stupid Navi going to return to him again? And in The Twilight Princess... But, you're cooler. You are wise, and need to speak when I need advise, but the damn fairy just won't shut the hell up, and just says, "Hey", or "Listen", or "Wake up". Why the hell would I be sleeping when fighting enemies?! Anyway, i just hope you come back...

Ezlo replies...
Well, i don't want to give up the surprise, so I won't be saying anything about your first question. However, as to your second, Link will indeed have a fairy in PH, but the fairy will not be Navi.

happy asks
Dear Ezlo, do you have any kids?

Ezlo replies...
Unfortunately yes. I have so many I lost count years ago.

Zelra Dragmire asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is the rum gone!?

p.s. Have you seen that movie?

Ezlo replies...
Yes, I most certainly did. (Hide the rum!)

Stalchild asks
Dear Ezlo, do you think that the guy on Outset in WW who chops grass ( I forget names ) will want to marry Sue-Belle? ( girl with pot on head ) coz his figurine states that he wants a wife and he's too busy to set sail anywhere else and the only girl left is sue-belle coz rose ( fatty who has fat pig ) is already married and so is links gran, just saying.

Ezlo replies...
Unless someone new emigrates to the island, I'd say it's a good shot.

need to know asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the Fierece Diety to you?

Ezlo replies...
A Terminan mythic figure that is somehow related to the Four Giants and Majora in a bizarre divine triangle of power.

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the exact exchange rate of a Minollar to a United States Dollar?

Ezlo replies...
About 5.26 : 1.

Din's Shadow asks
Dear Ezlo, You recall...

Caleman yet again asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey, I was playing my Game Boy, and was wondering, Is that castle they show in the beginning of OoS and OoA the Hyrule castle in OoT? Because if it is, then that means there has to be a triforce in OoT, because he gets the TriForce in the begining of the game, and they ( or it) send Link to the various lands.

Ezlo replies...
It is Hyrule Castle, but not from OoT. The two games are from different parts of the timeline.

Ezlo replies...
Firstly, the two horses are not Epona. At least, the horse from Oracles is never named so we can't assume it is Epona. Also, the characters are not all the same. For example: explain Impa's different look! Plus, the Castle's really don't look the same, because the Oracles one is surround by thick woods, unlike the OoT one.

tony asks
Dear Ezlo, try and answer this riddle:
in marble walls as white as milk,
lined with skin as soft as silk.
whithin a fountain crystal clear,
a golden apple does appear.
no doors are ther to this stronghold,
yet thieves break in and steal the gold.
HA THAT IS NEAR IMPOSIBLE, and if you answer that,I HAVE HUNDREDS MORE!BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ezlo replies...
An egg, come on now, I'm not an amateur!

Sub-Zero asks
Dear Ezlo, Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Pai-Mei from Kill Bill Vol. 2? The resemblance is uncanny!

Ezlo replies...
You are so asking for a heart-splosion.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, if you know so much romantic tips, then answer this, when is it the right time to ask three girls into marrying you at the same time?

Ezlo replies...
When they are all facing away from each other and stricken by deafness.

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, I would like to know how to make a sword, do you? I might make one that will actually hurt Tingle *coughRupeeStealingSwordcough*
Could you please tell me how to make a sword?

Melari replies...
Ezlo asked me to answer this question for him, and I'll do my best not to stray into tech-ese forging lingo. First, you need a basic sword, a fairy in a bottle, a cursed Rupee, twelve pints of water, a single Tingle hair, and at least three apprentices. First, boil the apprentices in the water and use the resulting sludge as a base for your crafting. Toss the hair in the sludge, and the Rupee as well. Stir for three days, then dip the sword in the sludge and use the fairy to solidify the magical aura. Then, ta-da you have a new magic sword!

The Posh Suggester asks
Dear Ezlo, I noticed a few letters back that you appear to have quite a problem with an over-abundance of hat polish. Might I suggest you put it to good use by starting your own hat polish expotation business? (HPEB for short) Why, once I had the same problem as you have now (not earlier, now), and I decided to start a HPEB, and it did wonders for me. Why, I even got this spiffy accent! Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho . . .

Ezlo replies...
Well, I already have a funny accent, and exporting really isn't my thing. Maybe a polish importing business? Wait... that wouldn't work at all!

Animerican asks
Dear Ezlo, I've read that you have a wife now, and quite happily so. If so, then what was the musshiest, gushiest, sweetest thing you ever did for her, so that the world may know?

Ezlo replies...
I once appeared outside her window, covered in chocolate, and serenaded her with a beautiful Minitalian love song.

MBone asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think that every Legend of Zelda game can chronogically be linked. I mean the main character's name is that Link. It seems like there are too many random storylines. I know he is supposed to be reincarnations of the first hero, but which one is that? Honestly, I feel that the best and most worthy of the storylines begin with OoT. Followed by MM, TP, WW, and now FHG. What do you think?

Ezlo replies...
I believe the games can be linked, for sure. You should check out the Compendium for a detailed suppositional timeline.

Ezlo explains
I've gotten a lot of questions about the Zodiac symbols. For reference, here they are:

• Aquarius: Sue-Belle, the Water Bearer
• Pisces: Gyorg the Fish
• Aries: the Goht
• Taurus: the Lon Lon Cow
• Gemini: Twinrova, the Twins
• Cancer: Gohma, the Crab
• Leo: the Moblin
• Virgo: Marin, the Virgin
• Libra: the Sheikah
• Scorpio: the Tektite
• Sagittarius: the Lynel
• Capricorn: Zora, the waterman

Interviewer John asks
Dear Ezlo, I would like to interview you, first question, what would happen if Tingle died? Second question, what would happen if your wife died? Third question, what would you do if they made a movie all about you? Fourth question, what is your wife's favorite color? Final question, what would you do if Volvagia came by and offered you a cup of tea and a book from days before Old Hyrule? I'd appreciate if you answered these questions only you could answer.

Ezlo replies...
(1) Be a little morose that my greatest foe had transpired and thus the game was no longer afoot. (2) Which one? (3) Sue because they never bought my life story. (4) Um, light urple. (5) Enjoy the tea, the book, and wear a welder's apron the entire time.

happy asks
Dear Ezlo, ARE YOU HIGH!!??

Ezlo replies...
On life my friend, on life.

zelda's TRUE husband asks
Dear Ezlo, is it true that the father of OoT link is Ganon?

P.S What's your fav Zelda boss of all time?

Ezlo replies...
Erm, no. And I suppose Vaati, because he is my nemesis.

Jaconius asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a few questions
1.Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
2.Where would we be without rhetorical questions?
3.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Ezlo replies...
(1) The chiseling board, (2) a world with a better percentage of answered questions, and (3) failed.

Kenoran Daemonia asks
Dear Ezlo, Hyello, Ezlo! I am having terrible trouble with LoZ:WW. Could you point meh in the direction of a walkthrough?

PS: Can I help you squishify Tingle? I think a bear hug oughta do it!

Ezlo replies...
Gamefaqs.com has some wonderful walkthroughs for TWW. Suffice it to say, I wish I could the same about TDC *pokes Jack*.

Davros asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do people bother speaking to Link when he never replies? And why do they repeat themselves?

Ezlo replies...
Just another one of those great mysteries of the universe.

Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, You known in The Wind Waker, there is a gave on a hill on Windfall island. The one that guy is dancing to. Who does that grave belonge to? Like, who is buried under it? I'm dying to know.

Ezlo replies...
Check out this page, and scroll down to the sixth translation.

Koye asks
Dear Ezlo, Lets go to McDonalds one day! But heres the big question...Do you want a Cheesburger Happy Meal with a milk...Or A ChickenMcNugget Happy Meal with a milk!??!? I must know!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Big Mac with Cheese, please?

Hayley asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you ever seen the movie Labyrinth with David Bowie in it? It totally rox!

Ezlo replies...
Yikes, what a terrifying movie.

Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, What was the name of that spell that turns people to stone again? It just slipped from me. I won't do anything reckless with it, I promise! (Crosses fingers behind back)Hehehe!

Ezlo replies...
Oh well in that case, it's the--HEY! Waitta minute!

Akito asks
Dear Ezlo, I sent in a piece of Fan Art twice. Did Jack get it? It's a pencil drawing of Zelda.

Ezlo replies...
This may be an old letter, but it is indeed up in the Museum.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, In OoT, when you finally kill Ganon, and he gets sealed away, he keeps the Triforce of Power, so does that mean that he has it in all the other games after OoT?

Ezlo replies...
You got it. He held the Triforce all the way until the end of TWW, when the Triforce is reformed in whole and taken by Zelda.

Moth asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you like the idea of Anarchy? How about the band, also?

Ezlo replies...
But if there's no government, who will pay for my perscription drugs? And sorry, Ezlo doesn't like any music louder than Beethoven's 5th.

Hopeless asks
Dear Ezlo, I was wondering...I was talking with my friend and he thinks that the Link from TP is going to be the same one from OoT...who's got it right?
Oh, and I love the hat! :D

Ezlo replies...
Erm, I doubt it. Considering there seems to be a whole new "growning up story" for this Link, I think it's a whole new Hylian.

Lazlo asks
Dear Ezlo, I haven't seen ya in *counts fingers* three centuries. How ya been doin' cousin?

Ezlo replies...
I missed you too you deadbeat, now where's the 20 Rupees you owe me!

Wee! asks
Dear Ezlo, Numa Numa yei!

Ezlo replies...
Ugh, so 2005.

... asks
Dear Ezlo, is the user registration free?

Ezlo replies...
Yes. On the main page and at the forums.

Cuddle asks
Dear Ezlo, I like you! You make me laugh. Give me a hug.

Ezlo replies...
Slash hug.

ezlo fan asks
Dear Ezlo, I wish that you could be in a new game. I really liked MC(Minish Cap)Even if I was just watching! Oh and will Link ever say things like 'how are you?' I'm just wondering.

Ezlo replies...
Thanks, always nice to know there's a fan out there. And, unfortunately, Link refuses to talk coherent sentences, so I doubt such a situation would occur.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I would like to know, what is one thing that is smaller than a minish in the Zelda-verse (anything other than germs, microscopic animals, and atoms) is there?

Ezlo replies...
Only the feared Minisquito, our tiny version of the Mosquito. Other than that, we're about as small as they come.

Saiph asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Vaati have the same giggle as the Happy Mask Man? It's creepy.

Ezlo replies...
BECAUSE THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON. Haha, just kidding. I'd assume it's Nintendo being lazy and reusing sound bites.

lea asks
Dear Ezlo, sorry i didnt get to finish my sentence before. in the minish cap i wanted to know if it is possible to go back to places like the libary even when you defeat vattio and the credits have rolled because im missing 12 heart pieces!

Ezlo replies...
Yes, don't turn off the game during the credits and you can save the game at the end of the credits and reload your game from the point right before you entered the Castle (but with credit for defeating Vaati and therefore being able to get the hidden wood figures).

Majora asks
Dear Ezlo, Is the fourth MM temple Rockvale or Stone Tower? By the way, why do the cows look delicious in MC?

Ezlo replies...
Stone Tower. And... you're crazy.

red link asks
Dear Ezlo, will link be in tingle rpg ;]

Ezlo replies...
I sincerely doubt it. I think Rupee Land will be completely "out of universe" in terms of Hyrule.

Jam asks
Dear Ezlo, I was reading back through the archives, and I noticed that you are a Futurama fan. Did you know that they are making new episodes of the show that will (most likely) be aired on Comedy Central in 2007? Isn't this exciting?

Ezlo replies...
YES. I cannot tell you how excited I was when I heard that. I'm old, so you can imagine the number of Depends I had to go through after reading the announcement... I'm sorry, was that gross? (Oh, and the new episodes won't be aired until 2008)

beth asks
Dear Ezlo, on oot,in the water temple, i found ruto but she dissapeared,were she go?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, she always escapes you. You'll see her again after you beat the dungeon.

Town Minish asks
Dear Ezlo, Wow you're really cute. Do you have a cell phone number? I would love to talk to you some time. Are you really that tall in person. Wow you're hawt.*drools* Anyway, my real question is do you have a girlfriend?

Ezlo replies...
I'm married! And quite happily so at that!

Captain Jack Sparrow asks
Dear Ezlo, We're going on a new quest, a quest that will take us through the Great Sea, it is a journey to find and destroy Tingle. Would you join us on this quest, or do you think I'm a loon?

Ezlo replies...
Gimme yer rum and we'll talk.

mean asks
Dear Ezlo, YOU ARE MEAN!!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T EVER CALL ANYONE(evan if they are a clone)A FREAK OF NATURE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Hey, I just calls it hows I sees it.

Dodongo asks
Dear Ezlo, What happened to the Ocarina of Time after Majora's Mask?

Ezlo replies...
Link took it with him to wherever it is he went. I suspect is may be somewhere in or around Toaru Village.

corey asks
Dear Ezlo, Is The Grand Adventures dead?

Ezlo replies...
No. TML just has been busy with outside-Internet matters. The guy also runs Zelda Blog single-handedly, so cut him some slack.

Izlo asks
Dear Ezlo, Mother's dresses shall be mine!!! You're jealous because Mother loved me best!!! You know an octopus breeds with its beak! I...! Um... Er... what was I doing again?

Ezlo replies...
Izlo you beautiful, yet illegitimate, fool. I'll kill you first!

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo,

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, how much does dark link weigh? I was told he weighs about 30lbs. Is this true?

Ezlo replies...
He's a shadow, so, nothing.

Ezlo replies...
A magic shadow.

volvagia asks
Dear Ezlo, in MC, how come you just tell Link where the boss's weak point is?

Ezlo replies...
Would you have rather kept it to myself? "No Link, strike at his hard shell, that's the only way!"

Plushdoll Invincible asks
Dear Ezlo, Two drums and a cymbol fall down a hill! *Da dup chiii* ^.^

Ezlo replies...
Ha! Now that's a joke I can appreciate in my autumn years.

lea asks
Dear Ezlo, how come you cant use weapons as a minish i tried to use it on a chicken and i lost three hearts!

Ezlo replies...
We Minish believe not in war, but rather in getting stepped on by large, angry animals.

Brian asks
Dear Ezlo, Hi!I havea tip and qustion T.Don't go to ask tingle(he dosen't up date he's sight)Q.When is tp comming out.

Ezlo replies...
Thanks for advice, I'll keep that in mind, though I wasn't going much anyways. TP will be out in November, on a double-digit day. That's all I can give.

Sheikah asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you slightly sick of lovestruck kids asking you for advice? I would be... but I'm not you... sorry

Ezlo replies...
A little, but Ezlo has had many romantic conquests of the many Minish chickadees and therefore much advice to give.

Monica asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Ganondorf always make an attempt to have the triforce? I believe that Link should cut his wrist off to remove the triforce from his hand before sealing him up do'nt you think?

Ezlo replies...
Er, you don't want to know where the Triforce goes when you have no hands. No one wants to see that glow in the dark, believe you me!

[demonic savior] asks
Dear Ezlo, What is my Hyrulian zodiac sign? I am a Leo, so if that helps, please let me know.

Ezlo replies...
Leo is the Moblin.

kirby comix v2 asks
Dear Ezlo, WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?! Plese tell me when Phantom Hourglass is coming out ... please...

Ezlo replies...
I answer you all the time, first of all. Second of all: I'd say about January or February of 2007. Maybe March if we're unlucky.

Naruto asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you ever watch the show Naruto? If you don't.... YOU NEED TO!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

But if you ever did watch Naruto, Ya! Your my friend.......... What did you think of the show? What DO you think of the show?

Ezlo replies...
Na... ru... to? Whazzat?

Gaara asks
Dear Ezlo, Remember this?

lon lon lover asks
Dear Ezlo, what is your favorite candy?

Ezlo replies... Candy canes.

Ezlo replies...
You say such hurtful things when you've been drinking.

dimitri asks
Dear Ezlo, I know this isn't a question but please tell, TO GET OFF HIS LAZY BUTT AND UPDATE THE SITE ps. do your ezlo scream

Ezlo replies...
Hear, hear, Jack is a lazy dolt, is he not? Also, because you asked: YIEEE!!

ur mom asks
Dear Ezlo, What's your monthly salary?

Ezlo replies...
Not enough! *rim shot* But seriously, about 15 trillion Minollars a year. Tha tmay seem like a lot, but on Minollar is worth about the circumference of a Euro's weight in gold. So, really, I don't make that much.

princess of kito village asks
Dear Ezlo, Please tell me the answer to this riddle. It is far but near. Only seen in the night. And it really isn't there without the sun. It is pretty easy if you think about it. I got it out of my sisters riddle book.

Ezlo replies...
The Moon?

Dark Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Me again! What can I say, I'm your stalker for teh day! And I can't spell teh word teh! Stupid laptop!(breaks computer) Opps, anyway, heres my question. Have you heard about teh dual timline theory?

Ezlo replies...
I have, and it certainly has merit, but it's needlessly complicated so I prefer not to deal with it.

sheik asks
Dear Ezlo, i just went to a website, and they called me a 'she'. How pathetic is that? I am not a 'she'! I am a 'he'! Ezlo, do you realize how serious this is?! They think I am a 'she'! Do I look like a 'she' to you?! I don't have girl features! what is wrong with these people...

Ezlo replies...
A little gender confusion, eh? I can dig it.

Nayru asks
Dear Ezlo, If Link were a real person, and i met him, would you think i would have a shot a dating him?!?

Ezlo replies...
If you met Link in real life, I don't think you'd want to date him.

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, Things to do.....kill tingle. Try to poison Vaati. Visit Rauru. Bake Ezlo cookies.

Whoops. wrong note. lets see.....ok here.

Dear Ezlo, how much does link weigh?

Ezlo replies...
About 140 lbs.

person asks
Dear Ezlo, how are fairies born? are they born with their kokiri? or does the deku tree send them? and also, who names the fairies? the deku tree or the parent? or the owner?

Ezlo replies...
Fairies are magical creatures, and aren't born like typical mortals are. It's really hard to explain because they don't have typical lifespans.

Caleman yet again asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey, I was playing my Game Boy, and was wondering, Is that castle they show in the beginning of OoS and OoA the Hyrule castle in OoT? Because if it is, then that means there has to be a triforce in OoT, because he gets the TriForce in the begining of the game, and they ( or it) send Link to the various lands.

Ezlo replies...
It is Hyrule Castle, but not from OoT. The two games are from different parts of the timeline.

Carrots12 asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like carrots and peas and vegetables or are you a meat eater

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo does enjoy the occassional Whopper, but the Missus frowns on it. Something to do with my cholestrol.

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, did you have any pets growing up? I had a Beta fish, but it died...

Ezlo replies...
I once had a Mexican jumping bean. He really wasn't much fun.

Countryman asks
Dear Ezlo, I'll hold my breath until I read your reply, how long do you think I can hold it? *sucks in air and begins holding breath*

Ezlo replies...
Well, it's been 13 days since you sent this letter. So, RIP Countryman, we hardly knew ye.

Garo master asks
Dear Ezlo, How come the Gibdo Mask does'nt turn link into a gibdo? He aquired it with the song of healing.

Ezlo replies...
Only a few of the masks turned him into something. The rest just do weird little things.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I went to Tingle's place the other day, and attempted to use everything to kill Tingle, from eggplants, to soap, to even impaling his heart with a silver stake, all he did was get back up, but as I was leaving, I found out Tingle's source of life, the ruppees. If we steal them, we will kill Tingle (and it's true for Tingle's Freshly Picked Rose Colored Ruppee Land game) so, shall I get every Minish and soldier into action and head over to Tingle's Tower and steal all the ruppee from him and the fountain?

Ezlo replies...
Aha! I should have known. Assemble the troops, we ride at dawn.

M Warrior asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do stupid people still think your a hat when you turned back into a Minish at the end of Minish Cap? (Don't worry I'm one of the few smart people)

Ezlo replies...
Thank you, someone understands! I'm sick of everyone sending me Hat Polish. Who uses that stuff?!

Noah's Sister asks
Dear Ezlo, what's my zodiac sign in hyrule? On Earth it's Gemini

Ezlo replies...
Twinrova, the Twins.

Pierce asks
Dear Ezlo, That's Weird, in the OoT the game, Volvega was revived by ganondorf but in the manga, it has ben caged as a pet, because you said a manga is not cannon, right?

Ezlo replies...
You are correct sir. The game's version is always the correct one.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I met this little girl in the Minish city, and she claims to be your daughter? Could you explain (because she does look like you...only a little)

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo possesses what some might deem "loose morals." I just hope she doesn't want any child support like all the others. Ezlo's nearly broke from his ubiquitous progeny.

OMG asks
Dear Ezlo, does Zelda changes physically when she transforms to sheik?

Ezlo replies...
Let's see... how to put this diplomatically... either that or the Sheik costume is very tight.

blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you get Ricky in Oracle of Ages?

Ezlo replies...
You have to win his flute at the Target Aim game in Lynna Village.

Evanie Willow asks
Dear Ezlo, in this question

Dear Ezlo, What is the triforce?is it the three gods Din,Nayru,and Farore?Or is it just three triangles put together?

It's three gold triangles that are semi-sentient and possess divine power.

you answer that they are just 3 triangles that hold divine power yet in the ocarina of time..... ugh this story again

They clearly state as the goddesses Din, Nayru, and Farore, Fire, Water, and Earth as I have gathered. represented as statues created the different lands that put together make Hyrule, and when there job was done which included making the different beings that lived there they decided that the best way to protect all of the realm that they had created was to make their powers seperate into 3 triangles and 3 sacred stones which scattered across the land as the triangles were put into the care of the royal family. in the representation of the goddesses they show that to create the stones they had to seperate part of their power from themselves, and to create the ultimate power that was needed to the making of the triforce peices they had to surreder their own beings of free will so there was enough power to make the person who holds the triforce rule the entire realm and have the power of the goddesses themselves but only if they recovered the remaining pieces of the goddesses power which is represented by the three sacred gems

please just dont say WHAT? read it slowly and actually consider my point that I believe the goddesses themselves created the triforce and ARE the triforce their spirits powering it and giving it divine rule over the land. please give me a suitable response and not just something funny for the fun of it or I will ask this question again and again until it suits you to answer!
WOW that was a mouthful......
again I believed you answered Dalton incorrectly.....

Ezlo replies...
WHAT?

Just kidding! Anyways...

There are several holes in your argument: (1) nowhere does it state that the Goddesses are of Fire, Water, and Earth, but rather that they are symbolic avatars of Strength, Wisdom, and Courage, and (2) the Spiritual Stones were note created by the Goddesses, (3) the Triangle were not put into the care of the Royal Family, and in fact for quite some time no one knew where the Triforce was, (4) it says no where that the Goddeses "surrendered their own beings of free will," and you just based that argument on your own assumption.

Now, Ocarina of Time says that "The three great goddesses, their labors completed, departed for the heavens. And golden sacred triangles remained at the point where the goddesses left the world." (Nothing about Goddesses actually being). More conclusively, the aLttP manual states: "After the gods had finished their work, they left the world, but not before creating a symbol of their strength, a golden triangle known as the Triforce. A small but powerful portion of the essence of the gods was held in this mighty artifact, which was to guide the intelligent life on the world of Hyrule." (emphasis mine)

So, to conclude: I stick with my answer.

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, If you were a soda what flavor would you be?

Ezlo replies...
New Coke.

Minito asks
Dear Ezlo, What is your religion?

Ezlo replies...
I was raised Latter Day Minish by my folks, but I converted to Minishtarian Universalism while in college.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, in OoT, the Happy Mask Salesman says that the Mask of Truth is useful, but scary. Why is it scary?

Ezlo replies...
Because you can read people's minds with it. Plus it looks a little freaky.

BMWm5gtr asks
Dear Ezlo, can you show me what kind of car you drive because i bet it's just a '87 corrola or some thing.It better not be a Ferarri or an Aston Martin or a Lamborghini. If it was a Ford GT that would be pretty cool.Anyway just show me.

Ezlo replies...
Car? I couldn't apply enough pressure to a pedal if I tried.

Too many questions!! asks
Dear Ezlo, In MC,in my room in the smiths house i go by the table and you ask me "Hmm you seem suspisios,are you hiding anything?come on!you can tell me!!!"Please tell me what you did that for.

Ezlo replies...
Oh, I was just screwing with Link's head. Hehehe.

Some girl asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is it that ever time I play tWW I always find my self saying AWWWWWW. LINK IS JUST TO STINKEN CUTE. He s supposed be awesome, not cut to the point that when you get a game over you cry! I mean cutes ok if it s like Twilight Princess Link cute. There s something seriously wrong here!

Ezlo replies...
I agree, something is seriously wrong here.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, What are the other hyrulian zodiac signs?

Ezlo replies...
Sue-Belle, the Water Bearer; Gyorg the Fish; the Goht; the Lon Lon Cow; Twinrova, the Twins; Gohma, the Crab; the Moblin; Marin, the Virgin; the Sheikah; the Tektite; the Lynel; the Zora.

Hi asks
Dear Ez, have you ever read war and peace?

Ezlo replies...
Nah, my Russian literature experience is primarily consisting of some Solzhenitsyn.

savata asks
Dear Ezlo, is the ganon from the original zelda game the same as ganondorf in OoT?thanks

Ezlo replies...
Yeah, they're the same hombre.

Dalton asks
Dear Ezlo, What does "sentient" mean?

Ezlo replies...
According to Wikipedia, "sentience is a capacity for basic consciousness—the ability to feel or perceive, not necessarily including the faculty of self-awareness." Couldn't have said it better myself.

Altaire asks
Dear Ezlo, quieres un refresco mexicano del Internet?

Ezlo replies...
Satisfaga sí, pero prefiero Pepsi.

Navi asks
Dear Ezlo, My bf, Link, claims that he now has lice that came from you in the Minish Cap! Is this true? Oh and Link asks if you can post a pic of yourself how you look currently. Thanks.

Ezlo replies...
Lice! How dare he, my hygeine is impeccable! *scratch scratch* And you can see how I look currently at the top of this page.

dimitri asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like the tokey? I don't for obvius reasons.

Ezlo replies...
Er, I hope you mean the Tokay, and not mary jane... because... yeah. And the answer is no.

(Quiet Daphne! I have a perscription for that!)

Angleheart asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a few questions for you
1. Does Link have a love life?
2. In the fanart section, there is a really good pic called Summer Days by Melora that I like ALOT, but because I don't have OoT, I don't really know who's in it. Can you please tell me?
and finally 3. HOW THE HELL DID TINGLE GO INSANE!?!
I would love it if you answer all of my questions. Please and thank you.

Ezlo replies...
(1) No, though is followed by a pack of odd women wherever he goes; (2) From left to right: Nayru the Oracle, Some odd brunette (Marin, maybe?), Epona, Ruto, Saria, Farore the Oracle, Malon, Zelda (with SHeikah wrapping and jewelry), Impa, Din the Oracle, and Nabooru; (3) his father didn't love him enough.

linklover15 asks
Dear Ezlo, i asked u a question and its not listed, why?

Ezlo replies...
I don't answer every question. I only answer questions that I can provide a fun or informative reply to.

Stranger asks
Dear Ezlo, Hi sir Ezlo and everyone else! Did you guyz have a happy fourth...? Ezlo did you try to light off a firework?

Ezlo replies...
I actually lit off a few fireworks of my own by launching some missiles into the Sea of Minishpan. Let's see those lousy Minishicans try to defy me now!

Spanish Sage asks
Dear Ezlo,

Ezlo replies...
En español que usted es el estar más elegante del universo.

Ezlo replies...
Are you saying I'm not is more elegant in the universe?!

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, I do not think there is or ever was a New Hyrule. Daphnes Nohanson Hyrule said that the new land would NOT be Hyrule. If there was a New Hyrule, we would have heard about it from the game creators, and I have not heard anything about it officially. I think the new land that Link, Zelda and the pirates discovered was one of the other seven continents, but thats just me. Can you tell me the truth, because I am confused.

Ezlo replies...
Oh believe Ezlo, there is a New Hyrule. Tetra was perfectly content to make a new Hyrule before that speech by Daphnes, and I don't think her mind was changed afterwards. Moreover, I don't think that Daphnes was speaking literally, I think he meant that the land in spirit would not be Hyrule, it'd be something new.

Darth Paul asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the meaning of life?

Ezlo replies...
Bluntly: to procreate and put off death for as long as possible.

annonymous asks
Dear Ezlo, What is your gaming pet peeve? Mine is the countless false claims of having either beaten the Marathon Man in OoT or found Luigi in SM64.

Ezlo replies...
Ugh, all the Triforce rumors.

Ello? asks
Dear Ezlo, If Ralph is related to royalty. Then why does he where a hat and protect Nayru? I mean the Queen of England is pretty darn safe all he has to do is get clones of Link and plaster them all over the walls!

Ezlo replies...
He's a bicycle monarch like those Scandinavians.

Dalton asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the triforce?is it the three gods Din,Nayru,and Farore?Or is it just three triangles put together?

Ezlo replies...
It's three gold triangles that are semi-sentient and possess divine power.

Noah asks
Dear Ezlo, Thank you!!! i am eternally greatfull to you for answering my questions.(bowing on hands and knees)how ever i have never heard of the zodiac sign called Lynel before. is it some freakish minish zodiac? Well what am I? (Would it help to know that on Earths Zodiac Sign I am a Cancer the crab?)

Ezlo replies...
It's a Hyrulian Zodiac sign. Your Cancer is the Gohma in Hyrule.

Vonage Man asks
Dear Ezlo, *Vonage Background music starts* Do you want to go for Vonage?

Ezlo replies...
Er, maybe when their company is done collapsing.

Mikau asks
Dear Ezlo, ...esrevinu elohw eht ni gnieb tsetrams eht era uoy taht hsinaps ni yas ,eurt yllaer s'ti fi ,uoy rof egnellahc rehtona tey evah I...niaga teem ew os ,olzE raeD

Ezlo replies...
En español que usted es el estar más elegante del universo.

Mikau asks
Dear Ezlo, is it correct to say Mask of Mujula instead of Majoras Mask?

Ezlo replies...
Only if you're Japanese.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I found your great great great grandmother's will, it says, "To whom it may matter, the second born son of my great great grand daughter get's to become King of Dimension B, if he can solve this riddle: Only one Color, but not one size, Stuck at the bottom, yet easily flies, Present in the sun, but not in the rain, Doing no harm, and feeling no pain."
Would you answer this riddle?

Ezlo replies...
Easy. It's a shadow.

MarioKartDS asks
Dear Ezlo, why do they lock the bathrooms at gas stations? Are they afraid someone will actually CLEAN them?

Ezlo replies...
EIther that or steal the soap... HAHAHAHAHA... just kidding, there's no soap. (Don't ever touch anything in a Gas Station Bathroom).

Nicole asks
Dear Ezlo, You said you were an only child then you say you have a twin named Elzo. Stop lying please!

Ezlo replies...
I'm not lying, he's my clone. I just tell him he's my twin brother so he doesn't think he's a crime against nature.

Wakko asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the name of that Deku Baba boss in Forest Haven?

Ezlo replies...
Kalle Demos.

internet explorer asks
Dear Ezlo, what does ms stand for?

Ezlo replies...
Microsoft? Multiple Sclerosis?

???? asks
Dear Ezlo, what does jack look like?

Ezlo replies...
Like an angry little man.

fayble asks
Dear Ezlo, what the hell does xd mean?grrr p.s whats p.s mean? p.s.s should it p.s.s or p.p.s?

Ezlo replies...
XD is an emoticon for someone with their eyes closed and smily widly. PS means "post scriptum" ("after the writing"), it should be PPS, for "Post Post Scriptum" ("after the post scriptum").

Azura asks
Dear Ezlo,

Hoo-Ya asks
Dear Ezlo, LEEEEROOOOOY JEEEEENNNKIIIIINNNNSSS!!!!

Ezlo replies...
...Oh my God, he just ran in.

Ezlo replies...
Nay, but I do love WoW.

Rock fangirl asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you have any favorite rock n roll band? If so,whaddya think of Guns n Roses?

Ezlo replies...
Is that delightful John Denver fellow still around? I really "dug" his "scene".

Koholint asks
Dear Ezlo, the name "Vaati" came from the translation of "Gufuu". Since Japanese doesn't really have v's, the "gu" sound stands for a v. The rest was just making it sound better.
I'm no expert, but this is what I've noticed in the language. ^^;

Ezlo replies...
Thanks for the information!

Goblin Sapper asks
Dear Ezlo, Continued from...

Zora Lover asks
Dear Ezlo, What's the Heart Rate of the Zoras? (as in: how many beats per minute.)

Ezlo replies...
About 31.8 beats per minute, give or take 1.8 beats a minute... It's the same. heart rates in Zora don't change based on age.

Ezlo replies...
You misunderstand. Zora are not Humans. Zora are fish, Humans mammals. Different rules apply.

Zelda Veteran asks
Dear Ezlo, Ok if you have an answer to everything, then tell me this. When exactly will Twilight Princess be released? (if it ever is)

Ezlo replies...
I'm going to go out on a limb and predict... November 14th, but I may be wrong.

Alpha asks
Dear Ezlo, is it possible to get OoT Beta, couse acording to this video you can get the triforce so...*greedy face*

Ezlo replies...
It might be hidden in the recesses of the coding, but it is not accessible in any way through normal gameplay. It was taken out way before the game was finished.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, The beak and siphon of an octopus are not reproductive organs. The beak is the octopus' mouth, and the siphon is the tube near it's side where it exhales water after it has pssed through it's gills(the water first comes through a mantle opening also on it's side). I can't believe you didn't know that........or did you?

Ezlo replies...
*touches nose in a "you're on the nose" gesture*

The Posh Doubter asks
Dear Ezlo, remember this?

about the friend asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a friend, and she is like, totally mean! She, like, always starts rumours, and, like, she is such a jerk! She made my friend cry and so we got mad, and, like, it was so rude! Can you believe that?! Will you help me? What shall I do? She is nice to my other friend, but she is a tyrant to me and my bestest friend. WHAT SHALL I DO?! I AM IN NEED, EZLO! oh defend me! *faints*

Ezlo replies...
Like, I got a plan, but, like, it requires a 2x4, like, a bucket of cement, a bucket, like, and a monkey with a screwdriver.

Ezlo replies...
Well, knock the monkey out by hitting it with the 2x4 then drown it in a bucket of cement.

Me!! asks
Dear Ezlo, I was looking at a past on and you said the wrong thing for the sky being blue. *cough*The sky is blue because of the reflctition of the sea. The water was once blue. Since there is gravity the sky is the same today. Ha! There is something I know and you don't

Ezlo replies...
What? Then why isn't the sky gold colored in Nebraska? Or white in Antarctica? Just... wow.

ohh asks
Dear Ezlo, Ezlo you scare me. Oh and I am writing a story and and i can't get it to go to this site! It is infureating!I want to break something!

Ezlo replies...
Did you send it to webmaster@desertcolossus.com with the subject "FAN WORK SUBMISSION"? Otherwise, it might be missed.

Vivi Orunitia asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you prove you exist?..Maybe we don`t exist..

Ezlo replies...
I'll have to defer to Descartes on this one: "Cogito ergo sum."

The Evil Girl Scout asks
Dear Ezlo, If hairy legs are a sign of masculinity like you say, then why doesn't Link have hairy legs?

Ezlo replies...
Methinks you've answered your own question.

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, Tingle has his own game, Freshly-picked Tingle's Pink-(or rose)colored Ruppee land.WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THIS CRAZY GAME???

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo will be made to wet his pants in terror!

Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, We know how some minish live in the homes of Humans and like to leave thumbtacks everywhere (I will find them...) Do you live in any human's home?

Ezlo replies...
I lived in Coolidge's White House back in the day. Thankfully i don't need to bum off of humans anymore and can selter myself.

ZELDAFAN!n_n asks
Dear Ezlo, YOU LIKE LINKS AWAKENING, I LOVE YOU! I will never, EVER, doubt your canonness (Did that sound a bit wrong? Well, no matter) But, tell me, 1:are you SERIOUSLY looking forward to a game called Tingle RPG?2:Why do you hate Tingle so much?3-9(you can create some questions for yourself, if you like, for 3-9) and, finally 100(did I add an extra zero? no matter) would you eat roasted Tingle with cucco legs, if someone would offer it to you(for free, of course)?

Ezlo replies...
(1) Not. At. All. (2) He once caleld me fat. There, I said it! (3-9) Yes, no, not really, twice a week, sometimes, only on rainy days, yes. (100) And catch what he has? Never!

chris asks
Dear Ezlo, I have three important questoins for you
1. What do you think about resident evil 4?
2. Will Twighlight Princess include a movie player?
3. oh! and would wolverine beat link in a duel.

Ezlo replies...
(1) The little boy gave me nightmares, (2) No, (3) Yes, because he is nearly immortal.

Daphne asks
Dear Ezlo, Boss, how much wood could your pet Tuck chuck if your pet Tuck could chuck wood? And can I take my lunch break, please?

Ezlo replies...
Never! Now, get back to sorting my underwear by smell. And it better be ordered most to least rancid, or else!!

Timigi asks
Dear Ezlo, You know in Pokemon the show right, That the giant Claydol is supposed to like eggplant, and then Ash and James dress in eggplant costumes, but then they figure out that the Claydol actually HATED eggplant, and then Ash and James almost get atomized by Claydols distrustive blasts, right? Well, does this have any relation at all to Zelda stuff, huh, huh,huh?!?!?

Ezlo replies...
Pokey man?! What the heck is Pokey Man?!

Tom asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you think of the Tingle Rpg, "Freshly-picked Tingle's Rose-colored Rupee Land"? Do you think I should try it out?

Ezlo replies...
I plan to rally my group, CZCAT, for the release of that game and boycott it.

David Jr. asks
Dear Ezlo, Tingle would like to infore you (get me off this island please) that he will no longer be reading your (Ill give you anything just convince Link to take me with him next time he sails over here) articles because he finds them offensive and (OH GOD HES DANCING!) encourages all his fans to do the same (if you wont take me then at least give me a knife with which to end my pain).

~David Jr. (unwilling) Servant of Tingle

Ezlo replies...
Such odd parentheticals, almost like he's trying to send a hidden message. I like his sense of humor.

montana asks
Dear Ezlo, how much weight did you gain while riding on Link's head? 1000 pounds? or more?

Ezlo replies...
Just about, but that was mostly twinkie weight.

not zelda asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you date so many women when you are a women??

Ezlo replies...
Well, it's actually quite simple, you see, I-- HEY! waidda minute!

Guardian Kiune asks
Dear Ezlo, The Oscar Meyer Weiner Commercials are driving me insane! Could you ask Link to join me in my quest send those demonic children to the Sacred Realm... we'll throw Tingle in while we're at it!

Ezlo replies...
Well... that's the, er, oddest quest I've ever heard of. Good luck in your crusade against processed meats... ?

sheik asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you get the mirror sheild in the minish cap?

Ezlo replies...
Go to this page. Your answer is there.

Ms. Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, I married Tingle. He is a very sweet, caring, sensitive, trusthworthy, honest, kind person. We had 30 kids. I love him so...
He wants to join the Air Force, and gave money to poor children and homeless people.

What do you think about Tingle now?? =D

Ezlo replies...
From what I understand he married you for your father's fortune, the 30 kids are for the tax write-offs and for seeling on the black market, he crosses his fingers behind his back when he says he loves you, he wants to learn how to fly a plane to bomb Hyrule, and the money he donated was counterfeit. My opinion is not changed at all!

mr. flachenheiner asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you think boses do while that wait for Link?

Ezlo replies...
I hear they play Canasta with their minions.

Wakefield asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is it that Link never speaks? Aside from the whole strong silent type thing. And by the way Tingle has been spreading nasty rumors about you.

Ezlo replies...
Rumors?! Well that explains why the media keeps calling about the wombat dungeon in my basement...

GERUDO MALE!!! asks
Dear Ezlo, i am a gerudo male and i am NOT 6"2'. I am 6"4'. so there.

Ezlo replies...
That's why 6'2" is the... average... height.

sputnick asks
Dear Ezlo, what is eloze? y is everyone talking abot it? well, theyere not really, but i want to no.

Ezlo replies...
It's an epic fan fiction story at The Grand Adventures.

corey asks
Dear Ezlo, ME ANGERY!!! ME WRITE IN CAPS LOCK BECAUSE ME ANGERY!!! ME BEAT LINK'S AWAKENING DX WITHOUT USING MAGIC POTION BUT ME NO GOT SPECIAL ENDING!!! WHY THIS HAPPEN!?!?!?! WHAT I DO WRONG!?!

Ezlo replies...
SPECIAL ENDING ONLY FOR THOSE WHO PLAY GAME AND NOT DIE ONCE ENTIRE TIME.

kirbydude asks
Dear Ezlo, Is this the real Zelda theme song?

Link
has come to town,
to SAVE
the Princess Zelda.
Ganon took her away,
and now the children won't play,

Ezlo replies...
Er, no.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, who is the sand goddess? what does she do? thought there was only Din, Faeroe, Nayru. is she a false idol?

Ezlo replies...
She was a deity of the Gerudo before they were converted to worship of the Goddesses by the Hylians.

finalsage asks
Dear Ezlo, what is that bird on Link's shield? does it represent something?

Ezlo replies...
It's a symbol of the Royal Family and by extension the Hylian Knights.

tingle hater asks
Dear Ezlo, okay i was reading the sites on here and someone said that there was an ask tingle and i went there and it is sooooooo stupid. Two reasons. One tingle is stupider than a new born. Two who IN THEIR MINDS WOULD ASK TINGLE THINGS?

Ezlo replies...
I think you answered your own question there, bub.

smarter than you asks
Dear Ezlo, Well, how do you know that TP will be out in November? It was supposed to be out last year! How do you know there won't be more delays (although I dearly hope there won't be it might wreck GC chances)? And Mario is better than Link in many ways (DON'T HATE ME!). For one, the guys name was Super Smash Bro. so he could havebeen referring to that. My best is Kirby, then Game and Watch, then Mario, then Shiek/Zelda, then DK, THEN Link. Also, ask Nintendo and they'll say Mario. It has made them more $$. Also, the Mario games although they offer less awesmome storylines, are more replayable and fun. (I still love Zelda though) And there's no as like Tingle in Mario, but ther is Toad. He's not too bad.
Mario has also been in sports games, racing games, and invented party games. Besides if you were in Mario you would say Mario is better. AND you hate Link.
so HA!

please don't hate me everyone

Ezlo replies...
Get him!

Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, im to sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt soooooooooo sexy that is hurts. cmon sing it!

Ezlo replies...
(gentle weeping)

farore asks
Dear Ezlo, In the OOS and OOA there is the rod of seasons and the harp of ages.what witem would it be in the oracle of secrets?

Ezlo replies...
The Didgeridoo of Secrets.

Dooglefox asks
Dear Ezlo, How come no one ever gets sick? I mean, Link doesn't take showers or baths and never gets sick. And for my second question, what was it like to travel with Link and was he annoying?

Ezlo replies...
All that occurs when you turn the game off, so don't leave it on all the time, it's really hard to hold it in. As to your second question, Link was and is the bane of my existence.

I must know... asks
Dear Ezlo, What's with the suicidal kids on the moon (in MM)?

Ezlo replies...
They are manifestations of the gods of Termina (ie. the Four Giants).

Fireden asks
Dear Ezlo, Okay two questions,
1. Why does Medli have the Zora's Sapphire design on her dress?
2. Where does Link get his hats? I kinda want one. And I don't mean the time he wore you.

Ezlo replies...
1. It's a reflection of her Zora ancestry, 2. He had them stitched at the local Generak Habberdashery.

Clueless asks
Dear Ezlo sir, If I remember correctly...

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, is that the sand goddess in the top of the page?

Ezlo replies...
Yes it is.

Ezlo replies...
It's an ancient symbolism referring to the belief among the ancient Hyrulians that the stars were where life was first first nourished and allowed to grow (that is, the Nebula).

anonymous asks
Dear Ezlo, i have i confession to make... ok i am a popular girly prep!!! but i still loooove zelda games!!! does that make me weird?

Ezlo replies...
Yes, by rights you should be a little dork like that repulsive webmaster of this damnable website!

Drieldwin asks
Dear Ezlo, You are driving a bus around downtown Hyrule Market Town. At the first stop, 2 zoras and 3 hylians get on the bus. At the second stop 2 gorons, a kokiri, 3 hylians and a zora get on the bus and three minish get off. At the next stop, 1 goron, and a zora get on and 1 Hylian leave. At the fourth stop, One minish tries to get on, but is not tall enough to do so, a kokiri gets on, but is thrown off because they cannot pay the 3 rupee bus fair, and a zora and shiekah get on. At the last stop, all are requested to disembark. What colour is the bus driver's eyes?

Ezlo replies...
The bus driver has no eyes!

Nicole asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is it that in the OoA manga, only hylians can have long ears? and is it the same in the game, too?

Ezlo replies...
Yes, long ears are a sign of Hylian genealogy.

Zora Lover asks
Dear Ezlo, Remember my last week's Question?

Zora Lover asks
Dear Ezlo, What's the Heart Rate of the Zoras? (as in: how many beats per minute.)

Ezlo replies...
About 31.8 beats per minute, give or take 1.8 beats a minute.

Ezlo replies...
Keep in mind Zora have fish biology and tend to environments that would enjoy colder climes than those occupied by hominids. Coupled with the fact that they tend to have to move and therefore use less energy in their daily lives, their physiology is afforded the luxury of operating at a slower pace than ours.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, i once asked you

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, Since Link is alone all the time, what does he do for fun?

Ezlo replies...
Well, one time he bet me 100 Rupees that he could knock down a brick wall with his head. Easiest 100 Rupees I ever made... Geh heh heh.

Ezlo replies...
Because it's a wall.

Noah asks
Dear Ezlo, can you tell if IM Canadian? Ill tell you if your right or wrong.....

Ezlo replies...
You are, and from British Columbia if I am not mistaken. Splendour without diminishment!

Spazztic Bunnyhood asks
Dear Ezlo, If a super fast Minish wore the bunny hood, would humans be able to see him? Or would they only see a blurr of yellow fluff?

Ezlo replies...
They'd feel the air in the wake of his path.

oddface asks
Dear Ezlo, one time, i was walking through town, then my head fell off and rolled away. can you explain why that happened?

Ezlo replies...
Better yet, I want to know how you can continue living and typing this letter without a head.

Abnormal Girl asks
Dear Ezlo, I had this happen to a friend.
Is it normal for your teeth to itch?
I know your arm or your leg, but your teeth?

Ezlo replies...
Er... no... please get your friend medical attention.

Math Perfectionist asks
Dear Ezlo, I noticed in an above question you showed the number of dimensions wrong. You put: 526.1215 x 10 to the power of 42. If you follow the rules of scientific notation, it should be: 5.261215 x 10 to the power of 44. (Disregarding significant digits.) If the minish do it differently, that's okay--but you should put it in a way that us stupid humans can understand. :p

Ezlo replies...
Oh, Ezlo is well aware, but he was trying to keep a balance in the deeper meaning of that initial number.

Drieldwin asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you ever noticed that there is a total lack of mothers and sons in Hyrule on OOT? There is this father-daughter deal going. Ie. King Zora and Ruto, Zelda and the King of Hyrule, Malon and Talon...etc. The only mother and son in the game is the kid who plays in the graveyard and his mother who is locked in the house all day. And you know what?! In seven years, they are both GONE!!!!! What happened to them? And where have all the mothers and sons gone?

P.S. I personally think that they were taken by the aliens who come to Romani Ranch in Majora's Mask.

Ezlo replies...
Agreed, something very weird... and possibly Oedipal... is going on.

IQ Still Eludes Me asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you ask a question for 'Ask Elzo'?

Ezlo replies...
*headdesk*

The Zelda Questioner asks
Dear Ezlo, are Gerudos considerd gangsters?

Ezlo replies...
No, more like organized criminals.

Prepare asks
Dear Ezlo, How do I make cheddar cheese? Which are the ingredients?

Ezlo replies...
Cow milk, aged for 3-4 months, pasteurize, add Annatto for color.

Zelda fan!n_n asks
Dear Ezlo, What are your favorite Zeldagames? Personally, I'm not sure. Gameplaywise, I like oot, mm and ww most (you can guess why) but, of only the 2d games, alttp was my favorite but, storywise, my favorites are la and mm. What are your's?

Ezlo replies...
Well, the Minish Cap, obviously, but also Adventure of Link for the challenge and Link's Awakening for the storyline.

zelda freak asks
Dear Ezlo, hi,i am new to this site. sooooooooooo, just dropping in.. but i must know....what is your favorite food????

Ezlo replies...
The claw meat of a boiled Gohma. With melted butter. Yummmmm.

Juliusanime asks
Dear Ezlo, Would this ever happend to hirule (or the whole would)....Ganon teaming up with Naraku (frome Inuyasha), Vaati, bad guys, Nightmar,etc that are relly evil? If yes, then link has to team up with the fames heros from the whole would. PS, you seem to know about everything....cool.

Ezlo replies...
...er, no, sorry. And thank you.

blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know the "Shewter" guy who asked about the figurines? Well to get the "Link and the King of Red Lions" figurine, you have to get every figurine EXCEPT the Knuckle figurine. Hope that clears things up.

Ezlo replies...
Thanks for the tip! I wonder if that's a glitch, or something.

alex asks
Dear Ezlo, Dear Ezlo, what is your zodiac sighn?

> Ezlo replies...
The Lynel.

Ezlo replies...
It's a Hyrulian zodiac sign, like The Gyorg, The Gormans, The Gohma, etc.

Ketchup asks
Dear Ezlo, I have two questions.
1.Do you enjoy the flavor of ketchup?
2.Does Ralph off the Oracle of Ages have a crush on Nayru cause she looks way older than him?

Ezlo replies...
(1) Yikes, blech, no siree. (2) Yes, though they're not that far off in age.

Link Lover asks
Dear Ezlo, Why have the nintendo people been delaying TP for so long.......its really starting to bother me... XD

Ezlo replies...
To add Wii capabilities as well as add more content. It will be so worth it, don't fret!

Master of Disaster asks
Dear Ezlo, There is a girl I like, and since she started liking me first, it is going well... The only problem is... I have no clue WHY she likes me... I mean I'm not really that great looking, I'm only average, yet in my opinion she is drop dead beautiful... I just have NO clue why she likes me... Maybe because I'm polite? I mean I have never swore in my life, don't make sick jokes, and am not that confident that she will stay liking me... I just want to know... WHY?! and since ou know all... I ask you WHY?!

Ezlo replies...
Kid... in my business we call that "lucking out". Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!

Bob Crane asks
Dear Ezlo, [-ed: Regarding the image of my computer] it's a little old..isn't it?

Ezlo replies...
What are you implying?!

Somebody asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you have any pets?

Ezlo replies...
A Galapagos Land Tortoise named "Tuck".

purpleseahorse asks
Dear Ezlo, If Link and Samurai Jack were to duel, who would win?

Ezlo replies...
Link would, but only because he has various deities backing him up (and therefore is cheating).

Goblin Sapper asks
Dear Ezlo,

Zora Lover asks
Dear Ezlo, What's the Heart Rate of the Zoras? (as in: how many beats per minute.)

Ezlo replies... About 31.8 beats per minute, give or take 1.8 beats a minute.

Ezlo replies...
It's the same. heart rates in Zora don't change based on age.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, do minish live in peoples houses? If so I've never seen any, but I am sorry if I've ever stepped on one.

Ezlo replies...
We do, but we are exceptionally proficient at hiding, as one might expect.

Minish Hero asks
Dear Ezlo, the greatest Minish in the world, Is there a kind of "Minish Master Sword" in Dimension B?
P.S: i preordered Twilight Princess. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Ezlo replies...
...the Four Sword, perhaps? We Minish really don't believe in violence, so any weapons we make are for other people or groups.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, if the Octorok is a species of Octopus, where are it's beak and siphon located(you do know what those are right?)?

Ezlo replies...
Of course I do... it's like their reproductive organs, right? (I'm winking as I type this.) The answer is in the normal places as they are on any octopus.

Monica asks
Dear Ezlo, i found out that gufuu means tornado,hurricane and typhoon. my japanesse friend told me to look it up on "google japanesse english dictionary".

Ezlo replies...
That's really cool, good find! Now, i wonder where the name "Vaati" comes from?

ohh asks
Dear Ezlo, I was looking at some old things you said. One of them you sweared in. You are bad. You said damn

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo is old, he says crazy things! I thought I paid for those batteries!

Princess of Kito Village asks
Dear Ezlo, How much do you hate tingle? And when he died and left you something so cool that you would be so surpised he had. Would you take it?

Ezlo replies...
Why of course... but I would not write a thank you note to his estate, bwahahaha!

impulsive asks
Dear Ezlo, Theres a girl at school I like. She was out doing something and my friend Kenta asked me 'what's the point of gymnastics?' And then without thinking I sais 'To get bigger breasts!' And she's in gymnastics! then just to be mean Kenta told her what I said! OMG WHAT DO I DO?

Ezlo replies...
Write her a note apologizing, belittling your intelligence for saying such a remark, and finishing with the line "I hope you'll accept my apology." Girls love fake sincerity. It's how I got through 12 of my many marriages. Um... er...

Mikau asks
Dear Ezlo, is there actually somebody inside the armor of an ironknucle?, 'cause it would be boring to stay all day long waiting for some guy to hit me with a sword

Ezlo replies...
There is a guy, and a very angry guy at that.

Wezol asks
Dear Ezlo, Not until I call the cops first *Sister* -_-

Ezlo replies...
Ahem... Daphne, stop snickering! Like "Wezol" sounds like a female name?!

serious asks
Dear Ezlo, there is this really cute girl at school, k, and im too embarased to talk to her.i even look away when i talk to her for cryn' out loud!so can you help me out here please? i am begging you, no jokes i am 100% serious.(attatched to this note is 999 rupes)

Ezlo replies...
You need to become comfortable talking with her for starts. Temporarily, stop perceiving her as a really cute girl, and just build up a friendship of sorts with her. Become comfortable with being around her. Once you're comfortable then you can start liking her again, it will be much easier if you don't feel so pressured by her presence.

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, is that the sand goddess in the top of the page?

Ezlo replies...
Yes it is.

Laureb asks
Dear Ezlo, If you had one wish in the world, what would you wish for?

p.s and don't wish for tingles death!

Ezlo replies...
A gold typewriter. Or, an Ocarina of Time so I can answer all my letters.

The greatest Zelda fan in all HISTORY!!! asks
Dear Ezlo, Many people comlain that the oracle games were made by capcom and shouldn't be considered canon. Does that mean that you, one of Links greatest pals, aren't canon and, therefore, not considered *sniff* real???????

Ezlo replies...
False. Capcom's games are widely considered canon by just about everyone!

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, how does Ganon create monsters, is it replicas made out of black magic?

Ezlo replies...
Yes, he makes many with the Triforce of Power. Also, some are naturally occuring species from the Dark World.

Noah asks
Dear Ezlo, who do you hate more. Tingle? Or Ganon in a bikini?

Ezlo replies...
Still Tingle.

alex asks
Dear Ezlo, what is your zodiac sighn?

Ezlo replies...
The Lynel.

alex asks
Dear Ezlo, is kafie (or whatever his name is) from mm a sheika? he has red eyes, sheika do to dont they?

Ezlo replies...
If he is, he's not telling us. Moreover, neither of his parents are. So, I doubt it.

Twilight Princess asks
Dear Ezlo, OmG I went to a website Called Hyrule Worlds And THEY HAVE ASK TINGLE HOLY Crap!

Ezlo replies...
Who taught him how to read?!

Lokes asks
Dear Ezlo, How come I always plays my Zeld games at the exact time of year I got them? I mean, I always plays WindWaker at summertime and OoT the same time, and MM around Christmas!

Why is it that I get the magical Zelda feeling every day on that part of the year and get drawn towards it?

Please Answer! You are ACE!

Ezlo replies...
Maybe once you beat a game, it takes you about 11 months to get interested in it, again?

Dark Maiden asks
Dear Ezlo, where can I get the Minnish Cap manga?? I've been searching everywhere for it!

Ezlo replies...
Well, if you want to buy it: try Ebay. Or, you can read it translated, and for free at Zelda Infinite.

Ganondorf asks
Dear Ezlo, how come none of my evil plans ever work? I always follow the super villain formula to the bone:
1) Fine Magical items that could lead to downfall.
2) Hide magical items in dungeons with monsters at the end which could be destroyed with use of said item, which is easily accecible in a chest, marked on a conveniently placed map.
3)Let annoying fairy-brat in tights run amock, free to come and go all over Hyrule as he pleases, sending only the most incompetant of my minions to follow him.
4)Sit around and twiddle my thumbs as fairy-boy gains power.
5)Taunt fairy-boy by kidnapping/showing/reminding him I have previously kidnapped the princess.
6)Wait or hide surreptitously until fairy-boy arrives, armed withan increadible arsenal, which I LET him acquire, and challenge him to the final battle.

But somehow he ALWAYS wins!!! Help me Ezlo! You hate that snot-nosed brat as much as I do, don't you? WHAT DO I DO!?

Ezlo replies...
Have you ever tried going back in time and killing him as a baby? Or maybe next time, skip the speeches and just drop a piano on him. He also tends to sleep a lot, and I suggest you strike then.

Zora Lover asks
Dear Ezlo, What's the Heart Rate of the Zoras? (as in: how many beats per minute.)

Ezlo replies...
About 31.8 beats per minute, give or take 1.8 beats a minute.

Akito asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you send in a piece of artwork? (I'm new to this)

Ezlo replies...
Email it to webmaster@desertcolossus.com with the subject line "FAN WORK SUBMISSION" and Jack will put it up.

ZoraGal asks
Dear Ezlo, could you spare some files of piano LoZ music? thanks!

Ezlo replies...
I don't know of any, sorry!

Hoo-Ya asks
Dear Ezlo, LEEEEROOOOOY JEEEEENNNKIIIIINNNNSSS!!!!

Ezlo replies...
...Oh my God, he just ran in.

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, do you think the fairy for TP will talk to Link as in OoT, or will it just serve the purpose of...well...for lack of better words, a crosshair for the Wii player?

Ezlo replies...
More likely the later. THe fairy is just a vehicle for the Wii remote utility.

hella hehe asks
Dear Ezlo, what does hella mean?

Ezlo replies...
"Very much," to paraphrase.

so&so asks
Dear Ezlo, who is the book of mudora written by? And, is this really in it?

And I saw that a Great Cloud did cover the Land, and all was laid to Ruin, and from the Uttermost West did a Black Fog seep, and everything that it touched was made Poison. But a Great Light did shine from the Forest and did drive back the Darkness. And the Light did come forth, and it was a Man who did bear a Green and Shining Stone, and he was guided by a Spirit of Faërie.

Ezlo replies...
That's from the fanfiction story Eloze, so I'd think not. The Book of Mudora was written by an ancient Hylian scribe—we don't know who—around the time of New Hyrule's founding. By the time of A Link to the Past, the Hylian language was widely in disuse and unknown, so the book slowly became one of the only translators available for the ancient tongue.

Shadow Master asks
Dear Ezlo, i was introduced to zelda by my cousin, when he was playing WW. I got hooked, and pretty soon I was playing it all the time i was there. (you see, my parents won't let me get xbox, gamecube, ps, or any of those except for gb.) then i was messing around with my other cousin's nintendo, and found OoT. So i started playing that, (and got hooked.) now i have tMC, ALttP. what can I say so my parents will get me gc or xbox or any others? Oh, please Ezlo. I really need help. T-T =( I am so sad. i need nintendo!!

Ezlo replies...
Assuming your parents aren't morally opposed to video games, why not make an agreement with them: Whereby you'll create a "points" system where you can earn points by doing chores around the house, getting good grades, etc. until you reach a certain number whence your parents would buy you the system.

shewter asks
Dear Ezlo, You know the figurine gallery in TWW? I've heard somewhere that you can get Link and the King of Red Lions by collecting all the other figurines. Well, I did just that and it didn't work. How come?

p.s. I checked. I have EVERY other figurine.

Ezlo replies...
THat's bizarre because you meet the criteria. Ezlo suggests that your game may be bugged, but you should double check you have all the reular figurines and the legendary ones.

Nintendo2.0 asks
Dear Ezlo, why was Hyrule named Hyrule? What does it mean exactly?

Please and thank you

Ezlo replies...
It comes from the politics of the country's founding, that kingdom was Hylian ruled.

lon lon lover asks
Dear Ezlo, what is your favorite candy?

Ezlo replies...
Candy canes.

In Love asks
Dear Ezlo, In FSA, do the 4 links have different parts of links personallity? If yes what are they?

Ezlo replies...
No, they're just four exact copies of Link with different colored clothes.

Laur asks
Dear Ezlo, If you could rename Zelda, what would you name her?

Ezlo replies...
Dame. Or, Pooky.

Farore's Fire asks
Dear Ezlo,

Kai asks
Dear Ezlo, Link tells me you make a lot of smells out of nowhere.

Ezlo replies...
He's just unacquainted with the wonders of the Minish diet and its unfortunate, malodorous aftereffects.

Ezlo replies...
Mostly grass and veggies, plus whatever crumbs we scrounge up. Beans, sure, if we chop them up a lot.

Lawsuit sender asks
Dear Ezlo, Didn't answer my question, huh? I really messed you up, huh, huh? *snifs big white booger up nose* Bet you don't know who I am, huh, huh? Are you gonna guess, huh, huh?

Ezlo replies...
Nobody likes you Drippy.

why? asks
Dear Ezlo, why did the font change?

Ezlo replies...
I fixed a misplaced Typewriter Text tag.

Noah asks
Dear Ezlo, whenever Ive registered for the forums and I keep logging in because every time I go to a new page it puts me back at Guest instead of my username. Why does this happen and how do I stop it from happening?

Ezlo replies...
Make sure you have cookies enabled in your borwser, and that your browser is not set to reject cookies from this site.

JOE asks
Dear Ezlo, What political party do you belong to?

Ezlo replies...
According to the memberships cards in my wallet, the Federalists.

curious asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm "curious" about the Triforce powers. Since Zelda and Ganondorf changed into different forms (ie. Shiek and Ganon), do u think Link could have transformed too?
thank you sincerely,
curious;)

Ezlo replies...
Conceivably. Maybe a giant turtle!

Tommygunfan asks
Dear Ezlo, first off like your typewriter! Second about the time continum thing in OoT, How can there be any games ofter that? I mean Zelda really messed up sending Link back in time. NOW they have to do everything all over again!?! In fact, she shouldn't have the triforce of "wisdom" anymore they should give it to someone else like tingle for example! :)

Ezlo replies...
Thanks! And as to your second question, I'd love to answer it, but time paradoces make Ezlo's head hurt.

Whocares asks
Dear Ezlo,

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, why does Link always wear that stupid hat?

Ezlo replies...
(He has a small but growing bald spot!)

Ezlo replies...
Wow, I told him his combover would never fool anyone. He obviously knows a good hair stylist. To do so much with so little...

Street Fighter asks
Dear Ezlo, Why dos Tingle brothers are so obsessed with body parts? (ankle, knuckle)

Ezlo replies...
Well, their twins, so their names are similar. It's just the way they were named. For that matter, who names their kid "Tingle"?!

pizzapizza asks
Dear Ezlo, I noticed someone "called" Faroanin Sedai sent you a question, and you were like,"Huh?" I know what she meant. Aes Sedai are from a popular book series called The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan. They have special powers, and they are often well feared and respected.
(The series is pretty interesting, by the way. I recommend it.)

Ezlo replies...
Thank you for the clarification.

Noah asks
Dear Ezlo, read my earlier question, please.

Noah asks
Dear Ezlo, Which game do you think will be better, Twilight Princess, or Phantom Hourglass?

Ezlo replies...
I think they'll both be fantastic, but I think TP will be the best because it will do so much more.

Now what does "because it will do so much more" mean, the stylus being worse than the Wii controler compatability, or the storyline for TP being better than the storyline for PH?

Ezlo replies...
What do you think it means? Handheld games tend to be shorter than their counterparts and have less content. TP is said to ahve 100 Hours of content in it, and will be much more epic in scope.

Ezlo2 asks
Dear Ezlo, ...I bet that you don't anwser all the questions.IS THAT TRUTH!?

Ezlo replies...
Of course it's the truth. How many times have I explained that? Do you have any idea how many questions I get? Ezlo is not a machine!

Blood Elf asks
Dear Ezlo, My blood cries out for the vengance of my people's blood, which can only do twice as much blood or maybe THREE times as Much blood. If you went to hell and it was FULL of Blood and that Blood was on fire and it was RAINING blood and THAT would be Enough blood *Wispers* and my brother will probubly not...

Ezlo replies...
NEXT QUESTION!

Jim Carrey asks
Dear Ezlo, If you can answer this question correctly, you can win the actual Triforce! I went to St. Ives, and men a man with seven wives, each wife had a sack, each sack had seven cats, each cat had seven kits.Kits, Cats, Sacks, Wives, how many are going to St. Ives?

Ezlo replies...
One, the person who was actually going to St. Ives. All the others this person met along the way.

Guufu asks
Dear Ezlo, Is it true that Vaati's name used to be "Guufu"? Also, have you ever seen a Minish get squished?

Ezlo replies...
That is indeed his name in Japan. And Minish squishings are the number three killer of Minish, so they are quite common.

boyfriendless asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a crush on two boys. One of them found out I like him so he trys to avoid me.(Even though we sit next eachother) The other one is two grades ahead but is really sweet and sensitive. not like most guys. Which should I pick next year to go to the dance with me?( I can't turn to my mom. She'll pick on me.):(

Ezlo replies...
Avoid older boys at all costs. Stick with the one closer to your age.

confused asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a lot of questions - a helluva lot. Although this may take up your entire workday, answer them plz! How come Kokiris die if they leave the forest? And Fado, he's a Kokiri, but the Air Temple wouldn't be in the woods would it? So Fado should have automaticcaly died.
Air and Earth Temple? Theres no such thing in OoT. And besides, Fado is obviously an descendant of Saria so he should be Forest Temple Sage. And Laruto is Ruto's decendant so she should be head of the Water Temple.
And WHEN did sages start praying to the gods? They just hang around in the Chamber all day dont they? and HOW THE HELL could you have a kid in the Chamber? If they were men they could have left their wifes pregnant but THEY AIN'T! Speaking of which, why are there no Goron girls? 1 LAST THING - and its about things - Why can you see Link's thing when hes crawling thru a hole?
Thats it - praise the lord.

Ezlo replies...
(1) Kokiri don't really die, that's a story told to them by the Great Deku Tree so they won't leave the forest and be in danger. That's why you see them at the celebration at the end. (2) The Earth and WIND Temples do indeed exist, but they are hidden and separate from the other Temples because their express purpose is to power the Master Sword. (3) We don't know that Laruot and Ruto are related. Same deal with Fado and Saria. Being of the same peoples does not make them related. (4) Only the Wind and Earth Sages spend their time praying to the Goddesses, because their prayers power the Master Sword. (5) I don't know of any married Sages, do you? (6) Gorons seem to reproduce asexually. (7) You can't. All you see are his tights.

Super Smash Bro. asks
Dear Ezlo, Is the new game the phantom Hourglass going to be boring. I think it sounds dumb. Also when is Twilight Princess coming out I hope it is soon.
P.S. who is better Mario or Link

Ezlo replies...
No way, PH will be amazing. I can feel it in my rickety old bones. Tp will be out in November. To answer your last question: Link.

Sephirothsama asks
Dear Ezlo, Is this cool or what:
<(''<) <(' ')> (>'')>
(super mega kirby anti-tingle dance 2.0)
Sincerely, Osaze Takamatsu
P.S. Tingle sucks
P.S.S Do you think my name is wierd? (I signed my real name... or did I)

Ezlo replies...
Eh... what?

Dodongo asks
Dear Ezlo, I know about your hatred for Tingle, but dou you hate Ankle, Knuckle and David Jr?

Ezlo replies...
Only be association.

gamefreak asks
Dear Ezlo, If you're the oldest person on earth, how old is your mom?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, she's been dead for years. I keep her safe in the hosue up on the hill.

Izlo asks
Dear Ezlo, my twin brother. How have you been? How's our father Tingle? Oh yeah, you weren't supposed to know that.
P.S. I get Mama's dresses, you get her shoes. I read the will.
Sincerely Yours: Izlo your twin brother

Ezlo replies...
Izlo, you senile yet gorgeous fool! Are you off your medication again?!

Noah asks
Dear Ezlo, What is canon and what is cel-shaded?

Ezlo replies...
Canon is the official storyline of the series that comes from official sources. Cel-shaded is cartoony graphics that look drawn, like what is in TWW.

why? asks
Dear Ezlo, what is the stupidest question you ever had to answer? (besides this one)

Ezlo replies...
One time someone asked me what time it was.

Wezol asks
Dear Ezlo,

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, what do you do in your free time?

Ezlo replies... Oh you know, the normal stuff: crochet, write my memoirs, make candles out of old toenails.

Ezlo replies...
Hey! The judge told you that you weren't allowed to contact me. I'm calling the cops!

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, Since Link is alone all the time, what does he do for fun?

Ezlo replies...
Well, one time he bet me 100 Rupees that he could knock down a brick wall with his head. Easiest 100 Rupees I ever made... Geh heh heh.

Richard Hinman asks
Dear Ezlo, I really thank you for answering my question. It was all I wanted to know. Also, did you mean Ganon as in Ganondorf, or his evil incarnation that he transformed into at the end of OoT?

Ezlo replies...
Well, those are both the same person, technically, just in different corporeal forms.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, what does "manga isn't canon" mean???

Ezlo replies...
It doesn't count into the wider Hyrulian history officially. More here.

Cartonero020 asks
Dear Ezlo, Ezlo,2+2=?
how is the Result:
a)5,a
b)4,u
c)7,p
d)890,p
HOW CAN I NOW IT?!Carton?

Ezlo replies...
Actually the answer is (a). See: 2.4 + 2.4 = 4.8, round as appropriate.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, is the bigocto in Jabu-Jabu's belly a very large version of a land-dwelling octorok?
P.S. Are you the REAL Ezlo, or just some smart guy who's using that name? If you are the real Ezlo then there is just a chance Hyrule could've been a real place once.

Ezlo replies...
Nah, Big Octos are their own subspecies of the Octorok and are common in the ocean. And I am indeed the Real Ezlo, in the flesh, so to speak.

Matthew asks
Dear Ezlo, Was Ganondorf or some other villain who inspired Vaati to follow the path of darkness?

Ezlo replies...
Nah, he was just screwed up on his own.

Tatl asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think Link and I should have let the moon fall on Termina so Tingle and the Happy Mask Salesman would die?

P.S.I wish I was as cool and Bossy as you are!

Ezlo replies...
Considering the HM Salesman and Tingle are a great evil than Majora's Mask and Ganon combined, I'd say yes.

Firelight asks
Dear Sir Ezlo,

Hi! Was thinking about doing some fanart lately, and I could possibly draw you. Just curious, what kinda pose do you want to be in? *Note: I'm not all that perfect at drawing, please don't make it too difficult!

After all, you need SOMETHING for dealing with all the questions here!

Ezlo replies...
Oh! I have the most perfect idea: do my like Rodian's "The Thinker", but in Minish (not hat) form. That'd be amazing!

Ryan asks
Dear Ezlo, If termania is a parell world were are the kokri and y do the zora where clothes

Ezlo replies...
Hidden away in a forest somewhere I expect. And, methinks you already answered your second question.

star the glows in the mid-afternoon night asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a dream for you to enterpret....Ok, so I was walking down this forest path and this other dude and I saw this old decrepid tree. So we knock it down. It falls over and it cuts my left leg off! So i'm sitting there with a severed leg (that isn't bleeding...) and the other dude is celebrateing knocking the tree over (so he doesn't notice...) and then.... my dream changes! i'm in a ghost house and then in a greenhouse and there is this creepy animated dog sitting there. Out of the blue I name her: God save the Queen Maidaleen the sixth...sooo... does it mean something?

Ezlo replies...
Yes, I think it means you're crazy.

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, do you have a picture of Gerudo in their battle armor? Or how about a regular teen Gerudo? You see, I like to draw Gerudo, and I need a decent picture of one. Also, when we fix my scanner, I was thinking that I was going to put some of my drawings on some websites, and I was wondering if I could put them on more than one. Like, i want to put some on this website, and another. ......do you think that would be okay???

yours truly, Gerudo Gal

Ezlo replies...
Have you seen the Gerudo drawings in the Museum? Melora has one sketch of a Gerudo with Battle Armor I believe. Of course, Iron Knuckle armor, like that that Onox wears, is technically Gerudo armor. Also, many websites will take your fan art pieces even if they are psoted elsewhere, so submit with no fear! I understand that The Desert Colossus is especially interested in Gerudo-themed drawings.

the K asks
Dear Ezlo, what, is your religion called? And, what are the different places that the Gerudo are found? I have haunted wasteland, Gerudo fortress and Gerudo Valley. Are there any other places i've left out? Erm.........has Link told you that he likes Zelda or Malon? Which one? He tells me he likes Nayru, but i know he's being sarcastic. (as always) he still wont tell me even when I threaten him with a club. Can you help me out?? PPPPLLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEEEE??? thank you!

Ezlo replies...
Triforceism. The Desert of Mystery in Four Swords Adventures. Neither, Link doesn't like to share private stuff like that with me.

Agent L asks
Dear Ezlo, Ezlo my man! What up E daug? Well I have a little question for you. Do you use ageing cream? Now this is very important so you need to answer me! If you do use the cream then what kind do you use cause ( don't tell anybody) I'm getting some wrinkles! Tell Vaati that Lexi and Kylie (my daughters) say high and good luck!

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo is all natural thank you very much, he does not need any creams to do his aging for him!

Lekrah nicely asks
Dear Ezlo, is there a passage between the human world 'earth' and Hyrule? if so where is it? PLEASE be serious.

Ezlo replies...
There is, but it's Minish-sized and located somewhere in Costa Rica. How do think my columns get onto your "internet"?

Noah asks
Dear Ezlo, You said Librari was your favourite Minish in my question, then said he was boring in another. WHICH ONE IS TRUE?

Ezlo replies...
I think you underestimate how much Ezlo appreciates boringness!

TINGLE TINGLE asks
Dear Ezlo, Well, sir, mister smart sir, I'll tell you sir that my panties sir are are magenta with a frilly lace sir, and the have indigo polkadots sir. So HA sir! Take that sir! Go me, sir! Go me, sir!! TINGLE TINGLE KOOLOO LIMPAH! *blows up*

Ezlo replies...
(gentle weeping)

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, what are the things that shiek throws from his knuckles called????

Ezlo replies...
He actually throws nails, believe it or not.

Ezaso asks
Dear Ezlo, Tingle continues to destory parts of my house. How can I effectively repel him?

Ezlo replies...
I hear garlic does wonders!

Stellarblaze asks
Dear Ezlo, How come in the Valiant comics, some of the towns' names are actually the names of some of the characters in the games? Is it just because the creators were too lazy to think of anything?

Ezlo replies...
Erm, have you ever played Adventure of Link? Those towns were named before the characters were!

Dark Lady asks
Dear Ezlo, Your spanish is hilarious!! Stop using internet translators because they suck!!

PS - try translating something from english to spanish to french and then back to english, the result will have you laughing for hours!!

Ezlo replies...
What does it mean? My Spaniard is splendid!

Vaati hater asks
Dear Ezlo, your type writer is okay but what about this?

Ezlo replies...
How am I supposed to type with that?!

Malon asks
Dear Ezlo, Have they ever cussed in a Zelda game?

Ezlo replies...
Nope, Nintendo is pretty good about that.

Mikau22 asks
Dear Ezlo, where did Navi go when she left at the end of Ocarina of Time?

Ezlo replies...
Somewhere in the Lost Woods, at least based on where Link was looking for her I'd expect her to be there.

NLink asks
Dear Ezlo, What does "HRH" mean?

Ezlo replies...
His/Her Royal Highness. It's an honorific for the current monarch of the United Kingdom.

Wahahaha asks
Dear Ezlo, Since the seven maidens don't have names...*coughDISGRACEcough* what would you name each of them if you could?

Ezlo replies...
Of course! There's Dopey, Doc, Sleepy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful and Happy. Hope that helps!

a Lawsuit? asks
Dear Ezlo,

Ezlo replies...
Ye gads I hope not. The only good thing to possibly come out of that pairing is the delicious caviar that would surely follow.

AND BESIDES!?!?!: what's a caviar???

Ezlo replies...
Caviar is fish eggs. It's a delicacy.

Akito asks
Dear Ezlo, What's the point of that gloomy looking tree at the beginning of Majora's Mask?

Ezlo replies...
That's the Deku Butler's son, whose soul was stolen by Majora's Mask to make the Deku Mask and stick it on Link.

Nabooru asks
Dear Ezlo, does link have like... a crush on me? if he does please tell me.

Ezlo replies...
Ewww, you're like twice his age!

wierdo asks
Dear Ezlo, my friends thnk I am wierd when I am playing video games. I mean I have a bad habit to talk to myself when I play any kind of video game. Do you talk to yourself? Because if you don't then me and my sister's friend are the only ones.

Ezlo replies...
I yell at the TV and curse all of humantiy and Minishdom when I play videogames. Does that count?

Evanie asks
Dear Ezlo, (I dont like the Dear Ezlo thing, sorry) do all the girls in the zelda games have the hots for link or is it just him (or me) but Im pretty sure hes obsessed with women (coming from a girl that is obsessed with zelda games but still a GIRL)

Ezlo replies...
As far as I can tell, only Ruto has literally had the hots for Link. Malon seemed to like him under the surface, Zelda seemed nonchalant, and Saria was a little too shy to emote to Link.

Kayla M. asks
Dear Ezlo, I want to some day be as cool as you. How will I do that?

Ezlo replies...
Lots of push-ups, and do your daily crossword puzzle!

oro asks
Dear Ezlo, i am curious is any zelda character gay or lesbian? just wondering btw when malon calls link "fairy boy" by todays standards she is calling him homosexual funny how things change over the years ^ ^... p.s. whut is minish cap like? i couldent afford to buy it, was it good?

Ezlo replies...
"Fairy boy" refers to the fact that Lik was perceived as a Kokiri, whom are typically followed by fairies, hence the name. I'm sure Malon would have called a girl "fairy girl" in a similar situation. No orientation questioning was implied I am sure. And, TMC, was great, thanks for asking. Although, i suggest you buy it: I need the royalties!

medli dude asks
Dear Ezlo, i am obsessed with edlt from ww. (i even cried when i had to leave) is it possible to visit medli in the earth temple? please no jokes.=(

Ezlo replies...
No, sorry. She's lost to the ages now.

magna asks
Dear Ezlo, actualy the wind waker link was 12, it is stated on every childs 12th birthday they must done the heros clothing, also the link from loz 1 and loz 3 is 15, also how tall is link from oot, alttp, and loz? im curious because im making a preofile for each as a peice of art and i wanna be exact >< thankies!

Ezlo replies...
Where'd you see that? I love to see a definitive number if you have it somewhere. Also, Link tends to top out at about 5'9" as an adolescent.

Hah asks
Dear Ezlo, In one of the earler questions you answered that you were in the grade above Jesus so that means you were born from 2 B.C. to 0 A.D. Do I get a prize for getting you age right?

Ezlo replies...
Well, not exactly. I stayed back a few grades, so you're a wee bit off. (My genius was late blooming, like Einstein's)

Mrs. Zelda Legends asks
Dear Ezlo, my question is not about how to play but where can i get all the games, i am completely new to legend of zelda games and i have been hooked!!! i no mostly everything, all i need now are the games. So please let me no where to find them(other than places like amazon or ebay i tried them already)

Ezlo replies...
Well, your local Electronic Boutique or Gamestop should have the first two games (LoZ and AoL) as well as OoT and MM already packaged in that special Collector's Edition disk. That's four. The Oracles games and The Minish Cap are all relatively new so you can find those in stores. And Link to the Past was re-released on GBA not too long ago, so that should be easy to find as well. All you have to really look hard for is Link's Awakening (I suggest the DX version).

Lolo asks
Dear Ezlo, My friend moved a while back and when she left (muwahahaha) we went to her house and opened her garage. Inside was a lawnmower and a dumpster. The question is: is it a nice thing to break into someone's house? After all, she WAS already gone and nobody lived in the house yet...
Also: What are we supossed to with the lawn mower and the dumpster? She's like 50,000 miles away now. We can't very well get them to her.

Ezlo replies...
I suggest you attempt to mow the dumpster, it seems the only logical combination of the two. Also yes, what you did was technically wrong because somebody must have bought that house from your friend, and therefore own that house and its contents.

Kai asks
Dear Ezlo, Link tells me you make a lot of smells out of nowhere.

Ezlo replies...
He's just unacquainted with the wonders of the Minish diet and its unfortunate, malodorous aftereffects.

chipmonkey asks
Dear Ezlo, who do you think will win in a fight between tingle and a potato chip? (i vote the chip)

Ezlo replies...
Tingle, I'm afraid, because he is just that much smarter than a chip to keep himself from choking to death while attempting to eat it.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, when you told me about dodongos were you refering to the ones from Ocarina of Time or the original Legend of Zelda? Because I wanted to know about the ones from Ocarina of Time.
P.S. Ezlo is a genius! Tingle is a moron!

Ezlo replies...
THey are one in the same. THe ones from LoZ are a bit larger than the ones from OoT.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, why does Link always wear that stupid hat?

Ezlo replies...
(He has a small but growing bald spot!)

me asks
Dear Ezlo, if a Gerudo male is only born every one hundered years, how do they keep their race going? (please dont say whay i think youll say)

Ezlo replies...
They cavort with the gentlemen of Hyrule Castle Town to keep the gene pool going, and yet somehow magically always birth 100% Gerudo children.

destroy world asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you spell supercalifragileisticexpialadocious?

Ezlo replies...
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

T3hM00nB@BYz asks
Dear Ezlo, I like to mix (non-alchoholic) drinks! Most use lemon juice, and they are good! My latest is called the HEART STOPPER!!
Why you ask?
Ingrediants are:
Orange Soda
Lemon Juice
Minute Maid Pink Lemonade
Sugar
Water
And Chocolate sause!

Tell ME YOU'RE RESULTS!!!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
From,
T3hM00nB@BYzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ezlo replies...
All my teef fell out.

Manga Reader asks
Dear Ezlo, If the final form Vatti takes in TMC is the vilan from FS and FSA how is it that there is a FS Manga?

Ezlo replies...
Manga isn't canon, it doesn't apply to real Hyrule.

Great Deku Tree asks
Dear Ezlo, How come redeads always know your there they have no eyes or ears

Ezlo replies...
They can sense fear... *shifty eyes*

Forfore asks
Dear Ezlo, why is the mirror shield unbreckable?

Ezlo replies...
Same reason why it reflects energies, it's magical. Forged by the mystical somethings-or-anothers themselves.

wants to be Librari's girlfiend asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Librari have a girlfriend? *giggle* (I think he's cute!)

Ezlo replies...
Oh, trust me, you don't want to date Librari. He's hands down the most boring Minish in all of Hyrule.

Melori asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you feel answering all these questions? Tell truthfully.

Ezlo replies...
Generally I enjoy it, except when people yell at me for not answering their letters on time, or at all. But, nothing's funner than imparting my infinite wisdom.

PLZ PLZ asks
Dear Ezlo, I read what you said on that one question from your mom lolololololol.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I mean all I had to do was copy and past it on word pad

Ezlo replies...
Gasp! My terrible, truthful, terrible secret is out!

Ah-Sha-Lee asks
Dear Ezlo, there's this guy I've liked for the longest time, and he seems to like me too. What's the best way to get his attention, O mighty Ezlo?
PS: I snuck up behind him and smacked him in the head last week. Was that bad?

Ezlo replies...
How about the time-tested method of sending an independent third party to find out if said person likes you back?

Myuuzik asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a few questions I'd like to ask:
1) Were there Minish in OoT, just hidden so well that nobody knew about them?
2) If so, would they have lived in Termina as well?
3) Do you like Johnny Depp? Or PotC? Johnny and Orli together = total hawtness, in my opinion.

Ezlo replies...
(1) Yes, (2) Yes as well, WE ARE EVERYWHERE, and (3) I'd rather not answer this question...

TINGLE TINGLE asks
Dear Ezlo, I would like to know sir what color are my panties sir?

Ezlo replies...
Trick question. You're obviously going commando. Weirdo.

Mike Redepenning asks
Dear Ezlo, If zelda has the triforce of wisdom, how come she's so stupid! She always gets captured! Link solves puzzles he should have it! Yah.... When you were on link did he have lice? thanks.

Ezlo replies...
It's more like "hindsight wisdom" than "precognition wisdom".

possessed waffle asks
Dear Ezlo, is Tingle a communist? I mean he's put his brothers into a commune and I swear he's taking all of Link's money so he can redistribute the wealth!! He also kinda looks like a manga-style combination of Stalin and Mao...

Ezlo replies...
Jumping Joe McCarthy, you're right! To the HUAC-Mobile!

Stellarblaze asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Nintendo going to delay TP again? If they do, I say the Zelda fans lead an attack on Nintendo using Tingle as a baseball bat. Then force them to come out with it immediatly

Ezlo replies...
No. Twilight Princess will be released this late-fall, no matter what. No more delays.

Malon asks
Dear Ezlo, When Link and you travelled together, did he ever mention me?

Ezlo replies...
Only once when he said something about a crazy girl who left a cow in his house.

dang asks
Dear Ezlo, what's the name of this song and the band that plays it? It goes like this: "Nobody knows what's ganna happen tomorrow/you've got to belive,it'll be all right in the end/nobody knows..." something like that. That songs keeps on playing on my radio station, but I don't know who sings it! Please help me!

Ezlo replies...
That would be "What Happens Tomorrow" by Duran Duran.

Dominator asks
Dear Ezlo, Before The Minish Cap was released (When you didn't worked here) Who managed the "Ask" Section?

Ezlo replies...
Eyegore. It... wasn't very lively.

Zim asks
Dear Ezlo, My head is bleeding.

Ezlo replies...
Oh no, I got this message on April 30th. By now you're probably dead! Oh well, next question.

Problem guy asks
Dear Ezlo, Last Time this happened:

Problem guy asks
Dear Ezlo, Unfortunately, Tingle is my neighbor and I am tired of him coming to my door and telling me: "Can you lend me a cup of sugar?". Please, tell me all the things Tingle hates so that I can put them in his underpants.

Ezlo replies...
Did you try soap? I hear he is allergic to that.

Ezlo replies...
Give him the rubbing alchohol. Geh heh heh.

Creepy Person asks
Dear Ezlo, If you had to either

A: Put sunblock on Tingle while he wore his itsy-bitsy-teenie-weenie yellow polka dot bikini

or

B: Convince a Minish bear rip your eyes out and feed them to rabbits and then mutialte your left arm, which would you do?

Ezlo replies...
So B. Soooo B.

Rik the Great asks
Dear Ezlo, Who came up with the idea for ask Ezlo?Was it you? And why do you answer them all??

Ezlo replies...
Actually I was approached by Jack and given an offer I couldn't refuse. Literally. You know, the whole photos thing.

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, what do you do in your free time?

Ezlo replies...
Oh you know, the normal stuff: crochet, write my memoirs, make candles out of old toenails.

gamefreak asks
Dear Ezlo, What would you like for your birthday? Legend of Zelda: Wand of Gamelon, Legend of Zelda: Zelda's Adventure, or a ticket to give the eulogy at Tingle's funeral?

Ezlo replies...
Do you really have to ask? Of course it's Wand of Gamelon, sheesh.

Rik the Great asks
Dear Ezlo, How old are you and you better tell me cuz i got Link hostage.

Ezlo replies...
Go ahead, do your worst! I'll never tell.

Ethen asks
Dear Ezlo, my friend says you talk like a cowboy at the end of minish cap.Do you really?

Ezlo replies...
No... I don't think so...

geesehunter asks
Dear Ezlo, what do you like better, ducks or geese (aka the demons from another dimension)

Ezlo replies...
Ducks. There's is nothing Ezlo likes better than a lazy Sunday spent by the public pond, sitting on a bench, feeding croutons to ducks.

KaNaniAmong asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think that Vaati is hot?( if you where a girl what would you think?)

Ezlo replies...
He's a little too moody for my likes, thank you very much.

Nintendo2.0 asks
Dear Ezlo, I have been recently listening to the "Hyrule Symphony Tracks" (which is most excellent and beautifully orchestrated by Koji Kondo) that 'The Desert Colossus' offers in 'Multimedia and Download', and I had a thought on the orchestrated "Lon Lon Ranch" music.
Was there someone actually singing (or humming) the "Lon Lon Ranch" music with the orchestra playing it? Because I could've swore that the 'humming' in the music sounds like an actually person humming. If there is someone actually singing (or humming) with the orchestra playing "Lon Lon Ranch", I'd really like to know who. If it this thought isn't true, what did the soundtrack use to make that singing (or humming)?

Please and thank you

Ezlo replies...
You are correct that that humming is indeed a person, but I don't know who it is. Sorry.

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, how much does dark link weigh? I was told he weighs about 30lbs. Is this true?

Ezlo replies...
He's a shadow, so, nothing.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, there are some people at school who are big jerks to me. Do you know any magical spells I could use to torture and/or annoy them(not kill him of course)? If so, PLEASE TELL ME!!!

Ezlo replies...
The best way to deter a bully is to (1) laugh off their insults, because they're feeding their tiny egos with your pain, so if you don't act pained they won't get satisfaction, (2) act like you don't care what they think of you, see point 1 for reason why, and (3) recognize that in the end bullies are simple children who will achieve very little in life with the poor attitudes they have. Use that revelation as strength and use their taunts as motivation to better yourself. Trust Ezlo, he speaks the truth.

Voldie asks
Dear Ezlo, Yo! Ezeeeeelo! I've noticed something strange with the text. In the beginning it was Times New Roman font but now its the Courier New. Whats up with that? And you still haven't said what day of the week you read and reply to your e-mail...so tell us:

WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK DO YOU CHECK AND ANSWER YOU "ASK EZLO" E-MAIL?

and:

DO YOU READ ALL YOUR E-MAILS???
(Remember, this is extremely important on the behalf of others, not that I help many)

Yo home slice:
Voldie

Also: I sent a similar e-mail like this before this one and the one BEFORE that got answered; are you sure your not on high o_O?

Ezlo replies...
Thanks for the heads up, i caught my miss on the HTML which changed the font. I check my email only on days I am typing up an update to my section. And yes, I read all my emails, but I don't post them all. I hope that answers your question.

Some maiden asks
Dear Ezlo, 1.why does vatti keep capturing us all the time2.How old is Vatti?he seems like an emotional teen in the minish cap, or is it that he was just transformed into that?

Ezlo replies...
Yeah, he's pretty a teenager. You know those crazy kids, hormones raging, etc.

Hollywood STAR! asks
Dear Ezlo, My friends and I made a particulary awesome movie that was based on the Ocarina of Time. Since then I have moved to a different place and we want to make a movie of the Minish Cap. I was wondering if you'd come down and play Ezlo! I think you are perfectly suited to play yourself in this wonderfully emotional motion picture event! We'll pay you in cookies and Tingle guts (my brother went out hunting...guess what he brought back) and my hot brother himself will play Link, seeing that his intelligence is slightly higher than that of the real Link's. So, what do you say?

Ezlo replies...
Only if Ezlo gets his own trailer.

Smartest person on Earth asks
Dear Ezlo, Tell me, the most intelligent person on this planet called Earth, some ignerant words so I can look ignerant in front of my boobish friends!

Ezlo replies...
Grunt whine der blah.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, I thought Volvagia was a lava dragon, but you said he was a fire demon. With that said, is there really no such thing as a lava dragon?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, their one in the same. By demon I was being more descriptive. He's a member of the draogn race, he's also a demonic character with fire powers.

blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, how can you hate mountain dew? It is the best soda on earth!!!

Ezlo replies...
(Mountain Dew made me sterile!)

sbfn8 jfsdo asks
Dear Ezlo, ert+
y76p; '0lu8jkyee;u4p;e'/Rh
Strong ba15456 `-------++++++gf
+++++-//==========/*8901ikg

Ezlo replies...
What is this? Did the quadratic formula explode? I see a "Strong ba" in there, but it's getting eaten by some... Linux or something. Wait a minute! Is this one of those virus emails? Like the kind that moms and offshore casinos send you?! I'll take care of this!

Where's my Edgarware?!

JOE asks
Dear Ezlo, I am satisfied with your last reply.

I have another query: Where's Waldo?

Ezlo replies...
RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!

JsW116 asks
Dear Ezlo, HELLLLLLP!!!!!!!Ezlo I need your help!Every time I beat Vaati in The Mnish cap and it says to save or dont save, I save but it bring right back to the begining of dark Hyrule!What should I do?!

Ezlo replies...
No, it's cool, that's supposed to happen. You always load right before you fight Vaati, but the game remembers you beat the little bugger, and now you can unlock the rest of Carlov's figurines (there's like five hidden ones, one of yours truly).

MagmarFire asks
Dear Ezlo, Is there any reason that you sometimes refer to yourself in third-person?

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo is confused, third person? Oh, that's because of Ezlo's alien symbiote costume. It causes Us to change Our tense sometimes. Blargh.

Confused... asks
Dear Ezlo, In almost every Zelda timeline I see, OoT is put as the first game. When you first meet Zelda, she says that your name seems somehow familiar. How would she recognise your name if this was the first time you'd ever met?

Ezlo replies...
That's because of the whole time paradox of Link's journey back in time and defeating Ganondorf, etc.

Zelda freak asks
Dear Ezlo, so ya weve heard all about links family line but what about gannons or the garons etc.

Ezlo replies...
The Gorons aren't really possible to do since all we know is Darunia --> Link (the Goron). We don't know anything about Ganon's family either.

uakiM asks
Dear Ezlo, deputs si kniL taht hsinaps ni yas ,siht daer nac uoy fi,olzE raeD

Ezlo replies...
Link es estúpido. ¿satisfacer?

Crane asks
Dear Ezlo, can you show us what your computer looks like too?

Ps. I saw your typewriter. i can't wait to see your computer :)

Ezlo replies...
Behold! Top of the line, ain't it?

Monica asks
Dear Ezlo, I did what you told me to do. I called him fat,ugly, and dumb. His reaction was nothing all day, then he calls me his girrlfriend the next day. I threw his bag in the trash can and said, " I rather kiss Ezlo then go with you 'cause Ezlo's hot!" Are you proud of me or what? ps:I have dark brown hair and eyes with long eyelashes. I am half chineese, pourtaguesse , caucasian. How pretty do describe me? *winks*

Ezlo replies...
You are officially my hero. As you your second question, Ezlo refuses to answer on the basis that I am a many-millenia-year-old Minish, as could not comprehend concepts like "beauty" when applied to anything other than a Minish or a doorknob.

shewter asks
Dear Ezlo, coes Link wear tights or long underwear? I really wanna know!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Tights! (and now you know the horrible truth).

mr. T asks
Dear Ezlo, Since OOT is the sixth LOZ game, wouldn't the Link in the that game be known as Link VI? I'm getting tired of people calling him Link I.

Ezlo replies...
He's called Link I because he is, chronologically, the first Link.

NLink asks
Dear Ezlo, In your reply to a certain question asked by Mikaudes, you mention a "Dimension B". Does this mean you are cabable of interdimensional travel? If so, does every one have counterparts in other dimensions? Also, I don't expect you to know, but if you do, how many different dimensions are there?

Ezlo replies...
No, Dimension B does not feature copies of people from Hyrule. Rather, it's just where Minish come from. We use that crazy door in the Castle basement to travel between the two dimensions. And, according to our Minish physicists, there are around 526.1215 x 10⁴² dimensions.

Noah asks
Dear Ezlo, Which game do you think will be better, Twilight Princess, or Phantom Hourglass?

Ezlo replies...
I think they'll both be fantastic, but I think TP will be the best because it will do so much more.

NOGARE asks
Dear Ezlo, I am stumped by a mystery of Link; when Link from the classic Series is born in Cataina, but is also born in Hyrule!I have proof that both work out; in Soul Calibur 2, which is a zelda game, says that his birthplace is Hyrule, but in the comics, he is born in the other place! I cannot figure this mystery out. And there are only two Links; Wind Waker Link, and the Link of all the other games. (TP is a new Link, too, so forget that, then) But The Link of the rest of the games was born in Hyrule? His mother was killed, so how could she be in the comics? Dont say that she rencarnated, or something, cuz thats stupid. I need a desect, logical answer for this.

Ezlo replies...
Fella, there are many, many more Links than you have dreamt up in your philosophy. Might I suggest this for reading?

Saria asks
Dear Ezlo, It's come to my attention that a few months ago you gave Boss Moblin instructions for cooking my fellow Kokiri. Care to explain yourself?

Ezlo replies...
It's not my fault you wee ones are so delicious! You think those are bed bugs at night? Wrong! Those are Minish nibbling on you in your sleep!

The Sage of Nothing! asks
Dear Ezlo, okay, I'm so obsessed about TP (I've cried every time it's been delayed) that I've already had four dreams about it! In one, I had it preordered, and I was excited because it was coming out the next day. The next dream, I was buying it, and since I preordered it, I got a special two-disc collectors' edition. In my next dream, TP was rated M, which meant I couldn't get it! But my final dream is the most terrifying. I dreamed the reason Nintendo delayed TP was to make it cel-shaded! But it gets worse! There was an ocean, but no islands (only little saplings sticking out of the water). And instead of riding around on a horse, you rode...POKÉMON!!!!!!!!! Do these dreams signify anything?!

Ezlo replies...
Yes, but let me just phone the local asylum before I tell you. One moment please.

Drehvin asks
Dear Ezlo, How many times have you felt like strangling that Link character for mistreating you? And how many times a day do you bathe?

Ezlo replies...
The answer to both you questions is half as much as I'd like and twice as many as I should.

Floofer asks
Dear Ezlo, In TWW, why did the scenery around Hyrule Castle change? i mean, the tree is still there when you exit the castle from OoT(wher Kaepora Gaebora perched), but it looks as if the surrounding areas had sunken into a river, mercifully keeping the earth around Hyrule Castle intact. So, my question is, what happened to the surrounding lands to make it a great river?

Thank you.

Ezlo replies...
Actually, from the looks of it, it appears that Hyrule Castle was rebuilt on top of the remains of Ganon's Tower (the lava moat is now a river). Very interesting.

Vonlee asks
Dear Ezlo, This message was posted

Random Fan nicely asks
Dear Ezlo, could you show us a photo of what your typewriter looks like?

Ezlo replies...
Here you go.

Ezlo replies...
THanks, I try. You can find out more about the Chicago Typewriter (né Tommy Gun) here.

Sakura Haruno asks
Dear Ezlo, I was just wondering if Link sleeps at all. (It would be pretty hard for me to if I had a hat that talked all the time)

Ezlo replies...
Of course he does, why do you think there's a bed in his house that he wakes up in whenever you turn on the game as young Link? Or have him take a nap in Minish Cap!

Green!!! asks
Dear Ezlo, i heard green day broke up! is it true?!?!?!?!?

Ezlo replies...
Sigh, ufortunately no. Also, they apparently are working on a new album which should be out in 2007.

Daphne asks
Dear Ezlo, I have called the union! I am ordering a strike for the worker in your office. My demands are simple. GIVE ME MORE MONEY. and pie.

Ezlo replies...
You can have more money, but by Jove's Beard, pie is not an option! THat is a deal breaker if there ever was one!

purpleseahorses asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you have any nicknames besides "Ezzy?" If so, what are they?

Ezlo replies...
Well, my buddy Piddy (or, whatever the heck he calls himself now) used to call me Ez-Lo.

Max asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do the goddesses in OoT have no.. um, you know...

Ezlo replies...
Oh, well, they've evolved far beyond the need for... um, you know... I mean, deities don't really reproduce, you know?

kokiri guy asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you make a website become a word? Example: instead of (http://moocow.com) it's (Here) I don't know how to do that. Teaching me how would be greatly appreciated. (If this helps, I have Windows 2000)

p.s. IF YOU DON'T ANSWER THIS QUESTION SO HELP ME GOD I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN WITH A TINGLE ASSASIN AND TORTURE YOU TO DEATH WITH KOOLOIMPA'S AND EGGPLANTS!!!!!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
It's HTML: you'd write a link like <a href="http://moocow.com">here</a>. If you want to learn more about anchor tags (what that is called) and HTML, might I suggest HTMLGoodies.com?

kokiri guy asks
Dear Ezlo, YOU DID NOT ANSWER MY QUESTION! HOW OFTEN DO YOU UPDATE YOUR SITE? (thank you for updating, it but please answer me) I WANT TO BE RECOGNIZED! I'M NEVER RECOGNIZED! THE ONLY TIMES I'M RECOGNIZED IS WHEN I'M BIENG CHASTISED! VIST this TO SEE PROOF! (I'm Moo Cow, and Star Wars Fanatic is someone I made up to keep myself occupied. An imaginary conversation. See how desperate I am?)

Ezlo replies...
Whenever I get the chance to. Now, if you don't mind... I left the... oven... on... *runs away*

Cucco Kid asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm new to this site, and reading ur answers to questions immediately got me hooked on the site. Quick question for you, it says on the main page today (April 26th) that there are new smilies. How do I get a hold of these or are they just for the site webmasters?
Thx

Ezlo replies...
Welcome aboard! The smilies are just for the comments on the main page.

Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, What?!

Random Fan nicely asks
Dear Ezlo, could you show us a photo of what your typewriter looks like?

Ezlo replies...
Here you go.

Ezlo replies...
With death, bwahahaha. Ahem. Um, it's a pun. Tee hee.

Fave is Requium asks
Dear Ezlo, I've read some of the Legend of Zelda fan fictions,and the ones of Link going out or marrying a girl is romantic,but realistically,Link has no love life,I mean the guy is a complete moron.What's your opinion Ezlo?

Ezlo replies...
I wholeheartedly agree.

Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, How in the HECK did Malon get that cow into Link's house? And how did she get into the Kokiri Forest without being turned into a tree?!

Ezlo replies...
Skullkid Home Delivery Service.

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, does Link REALLY eat fairies? Well I saw a comic on vgcats.com and Link was a cat and well he ate a fairy.

Ezlo replies...
Nooo. He just uncorks the bottle, they fly around him and then fly away. No ingesting required.

Gamma Metroid asks
Dear Ezlo, If there is a real Minish Language, then why is it that in The Minish Cap that the Forest Minish and the Mountain Minish and the Town Minish all speak Hylean?!

P.S. Why do all the Hylean people speak English? And why do you?

Ezlo replies...
Well, the first matter is because Link ingested a Jabber Nut, so he could understand and speak Minish. As to your PS, Hyrulian and English are remarkably similar languages, aside from the script, so there's no need for transliteration.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, I've asked so many times, now it's not funny! what is Link's last name!?!

Ezlo replies...
I already answered you, Julie, he doesn't have one. Hylians typically don't.

Richard Hinman asks
Dear Ezlo, I have three questions. 1)Why is it so hard to get my first question answered? 2)As I asked before, but was never answered, are Sheik and Ganondorf in the Twilight Princess?!? 3)Why is Tingle so imature and STUPID looking in the WindWaker?!!?

Ezlo replies...
(1) I don't answer every question, sorry, (2) Ganon will be, Sheik probably not, (3) it's just the way he was animated. Exaggerating certain features, and all.

Dragonfire asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you sure Link is 12 in WW? Cause I've always thought that he was about 13 or 14, my age, and Aryl was about my sister's age, which is 9. Oh, and is Link 10 when he's a kid in OOT? Just to be positive. Thank you for your time.

Ezlo replies...
I'm just making an educated guess, but I think those ages are just about correct. I really can't say with a hundred percent positivity.

Anonamous asks
Dear Ezlo, During WWII, which plan do you like better: 1)Stalin's plan to go through Eastern Europe, 2) Roosevelt's plan to cross the channel, or 3) Churchil's plan to move north from the Mediterranean Sea. I like Churchil's plan.

Ezlo replies...
Well, if we're talking about which planned worked the best, it would have to be Stalin's. All he had to do was push west across the European plains, not cross a body of water or mountains. That's why the Red Army was the first to Berlin. So, I'll have to say Stalin's plan was the best.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, at the end of the Minish Cap, I hear that Vaati is sealed in the four sword. But in the manga, he returns to his minish form (along with yourself of course) and apologizes for everything. I'm confused, what really happened.
P.S. How do you get internet access if your no bigger than my thumb and you live in a clover (or mushroom, I'm not really sure which)?

Ezlo replies...
THat's the manga, that didn't really happen. It's just a happy story for the fans. As to your second question: I juryrigged a mushroom to act as a Wifi router.

Xyana the Arrow asks
Dear Ezlo, um...don't let this out, but Link and I have joined forces and are planning to murder Navi. Two questions for ya:
1. Wanna join?
2. How the heck do you kill a fairy?

Ezlo replies...
No thanks, I'm kind of partial to the little buggers. And, you just say you don't believe in fairies. They'll drop dead right there and then.

Mushy Mushy asks
Dear Ezlo, Who is Evan On Majora's Mask?

Ezlo replies...
One of the Indigo-Gos.

You-Know-Who-Must-Be-Named asks
Dear Ezlo, Ok man, I HAVE to ask ou this on the behalf of so many other suspensed people waiting for an answer for this age-old question. Now *drumroll* presenting:

What day DO you check and answer e-mail in a week?

P.S: Remember, serious question, MUST be answered!!!!-on behalf of others-!!!!

Ezlo replies...
It depends on how busy my week is. No specific day, sorry.

kulr asks
Dear Ezlo, if your a minish, how come in MC you couldent speak yo them BEFOR link ate the jaber nut?P.S how come you never anser my questions?

Ezlo replies...
Sorry, me no speeky the Hylian. Pi pi, co ri pi.

vanna know asks
Dear Ezlo, how many times have you been married?

Ezlo replies...
So many time I have about 1/16th the income I started out with as a bachelor.

Kathryne asks
Dear Ezlo, Who's Daphne? Is she your secretary? Do you have a mistress? If so, is it Daphne?

Ezlo replies...
Bingo, she's my secretary. And I'm very thankful to my estranged wife, thank you very much.

Magmar Fire asks
Dear Ezlo, How is your mother doing?

Ezlo replies...
Well. I moved her up to the house on the hill overlooking my motel. She's very happy now.

Bad Gamer asks
Dear Ezlo, Moon is tossed back into orbit, Mask Salesman takes back mask, Skullkid is told by Giants they are leaving again, he whines, tells Link he smells familiar, Link is seen in credits riding Epona in the Lost Woods.

Ezlo replies...

Martie asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Tingle Inmortal? He´s been in Wind Waker, The Minish Cap, etc. If that´s the case, Will he be tormenting us forever?

Ezlo replies...
He's going to be in Phantom Hourglass, so... yes.

Dim asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Eggplant is something so important here in Ask Ezlo? Who started all this of the Eggplant? And why does Tingle hates it?

Ezlo replies...
Well, I checked the archives but I couldn't find the exact first question with it. However, I do recall someone asked me if I liked it and I said no very strongly. It kind of evolved from there.

Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I was wondering, if Princess Peach is the Princess, then who is the queen?

Ezlo replies...
THere is no queen. Princess Peach is the sole monarch.

Dark Nut Lover asks
Dear Ezlo, I was wondering, why does they are called dark nuts if they aren´t dark and they aren´t nuts?

Ezlo replies...
Well, on the outside they're not.

Purpleseahorse asks
Dear Ezlo, You mentioned your full name is Ezlowanefogatinorunaritwahumaki Jr. Does anyone ever just call you "Junior"? If so, what are your feelings about the nickname?

Ezlo replies...
Well, my father used to call me Junior. And I hated it. I then took the dog's name, Ezlo, for my own. ...oh, wait, I see it now. THe first four letters of my real name... oh so, sillies, Ezlo isn't a contraction of my real name, it's the dog's name!

King Tokay asks
Dear Ezlo, What do the wind tribe look like

Ezlo replies...
Just humans that live in the clouds. Nothing special. Nothing cool like wings or laser beams.

kyo asks
Dear Ezlo, well fine then, he may be emo, but he's still mine.

Ezlo replies...
Fair enough.

Steven asks
Dear Ezlo, Haven't you said you hated Vaati? Well I just finshed reading the manga in Zelda Infinite and you ended up going off and being friends again, (Well Master Pupil sorta thing) So did something happen to make Vaati evil again?

Ezlo replies...
Bah, Manga is not canon. I had Vaati as much as the day is long.

Tingle Fan asks
Dear Ezlo, I have two questions for you: What's the Purple Link's name'Will Twilight Princess be rated T(Teen)?

Ezlo replies...
Link, and yes.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, for some REALLY odd reason, your wife hired me to become YOUR apprentace, I had no choice (I need my mommy) *sigh* What's my firts order of business, sir?

Ezlo replies...
Rub my feet, my bunions are acting up again! And use the steel wool this time.

Im getting dizzy asks
Dear Ezlo, if you ae as old as you say(by the way you havent) you totally had to be in the Woodstock, so how was it?

Ezlo replies...
Ugh, too many hippies. The stench was overpowering. And they kept trying to smoke my lawn.

Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, In The Wind Waker, why was tinlge in jail? I mean i know his a freak and everything but there has to be another reason.

Ezlo replies...
For stealing Lenzo's Pictobox. And for conspiracy to commit indecent exposure. Kidnapping. Forced labor exploitation. Being Tingle. Et cetera.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, I remember you told me a dodongo eats cave moss, tasty rocks and old defused bomb flowers. So then why do the dodongos in the games attack Link if they don't eat meat? Plus they have sharp teeth, so I don't see how they couldn't be carnivores.

Ezlo replies...
Link is intruding on their territory, so they feel the biological need to attack him.

kayla asks
Dear Ezlo, Will Zelda ever kiss Link?

Ezlo replies...
She has! (Click "Propaganda")

wonderer asks
Dear Ezlo, How does Link not get distracted from his journey by all those girls? The only times that mentioned a love life are OoT, but the wedding never happened, LA, but it was all a dream, and finnaly the cartoon and I don't know what happens there, does Link ever get a kiss from Zelda?
How does he do it? And also do you have a love life?

Ezlo replies...
Even when he was seven years ahead, he still had the maturity of a little boy. When you were nine, were you so girl-crazy?

Noah asks
Dear Ezlo, Three questions,
1, Why dont you help Link with the dungeons in Minish Cap?
2, Who is your favourite Minish?
3, Do you ever get tired of being on Links head?
PS Your favourite minish can not be you.

Ezlo replies...
(1) Because I'm a cruel fellow, what can i say? (2) Me--*reads ahead*... er, I suppose Librari. I like his style. (3) Nah, it's nice not to have to walk sometimes. I am old, y'know!

Teh hop bunny asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do Redeads in TWW chomp on Link's giant head like mindless retards?

Ezlo replies...
THey're.... zombies?

the K asks
Dear Ezlo, have you seen that fan LoZ movie they are making!? It looks stupid! Did you see the Light Force sign on their hands?! It was drawn! Ganon's hair looks like a clowns! ..........do you think it looks wierd?

Ezlo replies...
It's a little odd, granted, but at least someone's finally makign a fan movie. Take what you can get, I always say.

kokiri guy asks
Dear Ezlo, how many Tingles does it take to srew in a lightbulb?

Ezlo replies...
Three: one to hold the lightbulb, and two to turn the ladder.

don't put ask next to my name asks
Dear Ezlo, what are the seven sages' names in OoT and what are they sages of? Call me blond. Xp

Ezlo replies...
Saria, Forest; Darunia, Fire; Ruto, Water; Impa, Shadow; Nabooru, Spirit; Rauru, Light; and Zelda, Time.

Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, HELLOOOOOOOOOOO! Tingle has finally found you! You've escaped tingle for so long, but now we can play catch the faery again! Happy days! What have you done with the Tingle T-shirt I gave you? I will mail you a second one, along with your very own Tingle-tuner!!!!! Keep in touch!

Ezlo replies...
*gentle weeping*

Zatch Bell asks
Dear Ezlo, Why are you so cruel to Link? You're worse than Kiyo!

Ezlo replies...
You be stuck with him for so long and then try to be nice to him. The first time he uses a torch and mirror to see the dangly thing in the back of his throat and you would be outta there.

Ashitaka asks
Dear Ezlo, How come the moon in Majora's Mask has a hideous face where as in other games, the moon is faceless?

Ezlo replies...
THat's just the point: Hyrule's moon is normal, whereas Termina's is cursed and evil.

Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Was it fun being a hat in The Minish Cap?

Ezlo replies...
About as fun as being an inanimate object can be.

answerMEplz asks
Dear Ezlo, when does Link use the restroom?Or does he even go to the bathroom?
PS.sorry if this is gross but my friends bet 20$ that I coulded find out how Link uses the restroom.I REALY WONT THOSE 20$.
thank you

Ezlo replies...
When the game is turned off, clearly.

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, In Link's Awakening, Link is supposed to be dreaming, right? How does the game end? Does it just show Link waking up, or what?

Ezlo replies...
He wakes up on a piece of driftwood floating on the ocean, stunned from the dream he just had, and then looks up to see (hallucinate?) the Windfish flying overhead. (Best Zelda ending ever!)

Link asks
Dear Old Pal Ezlo,
You see, I noticed that I am indeed growing up...and I don't wanna. What can I do? By the way, you are cordially invited to my marriage to Princess Zelda on June 31st, 2006.

Ezlo replies...
I hear Neverland's that-a way, you already look the part.

OrigamiHoshi asks
Dear Ezlo, I forgot to mention in my last post that I can make origami Garo robes and Garo masters! If you don't mind, could I post the diagrams for them on Desert Colossus? Arigato Gozaimasu!

Ezlo replies...
Oh yes, please do! Send them to Jack's email address (webmaster [at] desertcolossus [dot] com).

lala asks
Dear Ezlo, what does "acting emo" means?

Ezlo replies...
Acting like a person belonging to the Emo subculture. Behaviorisms associated with Emo are being "emotional" and angsty.

Monica asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a problem!At school there is this guy Charles.He has a crush on me and he always say, "Monica, you're so hot!" He is ugly and dumb. What do i do? He like stalks me! PS ANSWER MY QUESTION! P.S.S:Would you think i am prettier than Zelda?

Ezlo replies...
Tell him that he's ugly and dumb and I can promise he won't talk to you anymore. As to your last question, I'd have to see you to answer that, would I not? (And that is not an invitation, Ezlo is not a cyber-perv, he is simply stating fact, is he not?)

Sara asks
Dear Ezlo, If you were Link who would you date?
A.Nabooru
B.Zelda
C.Me
D.Ruto
E.Epona
F.Malon
G.Saria
H.Queen Elizibeth
Tell me!

Ezlo replies...
Oh, definitely HRH, wowza.

She or he asks
Dear Ezlo, are the Rito's wings connected to their hands or their wings or anywhere else?

Ezlo replies...
They sprout from the forearms and can be "folded" down and tucked in to drape like long sleeves when not used for flying.

Kirby asks
Dear Ezlo, The Zelda manga is great, but it kind of makes up parts of the story that is supposed to be kept a mystery. Did Nintendo or the Zelda creators have any influence in this, or was it made up by the manga authors as a filler?

Ezlo replies...
Filler. It's considered non-canon and most points have no effect of the storyline.

Dorothy asks
Dear Ezlo, have you ever visited the land of Oz?

Ezlo replies...
Yeah, I went to Perth for my August Vacation last year.

orlihater 5000 asks
Dear Ezlo, how can you like orlando bloom?!?! hes so ugly and cant act...and ugly and scary and has no emotion and ugly and scary and GAAAHHHHHH!!! i didnt know it was even possible to like him! how can you, i thought you were supposed to be smart!?!?!

Ezlo replies...
You take that back you... you big STUPID!

Din asks
Dear Ezlo, If you were a carp, what song would you sing, and what color would you be?

Ezlo replies...
"Baby Got Back" and cerulean.

Daemonsage asks
After many a strenuous thinking session I have come to the realization that you Ezlo, are a biased person(or Minish). I bet you won't even bother replying to that because 1. I'm not minish,hylian, or human and 2. You know I speak the truth.

Ezlo replies...
Biased against stupidity perhaps. And young people. And deodorant. And dancing. And the entire state of Massachusetts. And Dimeson L. And Link... and Tingle, don't forget Tingle. Great White Sharks. Beach chairs. Hairy toes. The ripping sound that velcro makes. Sunshine. Lollipops. Mountain Dew. Umbrellas. Puppies. Happiness... Er, we all have our little biases, I suppose.

Your complaint is noted.

JOE asks
Dear Ezlo,

JOE asks
Dear Ezlo, Where do Minish go when they pass away?

Ezlo replies...
In the ground?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, but Ezlo made a funny, you must admit. But seriously, we Minish believe that when we die our spirits go to Dimension 2, a wonderous place when everyone else is 1 inch tall and we are the giants! There are lots of things to step on... it's great fun from what I'm told.

Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, Can I have my hat back?

Ezlo replies...
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me thirteen subsequent times, shame on me.

Nayru asks
Dear Ezlo, if you were human, and a girl, who would you think is the hottest guy from the legend of zelda, ocarina of time?

P.S. I think adult Link is the hottest...

Ezlo replies...
I don't know, that Boss Carpenter's got it goin' on. *swoon*

Goriondoni asks
Dear Ezlo, Hi, first look at this,

A CHICK asks
Dear Ezlo, HOW OLD IS LINK FROM "THE WIND WAKER"?

Ezlo replies...
We don't know for sure (no age is given), but I'm willing to guesstimate 15.

Ezlo replies...
A great point, but still, like I said, no official age is given.

Mr. Chuckorock asks
Dear Ezlo, two chuckorocks attacked you when you first met Link. Do you still have a grudge against us?

Ezlo replies...
Oh yes. By the way... thanks for the return address... bwahahaha!!

Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, The Tingle in TMC seems less crazy and a little more kind to his brothers. Now the Tingle in TWW is crazy! He forces his brother to work for him and makes them dress up in thought horrble jump suit. I come to notice that in each zelda game tingle in, his tends to get more meaner or crazyer or both. Tell me what's going on here?

Ezlo replies...
There was a court order and now the doctors can't force him to take his anti-Tingle-crazy pills. It's very messy.

monkey man asks
Dear Ezlo, why do humans believe they evolved from us?

Ezlo replies...
Not from you specifically, but from some magical proto-monkey from whence humanity and the great ape both evolved. I think the better question is from the fish asking when everyone thinks they evolved from him!

Saku asks
Dear Ezlo, I was told you were in Brokeback Mountain.

Ezlo replies...
Yes, Ezlo played Naked Body Double #12. Hollywood is in high demand of my grecian figure. (Stop giggling!)

Saria asks
Dear Ezlo, When is Link's birthday?

Ezlo replies...
The Link that I know was born on a thursday. Does that help?

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? (You CAN NOT bite or crunch)

Ezlo replies...
Anywhere from 144 to 411. THe answer is unknown, though Ezlo suspects it is somewhere in between those two numbers.

Stupidest person on Earth asks
Dear Ezlo, Say alot of big words I won't understand so I can say them to my friends and look smart!

Ezlo replies...
What a canard, do you really expect me to prostrate myself, supererogatorily, on the altar of the sesquipedalian, just so that dithering ignorami such as your erstwhile sycophants can be rendered in awe? Surely not, I propose!

Your Buddy (aka Voldie) asks
Dear Ezlo, Usually I don't say this to too many...but, THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU FOR ANSWERING MY LETTER!!!!!!!

Though I must admit, It is steeeeee-range being seen infront of so man probing eyes.

And I have a question:

Are you planning to achieve immotality?
(Cause if you are, you got com-pi-ti-shion and its inevitably going o become AWEfully physical *supposidy intimating punching of fist-palm)

Your bestest pal:
Voldie

Ezlo replies...
Well, truth be told, I'd just be happy with keeping these good looks. The rest is just gravy.

Random Minish asks
Dear Ezlo, STOP, this is a Telegram,STOP, we are calling for your help,STOP, We in Dimension B need your help defeating a virus that affects your fans,STOP, its turning us into Tingle fans,Stop, help HELP-Tingle is our master,STOP, Tingle is our master,STOP.

From, Fantari

Ezlo replies...
Meh, I really only answer calls for help in candy-grams.

why? asks
Dear Ezlo, why do you hate Vaati? sure, he turned you into a hat, but you turned back! i think its time you forgave him.

Ezlo replies...
Wait, i need a better reason than that?! No forgiveness! He could at least apologize...

Xyana the Arrow asks
Dear Ezlo, In a previous mail, this was asked:

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, when fighting dark link in OoT, when you Z-target him, it shows his name as dark link, but what if your name isn't link, say for example Julie? would it be dark julie, or still dark link?

Ezlo replies...
Erm, I think it's always Dark Link, no matter what.

Ezlo replies...
Yes, thank you for the clarification. Now Ezlo may sleep at night.

Zeldaforever asks
Dear Ezlo, Hahaha sorry Ezlo, but I shall prove you wrong!

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, when fighting dark link in OoT, when you Z-target him, it shows his name as dark link, but what if your name isn't link, say for example Julie? would it be dark julie, or still dark link?

Ezlo replies... Erm, I think it's always Dark Link, no matter what.

Ezlo replies...
So if I put my name as "Ezlo" it would have Dark Link as "Ezlon"? Roight...

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, do you think its a good idea to put the, "WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION!?" questions in the FAQ secttion?And my second question is: Tingle suffering fatal burns or Tingle suffering from hypothermia?

Your loyal fan, HH

Ezlo replies...
Yes, that is a wonderful idea. Stupendous! And, hypothermia, the most ironic of burns.

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is there no Lengend Of Zelda: Oracle of Secrets?

Ezlo replies...
There was going to be, but it was cancelled to speed up production time of the games.

gamefreak asks
Dear Ezlo, Would it interest you to know that you were the Reader's pick in Nintendo Power Magazine for the best new character in 2005? This calls for a celebration!

Ezlo replies...
Oh don't you worry, Ezlo knows all about his accolades.

Daphne asks
Dear Ezlo, Can I have a raise?

Ezlo replies...
For the fourteenth time: no! Now get back to rubbing my bunions!

No? asks
Dear Ezlo, The sancuary is the border between the Minish & Hylian world, no?

So, when you walk into the sancuary and the door goes *poof* how do you get into the Minish world from there?

My guess is that you jump onto the pedestal, sing An even more ancient & mysterious song & become mini-mini! You then walk back to your house and become not-quite-so-mini-mini once more, no?

Ezlo replies...
This is true. When the door is closed, you are quite stuck in Hyrule.

Someone asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you play the picolo? What about the Harmonica? (Navi suddenly started blurting out something about a Picolo, a cat, a harmonica, and you).

Ezlo replies...
Nah, i play the bagpipes though.

The Sage of Nothing! asks
Dear Ezlo, how come, after eating the Jabber Nut, Link can understand animals only when Minish-sized? When tiny, he can talk to dogs, cats, and Epona (who asks you to buy milk), but as soon as he's regular-size, all they make are animal noises. Why is this? Is this because while Hylians have well-developed brains, making them unable to understand the crude and simplistic animal languages, the Minish are not as developed, so they can understand the primitive animal languages? Does the Jabber Nut bestow this "lessening of brain power," so to speak, when one is tiny, or is it something else entirely?

Ezlo replies...
That's because animals will only talk to Minish. It has nothing to do with the Jabber Nut. They just trust us more.

Faroanin Sedai asks
Dear Ezlo, I am an Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah, so don't mess with me. You do know what an Aes Sedai is, correct? Anyway, do you know of any good-looking swordsmen I could bond as more of my Warders? I have already bonded Link, Ralph, and Vaati, but I want a few more (and yes, they did agree to the bonding). Anyway, if you do not answer me, I will bind you with flows of Air and then burn you with Fire! Answer me! I am Aes Sedai! I command you!

Ezlo replies...
Ah... what?

Ashley asks
Dear Ezlo, How come men can't shave there legs? How come there are no black people in the zelda games and should I get PH or TP? Oh and I'd luv it if you'd...explian..heh?

>From a black diva

Ezlo replies...
Because hairy legs are considered a sign of masculinity in our culture. And sorry I'm not touching that second question with a 50-foot pole (Ezlo is a political coward). And you should get TP!

Nabooru asks
Dear Ezlo, Why did Ganon ask me to go out with him?Can you give me a way to escape. If so I'll give Link's hat to you!

Ezlo replies...
Just tell him

ripi ripico picori asks
Dear Ezlo, at the web i saw many kinds of hylian alphabets...but can you show me the TRUE modern and old hylian alphabet???and if possible show me a web site or a book were i can learn the modern and old hylian...Thanks

Ezlo replies...
Well, for the true Hylian Alphabet, you have to turn no further than the one at TDC, which is right from The Wind Waker itself.

a curious hylian historian asks
Dear Ezlo, if ur a hat how can u blink or breath are u even a thinking organizm with a brain?(no offence) or are u powered by magic or some other mystic phenomina????

Ezlo replies...
If a magic cap birthed my transfiguration, I'd think that it'd play a hand in my following longevity.

Hearty asks
Dear Ezlo, do Zora Link and Princess Ruto fall in Love with eachother?

(please say "yes!".........)

Ezlo replies...
Ye gads I hope not. The only good thing to possibly come out of that pairing is the delicious caviar that would surely follow.

Bethany asks
Dear Ezlo, i am discusted with ur answer for that one question about the pink floyd cd.e.PINK FLOYD ROCKS! all music from BEFORE the 90's is awsome. it's a LOT better than that rap crap. u of ALL people should know better!

Ezlo replies...
You're telling me that old music is better than music? Of course, the problem here is that your range is too limited. Really, anything after the Peace of Westphalia is utter garbage.

Malicious Minish asks
Dear Ezlo, As a minish adopted by the Gurado, I located a box a lucky charms and I saw a neon light on the box that said "I'm magically delicious". Now what if WE (You and Me) start a company that change stupid sayings like that and change them. Like for the saying "I'm magically delicious" we can change it to "I'm magically malicious". Think about it and maybe you can be a star.

PS: Also do you think it's disturbing that the DS saying is "Touching is good?". Remember think about it.

Ezlo replies...
Daphne! Fetch my cheque ledger!

Wayne asks
Dear Ezlo, Happy Easter! Today in my church the older kids got to hide easter eggs for the little ones, and my brothers (We are very very close in age.) hid some eggs. My brothers placed them on voltage boxes, and I placed them inside of thorn bushes, a bee hive, spider webs, inside of the fountain, you name it we did it. Do you think that was evil?

Ezlo replies...
I don't, but others may frown on such actions. (Sorry! I'm an old man, that's what we do!)

Problem guy asks
Dear Ezlo, Unfortunately, Tingle is my neighbor and I am tired of him coming to my door and telling me: "Can you lend me a cup of sugar?". Please, tell me all the things Tingle hates so that I can put them in his underpants.

Ezlo replies...
Did you try soap? I hear he is allergic to that.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, *comes in, in minish form, wearing black wizard robes* Your wife was in a tragic accident in the Gym rafters, she hurt many minish, but they are all ok, but your wife fell and landed in the middle of a basketball game, and she is currently being taken to the hospital, but she may not make it, how does that make you feel?And one last thing, before she was put on a pesto ambulance, she mentioned seeing Din, what does that mean, sir?

Ezlo replies...
Ding ding ding, massive life insurance payola!

Random Fan nicely asks
Dear Ezlo, could you show us a photo of what your typewriter looks like?

Ezlo replies...
Here you go.

gablablabla? asks
Dear Ezlo, is it possible to continue playing after you've beaten a zelda game, cause when i finished OoT it just froze up or something at the very end, and i waited but it just kept showing the "the end" screen and when i resetted my gamecube, i started playing from the last point saved (same with TMC and TWW) whats up with that? i wanted too keep playing with the idea that the world is in peace...hyrule is a fun place to play!

Ezlo replies...
Nah, in OoT the game ends after you beat Ganon. if you want to keep playing, you'll have to do so from your last save before the last fight.

Tyler asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you know that when you first see the king in his true form in windwaker he talks about Gosssip stones is he talking about the ones in ocraina of time

Ezlo replies...
Why, yes, of course.

Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, Why?

Ezlo replies...
Why not?

Danny Phantom's in my closet asks
Dear Ezlo, Umm...why does Link eat Poes in Ocarina of Time? I mean...ewe...(shiver)

Ezlo replies...
Trust me, I've seen him eat worse. Ugh. Thanks for reminding me.

HylianGirl asks
Dear Ezlo, i dont get it; if link was pulled into the twilight zone or whatever, (lol) what pulled him in? And, is this calatian instead of kokiri?

Ezlo replies...
Link gets pulled in by some demo thing's arm (at least in the movie showing his attack). The village he starts in is indeed outside Hyrule, and could be Calatian, but I doubt it. Calatia only exists in the comics.

your awesome Ezlo! asks
Dear Ezlo, i heard that the new tp link voice was orlando bloom's voice. is this true? also, i was wondering what tp was rated....

Ezlo replies...
Oh, Ezlo wishes. Orli is so cu--er, ignore that. Anyways, no, that's not true. And it'll probably be rated E like all the other Zelda games.

Sick asks
Dear Ezlo, I feel like I'm about to puke and all I did was eat 173 pounds of peanut butter. How can I feel better?

Ezlo replies...
Good goddesses, lesser folks have died of lesser amounts of peanut butter. How are those zits going for you now? (ps. I advise puking, it always makes you feel better to remove what's sickening you from your system).

Impa asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey Ezlo want to be friends? We can have tea parties, ride ponies, and play with dollies! It's going to be lots of fun!

Ezlo replies...
No thanks, the last time I cavorted with a Sheikah I joined a goth-rock band. Ezlo won't be doing THAT again.

blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, are you naked under those clothes?

Ezlo replies...
Who says I'm wearing clothes right now. Mmmmm, free as a bird.

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, i havwe looked everywhere for OoS and OoA. they aren't at gamestop, i cant find them on the internet, and i cant find them anywhere! could you help me out? i want those games bad!

Ezlo replies...
Well, Amazon.com has Seasons and Ages available if you don't mind buying stuff online. The games are pretty old now, so it'll be rough finding them in stores.

ZoraGal asks
Dear Ezlo, i was talking to link yesterday, and he told me he played a joke on you, and that you reacted in the funniest way!! do you know which one i'm talking about? hehe.

Ezlo replies...
You're going to have refresh my memory, was it the one with the dog poo or the one with the bucket of whipped cream?

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, why does nabooru have a diff. outfit than all the other Gerudo? its kinda, wierd.....

Ezlo replies...
She is a Lone Wolf THief, the second in command, so you'd think there'd be some privileges to the job.

blue darkling asks
Dear Ezlo, what is the release date of Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess?

Ezlo replies...
Hahaha, even Ezlo doesn't know that one.

Stained Glass asks
Dear Ezlo, What happened to the original Sages of Hyrule in OoT (Saria, Darunia, Ruto, Impa, Nabooru) before and after Ganon's attack on Hyrule, generations after Link1 returned to Hyrule? You see those stained glass pictures of them in the Hyrule Castle basement in TWW, and obviously the poses they were in were those of when they were imprisoning Ganon. My question is, what happened to each Sage after OoT/MM? (especially Saria, she's not supposed to die!)

I am asking you with the utmost plead of desparation. please answer. thank you.

Ezlo replies...
They all went their separate ways until they were eventually murdered one by one by Ganondorf when he broke bakc into Hyrule before TWW took place.

Sunk asks
Dear Ezlo, I have Minish that live in my walls (And Im really fine with that.) But now they are wanting me to pay rent to live in MY OWN HOSE!!! What should I do and What am I supposed to pay them with?

Ezlo replies...
Of course you should pay them. We Minish are hard working folks, and what you call living, we call doing your laundary, battling dust bunnies, defeating bugs, and plastering cracks in the walls. After all the work they put in, it's probably legally their house at that point. And you should pay them in gold old Rupees.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, can you tell me about the biology (natural facts and lifestyle) of a dodongo? If so please tell me!

Ezlo replies...
A Dodongo has three life stages, (1) Baby, when it looks small and tadpole-like, (2) Adolescent, when it grows legs and can breath fire, and (3) Adult, a stage which Dodongos seldom reach and they grow to epic proportions, sometimes twice to five times the size of a Hylian. Dondogo's eat cave moss, tasy rocks, and old, defused bomb flowers. They are impervious to lava due to their tough hdie, but very vulnerable to any heat that enters their bodies. Dodongos tend to explode if they swallow live bombs or heat sources. Dodongo's mate only in the summer, and tend to hibernate in the winter. Dodongos gestate in the womb for about eleven months.

Garin asks
Dear Ezlo, I've been calling hospitals all over the nation, and no one has helped me take this sword out of my head. What should I do?

Ezlo replies...
Tie the handle of the sword to a doorknob and then run away as fast as you can in the opposite direction. That should do the trick. But, if you start bleeding profusely, you should put the sword back in.

SomegalSara-Rachel asks
Dear Ezlo, If you had to dance in front of Link or zelda WHAT would you do? ALSO, If a old man asked you a question like "can you help me read this? My eyes hurt" Would you do:
A.Call him an old fart and take his cane.
B.Can I buy some chocolate
C.Don't ask me i'm KING EZLO
D.ok what do you need?
E.walk away
F.get his great great great grand daughter
or
G.Tell god to smite him
Tell me!

Ezlo replies...
Well, I'm sure they wouldn't notice anyways because I'm so small, so i suppose I'd breakdance. As to your second question: A.

Creepy Person asks
Dear Ezlo, Tingle wore an...

ITSY-BITSY
TEENIE-WEENIE
YELLOW POLKA-DOT
B I K I N I!!!

Ps. That he wore for the first time today.

Ezlo replies...
Daphne, I'm going out for a bit to have my eyes removed. Please hold my calls for the rest of the day.

Goriondoni asks
Dear Ezlo, I was wondering if Link really will die in Twilight Princess? Everything in WW points to him dying. So i thout i would ask you.

Ezlo replies...
The future, unclear it is, hrm. Really though, I can't say for sure, but you are correct: it looks likely that Link will either fail in his quest or die.

Lairial asks
Dear Ezlo, If Gannon is trapped between dementions in OoT, why would the hylians move the Master Sword to the basement of hyrule castle?

Ezlo replies...
Tehy probably assumed it wasn't safe in the Temple of Time after it was used to get into the Sacred Realm by Ganondorf and so they decided to move it to the Castle basement where it could be hidden away.

a smart, but WIERD girl asks
Dear Ezlo, I saw epona yesterday and peted her (I did not know she was link's)): then link got kinda bizzar and got red and then ganondorf destrode my house. then I saw a cool battle and can you ask LINK and then tell me WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?!?!?

Ezlo replies...
Yes.. what was that about indeed...

Forest Temple asks
Dear Ezlo, In OoT, in the forest temple, why is it an ancient castle with open rooves instead of a sort of plant/jungle theme like in TWW? Also, while we're on the subject, how come there are grassy courtyards in the Forest Temple in OoT, and why is the music sound like ghosts' wailing and ethereal drumming? Finally, where exactly is the cavernous forest in MM where link 1 travels to Termina and returns to Hyrule, geographically whise? PLEASE ANSWER.

Thank You.

Ezlo replies...
That's just the way it was built. The Forest Temple of OoT isn't the same as the Forbidden Woods in TWW, because the Temple at this point is deep underwater. The Froest Temple is just some old haunted fortress/castle built in the woods. The cavernous forests you describe are a different part of the Lost Woods not seen in OoT.

lol asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you have old timers disease?

Ezlo replies...
I'm assuming you mean Alzheimer's Disease. And, whether I do, I can't remember...

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, most creatures are not evil by nature, so what's the deal with Volvagia, was he always evil or not?

Ezlo replies...
Volvagia is a fire demon. It was specifically created to be evil.

Nintendo2.0 asks
Dear Ezlo, Don't you think it's strange that the shields (Deku Shield, Hero Shield, Hylian Shield...)that Link uses from OoT to TWW NEVER breaks at all?
It's strange though...for example, the Deku Shield can be destroyed by fire...but not by a swing of an enormous sword of a Stalfos Knight or a Iron Knuckle. Same goes for the Hero Shield in TWW. It's clearly made of wood (since it's SUPPOSE to be the family's decoration)and it doesn't burn from giant fireballs, nor destroyed by multiple attacks. What's your opinion on this?

Please and thank you

Ezlo replies...
You'll notice that the unreakbable shields: Hylian, Hero, Mirror, all have metal faces with wood covering the back side of them. The metal somehow makes them impervious all manners of injury—dents, explosions, shock, what have you.

Jill Valentine asks
Dear Ezlo, I saw Tingle with the T-Virus,so be prepared to fight mutant BowWows and zombie Hylians. (p.s I'm sending you a gattlan gun and 25 antiviruses)

Ezlo replies...
Bah, I'll just nuke the place like the Govt did to Raccoon City.

somedude asks
Dear Ezlo, What's your views on U.S. President George W. Bush (aka dubya)?

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo likes his Medicare policies, especially giving me free meds at the expense of you whipper-snappers!

Kathryne asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a TV problem. I watch TV too much!! How do I end my addiction to the television?

Ezlo replies...
Break the TV. Problem solved!

Navi asks
Dear Ezlo, how come they don't show us a screen shot of ganon, or ganondorf in TP, or at least offical art? i would like to realy know the truth pleas!

Ezlo replies...
Because of the suspense! Look how worked up you are now.

Lestat de Lioncourt asks
Dear Ezlo, what would happen if all the tingles fused into some sort of I dunno.... Super Crazy Mad Twisted Fusion Tingle version 2.5 Beta?!?!? How would be defeat this awesome, annoying and possibly homosexual force?

Ezlo replies...
Only with the Triforce itself, and an army one million strong.

Whocares asks
Dear Ezlo, You said that Error is a common name in Saria Town. But it was LA, not AOL! So you made a mistake!

Ezlo replies...
Oh fiddlesticks. The answer still remains in regards to AoL.

Dodongo asks
Dear Ezlo, Are there Minish in Link to the Past Hyrule?

Ezlo replies...
There are always Minish in Hyrule, but we hide exceptionally well and seldom reveal ourselves.

Lilly asks
Dear Ezlo, what was your most enlightening conversation (as in CONVERSATION)with Link?

Ezlo replies...
The time we discussed the meaning of life. I stay disagree that it is "pie".

Octorok asks
Dear Ezlo, may I meet you and play you? Just like time in woods before kid took you? :D

Ezlo replies...
How terrifying.

Nintendo's Enemy asks
Dear Ezlo, Why isn't there a Zelda game for a system of Sony?

Ezlo replies...
Hahahaha, that's a good one! --oh ye gods, you're serious!

Xyana the Arrow asks
Dear Ezlo, Ever seen Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail? If you do, START THROWIN' OUT QUOTES!!! My mother was a hamster,
A MPatSftHG Fan

Ezlo replies...
"Your mother was a hamster and your father stank of elderberry!"
"I fart in your general direction!"
"It's jsut a flesh wound!"

JOE asks
Dear Ezlo, Where do Minish go when they pass away?

Ezlo replies...
In the ground?

Who am I? asks
Dear Ezlo, This is your father, how dare you talk to your mother in this way, "Soon you will die, and the inheritance shall be mine! I can't wait top wear all those pretty dresses. Oh, I hope no one is reading this." when you get home...

P.S. How am I alive if you are an old man?
No you misunderstand. I was references the fact that horses are natural curmudgeons and penny-pinchers. Indeed, there's an old saying in Dimension B: "Dogs may be man's best friend, but horses are the Minish's greatest foe." I have a freind who is a horse not all Minish agree with that. And finnaly I do not have to much time on my hands because i decipered that tiny text, I'm just retired!

Ezlo replies...
Was there a question?

Who asks
Dear Ezlo, if you could be an animal, what animal would you be?

Ezlo replies...
A labradoodle. Tee hee hee.

nerdfrombeyond asks
Dear Ezlo, i just spent my money on a hot dog, and tingle took it away from me!all i have now is a sharpened kitana and a better speed average and intelligence than tingle . wat do i do!!??

p.s.he's heading to ur house.hmmmmmm....

Ezlo replies...
Use the katana to hold up the hot dog stand and get a new dog?

ineed2p asks
Dear Ezlo, how does Link not go to the bathroom the whole time i play the game?

Ezlo replies...
Oh he does, just he wets himself so you never really catch him in the act. Erm, let's not talk about number two.

Animerican asks
Dear Ezlo, you know how, whenever Link went over lava/gaps at Mt. Crenel, you served as a parachute of sorts for him? Didn't that stretching of fiber eventual prove harmful for you when you turned back to a regular Piccori?

Ezlo replies...
No kidding, you should see the stretch marks I got for that! I need to get back to the habit of doing my pilates.

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, if you rememberd my previous question, you answered that there are different Links. But how is it they all have the same name?

Ezlo replies...
Unhappy coincidence.

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, AH HAH! You are exaclty one billion, as in 1,000,000,000, years old, you said it yourself here:

tw1st3d b4n426 asks
Dear Ezlo, what does 4eva2da3nd mean?

Ezlo replies... For ever to the end. Come on, I'm like a billion and even I know it.

Ezlo replies...
Sorry, like != is. Looks like I'll be keeping my Lucky Charms a little bit longer.

kyo asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Vaati have any siblings? And why does his hair cover his eye...is there somthing wrong with it? OMG IS HE BLIND?!

Ezlo replies...
Thankfully no, that gene pool dried up long ago. Vaati is not blind, he just does that hair thing because he's so totally emo.

Shuko asks
Dear Ezlo, Does link have long hair?

Ezlo replies...
Medium length.

Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Do I eat faries? To me it looks more like they just fly around me a bunch of times then leave... But I've been hit on the head too many times to count...

Ezlo replies...
No, you just uncork them, they fly around youa nd heal you, and fly off to sweet, cruel freedom.

Medli asks
Dear Ezlo, What type of minish are you (i.e. forest, mountain, lake)? I can't tell by your clothes...

Ezlo replies...
Forest Minish.

Jabroni asks
Dear Ezlo, what does hermaphrodites mean?

Ezlo replies...
It means someone has the reproductive abilities of both a boy and a girl. It's... very confusing.

Go asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a few questions...

First of all, what is your favorite Zelda game?

Second, in Majora's Mask, what do you think is the coolest Link- Deku Link, Goron Link, or Zora Link?

Third, I've heard from many sources that Link turns 12 in The Wind Waker, but a month or two ago, you said that he was fifteen. Are you sure?

And last, how old do you think Link's little sister Aryll is?

Ezlo replies...
(1) The Minish Cap, of course; (2) Deku link, because he's so cute; (3) I get that number because that's the coming of age of Link in AoL so i assume a correlation, I've yet to see an official number; (4) she looks about eight or nine, methinks.

Billy asks
Dear Ezlo, If you're smart, can you tell me what 4x1 is? (I thought it Equals a Clown with a Flamethrower)

Ezlo replies...
Or the number four... you know, whatever.

POOHFLINGER asks
Dear Ezlo, you told shadowmaster that the percentage of questions answered every week was about 50%.Well, for your information,I sent in about 12 questions last week under different names and absolutely none of them wre answered.SO WHY DID YOU LIE TO US ?!?!?!?!?! YOU MUST TELL ME THE TRUTH!!!!!

P.S.NO LIES!!!!!!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
When I answered that letter the percent was 50% if I was having a good week. Since then, the letter load exploded to 150 new letters a week. If I answer about 50 a week, 25 at a time, maybe 75 in total if I'm on my game, I can do 50%. Sometimes I can't. I'm only one Minish, I can only type so much!

Here are things you can do to give your question a good chance of being answered: (1) Include your name, I don't answer anonymous questions; (2) actually ask a question, I find eggplant/Tingle queries very funny, but I won't respond to fifty of them; (3) ask an interesting question, the better answer I can give, the better chance the question will be posted, (4) don't write mean things to Ezlo. My feelings hurt easily.

Voldie asks
Dear Ezlo, ^@%$#^%@$#^!%&#&^@$&@$@*$%@$&^@!!!!!!!!! YOU UNDERSTAND MEEEEE???????? I GAVE YOU 3, THREE! T-H-R-E-E E-MAILS TO ENSURE ATLEAST ONE IS ANSWERED!!!!!!!!!!! YET, NOT 1, I SAY ONLY 1, IS ANSWERED!!!!!!!!!!!

So here are my questions to you:
1) When do you check your mail bag on the weekly basis?

2) Do you answer your e-mails depending on the order they come in?

3) If I tied you a board securely enough that you would not escape unless Tingle himself unbound you (yes, Tingle in the same prison cell MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA), what would you do?

4) If you found your mother standing at your doorway upon reading this, what would you do to your mom?

5) Because of all these questions and sudden outburst, will you get atleast 3 Minish friends on the job of answering your MAIL?!?!?!?!?!

P.S: Please?

Ezlo replies...
Yikes, such passion. (1) I do, (2) I do... BUT I do not answer here every letter. I can't, I receive WAY too much mail. in the last five days I got 150 letters. (3) Whimper a little, and then take a well-deserved nap. (4) Close the door in her face? (5) Bah, Ezlo is cheap, he prefers to be inefficient rather than dillute his meager salary among other Minish.

The Proxima Centauri Sage asks
Dear Ezlo, I am so boo-erd (that's how I say bored)(I got it from some some game called Paper Mario)Anyway, what is a minish?

Ezlo replies...
A wonderful little creature from Dimension B that are sometimes known to Hylians as Picori. Check out this page for more information.

TorturedHylianSoul asks
Dear bird-hat-dude, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Ezlo replies...
One... two... three... *CRUNCH*... Three.

000435678234 asks
Dear Ezlo, I have no clue who you are but I truly want to know. You see I own none of the new and improved games of The Lgend of Zelda I only have the old ones like Majora's mask and Ocarina of time and I don't believe that Ezlo apaers in any of them so my question is: Who are you? I'm not Joking!*

Ezlo replies...
Gah! Have you ever played The Minish Cap, my magna opus?!

Romeo asks
Dear Ezlo, My dear, sweet Juliet has been murdered by none other than the vile Tingle Koolo-Limpa creature! I concluded this because one moment she was standing over my false grave weeping, knife in hand (although this fact unbeknownst to be until much later) and then I seemed to have lost consciousness, because when I woke she lay dead in my arms! I am distraught, she was my only love! And now, the vile creature hast taken her life from me just when it seemed as if we should wed. My query is simple, how can I best exact revenge?
Yours truly,
Romeo

Ezlo replies...
Clearly you should run yourself through with your sword. Otherwise, where's that delicious tragedy we all love so well.

OrigamiHoshi asks
Dear Ezlo, as you can tell from my name, I love to make origami! Is it possible if you could tell me how to make an origami Ezlo or other Zelda character? Arigato gozaimasu!

Ezlo replies...
Sorry but I couldn't find anything how-to's about Zelda Origami. If you find some, let me know though!

Venteniosarus asks
Dear Ezlo, I have 2 questions 1. Why don`t they show any of Link`s family members? 2. What is Link`s birthday?

Ezlo replies...
(1) What about his Uncle, Grandfather, Grandmother, and Aryll? (2) We've never seen a date system in a Zelda game, so i can't really tell you.

Monica asks
Dear Ezlo, Nayru is the oracle of ages and Din is the oracle of seasons, but what about Farore? As a matter of fact, why is she hardly spoken about? she is a goddess too!>_<

Ezlo replies...
She's the Oracle of Secrets.

Zelda Analyzer asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm not sure If you've noticed, but Vaati IS more famous than you. He's appeared in three games and you in one. As well as that, you know how much mail you get from 'Vaati Lover', etc. So there, Vaati's the most famous Minish, whahahah.

Ezlo replies...
Lies! I am far superior to that two-bit dolt. No amount of popularity can change that. At least, in my Ezlocentric point of view.

Famine asks
Dear Ezlo, due to a post concerning your mother's death (The four horsemen have notepad, you know!) we would like to arrest you for abduction and murder under federal law. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will...

Ezlo replies...
Daphne, call the lawyers!

curious asks
Dear Ezlo, in one of your earlier comments you said that they (Nintendo) is hinting that Ganny is going to be head honcho. I believe I know who it's gonna be. NAVI!!! What are your thoughts?

Ezlo replies...
I've met Navi. Trust me, that pea-brain has nowhere near the intelligence to be a head honcho.

Easter Bunny asks
Dear Ezlo, I was Wandering if Hyrule celebrates Easter like Planet Earth does and i had a Last thing: is Hyrule Created since 1054 A.D. of Earth? (that's the year the Crab subernova occopured.)

Ezlo replies...
There's no correlation between events in Earth and Hyrule, so no Hyrule Easter, sorry.

ZeldaGeek asks
Dear Ezlo,

Ezlo replies...
Link's father was a Hylian Knight during the Great War. Link got to the forest by being brought there by his dying mother during the heat of the war.

What great War?PLEEZE tell me more about this.

P.S.If you find more info can you put a link to the website you got the info from if you had to get it online(even though you probably already know)

P.P.S.I first thought your name was Elzo when I first heard of MC.EZLO ROCKS!!!

Ezlo replies...
Well TDC has a little bit written up on it here. You'll learn more if you play through Ocarina of Time and check out what the reborn Great Deku Tree says about Link's past after the Forest Temple is completed. And thanks!

Master Jakan asks
Dear Ezlo, do you ever regret being Minish when you could be human, and if you do, why?

Ezlo replies...
Afterschool special lesson of the day: you can't change who you are, you must learn to accept and cherish it. (Eww, how sacharine).

blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, go to http://www.fanart-central.net/pic-262921.html. (trust me, you'll love it!)

Ezlo replies...
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! My new wallpaper!

Dorothy asks
Dear Ezlo, do you ever go to this place called Zelda infinite sketch board?cuz one of my friends there (his names ezlo)said he was you...

Ezlo replies...
Lies! Ezlo does not know how to draw!

poking things asks
Dear Ezlo, In OoT, when Young Link goes to the well, what exactly went on down there to cause all the blood stains and corpses? Who did it? Also, since it seems obvious enough that there were blood stains on the walls because of tortured people, where did the bodies go?

P.S when you fight the Dead Hand to get the Lens of Truth, did the man who used to live in the house on top of the well put the Dead Hand to guard that treasure, or did Bongo Bongo put it there?

Ezlo replies...
The creaturea dn happenings down in that well are the product of an evil Sheikah sect that once lived in kakariko Village and practiced their foul craft in the sewers under the town.

Caleman asks
Dear Ezlo, Yes, I am back to tell you I read your answer to your mother. HA HA HA, now you owe me big time. Give me your rupees,and magic or I will change your mothers will to give all of her stuff to TINGLE!!!

P.S. Love and kisses, you jerk (Mumsy)

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo does not negotiate with blackmailers!

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, when fighting dark link in OoT, when you Z-target him, it shows his name as dark link, but what if your name isn't link, say for example Julie? would it be dark julie, or still dark link?

Ezlo replies...
Erm, I think it's always Dark Link, no matter what.

Question monster asks
Dear Ezlo, Why did curiosity kill the cat?

Ezlo replies...
Because he was asking stupid questions. Grumble.

unknown asks
Dear Ezlo, I have two questions for you. 1: How many times you've been divorced and 2: Do you think that Link will be dumb in Twilight Princess?

Ezlo replies...
(1) More times than I care to tell. Let's just say i have now about 1/16 of my own net worth left in my possession. (2) As sure as I am that the sun will rise tomorrow.

Lost Deku Scrub asks
Dear Ezlo, I convinced some of Tingle's "friends" to booby-trap his tower while he was away on a vacation. I can't decide; should I go nuclear, or should I introduce him to Bongo Bongo?

P.S. I gather that you don't like Tingle, either.

Ezlo replies...
Oh Bongo Bongo, for sure. It's far more hilarious than a fleeting flick and boom.

yoshi asks
Dear Ezlo, who am I asking to, the Minish or the hat Ezlo

Ezlo replies...
The Minish.

I am older than you asks
Dear Ezlo, I am far more older than you.
I am 8,967,978,653,765,234,543. Thus making me the third oldest living creature on earth. First came God, then my mother (The old Hag) Gurtrued, and then me. I am the wisest mortal on earth. And don't tell me when I am to die, because my expiration date is in 40 trillion years. And due to the painful series of plastic surgery I had I look like I am 20 (Im not lying.). Do you want me to tell you what was there before you were born or how the world will end? And the meaning of life is...42. What number is my age? I can not read it due to lipo.

Ezlo replies...
Impossible, even the Universe isn't that old! You, sir, are clearly senile.

Guy asks
Dear Ezlo, "Video killed radio star... Video killed the radio star..." What is the rest of the lyrics to this song? Oh Yeah I'm a guy.

Ezlo replies...
In my mind and in my car/ We can't rewind we've gone too far...

Vegetarian asks
Dear Ezlo, If Vegetarians eat vegetables what do humanatarians eat?

Ezlo replies...
Humanatables?

Joey asks
Dear Ezlo, does Link possess the power of immortality? If not, how has he been in so many adventures when technically in the timeline, each game is years apart?

Ezlo replies...
That's because there are different Links, all from the same bloodline.

tw1st3d b4n426 asks
Dear Ezlo, what does 4eva2da3nd mean?

Ezlo replies...
For ever to the end. Come on, I'm like a billion and even I know it.

about the friend asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a friend, and she is like, totally mean! She, like, always starts rumours, and, like, she is such a jerk! She made my friend cry and so we got mad, and, like, it was so rude! Can you believe that?! Will you help me? What shall I do? She is nice to my other friend, but she is a tyrant to me and my bestest friend. WHAT SHALL I DO?! I AM IN NEED, EZLO! oh defend me! *faints*

Ezlo replies...
Like, I got a plan, but, like, it requires a 2x4, like, a bucket of cement, a bucket, like, and a monkey with a screwdriver.

why and why asks
Dear Ezlo, is your name really ezlo? because that is so wierd? no offense. do you live in a big house or small. maybe small because you have to live in a four leaf clover. what cokor is your computer? do you have dell or totally awesome? you now you never awnser fast?is your computer dumn?

Ezlo replies...
Yes, big, big to me small to you, I have a black Chicago typewriter.

killer asks
Dear Ezlo, do you have kids? if you do are you mean to them like you are to us?

Ezlo replies...
I do, and (don't worry) I am.

underware buyer asks
Dear Ezlo, do you perfer boxers or briefs?

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo goes co-mman-do.

wonderwoman asks
Dear Ezlo, how old are you? whenever i ask my grandma that, she gets out her belt. She says she is too scared to think about it. jk, she doesn't get her belt. the question is, DO YOU?

Ezlo replies...
Trust me, if I didn't wear loose-fitting beltless tunics, I surely would have drawn it as a weapon by now.

Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, I have an important question, because the world doesn't move to the beat of one person, what might be good for you might not be good for some, you take the good you take the bad, put them together and there you have my question. What do you think influences Tingle's "odd" behavior?

Ezlo replies...
Chemical imbalances.

King asks
Dear Ezlo, Who gets more complaints? You because the weird people like Vaati and Tingle are mad you don't like them, or Tingle because he's weird and likes the dreaded eggplant?

Ezlo replies...
Me, oddly enough, though I suspect that Tingle is behind many of the complaints.

Lekrah asks
Dear Ezlo, why are you in love with tingle? Ya know tingle? How long does the average house cat live?

P.S. you better answer ALL my questions.

Ezlo replies...
I'm not, unfortunately, and cats live to be between 15 and 20 years old. The current record is 36.

scaryman asks
Dear Ezlo, TINGLE IN A THONG

Ezlo replies...
Eeeeekkkkkkk!!

Byrd asks
Dear Ezlo, I am in desperate need of some random sagely advice. Would you either answer yourself or refer me to someone who can...such as Link...?

Ezlo replies...
I'm your Minish—though I technically need a question before I can dispense sagely advice.

Chocolate rules asks
Dear Ezlo, Hello! I have 2 questions for you. 1) I heard white chocolate isn't real chocolate, so what is it really? 2) Is it normal to get a little bit nauseated after eating white chocolate? (I get dizzy after I eat it..) Thanks!

Ezlo replies...
From Wikipedia:

As white chocolate does not contain cocoa solids, it does not meet the standards to be called chocolate in many countries. In the United States, since 2004, white chocolate needs to be at least 20% (by weight) cocoa butter, at least 14% total milk solids, and less than 55% sweeteners such as sugar. Before this date, US firms needed temporary marketing permits to sell this cocoa solids-free chocolate. In the European Union white chocolate needs to contain not less than 20% cocoa butter and not less than 14% dry milk solids.

Kenn asks
Dear Ezlo, What would YOU like to see in the upcoming Zelda games? Not including cameos of you.

Ezlo replies...
Drat, you stole my answer. Well, in that case, more Minish. Much more Minish. (...of the Ezlo variety)

Nintendo2.0 asks
Dear Ezlo, In TWW, why is the Master Sword and its pedestal located in the basement of Hyrule Castle instead of in the Temple of Time?
And how is this possible? I remembered hearing that only the true hero can remove the Master Sword.
Also, how Link, in TWW, doesn't go 7 years to the future just like OoT?

Please and thank you

Ezlo replies...
Only the Hero of Time may remove the sword, but the pedestal itself can be moved. It seems likely it was placed under the castle to keep it away from Ganondorf so it couldn't be harmed in the hero's absense. In TWW, the Master Sword wasn't the key to the Sacred Realm anymore, since the Relam was closed when Ganon was sealed there. Hence, the lack of time travel.

curious asks
Dear Ezlo, have you ever to your knowledge been stalked? you know not asking for any pericular reason ... >.> <.<

Ezlo replies...
Wait... what's that noise in the bushes?

Wallmasterphobia asks
Dear Ezlo, Remember me?I listened to your advice and I am now the president of my own bank company! How can I ever thank you?

Ezlo replies...
Embezzled a few million and send it my way, wink wink.

mr. T asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a problem. I'm saving money for Twilight Princess, but I also want a DS so I can get Phantom Hourglass when it comes out. Which should I spend it on?

Ezlo replies...
Definitely go with TP, it will be far more epic than PH will be.

Yourself asks
Dear Ezlo, why is there in LoZ:LA a guy name Error, I mean, what is wrong with him?Is he a mistake in the world? Is he not suposed to live? WHY THE HECK IS HE NAMED ERROR?!?!?!?!

Ezlo replies...
Whoa, cut back on the caffeine there buddy. Actually, Error is a very common name in Saria Town. According to the last census, about 40.4% of the population of that town were named Error. (Now you know!)

Legend asks
Dear Ezlo, What do Minish peole do for fun?

Ezlo replies...
Play tricks on people, makes shoes for sleeping cobblers, start forest fires. You know, the usual.

Greivous asks
Dear Ezlo, have you and link ever got into a staring contest if so what's the score (wins/losses)?????

Ezlo replies...
Bah, the lad always wins. It's like the lights are on but nobody's home.

DekuDentist asks
Dear Ezlo, Whats it like being made of little coloured squares?

Ezlo replies...
Strangely fluid.

Helper asks
Dear Ezlo, while I am sure you're about ready to murder the next person who sends you a tingle-related letter, I thought you might find it interesting that "Ezlo kills Tingle" is an anagram of "Gee! Ill snot killz!" and "Lots eel zing kill." So if you happen to have any diseased mucus or electric eels about, this could be the Powers-That-Be trying to send a message...

Ezlo replies...
Duly noted.

Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Link have a last name?

Ezlo replies...
Nah. Many people in Hyrule don't have a surnames. It's just not the custom.

Queen Kage asks
Dear Ezlo, Thank you for your wise information over the years. I have forced people to make a special device just for you. Tingle Repelant. (We have tested this. Tingle runs away very quick and isnt seen for at least 8 weeks)

Ezlo replies...
I'll take a bushel!

mr. T asks
Dear Ezlo, does the Vaati in TMC have any connection to the Vaati in FS?

Ezlo replies...
Why of course. TMC Vaati is the younger version of the FS/FSA Vaati.

Hillbilly Princess asks
Dear Ezlo, Let me tell about a story of a man named Jed a poor mountaineer barly kept his family fed. And then one day he was shooten at some food, out from the ground came a bubble of crude! (oil that is black gold texis tea) Well country folks said jed move away from there california's the place you outa be and they loaded up the truck and moved to bevarlly!! hills that movie stars swimmin pools!!

Ezlo replies...
Wow, it's like my late-late-late adulthood all over again. Through song.

bored person asks
Dear Ezlo, You are the perfect minish to talk to when one is bored.

Ezlo replies...
Thanks?

Dramastar asks
Dear Ezlo, We are doing a play that William Shakespear wrote called "much ado about nothing" It's about nothing!! wanna come!! Link and Zelda will buy the tickets

Ezlo replies...
Only if I can direct.

Reina asks
Dear Ezlo, Soy Un Mono!
Que Eres Tu? Hablas Espanol?

Ezlo replies...
Un Miñish. De hecho.

Nintendo X asks
Dear Ezlo, I have two questions. 1. What causes the effect that boys of Gerudo only are born once a year
2. Why does Ganon have green skin? It looks really... disgusting.

Ezlo replies...
(1) It's a hundred years. And I think the cause of that is some magical curse. (2) Genetics. Or magical curse. You choose.

PrInCess asks
Dear Ezlo, Just thought I'd let you know that the FBI are looking for you!!! What did you do? And WHY?

Ezlo replies...
It wasn't me who robbed that chain of 7-11's if you're asking. Cause it wasn't.

Mrpoppywriter asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you had a divorce with your most "recent" wife yet? Cause, my teacher is lookin'. She says she is 106. I doubt it though, but the second I heard that, I said, "Ezlo." You interested, By chance?

Ezlo replies...
Well that's a bit young for Ezlo. What would the town think?

daoneandonlyawesomeEZLOFAN asks
Dear Ezlo, yesterday, Tingle came over to my house begging for food and money. I wanted to make you proud. So, I gave him moldy bread, and rotten pizza! Then I gave him a penny slug. he said, "thank you. I will never forget your kindness. bless you." When he left, I laughed at him in shame. MWAHAHA! The stupid thing couldn't Tell the diff from rotten to fresh!.....Are you proud?

Ezlo replies...
Like a pack of lions.

DesperateMinishfriend asks
Dear Ezlo, I was playing with my friend yesterday, and we found a book in the library. It said, "The Amazing Adventures of the Great and All Powerful Ezlo".....by Ezlo. did you really write it? Cause it said that you almost got stepped on by Beethoven in your early "adventures". Is all this true?!

Ezlo replies...
Every word, except for that chapter on the diseases I have. Er, ignore that.

daboymagnet asks
Dear Ezlo, my boyfriend hates me. I think maybe if I were halarious like you, he might like me again. Tell me, what is your secret to being HALARIOUS? Please, I need tips. T-T

Ezlo replies...
The secret to being funny is to notice things that others don't and spin them into humorous thoughts. For example: even notice that they keep peanuts in a jar. What's up with that? (Pure Gold!)

DaPrincess asks
Dear Ezlo, My friend has the minish cap on her Gameboy, and I was just watching it... I think It's awsome..it's so cool.. I bet it hurt when he squished you by rolling..I liked it when you jumped on his head..It was mean that Link left you behind..I feal bad...I'm sry..

Ezlo replies...
Finally—someone who cares!

LOZGEEK! asks
Dear Ezlo, Me, Link, Malon, Saria, Ruto, Nabooru, Dark Link, Ganon, and, (of course, NOT tingle) and my other friend are having a beach party! THere is going to be surfing, volleyball games, tanning, and Ganon will even cook hamburgers!! Well? Want to come?!

Ezlo replies...
Love too, but I burn easily. Someone will mistake me for a crab and then off I go into a tub of butter and then Rauru's belly.

Elzo's friends, sisters uncle's brothers grandma's friend's maid. asks
Hiya Elzo. There was a rumor that said you like to eat hats.... Is this true?

Ezlo replies...
A terrible lie, that's cannibalism!

Shadowmaster asks
Dear Ezlo, do you have a secret identity? If you do, what is it? I mean, really. Like you ABSOLUTELY ARE the Ezlo from the games. You can't fool someone like me, because, (not trying to brag) I am so smart. Heh heh, no one can outsmart me.

P.S. I was wondering how much the percentage was of the questions that get answered. Just a thought.....

Ezlo replies...
Erm, as high as 70% on a good week. Never lower than 50%.

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, I was playing OoT a while back, and I had just defeated Ganondorf and it was at the part where he was coughing up blood (ew...) and screaming at Link. My friend told me that in his version of OoT Ganondorf coughed up green stuff. As disgusting as this topic is, do you know why Nintendo decided to switch colors on us gamers?

Ezlo replies...
Later versions included green "blood" (because somehow his puking is less digusting than bleeding?) as opposed to red to make the game less "violent" and comply with some complaints that arose.

The Sage of Nothing!! asks
Dear Ezlo, why doesn't your name end in an i? Seriously, every other Minish's name ends in i! Melari, Gentari, Belari, Jotari, Librari, Festari, even Vaati, for Din's sake! Honestly, did your parents want to condem you to a childhood of teasing because you had a name that didn't end in i? Speaking of which, were you teased as a child by young Minish? Is that why you yelled at Link? Because you had an insecure early life? Is that why you encouraged him to kill things? To satisfy your own bloodlust and to get back at the world?

Ezlo replies...
YWell, actually, my full name is Ezlowanefogatinorunaritwahumaki Jr. My parents are real jerks, if you couldn't tell.

Kagami asks
Dear Ezlo, Do we actually have a confirmed date for TP? It's been nagging at me for some time...

Also, any suggested weapons, ranged and close-combat (other than a spiked club), and magic to use in Tingle Hunting?

Ezlo replies...
Not yet unfortunately. And, like in any situations, a good flamethrower works wonders.

Seta asks
Dear Ezlo, I don't mean to disturb you but I read an article about how Tingle is popular in Japanese culture. I, personally, like Japan because... well... all the games, manga, and anime come from there but where in Hyrule did they come up with the idea of a middle-aged man in tights? And how come they LIKE HIM??? Once again... terribly sorry to bring up the subject...

Sorry to bug you again but this is a good thing ^_^! I SAW YOU MAKE THE TOP TEN HEROES OF 2005 IN A MAGAZINE! Yah! I think we all should throw a party! How about you?

Your biggest fan,
Seta

Ezlo replies...
Yet another reason why Japan as a whole continues to befuddle me. And thanks, i can honestly say, I really, really deserved that award. Moreso than my fellow honorees.

Nyaguse asks
Dear Ezlo, Were the Gerudos going to use those Kakariko carpenters for reproduction? If so, do they have no sense of quality control? I mean, I can understand them locking up Link for that but the carpenters?! If not, what were they going to do, eat them (though they're certainly fat enough)?

Ezlo replies...
No, no. They were going to eat those guys. That's what the big stew pot was for.

Vaati hater asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a little question. Look at the content below first:

A CHICK asks
Dear Ezlo, HOW OLD IS LINK FROM "THE WIND WAKER"?

Ezlo replies...
We don't know for sure (no age is given), but I'm willing to guesstimate 15.

Ezlo replies...
How can a 15 year old have a head tiwce the mass of the rest of his body? That's anime style for you.

Kangaroo asks
Dear Ezlo, in oracle of ages, after i got the chart from tingle, Ricky the kangaroo told link " just between you and me, i cant stand that guy" and ran away! it seems everyone hates tingle.

Ezlo replies...
It's true, everyone knows it!

Your Mother asks
Dear Ezlo, Hello, my Ezlo-wezlo! It's your mumsy! How are you? Are you eating all your vegetables? Did you remember to pack your underwear? I see you forgot your favorite princess boxers. Do you want me to send them to you? Are you taking your meds? You always were so forgetful. Oh, and how are you and your best friend Tingle getting along? Hugs and big smoochy kisses!

Ezlo replies...
Soon you will die, an the inheritance shall be mine! I can't wait top wear all those pretty dresses. Oh, I hope no one is reading this.

Gamma Metroid asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm getting confused when people say OoT or OOT. Is it oracle of time or ocarnia of time?

Ezlo replies...
It's OoT, for Ocarina of Time. There is no "oracle of time".

uka-shuka asks
Dear Ezlo, War, corruption, theft, evil, plague, and hatred. What are your comments on these subjects?

Ezlo replies...
Sounds like a hot night at the black-light district in Gerudo Fortress.

dragonet asks
Dear Ezlo, Since you're so famous, how come you only appeared in TMC?

Ezlo replies...
Because I am so famous they could only afford to put me in one game.

Laruto asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you understand the language of the Minish? If so What does "Ripi pi picori." mean?

Ezlo replies...
"Spare change, bub?"

Ancient Man asks
Dear Ezlo, The most horrible thing has happened, Tingle got his hands on the complete Triforce, and is ruling the Galaxy right now.Shall we band together with other old men and women and become, The Extraordinary League of Senior Citizens?

Ezlo replies...
Fine, but I call Captain Nemo.

Coalar Likes Toast asks
Dear Ezlo, why can't I whistle underwater? It makes me cry. :(

Ezlo replies...
You're clearly not trying hard enough. Even Tingle can whistle underwater.

Felutasi asks
I'm a member of your fanclub, and I promised everyone that I'd get you to come to our next meeting! Can you? Pleeeaase??

Ezlo replies...
Oh I suppose, but there will be a modest (bwahahaha) speaking fee, and I'll need a limo, a fancy hotel room, and a Tempurpedic mattress.

Vaati lover!!! asks
Dear Ezlo, I read on anuther site that they sed Vaati turned evil from being bulied? is this tru?

Ezlo replies...
Lies! He became a bully because he was WEAK and couldn't take punches very well.

Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, Is there a reason Vaati has a "Bird thing"? Was he tramatized by a bird or something? If so, What happened?

Ezlo replies...
Well, one time I tied him to a chair and made him watch "The Birds" (a ca-lassic!) about 300 hundred times in a row. That may have hurt matters a tad.

martin asks
Dear Ezlo, in AOL(adventure of link!) do you actully to fight the river devil, after you get the flute? also, what does he look like in battle?

Ezlo replies...
Nah, the river-devil just runs away. It's supposed to be a giant spider, by the way.

Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, All my freind ever talks about is the game Zelda! She wont shut up about it! How do i make he stop? I mean dont get me wrong, I love the game as much as the next person but she is gone over the top!

Ezlo replies...
You'd be surprised, but a roll of duct tape works wonders. Just ask the Mrs!

Yama asks
Dear Ezlo, Did you know that your translations are improper? I went to freetranslations.com and translated the german, Russian, and spanish answers. For ex: "Apesadumbrado, no hablo ridículo" It means: "Sad, I do not speak ridiculous." What is that suppose to mean?! ( and don't say you did it wrong on purpose!)

Ezlo replies...
"Apesadumbrado" can also mean "sorry" or "being in an apologetic state" en Espanol, which is what I meant.

TorturedHylianSoul asks
Dear Ezlo, bird-hat-dude,(get used to that name! >:))in Nyaguse's question: "Where the hell did Link in OoT get his earrings from when he turned into an adult?" You claimed that Rauru was bored, and played dress up. (XD) But in the OoT manga, Link gets his ear pierced by Impa after he beats Shadow Link. A male getting their ear pierced in Shiekah culture means that they are a man. Sorry if I sound like a nag, but hey, I'm a woman!
P.S.: You should really check out the translated manga at zelda-infinite .com. (i can't remember if it's .com or .net, or if it has a slash in between zelda infinite. Sorry...) Seriously, check it out!

Ezlo replies...
So it seems, but do not forget that manga is not considered canon. Therefore, i disregard your perfectly reasonable observation, bwahahaha.

blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, how can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?

Ezlo replies...
How can your nose run without feet?

Xyana the Arrow asks
Dear Ezlo, Um...I found your Pink Floyd CD...do you want it back? I was sick of Link playing it all the time. Oh, yeah, and we're out of milk.

Ezlo replies...
Eh, keep it. (I don't know what I was on when I bought that... Bengay I think.)

MagmarFire asks
Dear Ezlo, What's up with the feather that serves as Minish tails!? Should THAT be a reason that you were turned into a bird hat instead of a regular hat?

Ezlo replies...
Nah, that's jsut a stylish accessory. We Minish... are very vain.

Mikaudes asks
Dear Ezlo,

Purple Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you frinds with Epona?

Ezlo replies...
What? How can you be friends with a horse?

Ezlo replies...
No you misunderstand. I was references the fact that horses are natural curmudgeons and penny-pinchers. Indeed, there's an old saying in Dimension B: "Dogs may be man's best friend, but horses are the Minish's greatest foe."

Name:

Your Question:
Dear Ezlo,