Greetings, greetings! I am Ezlo, the world renowned Minish Keeper of Lore. I know everything and anything about Hyrule, from the total annual rainfall in the Parapa Desert (zero!) to the average height of the Gerudo Male (6'2"). I have made my vast resevoir of knowledge of the ways and facts of Hyrule available to the readers of the Desert Colossus, and thusly if you have any questions for the Great and Wise Ezlo, then ask away using the form below! You can also email webmaster [at] desertcolossus [dot] com with the subject line "Ask Ezlo Submission."

Onigirl asks
Dear Ezlo, What did it feel like when you and Link had to fly over a tornado?

Ezlo replies...
Like I would vomit my insides out if I had any at that time.

Codeman asks
Dear Ezlo, Is using cheats on so many games so wrong?? i mean my friends are mad at me for it. i used a walkthrough for your game on another website but that doesemt matter does it?

Ezlo replies...
Well, the fact that it's called a "cheat" should tip you off that there is something amiss there. And all walkthroughs you use should come from this site, even if they don't exist. There is no alternative.

Fierce Deity asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you pronounce Ocarina? Is it "oh-cu-ree-na" or "ah-cu-ree-na"? And also, how come in drawings of Nabooru she's wearing these huge pink fluffy pants?

P.S. Thanks for finally answering my questions... I'm JD.

Ezlo replies...
It's pronounced like the former. And those pink fluffy pants are all the rage this spring in the Desert, that's why. (And, you're welcome!)

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, in all of the different games, how come all the maps are different? Isn't it all the same Hyrule and all that? Are there different dimensions in each game?! WHAT'S UP?

Ezlo replies...
Indeed! Check out this article for a better explanation than I can give you here about this issue.

Link asks
Dear Ezlo, How come chicks like you so much? YOUR OLD! If I was a girl (Which I'm not!) I wouldn't like an old guy as my boyfriend.

Ezlo replies...
If there's one thing I can tell you about life, it's that chicks dig guys with steady pension checks.

Lindo asks
Dear Ezlo, I was just thinking... you know how you always say that you're super smart? Well, a stupid person could easily say he's smart! And the knowlage you have, you could have gotten it on the internet! So my theory is that you're just a normal guy, pretending to be smart! I'm I correct?

Ezlo replies...
Wrong! And you know how I know you're wrong? Because I'm SMART. That's right: S-M-R-T, I am so smart! *room catches fire*

Nogare asks
Dear Ezlo, I don't mean to be smarty or anything, but how could I be talking to you if you left back to your world through the door that opens only once ever centery. and also, do you return again i zelda DS; a couple hundred years after The Minish's cap?it almost made me cry when you left Link, and you were so sage-like to Link, and everything. and just one more thing; you say a ton that you hate Tingle (sorry to Bring it up.), but when you and Link fuse Kinstones, with him, you don't scold him or aything. did he do something to you later or somthing?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, I came back, I like it much better over here. I won't be back in any future games, at least for now, until Nintendo finally agrees to pay my parking tickets for me. As for the Kinstones, I was allowing Link to use Tingle, just so we could get that delicious chocolate candy wrapped in the gold foil shaped like Tingle's head.

Xyana the Arrow asks
Dear Ezlo, Will you become my hat? Please??? You'd be much better than this stupid fairy I got. I can't get rid of it!!

Ezlo replies...
I'm out of the apparel business, sorry. If you ever want an overpaid housesitter, though, I'm your Minish.

It asks
Dear Ezlo, What Color of Blood Does Zora have?
A)Green
b)Blue
c)Red
d)Purple

Ezlo replies...
Zora blood, like Hylian, Human, and other kinds of blood is red when it hits oxygen. So, C.

the princess of hyrule asks
Dear Ezlo, WHY DONT YOU EVER ANSWER ME???!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Why don't you ever send me letters??

Librari asks
Dear Ezlo, Who is Daphne? Is she your secretary, assistant or siomething else? Lastly, what race is she from? (Minish, Human, etc.)

Ezlo replies...
From the Ask Ezlo FAQ: "My good-for-nothing secretary. She organizes all my letters as I see fit, and makes sure to keep all the "How Old Are You?" letters away from my prying eyes."

Grandpa Ezlo asks
Dear Grandson, Why havn't you replied to my letters that I send you. I thought you loved me. This tears me like #2 pencils breaking in half. I never want to see you again.
Love Grandpa Ezlo!
P.S; When can I move in with you?

Ezlo replies...
Oh no, I'm not falling for that again. Last time I took you in you ate all my marmalade and used all my Bengay. No more old man!

hates school,homework,teachers asks
Dear Ezlo, I lost my homework and now my teacher is going to kill me.what should i do?

Ezlo replies...
Re-do your homework?

MEEE!! asks
Dear Ezlo, TAKE ME WITH YOU!!! DON'T LEAVE ME TO BE HARASSED BY TINGLE!!! PLEEEEAASE!!!

Ezlo replies...
Sorry, every Minish for himself!

Pierce asks
Dear Ezlo, I was thinking about a team with Link forms, and zora link was their Leader, will there be a game according to that?

Ezlo replies...
Eh, probably not.

Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, I just finished reading the Minsh Cap Manga. Do you REALLY hate Vaati? Cause at the end, you were so nice to him and everything. You even gave him a little cake for christmas and he loved it! it was the cutest ending to anything I have ever seen!!

Ezlo replies...
Maga is not canon. I swear I hate the little bugger. Why won't anyone believe me?!

Stormdragon asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think that there will be voice casting in Twilight Princess? Which reminds me.....do you think Tingle will make a return in this game? Personally, I shudder to think of what he will do if he is put into the game.

Ezlo replies...
I seriously doubt it on both counts. From this clips we've already seen, most communication is done via the "gunt greeting" system used so well in Majora's Mask and other games. As for Tingle, I think he's done for, since he doesn't sell well outside of Japan.

Marvin A. Patinsky asks
Dear Ezlo, On behalf of my client, Tingle, I ask you to cease and desist with the constant slanderous remarks against him. If you fail to comply, you will face serious legal action.

P.S. I know this isn't a question. So, yeah.

Ezlo replies...
Never! (Besides, slander is spoken, libel is typed... a truth is an absolute defense to both).

happy asks
Dear Ezlo, in ocarina of time on game cube did they take all the cool glitches out or anything like that?

Ezlo replies...
No, it's a direct port right onto the disk. Master Quest is another story, I believe the glitches were removed from that. I may be mistaken.

Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if Tingle died?

Ezlo replies...
As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if Tingle died.

Triforce Sage asks
Dear Ezlo, What happened to all the Gerudos after the Ocarina of Time/Majora's Mask period? They seem to have just disappeared after Wind Waker. (Exept for Ganondorf, of course.)

Ezlo replies...
They sailed around like nomads for a few centuries until eventually settling in the Desert of Mystery. But, after Ganondorf once again betrayed them and attacked Hyrule they left the land and wandered to another place no one has yet found. See this article for more.

Arsenic asks
Dear Ezlo, Say Jack Bauer of 24 enters a portal that takes him to Hyrule. What would happen?

Ezlo replies...
He'd probably shoot half of the Gerudos and run around yelling "there's no time!" and "I need answers!" The maniac.

anonymous asks
Dear Ezlo, I theorized what dimension B is. I theorized that Dimension B is whats inside of Tinlge's wierder part of his subconscience where he thinks he's the reincarnation of a fairy, and other stuff only dimension hoppers (like the minish) would only know of.

Ezlo replies...
What? No... it's just the Minish world which is connected to Hyrule through that sacred door thingy in the Castle basement. The only stuff going on in Tingle's head are chemical imbalances.

Ruto asks
Dear Ezlo, What is Link's last name?

Ezlo replies...
Unlike your world—which I like to call "Dimension G"—the people of Hyrule do not, on the average, have last names. The only notable exceptions to this are usually royalty whom would need to distinguish their family trees, such as Ganondorf (Dragmire) and King Daphnes Nohansen (Hyrule).

SkyeNinny asks
Dear Ezlo, where did Lord Jabu-Jabu from OoT go when Link turn into an adult?

Ezlo replies...
He was captured by Norweigan whaling ships and cut up into small bits to be sold as King Happy Time sushi on the Japanese hotel circuit.

Callum asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is there a second quest in the legend of zelda

Ezlo replies...
It's a more challenging, harder version where things are rearranged to make them "fresh".

o0Saria0o asks
Dear Ezlo, what does F/Y/I/ mean? Im from england and some americans say it. plz tell me

Ezlo replies...
"For your information."

Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, Random Tingle insult. now GO!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Hearty laughter. The joke has made Ezlo laugh.

otsegolectric asks
Dear Ezlo, what kind of music do you enjoy? Also, how do I unlock the Arwing in Ocarina of TIme? (and yes, you can do it, i just don't know the GameShark code.)

Ezlo replies...
I enjoy mostly classical music, plus some grunge and industrial (what?). The Gameshark code you requested can be found here. (DO A BARREL ROLL!)

A mad neopets player asks
Dear Ezlo, remember this?

"Once liked Neopets asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like neopets *Twitch *Twitch*? DO you think it grabs most of the people that could come to this website but goes to Neopets? P.S: If you sign up in neopets they have an option of 18 and older, who the heck would want to play that old and in their late 40's.

Ezlo replies...
What are Neopets? Are they some kind of edible pet? If so, sign me up!"

Ezlo replies...
I stand by my horrible, insensitive remark. Though, if it makes you feel better, I tried a neopet and they are clearly not edible.

Rose Strom asks
Dear Ezlo, I have two questions.
1.Can mute people burp?
2.What's the worst thing Vaati ever did to you(besides turn you into a hat)?

Ezlo replies...
(1) Yes, because mute people can't manipulate the sounds that come out of their throats using their voice box, where a burp is just the nosie of air being forced from your gulley, no manipulation involved. (2) Once he forgot my birthday. :(

Loser asks
Dear Ezlo, who is your pick for the final four?

Ezlo replies...
George Mason, cause I'm ca-rayyyy-zeeee...

Jennifer asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Tingle in Majora's Mask travel by a floating balloon?

Ezlo replies...
Why does Tingle do half the things he does? HE'S AS CRAZY AS A LOON!

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I was fighting some alien ghosts, and when I dropped a bottle with a fairy (not Navi) all the aliens fled.Afterwards, I felt a needle hit me in the neck and I passed out.What happened?

Ezlo replies...
I wish I could tell you, but I'm sure the truth is out there somewhere. (Personally I blame Sasquatch, the Bermuda Triangle, and the fillings in my teeth).

Navi (again) asks
Dear Ezlo, I decided to take your advice and find some counseling...

PS I've posted this one about three times before? What happened?

Ezlo replies...
I already answered this question. In your browser use your "Find" feature to look for it on this page!

Xyana the Arrow asks
Dear Ezlo, Do ye think Link will let me buy Epona from him?

Ezlo replies...
Not really, but thievery is always an option!

light yagami asks
Dear Ezlo, I just can't see you as Ezlo. Every time I think of "Ask Ezlo," I get this image in my mind of some guy in a blue button-up shirt and khaki pants sitting at the computer eating Doritos and trying to make up answers to my questions.

P.S. Your wife hasn't been going out late just to get groceries. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ezlo replies...
I can assure you good sir that I do not wear button-up shirts, due to a crippling arthritis in my index fingerrrrrs. And pants? Do i look like a Minish with legs?! As for my wife, I know what she does at night, but good old Jack and Johnny help me through it.

o0Zelda0o asks
Dear Ezlo, Is link in love with Princess Zelda, or is Princess Zelda in love with him? And at the end of Twilight Princess does link or Zelda say 2 each other "i like you." or something?

Ezlo replies...
Zelda kisses Link at the end of Adventure of Link and the Oracle series. Is that good enough??

dude asks
Dear Ezlo, What's in Dimension B?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, it's a wonderful, magical place, full of Minish and chocolate rainbows and gumdrop snowshowers and gingerbread mansions!

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, I bring you a gift *pulls up a box* it may be sickining, yet great *opens box to reveal Tingle's head* would you like it as a trophy or as compost?

Ezlo replies...
Bronze it and I'll put it on my mantle.

Gamma Metroid asks
Dear Ezlo, I put something in and it's not here and I can't remember what it is! Why isn't it there?

Ezlo replies...
If by "it" you mean a question, I'm sorry but I don't post every question I get. Sorry.

Tp Zelda asks
Dear Ezlo, How are u? I love unicorns! Will there be any in TP? That would be cool if they're were!

Ezlo replies...
I sincerely doubt it.

Princess asks
Dear Ezlo, are you familar with a Princess Lora Medora of Angora?

Ezlo replies...
For sure-a.

Ruto asks
Dear Ezlo, How come skullkid attacks Link when he's an adult even though they were friends when they were kids?

Ezlo replies...
Those Skullkids aren't the same Skullkid that Link befriended, they're different Skullkids that have been corrupted by Ganondorf's evil presence in the Lost Woods.

Tatl asks
Dear Ezlo, Isn't the Feirce Deity mask evil? If so Clock Town is going to be kooloo limpa destroyed by Tingle. What should I do?

Ezlo replies...
The mask isn't evil per se, at least not on the same level as Majora's Mask is. It is very corrupting looking though, isn't it?

Awkin asks
Dear Ezlo, we have a problem.

Ezlo replies...
Someone's set us up the bomb.

NLink, Co-President asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm part of an exclusive club, The Svedish Fish, ya, and vas just vondering if you wanted to join, ya?

Ezlo replies...
Only if I don't have to pay and dues and get free food.

Some girl asks
Dear Ezlo, have you ever seen Wizard of Oz?Or read the books?

Ezlo replies...
I've seen the movie, and while we're on the subject, I recommend reading this if you didn't know the hidden meaning behind WoO.

Big time Nuclear Engineer asks
Dear Ezlo, In an earlier question, you answered a child's science fair problem with building a thermonuclear bomb, "not many kids can split an atom." In a thermonuclear bomb, or Hydrogen bomb, atoms are fused together, only splitting is caused as the primer. However, if a atom bomb was built, then atoms would be split.

Ezlo replies...
Erm, yes, that's what Ezlo meant!

Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, When will Nintendo hire me agian? and Who is going to kill link, because i want too.

Ezlo replies...
I think you've had a good run buddy, and it's time to retire. Sorry... (tee hee hee).

WaterCool asks
Dear Ezlo, Can you get the triforce? Some sites say you can, others say it's a big lie! HELP ME OUT HERE!

Ezlo replies...
It's a lie, a total lie.

GerudoGal asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know the language of the Gerudo? If you do, what does Me þin mod-sefa licao leng swa wel mean? (and this is a real Gerudo phrase. I am not making this up.) And if you know that, what does Ic Ælfan-cynn for-seon mean? Yes, I know what it means, and I am here to see how smart you really are!! Of course, I know you will never know what those things mean. After all, you are on TMC instead of OOT. But, impress me. And, if that isn't enough, what does Ien liban tu mean? (that is Hylian) Impress me, Izlo. Heh-heh.

Ezlo replies...
Erm, those are from fan-made language/sayings, from TGA's Eloze, so I'm unfortunately really not fluent in them. Ezlo only knows real things, sorry.

ShadowMaster asks
Dear Ezlo, you know how you were there when Link killed Vaati? Well, (ok, i have a couple questions.) whenever Link rolled to dodge Vaati's Lazer type things, did it squish you? Thirdly, how do you pernounce Vaati? Secondarily, if Vaati was a minish, why does he have white skin? Fifthly, how do you pernounce Gerudo? Sixth.....I was wondering, is the minish cap you, or is it Vaati's hat? Third and lastly, do I ask too many questions?

Ezlo replies...
(1) Yes, (3) Vah-tee, (2) He's albino? (5) Geh-roo-doh, (6) Me, (3) Yes, and entirely out of order at that.

oni link asks
Dear Ezlo, how you can defeat ganondorf without magic power for your light arrows ???

Ezlo replies...
There should be pots scattered around the area which have magic jars inside. Also, BRING POTIONS.

Tp Zelda asks
Dear Ezlo, Are Link and Zelda going to kiss at the end of Twilight Princess? 'Cause if they did that would be so romantic! Or will Ilia and Link kiss?

Ezlo replies...
Ye gads, that's really the last thing I'd want to see in a video game I spent money on. Link kissing something... ewww.

Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, Whats worse than a dead Tingle?

Ezlo replies...
Two in the bush? Oh wait, that's what a Tingle in the hand is worth. (Life lesson: don't hold a Tingle in your hand, it never ends well).

Gamma Metroid asks
Dear Ezlo, If you know everything, then why don't you make yourself big and tell people face-to-face?

Ezlo replies...
Because knowledge and transubstantiation are two different things?

mushroom asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you have internet, when you don't have guns or nuclear weapons in your time period but you have computers, and you went thru the door into your old world, and the door disappeared, HOW CAN YOU RUN AN INTERNET CORD Through ANOTHER WORLD THAT IS CLOSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Simple: interdimensional Wi-Fi.

The Fairy Killer asks
Dear Ezlo, How come fairys cant die when they're underwater? I want to drown them. After that I'll Hunt talking hats and feed them to link.

Ezlo replies...
They're veyr magical beings. They probably cast Water Breathing spells while under there.

WHAT??? asks
Dear Ezlo, How come you have so many girlfriends? You're ugly and most imporantly, extreamly old.

Ezlo replies...
Here's a life lesson for you kiddo: the ladies dig a smart guy (and having a fat, monthly social security check doens't hurt either!).

Ms? asks
Dear Ezlo, Did you guard the place where Vaati was sealed in MC or did Zelda?

Ezlo replies...
Ah, erm, well... neither of us did. She thought I was guarding it and I thought she was. I suppose that's how he escaped so easily...

Minion rulez asks
Dear Ezlo,

> Ezlo replies...
I agree! Consider for example how kid's cartoons today are moronic compared to the past glory which was Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Ezlo replies...
Not the originals from the 80's and 90's those are either reruns or remakes of the original concept.

Mish asks
Dear Ezlo, What is a 'Minish Keeper of Lore'? is that a librarian? Oh can I check out a book from your library??? (I'm in trouble for destorying the books from my libarary...)

Ezlo replies...
Nah, it's just an honorary title given to the biggest smarty pants of the Minish. I wish I got some other perk than the MKoL Stand-issue Unicycle they gave me.

Dog fan asks
Dear Ezlo, The other day I saw you kick a poor puppy! Why did you kick him???

Ezlo replies...
What? Considering I'm so tiny that's quite a feat! Are you sure the dog noticed?

Master Sword asks
Dear Ezlo, What is Zelda the sage of?

Ezlo replies...
Time.

kingzora asks
Dear Ezlo, why don't link marry ruto already she's been waitin like 18 years now!! me wanty little grand-babies!!!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Eww... Trust me pops, any babies we'd make you'll want to immediately leave out to try.

moonspazz asks
Dear Ezlo, Will you marry me?!? PLEASE!?!! I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE!!! Otherwise can you convince Link to? (Yes, I am a girl!)

And by the way, my bro is still looking for an answer to that apprentice job. He's good at cleaning toilets and washing dishes... And I KNOW you need a rag and someone to wash your clothes. Soooo take him off my hands??

THANK YOU!!!
-Your wishful wife-
Moonspazz

Ezlo replies...
They don't pay me enough for this...

Purple Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you frinds with Epona?

Ezlo replies...
What? How can you be friends with a horse?

Ayuda! asks
Dear Ezlo, Ayuda! ¡He sido maldecido! ¡Esto es lo que sucedió Vaati: Mhaha!! ¡Soy el brujo más poderoso en Hyrule!! Mí: Usted? ¡Ah! ¡Usted es estúpido!! Vaati: Cómo le se atreve dice que en mi cara? ¡Yo le maldeciré, para que usted pueda sólo escribe y habla en español! ¡De todos modos, no Es tan malo, significo que obtuve un A+ en mi clase española, pero en mis amigos y la familia no me pueden entender! ¡Cómo rompo yo la maldición?!

Ezlo replies...
Apesadumbrado, no hablo ridículo.

Leinator asks
Dear Ezlo, why are you so cynical?

Ezlo replies...
When you've lived as long as a I have, and seen as much evil in the world, and been divorced as many times as I have, you will be quite cynical too.

DekuDentist asks
Dear Ezlo, Just looking at the top of the page when I realised you have NO legs EVEN as a minish. This is because Tingle stole the legs from your house when you left, in a hope to have them sugically fixed on. Now he crawls around on his hands because he didn't REALISE that they were 1,000,000 times smaller than his last legs. What a thick brain. Trust me, I HAVE EVIDENCE!!!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
They're under my robe, I swear!

Not telling asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you a compulsive gambler? Because I could ve sworn that I saw you in Los Vegas, begging for money

Ezlo replies...
Nah, that was my ravishingly handsome twin brother, Elzo.

Valley girl asks
Dear Ezlo, You are so, like, adorable! Is there, like, a stuff ezlo toy I could buy? Because,like, if there is, I would totally get one!!!

Ezlo replies...
Like, how terrifying?

Groupie asks
Dear Ezlo, Whats your favorite band?

Ezlo replies...
Beethoven. ...What? I'm OLD!

king deku asks
Dear Ezlo, this still haunts me but me and my freind where playing OOT and we where in the lost woods and saw a freak sleping by a stump he says for me to deliver this to a potion lady so bla bla bla i did and says for me to dilver this back so we went back and we saw a kokiri girl she said he turnd into a stalfos and only thing left was his saw did she chop him up? my freind said to go back before you beat ganon and she turns into king stalfos is this true?(we where playing this at 12o,clock and it scared us to death)

Ezlo replies...
Totally false. The boy who "turned into a Stalfos" is just the pale, skinny kid who sits under the tree in kakariko and the stump in the Lost Woods.

Nyaguse asks
Dear Ezlo, Where the hell did Link in OoT get his earrings from when he turned into an adult? Did Rauru stand over his sleeping body with an ear...piercing...thingy pierce them?

Ezlo replies...
Well, Rauru was bored all alone in the Temple of Light, so he played dress-up. Don't be so moralizing. You'd do the same!

Volvagia asks
Dear Ezlo, I'm thinking about killing Tingle. What weapon should I use?

Ezlo replies...
Once of those crazy spiked maces. Those looks like fun.

MJ of the MK asks
Dear Ezlo, I have two questions. Do you know who my parents are? And second, What's the capital of Koholint?

Ezlo replies...
Your parents were Mya and Opus of the Tildemore Woods from Northaverbrookshireford. And Knoholit didn't have a central government, and as such never had a capital.

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, When is "Until then?"

Ezlo replies...
The next update?

Pupo asks
Dear Ezlo, Where did Skullkid get those fairies?? (I want one so bad...)

Ezlo replies...
They found him crying under a log. (I know, weird story huh? But true!)

Momo asks
Dear Ezlo,

Mr. ? asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Skullkid's friends forgive him in the end of MM or does skullkid get new friends?

Ezlo replies...
The Giants forgive him, but they still leave like last time. Skullkid then goes and finds new friends, and considers Link one of them.

Ezlo replies...
Not entirely true. Skullkid moved back and forth between the two lands and probably was a native of Termina. I think it's Tatl who explains how they found Skullkid mourning the loss of his friends and Skullkid reveals as much later on in the game.

kyo asks
Dear Ezlo, im suprized that there are even tingle fans out there....its just....eerie and my best friend is a tingle fangirl...what should i do with her?

Ezlo replies...
Have her committed. It's really the only way.

Sara asks
Dear Ezlo, is it fun being a hat on Link's head?

Ezlo replies...
About as fun as being unable to move and stuck on the smell knots that some greasy teenager calls hair can be.

Blue Fire asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Link wear those green tights? If I wore tights like that I'd have a rash for a month!

Ezlo replies...
Thankfully, Link has no dignity, so that's not an issue.

Goron asks
Dear Ezlo, who is Link's Father and how did he end up in korkiri forest?

Ezlo replies...
Link's father was a Hylian Knight during the Great War. Link got to the forest by being brought there by his dying mother during the heat of the war.

TorturedHylianSoul asks
Dear bird-hat-dude, I was sitting at my computer today, reading new info on Twilight Princess, when something hit me. Who IS the Twilight Princess? It could be Zelda, since she is a princess, (DUH) but it could also be Midna, the character who travels with Wolf-Link. I think this, because we don't know much about Midna, and she lives in the Twilight Realm, so she COULD be princess of the Twilight Realm! I would really appreciate it if you answered with your own theory. I've asked this many times before, and no one has answered. T-T I'm such a Zelda-Geek... ^-^ 0_o *-*

Ezlo replies...
I concur. Haha, just kidding. I think it's probably going to be Zelda, just because all the hullabaloo about the mourning robe and her imprisonment, etc.

nerdfrombeyond asks
Dear Ezlo, I accidentally threw my frisbee in your backyard.can i go get it without being killed by your bulldog?

Ezlo replies...
Bulldog? I don't have a... HEY! That's my wife you jerk!

Gauntlet asks
Dear Ezlo, Is link related to zelda because they both have pointy ears and yellow hair. I haven't seen any other Hylians.

Ezlo replies...
Are you serious? Like every other normal looking character in the Zelda games are Hylians.

Navi (again) asks
Dear Ezlo, I decided to take your advice and tried to find some counseling. Link, though, never had much pocket money ever since Zelda finally caught him stealing from Impa's purse, and it was hard for me to find a cheap enough counseler. I did find three, though: the windmill guy from Kakariko village, Mido, and Tingle. Who should I choose?

Ezlo replies...
Windmill guy. A man with that many problems must have some solutions.

Shadow Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Are skullkids evil to young Link in ocarina of time? Because on Majoa's mask the mask was controling skullkid and he was acting evil.

Ezlo replies...
Not really. In OoT, they only attacked Link when he was an adult. And that may have been Ganondorf's doing.

chris asks
Dear Ezlo, has Link told you anythingpersonal?

Ezlo replies...
He told me he once wore his Grandmother's dress to see how the other half lived. We didn't speka much after that.

Tiki asks
Dear Ezlo, can I call you Ezie? Or may be Ezleno? or just E.Z?

Ezlo replies...
Is the name "Ezlo" really so complicated we need to break it down into two letters, or tack my syllables on to form a nickname?

Maki asks
Dear Ezlo, In other Zelda games that will be come in the future, will you or the minshin people ever appear again?

Ezlo replies...
Nah, we demanded too much for renewing the contract and Nintendo cut us out all together.

josh32 asks
Dear Ezlo, If I say everything I say is a lie am I telling the truth or am I lying?

Ezlo replies...
Depends on whether you were telling the truth at the moment, or not.

The Head guard asks
Dear Ezlo, I was on guard duty on Hyrule castle's door, and four charming little pixie things, one wearing green, one purple, one blue & one white, Came through the courtyard and asked to be let in.
I let them, and now when I walk in, I get some big white letters before my eyes saying "Dark Hyrule Castle". I can't find the king... what's going on? *GULP*

Ezlo replies...
I'd start filing my unemployment papers about now.

Tain asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think that Twilight Princess will have voice casting? If Link is changed into a wolf when he enters the twilight area, where people can't exist. Which animal do you think Zelda will be turned into?

Ezlo replies...
I don't. Rather I think we'll see what we saw in Majora's Mask and other games where each character means a distinctive greeting noise when you approach them. As for Zelda, we've seen pictures of her in the mourning robe in the Twilight Realm, so I think it's a reasonable assumption to say that she gets some kind of "pass" from the curse.

OoT fan asks
Dear Ezlo, in majora's mask there is this dude kafei, is he like a sheikah or a desendant of one... cus he has red eyes!

Ezlo replies...
Nah, he's just a creepy little kid.

Malon asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think Link would go out with me? I mean, i know i have competition (2 princesses; zelda & ruto) but i think i can take them. i mean, i gave him epona. what do u think?

Ezlo replies...
Sorry Malon, Link told me he doesn't dig the whole "earthy" thing you've got going on. I hear Ingo's looking though. *wink*

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, I come to you for more knowledge only the great Ezlo can provide.For the past few days, the minish inside my house have been doing all sorts of wierd things, like out on the back porch, the minish there are running around in togas, while the minish in our recently cleaned bathroom have turned it into a spa, and I keep waking up at three in the morning to river dancing minish on top of my head. Could you please tell me what is going on?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, yes, that. Well, you see, I gave The Agency your address as a refuge for the Obliquely Odd Minish. You're going to have to move. It's really only going to get worse.

(Oh, and stay out of the basement. No questions, just do.)

Howl asks
Dear Ezlo, Can you join me in an mob aginst Tingle everyone's invited

Ezlo replies...
Hot damn, I'll bring the donuts!

Watcher asks
Dear Ezlo, "quis ipsos custodies?"

Ezlo replies...
Sic!

The Ruler of Lala Land asks
Dear Ezlo, Can you please explain what you were doing in this picture?: RATED G http://www.zeldax.net/gallery2/album07/min8
It's a concept sketch of Minish Cap, but tell me, what were you thinking?

Ezlo replies...
There was a bug on her dress... I swear! (that'll hold them...)

Zelda Veteran asks
Dear Ezlo, Why has twilight princess been delayed again? oh, and one more thing. Did you sit next to jesus in the second grade?

Ezlo replies...
It's been delayed again, I assume, because it's not done yet. And no, Jesus was in the class under me. THAT'S HOW OLD I MAY BE.

tingle's evil twin asks
Dear Ezlo, I wave found my brother's diary and I was wondering if i should burn it,or post it all over the internet? what do you think?

P.S. he does mention you many times just so you know...

Ezlo replies...
Mail it to me, I'll find a good home for it... mwahahaha.

Link's friend asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey Me and link went to zelda's and we found pictures of you wearing alot of make up. What happened?

Ezlo replies...
That was for a production of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert I did in High School.

Andrea asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey Ezlo you forgot your stuff in my room. Also Ganon called he wants you to go and give him a certain dance. Tingle said he's coming for that delicious Soufle you guys are cooking, and I just wasted 30 seconds of my life on you. How do you feel about yourself now?

Ezlo replies...
Fine and dandy like summertime candy.

Hinata asks
Dear Ezlo, How many people's e-mails DON'T you answer?

Ezlo replies...
I get 300 a week. I answer around 50-75 if I'm lucky.

volvagia asks
Dear Ezlo, if you were afraid of redead, would it make you happy to see them dance?

Ezlo replies...
I think that would be most terrifying of all.

Edward asks
Dear Ezlo, since you are Link's companion, did you ever ummm... do anything strange to Link during the night?

Ezlo replies...
Like steal Rupees from his wallet? Yes, yes I did. And you're sick.

Chuparla asks
Dear Ezlo, Olah! Me new here, errr. I want to tell ye, ye have really hurt me feelings! Vaati tis good fwend of mine, and ye insult him!!! I will send our dear fwend The Chupacabra to suck ye blood! hee, hee, hee.

Ezlo replies...
THat's awful! Leave me alone, please, I know where a good goat farm is... forget it—take Daphne, she's young and full of blood!

Monkey asks
Dear Ezlo, Did you used to be a human, then got cursed by someone? Because if you did then...HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID AS TO FALL INTO A TRAP LIKE THAT! GEEZE! YOU'RE EVEN STUPIDER THAN Navi!...MORON!

Ezlo replies...
What? No... ach... how terrible.

Sir Kenji asks
Dear Ezlo, Link stole my dog, what should i do?

Ezlo replies...
Get a fish. Link hates those.

JD asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you pronounce Kafei?

Ezlo replies...
Kah-fay.

Lekrah asks
Dear Ezlo, why is the grass green?
Why are turtles so slow?
AND Can you curse on this site?
P.S. Tingle wuvs u.
P.S.S. Tingle sleeps somewhere in your house (1. cause i invited him 2. if ya need a laff go to vgcats 3. I will not tell you where he (tingle)sleeps) I KNOW ALL OF YOUR DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRETS!!! HA HA HA!!!!!! HIPPY.

Ezlo replies...
Erm. Yeah...

Zelda-Freek asks
Dear Ezlo, I wrote a caption a few days ago, but when I checked for updates and when I looked at the caption game, my caption wasn't there! What could've happened to it? Answer me or feel my wrath! *Does evil laugh then shuts up*

Ezlo replies...
Did you put a name in? Unsigned Captions are not posted. Also, it may have been accidentally passed over, or skipped because twelve other people made the same joke. Submit again, I assure you it'll get in.

DekuDentist asks
Dear Ezlo, When you take a pictograph of the figurine man in the wind waker, it says he sculpts in his underwear.Please explain how he does this when he's wearing them.It's SICK!!

Ezlo replies...
Ah, it's not so hard. After all, I answer these letters in my underwear.

Keaton King asks
Dear Ezlo, is Link Nasadym and Zelda Hyrule siblings?

Ezlo replies...
No they're not, and where did you get that made up surname for Link?

sheika asks
Dear Ezlo, Why didn't they choose a nice looking character to play you?

Ezlo replies...
What exactly are you implying? That I'm ugly or that I'm mean?

Koosh Koosh asks
Dear Ezlo, What do you do to pass the time?

Your awesome friend,
crazyclemens

Ezlo replies...
I read, a lot. Like, twelve books a day.

Tailor Hicks Fan asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you watch American Idol? If you do, do you like Tailor Hicks?

Ezlo replies...
I don't watch American Idol, sorry. I refuse too after my precious Justin Guarini was ROBBED by that no-good trollop, Kelly Clarkson.

graham asks
Dear Ezlo, if Link never says a word in any of the games how do the other people understand him, I have heard about the hylians being able to read each others thoughts, but that would not work on other races, so what's up?

Ezlo replies...
Well, to clarify: some Hylians can't read thoughts, but project them for others to hear. And Link's inability to speak is just a simple plot device to convince you that you are acting as Link, and sort of are him. There's really no good in-universe explanation for it.

elzo asks
Dear Ezlo, how do i get the fourth elament?

Ezlo replies...
Check the walkthrough.

Fyre asks
Dear Ezlo, tiny little question. How can you lay an eggy sack inside of Link's hair when you are obviously stuck in the shape of a hat and have no digestive system to speak of?

Ezlo replies...
If I can be transformed into an inanimate object and still live, I think I can lay an egg without the appropriate gender or organ systems.

Hinata asks
Dear Ezlo, Where can you download Legend of Zelda music?

Ezlo replies...
You can find some tunes here at TDC, though most are available on CDs for sale elsewhere.

Epona asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you know if Epona has been replaced by another horse in the Twilight Princess?

Ezlo replies...
In Twilight Princess, from what I understand, you can name the horse whatever you'd like. So, Epona rides once more!

Luke asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you fat??????

Ezlo replies...
I'm going to assume that was a typo and you meant phat, which I am, as opposed to obese, which I am not.

Vaati fan asks
Dear Ezlo, are you crazy? You must be if you hate Vaati! Vaati's cool! (And cute in the Minish cap!) DIE VAATI HATER!!! *Throws a tin can but misses by 10 feet*

Ezlo replies...
How do you throw a can in a letter?

Hey! asks
Dear Ezlo, Well, by world he didn't mean a planet, but more like a dimension. Hope that clears things up.

..well what dimension do minish come from?

Ezlo replies...
Well, we like to call it "Dimension A" (Hyrule beings Dimension C). Umm... don't ask what's in Dimension B.

kay asks
Dear Ezlo, We all know that Link is not a Kokiri right? Well how come he doesn't turn into a skullkid when he enters the lost woods? I thought all non-kokiri kids turn into skullkids when they get lost in the woods.

Ezlo replies...
He received a special hall pass, if you will, from the Great Deku Tree.

Mido asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey Ezlo if your so smart, can you do my homework? It's probley easy for a guy with such smartness as yourself...

Ezlo replies...
The question, my dear boy, is not whether I can do your homework, which I most certainly could, but will I do your homework, which I most certainly shall not.

Monty asks
Dear Ezlo, what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
...And before you ask, the bloody thing's European.

Ezlo replies...
Didn't I already point this out in a different question?

Jaz asks
Dear Ezlo, is there such thing as a stupid question?

Ezlo replies...
HAHAHAHAHA. Like you would not believe. Do you know how many people ask me who Link will marry? How am I supposed to know that?!

The Guy that Does Stuff asks
Dear Ezlo, how tall is the empire state building?

Ezlo replies...
1,250 feet to the roof, or 102 stories.

Denise asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Zelda constantly stick her nose into things that she KNOWS will get her into trouble? I mean, honestly...she's been kidnapped so many times that it's not funny. And the whole dressing like a man isn't to cool either.

Ezlo replies...
Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do to stay alive. I remember when growing up as a child I stole a fruit from the local market and spent the next three years dressed as a whtie tiger to elude the Police.

tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, How many other hats have u been seeing? Oh,and 1 more thing,what do u do when i say"moldy cheese puffs"!

Ezlo replies...
Ezlo's a player, what can I say? As to your last point, I look at the screen in abject terror.

TorturedHylianSoul asks
Dear bird-hat-dude, I've heard for the last several months that they will move Twilight Princess to the revolution, is this true? (I hope it isn't, I'm a nintendo fangirl, but I'm not going to buy another console just for one game.) If this is true, do you think it is a wise move for Nintendo? I mean, sure, it will probably help sell the Revolution, but exclusives for the GameCube lately SUCK!

Ezlo replies...
No, Nintendo isn't that stupid. It'd be a terrible business move. Also, agreed on that last point.

happy asks
Dear Ezlo, will you answer my fricking question? am i a jerk.

ps. you gained weight, you fat bird hat!!

Ezlo replies...
I can't answer every question, I do get like 300 a week! And at least I'm not as chunky as yo mama. Oh snap.

Mr. ? asks
Dear Ezlo, Does Skullkid's friends forgive him in the end of MM or does skullkid get new friends?

Ezlo replies...
The Giants forgive him, but they still leave like last time. Skullkid then goes and finds new friends, and considers Link one of them.

Shadow Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Don't you agree with me that lighting deku scrubs on fire is fun?

Ezlo replies...
It's hilarious, until their widows sue you for wrongful death. THAT is not fun.

Genius asks
Dear Ezlo, What should i do for my Science fair experement

Ezlo replies...
Build a thermonuclear bomb. That'll wow the judges! Not every student can split the atom.

o0Zelda0o asks
Dear Ezlo, On the legend of Zelda Twilight Princess, does Link use an Ocarina?

Ezlo replies...
No, he'll be using a different musical instrument this time around. Like Wind Waker, which had a different instrument.

James asks
Dear Ezlo, Can you figure out 1658547454546/65555567 by heart WITHOUT a calqulator???

Ezlo replies...
Yeah, and it's 25,299.872.

Animerican asks
Dear Ezlo, What luxuries have you received since your debut in the Minish Cap game? Do you expect anything more after the more recent publication of the manga?

Ezlo replies...
Well, I get a company car from Nintendo, which is pretty cool. The free balloons are nice too.

Princess Ruto asks
Dear Ezlo, WHY OH WHY DOES LINK HATE ME SO MUCH?!?! IS HE SEEING SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW ABOUT?! TELL ME OR I'LL TAKE YOUR STICK AND BREAK IT! *sniff* please?

Ezlo replies...
Sorry, it's that fishy smell. Guys HATE that fishy smell.

Whocares asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you and the Ezlomobile going to come, this decade?

Ezlo replies...
Sorry, we got a flat on the turnpike. I'm waiting for AAA to show up.

Hero of Droplets asks
Dear Ezlo, Tingle punched me yesterday. What should I do?
A:Bake him cookies
B: Bake YOU cookies

Ezlo replies...
B, definitely B.

Ancient Man asks
Dear Ezlo, I bet I am older than you, since I was born 65 million years ago.

Ezlo replies...
THat's quite an act. How do you keep your bones from turning to dust? What's your secret?

Some girl asks
Dear Ezlo, If I kick Ganon s butt will Link like me more? If so GANON YOUR GOING DOWN!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Actually, I'm pretty sure that if you kick Tingle's but he'll like you more... so, you know... do that... (geh heh heh)

A chick asks
Dear Ezlo, I've been wondering, How tall is Link from TWW?

Ezlo replies...
Not very, he is only a child. No more than 4 and a half feet, most likely.

Hylian Researcher asks
Dear Ezlo, i've read in some places that Ganondorf had a surname which was 'Dragmire' but i wish to know where this was first mentioned as it was not mentioned in any of the games.

Ezlo replies...
It's mentioned in A Link to the Past. I think. Or maybe that's Mandrag Ganon...

Door mouse keeper lore friend loved asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you Jack?

Ezlo replies...
What? No! Are you crazy? Don't look behind that curtain!

Waahahahaha ^.^ asks
Dear Ezlo, I found out that I am smarter than someone in Switerland!!! So this is how the story goes:(Flash back) Recently I went to a museum and after I did my stupid acts on the security television screen I went to play a game! Now it was a really crummy game on Marine Biology and you challenged people from other places. Now this person was from Swtizerland and they only choose true. It was like they had some mental problem and I got all of them right and they got two wrong! (Un-un-un flashback.) Doesn't that totally relate to the time Link met Zelda in the Minish Cap? I know... they are almost identical!

Ezlo replies...
I want the last three minutes of my life back...

Papi the Sailor Man asks
Dear Ezlo, Did you know that spinich is good for you?

Ezlo replies...
Lies! All lies propagated by the Trilateral Commission and parents everywhere!

What the... asks
Dear Ezlo, What the heck does this mean: Исчезните, исчезните пока вы все еще имеете шанс! I knew it! Youre an alien now I have all the proof I need!!! Whippee! Now I can quit my job, sell my house sell my cousins and parents (Don't worry I could never forget them) and convert into a person who waste there time Alien Hunting! You know that there is a religion 100% dedicated to Aliens, maybe I should do that! Thanks Ezlo, when are you going to die that way I can get all of your stuff and your body show the president that you are an alien and after he tells me I'm insane I can sell you and you paper work on Ebay or just shred them in the sheder back at home! Thanks Ezlo for ruining my life!!! ^.^

Ezlo replies...
...or it's Russian.

Do not put asks next to my name! asks
Dear Ezlo, I found Waldo! He's in my attic!I also found in there the Roanoke Island colonists, the Santa Maria's flag, all the people who disappeared in the Bermuda Triangle, and Carmen Sandiego! How did they get there?

Ezlo replies...
Is there a swirling purple distrotion in the space-time continuum in that room? Cause, if so, I believe that may be your culprit.

Tinfiggler asks
Dear Ezlo, why is Ganon so evil? Was it because he was born into a world of girls and never figured out why he was different? If so, do you think he was a crossdresser then he was younger? It's very possible and another question: Who is Ganon's dad? Gerudo's would always kidnapp their boyfriends from the marketplace in Hyrule so who is it? Or could Ganon's dad be another Ganon? Isn't there some evil gerudo king born every 100 years? Then why don't we have more than one Ganon? Plus his last name is Draggmire or soemthing like that, so I'm gonna go kill his parents! Stupid idiots having an evil warlord! *runs off*

Ezlo replies...
Wow that's a whole lot of conjecture. Well, we know Ganondorf's father probably was some guy from Hyrule Market Town that a Gerudo seduced, because most likely the last Gerudo male died twenty years or so before his death. As to why he is evil, well, why was the Unabomber evil? Why was Stalin evil? Who knows, these things just happen. People get crazy.

annoying link asks
Dear Ezlo, dont you think dark link should stop copieing link i mean really he shouldnt he get a life

Ezlo replies...
I know, like, totally.

Kangaroojoe asks
Dear Ezlo, you are on a game show on television. On this game show the idea is to win a car as a prize. The game show host shows you three doors. He says that there is a car behind one of the doors and there are goats behind the other 2 doors. He asks you to pick a door. You pick a door but the door is not opened. Then the game show host opens one of the doors you didnt pick to show a goat (because he knows what is behind the doors). then he says that you have one final chance to change your mind before the doors are opened and you get a car or a goat. so he asks you if u want to change your mind and pick the other unopened door instead. What should you do?
Lets see your answer compared to the answer of the one with the highest IQ in the world. Answer the question and then prove it.

Ezlo replies...
Why, you pick the door with the car behind. Duh. Geez, and people wonder why I'm the smartest organism ever.

beedle rules 555 asks
Dear Ezlo, After beedle forced me to write this letter honouring him i played TOOTand noticed the zortas never wore clothes did tingle hack the game or don't the zoras have a sense of decency?

Ezlo replies...
Have you ever worn a t-shirt in the water? Well, you know how heavy and uncomfortable that gets? Well, picture it all over your body!

Whocares asks
Dear Ezlo, Why doesn't Jack want to see Final Destination 3? Or the other two for that matter? Also, Scary Movie 4 is coming to theaters on April 14!

Ezlo replies...
Because they're terrible movies! There! I said it! Now, back to my Resident Evil movie marathon...

Whocares asks
Dear Ezlo, What does A/S/L mean?

Ezlo replies...
"Age/Sex/Location?" It's what creepy 40 year old men write to little kids they want to seduce.

Sallad Fingers asks
Dear Ezlo, how many messages do you think you get each day?

Ezlo replies...
Hrm, well I ddn't look at my mailbox for a week and an extra 300 appeared out of nowhere. That answer it?

Oddface asks
Dear Ezlo, Ya know when Hyrule got totally smashed? how much water damage did the new king have to pay for all that?

Ezlo replies...
Well, thankfully, he had AllKingdom Flood Damage Insurance.

a guy asks
Dear Ezlo, how do u pronounce rauru, dodongo, and especially picori?

Ezlo replies...
Roww-roo, Doh-dun-goh, Pee-co-ree.

Vaati fan asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do you hate Vaati so much? The only thing he did to you was that he turned you into a hat, and that wasn't so bad!

Ezlo replies...
Wasn't so bad? WASN'T SO BAD?! Octoroks tried to use me as a nest!!

JD asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you pronounce Farore and Mido?

Ezlo replies...
Fah-roar, Mee-do.

Robin Hood asks
Dear Ezlo, would you care to go Tingle-hunting with me?!I could use the company!

Ezlo replies...
Why of course! I hope I can bring my elephant gun.

JD asks
Dear Ezlo, How come in the "What's Hot?" section you're a hat, but at the top of the page your a Minish. And also, how come your in love with Link's hat, even though your now a humen?

Ezlo replies...
Poor editing, really, what can I say? Also, I'm not human, just anthropomorphic.

Hate cartoons now asks
Dear Ezlo, Havn't you noticed that the cartoons from the past were much better then the ones now? I thought people get smarter over the generations, but that must be false because everyday people invent the most stupidist shows! What do you think about this?

Ezlo replies...
I agree! Consider for example how kid's cartoons today are moronic compared to the past glory which was Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Once liked Neopets asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like neopets *Twitch *Twitch*? DO you think it grabs most of the people that could come to this website but goes to Neopets? P.S: If you sign up in neopets they have an option of 18 and older, who the heck would want to play that old and in their late 40's.

Ezlo replies...
What are Neopets? Are they some kind of edible pet? If so, sign me up!

Marcella asks
Dear Ezlo, Who is this HATTIE girl?! When I asked you for a date last week you told me you had been hired out for a wedding, and now I find you gallavanting around with other girls? I bought a pink feather to wear just for you, and this is how you repay me! You've got some explaining to do, Romeo!

Ezlo replies...
Oh, I knew my ill-conceived and poorly diagrammed lies would come back to haunt me! Why didn't I use the organizer to kleep better track of my fibs, WHY?!

Ms Wind asks
Dear Ezlo, Why are you angry all the time? Even when Link did a little mistake, you yelled at him. You have some Anger issues to deal with pal!

Ezlo replies...
I'll angry issues you, RIGHT TO THE MOON!!

Link's Hat asks
Dear Ezlo, my dearest, where've you been?!? We had a date on Saturday night, don't you remember? *sniff* I've sent you countless e-mails and left so many messages on your phone... you're... you're not seeing another hat, are you? Oh, please, Ezlo, don't do this to me! Can't you remember all that time we spent together? Please come back to me!

I sill love you,
Hattie

P.S.- Don't you dare pull that 'It's not you, it's me' junk on me!! I swear, I'll strangle you AND that skanky other hat(if there is one, there'd better not be) with a pair of pantyhose! Love always,
Hattie

Ezlo replies...
Oh baby, you know it's not like that. You're the only one. I've just been... busy... with... stuff...

Justyn asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Ganon an honorable guy or not because he seemed so on wind waker when he said he was going to spare link and just take his triforce?

Ezlo replies...
Considering he slaughtered an entire island full of pirates just for their fortress, I think he is not entirely with honor.

Farore asks
Dear Ezlo, What is New Hyrule with the North Castle and such? Did Link and Tetra (aka Zelda) settle there after the great flood or am I wrong?

Ezlo replies...
Well, the half of Hyrule with North Castle is called North Hyrule. North Hyrule is only one part of New Hyrule, which also includes South Hyrule and East Hyrule.

Tingle asks
Dear Ezlo, You're probably gonna hate Tingle more than you already do, but did you know that the Keaton mask seems to share a resemblence with Pikachu?

Ezlo replies...
Of course I noticed that, you verdant dolt!

Vertnik asks
Dear Ezlo, Как hunt tIngle? Я думаю я имеет руководство. Вещество 8-7*/ имело вопрос с предпринимателем играя в азартные игры магазина в городке hyrule, и ломало внутри во время ночи. Он пошел right the way through к задней части, в тележку, через заднюю стену, и в пакгауз вполне: А: Зеленые пробки содержа половин-sformirovanny1 tingle клонируют. Костюмы tingle B:60,000,000,000,000,000,008. Dartboard C:An Ezlo. Д: Triforce! E:soon после того как triforce было запятнано, tingle себя убило вещество. Мы все обречены, клонируем будем готовы в 2 днях!

Ezlo replies...
Исчезните, исчезните пока вы все еще имеете шанс!

ICL ergo pro monitor asks
Dear Ezlo, you are over-working me! I am your computer monitor, and I demand a rise in pay, or a shortening of hours! I won't take this any more! And it's a good job the GameBoy Advance (A mysterious relic that allows others to see through into other dimensions) Doesn't have smelli-vision! I mena, PHEWEEEEE!!!

Over-work your shower instead.

Yours woozily... Ic98^-0fp*#.

Ezlo replies...
Just for that, I'm changing the resolution to 2048x1536! Now who's laughing? BWAHAHAHAHA.

Einstien asks
Lieber Ezlo, mein Name IST Einstien, gegensätzlich zum Wissenschaftler, Einstein. Ich wünschte informiere Sie, das bin ich nicht ein kompletter Idiot in irgendwelchen der möglichen Maße der Raumzeit.

" majora fragt lieben Ezlo, was ist ein zora? ist es ein Vogel? Ezlo antwortet... *headdesk * "

Dis message nicht Garman.

Ezlo replies...
In der Tat.

LOZfan asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the name of Tetra's ship?

Ezlo replies...
"The Pirate Ship."

LOZfan's brother asks
Dear Ezlo, Who is smarter, you or Rauru?

Ezlo replies...
Me, hands down. THough, if it were a weight contest, Rauru would win, hands down.

Leinator asks
Dear Ezlo, Are my YTMND references getting old?

Ezlo replies...
You've only made two! If that's considered old, then you can call me LEEEROY JENKINNSS.

Navi asks
Dear Ezlo, Mido's fairy was bothering me yesterday, etc., and we got into a... verbal fight (though I did, at first, try to crack his wings in half after he called me Stinkerbell). Anyway, I called him a fat firefly with sparkly wings (which, of course, I'm sure you know is one of the worst things you can say to a fairy). I was getting really ticked so I gave him one of those special slaps that I save for Link and said we'd finish this tomorrow. What should I do?

PS Should I resort to physical or verbal violence?

Ezlo replies...
Perhaps counseling? Must we really resort to violence?

Medli asks
Dear Ezlo, I need your help in a predicament I'm having. See, Vaati is a friend of a friend of mine and apprently he's got this HUUUGE crush on Midna. The thing is, his psycho ex-girlfriend Malon keeps trying to win him back and I hear that Tingle has this thing for Vaati as well. What should I do to...
a) Get Midna to go out with Vaati
b) Get Malon away from Vaati and Midna (she's trying to bite Midna's ear off)
c) Kill Tingle

Ezlo replies...
C. Always go with C.

Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, How many Tingles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ezlo replies...
Three: one to hold the lightbulb and two to spin the ladder.

Somebody asks
Dear Ezlo, My sister is really stressed about her math midertm. What should I do?

Ezlo replies...
Help her study! A study partner can alleviate stress and help with the retention of knowledge.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, to let you know, it is possible to get into the castle after the first visit, its just you can only visit before getting the Zora's Sapphire, but afterwards, the guards will guard the gate 24/7 (literally).

Ezlo replies...
Thank you for clearing that up!

Jo King asks
Dear Ezlo, I there a Zelda cameo in Chibi-Robo?

Ezlo replies...
WhoWho-WhatWhat? Oh, yes, that game. Umm, I'm not planning on playing it, so: why not?

MoMo asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know what would be cool? That you had your own section where people asked you questions and you answered in a funny way.

Ezlo replies...
That'd be the tops, why didn't I think of that?!

The Great Singer Rita asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey Ezlo, I got a song for you! It s dedicated to you, Ganon, Tingle and all the other ugly people out there!
U-G-L-Y you aint got no alibi, your ugly, hey, hey, your ugly, hey!
(I love this song, brings tears to my eyes!)

Ezlo replies...
Oh my.

Harvest Moon/Link/Mario Fan asks
Dear Ezlo, If you play HarvestMoon Another Wonderful Life, does your husband get old by the fourth year or more? Because I'm married to Gustava in the game a hippy dude, and it's halarius all the characters-Hahahaha- All the characters-Hahaha- are sooooooooo old and the youngest dude Rock has a million wrinkles and when you first move in he's 22 and now he has yellow skin and is a gross type of old and the oldest dude looks younger and when you frist meet him he's 31. But those two guy's used to look hot, but the ugliest one is just the same. You know what I'm saying?

Ezlo replies...
Not. One. Bit.

Link's hat asks
Dear Ezlo, I like, Totally have a crush on you! Maybe we could like, go to Zora John Silvers and ya know.. Talk about stuff?

Ezlo replies...
Hot diggity damn, I'm gonna polish my dentures for this one!

Likelike asks
Dear Ezlo, I was talking to the Scholar dude, in the Minish cap, and he said they came from a diffrent world. What world do Minish come from? (If you don't tell me, I'll order a dog named Tingle to attack you.)

Ezlo replies...
Well, by world he didn't mean a planet, but more like a dimension. Hope that clears things up.

Cat lover asks
Dear Ezlo, I was reading one of the questions, and I was appalled of what it said,

Sally asks Dear Ezlo, I have a 23 pound cat. What shall I do.

Ezlo replies... 23 pounds?! Mmmm, thems good eatin's!

Ezlo replies...
How? Well, roasted over an open flame for forty minutes and slathered with hot sauce. (Ezlo kids, Ezlo kids!)

Vaati fan asks
Dear Ezlo, How many Vaati fans are out there in the world?

Ezlo replies...
Waaayyy too many.

Ms Wind asks
Dear Ezlo, In OoT the deku tree had a mustache, and in the wind waker a big bucktooth so is ugliness hereditary in deku trees?

Ezlo replies...
Actually, in Deku culture, what we were perceive as "ugliness" is considered beauty to them. Those two were actually Deku supermodels at one point!

Whocares asks
Dear Ezlo, You are wrong! You said that you can't get back to Child Zelda in OOT after your first visit. But I went back to see what she says when you wear the Keaton Mask!

Ezlo replies...
Timeout. I said I was "pretty sure" which does not mean a definitive answer. Because I have not played the game in years, I am surely allowed to forget one simple detail, no?

anotherminish asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you manage all these letters it took me weeks to write this letter yet you post 20 letters a week on average do you weigh 10000 minishgrams please tell me I need to find a way to type faster

Ezlo replies...
Actually, I have to correct you: I weigh 10,000 minishtons. There is an important difference.

someone whose name starts with a letter asks
Dear Ezlo, I noticed that you said something wrong:

Ezlo replies... The Light Force was the Minish word for the Triforce (much like the Fishman "Tri Forks"). The Picori Blade was the only weapon that could defeat Vaati. The Minish Cap was Vaati's red cap that could be used to grant wishes.

Queenie has twins (link and Zelda) and later, Kingie gets drunk and throws a dagger at her after wanting to name link "Billy Bob Cheese Nips" (don't ask). She leaves him and takes Link to her boyfriend (dirty cheater) the Deku tree. Yah, you get the picture. Also, Kingie hid Zelda Aka "I like tacos". That's why she didn't take zelda. The deku tree assasinated Links mom and names Billy bob cheese nips link. Yep. Cool.

Ezlo replies...
Yes. Wait... what?

lauren asks
Dear Ezlo, do you think twilight princes wil be on the revolution or the gamecube?

Ezlo replies...
It's been delayed to November, around the Revolution's release. However, I think sales would be hurt if players were forced to buy a new system to experience the game. Therefore, on GameCube, but perhaps with special Revolution-only features.

Koholint asks
Dear Ezlo, how dare Jack outsource to Costa Rica! That's my home country! Children do NOT have to spin wheels there! We have internet connection and electricity you know. ;)
BTW.... what did Vaati's parents do to him to make him the way he is? I mean, seriously...

Ezlo replies...
Oh I know, but what I forgot to mention was that we relocated to the middle of a colonial-era theme park, hence the spin-wheels and child labor. Also, I'm pretty sure Vaati is the way he is thanks to a serious neurological disorder.

Maenaan asks
Dear Ezlo, in Ocarina of Time, why did the Fairy Ocarnia disappear after Link got the Ocarina of Time? And was Ganondorf really THAT stupid to not notice the Ocarina of Time flying over his head and, ultimately, into the hands of Link?
Regarding Tingle... is it possible that he just got dropped on the head one too many times, or was he traumatized by a mad fairy or something along that line...?
Warmest regards,
Maenaan

Ezlo replies...
Good question about the Ocarina, though I think the far more pertinent question is how Link fit all that equipment in his tunic. As for Ganondorf, I think you're overestimating the guy's intelligence. Tingle is screwed up because he could never get his father to love him, so he broke down psychologically and began to think that maybe if he became a fairy his father would love him.

Leinator asks
Dear Ezlo, Do really think it was a good choice for link to go back in time? I mean, seriously, it's not like his safety was really guaranteed or anything. On the flipside I guess he brought his own weapons for the trip, and I'm sure a few people would throw him some rupees when he got back, but he'd never done it before, so I think the whole incedent was still pushing it to the limit.

Ezlo replies...
All I know is: you're the man now, dog!

Deity Link asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the differents between OoT Master Quest and OoT?

Ezlo replies...
Master Quest is a remixed version of OoT. The dungeons are different and the enemies are much harder.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, in ocarina of time, what doea princess zelda say when you talk to her while you wear the mask of truth?

Ezlo replies...
I may be wrong, but I think it's impossible to get back to her after meeting her for the first time.

blank asks
Dear Ezlo, Elzo, I need to ask you when twilight princess is comeing out.

Ezlo replies...
I'm smart, not clairvoyant.

Tetra asks
Dear Ezlo, You are funny but seriously, dude, you know I am smarter than you!

Ezlo replies...
Lies! Just for that I challenge you to a duel—canes at dawn. I'll see you at the town square!

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, Are Boko plants related to Deku plants?

Ezlo replies...
Not directly, since one is made of Boko wood and the other Deku. Boko is a wood more commonly found in higher altitudes, while Deku is more at home in lower ones, hence why Boko stuff is found on the Great Sea.

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, I found out there's a potion that makes a person an OoT fairy.Could you keep this potion in the sea of Anti-Tingle acid (and this confidential)?

Ezlo replies...
Wait, there's anti-Tingle acid, and how come I wasn't told about this?

Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, Since i no longer have any retorical questions to ask you, i'll just ask a bunch of questions that fan the hatred of Tingle. Is that ok for you?

Ezlo replies...
Oh, but rhetorics is fun... *pout* fine, whatever.

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the EXACT value of pi?

Ezlo replies...
3.1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679 8214808651 3282306647 0938446095 5058223172 5359408128 4811174502 8410270193 8521105559 6446229489 5493038196 4428810975 6659334461 2847564823 3786783165 2712019091 4564856692 3460348610 4543266482 1339360726 0249141273... and so on and so forth.

GOD!!! asks
Dear Ezlo, This is GOD! And you are slacking on your milk duties! I'm sorry to tell you this, but if you do not get milk into your household refridgerator by 12 am, I, GOD, will have to banish you to TINGLE ISLAND! where you cannot get off no matter what!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You also will have to appologize to Vaati and eat eggplants!! Remember 12 am!
-GOD!!!

Ezlo replies...
Well then, I think we know which testament this guy's coming from. Sheesh.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, what is the kokiri tunic made out of? goron? zora? (especially answer the zora one!)

Ezlo replies...
If only they were that interesting. They're just enchanted polycottonblend.

Navi asks
Dear Ezlo, ever heard of vg cats? anyways i found a nice comic they drew about zelda. it involves making fun of tingle. http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=105 [Warning, language perhaps innapropriate for the youngin's -ed.]. I dont know anyone else that could get a better laugh out of it. what do u think of it?

Ezlo replies...
BAHA... BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

dark evil.... thingy asks
Dear Ezlo, when is vaati's birthday? and how old is he?

Ezlo replies...
Hrm, come to think of it, I never knew when Vaati's brithday was. Perhaps that's one of the reasons he turned evil—lack of presents?

Lily asks
Dear Ezlo, what keeps the Kokiri from leaving the Kokiri Forest?? And what keeps the skullkids from leaving the Lost Woods??

Ezlo replies...
In the case of the Kokiri, the Great Deku Tree told them that they will die if they leave the forest (a little trickery intended to keep them from being harmed). As for the Skullkids, they're bound to the Lost Woods once they transform and can't leave the formal boundaries of the Woods (or perhaps they're just embarassed at their new condition).

King asks
Dear Ezlo, On OOT how come the bridge to get to Ganon's Tower is a rainbow bridge? Why isn't it like, made of skeletons?

Ezlo replies...
Because that is a magical bridge made of an amalgamation of the powers of the Seven Sages. Ganondorf had nothing to do with it.

blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, do people accedentally step on minish? Because when I was walking home I heard a little scream.

Ezlo replies...
I was wondering why little Timmy didn't come home yet... YOU MONSTER! HE WAS MY PAPERBOY!

A CHICK asks
Dear Ezlo, HOW OLD IS LINK FROM "THE WIND WAKER"?

Ezlo replies...
We don't know for sure (no age is given), but I'm willing to guesstimate 15.

Luke asks
Dear Ezlo, Did Ganondorf get his Castle in OOT from an evil dude named Sauron?, they look pretty alike.

Ezlo replies...
Nah, the only similarity between the two is the over-reliance on slave labor to erect their lofty peaks.

dalton asks
Dear Ezlo, do you have any pictures of redeads with out their masks on? and don't play a joke on the picture.

Ezlo replies...
Erm, I'm pretty sure those are their real (scary) faces...

Pinky Linky asks
Dear Ezlo, Who do you have a crush on?

Ezlo replies...
Link's hat. *sigh*

LOZfan asks
Dear Ezlo, How does Orca from Wind Waker know how to fight?

Ezlo replies...
He spent a lot of time in that secret dungeon on Outset Island.

Einstien asks
Dear Ezlo, in a Gines Hygrometer reservoir, A fig, 13.2 is filled with water cooled by ice. In the second chamber, C, communicate with A through a long tube. E is an exit tube. The flow of water is controlled by tap T. The upper part of C is closed y a piece of black glass or a silver plate. The thermometer D. records the temperature when dew appears. T is then closed & the temperature at which the dew disappears is noted. The mean of these two observations is the dew-point but, as in ______ s instrument, it is not a reliable estimate of the ___ point.

If this is so, than what should go in the two ___s?

If you DID get thrown out of high school like your mothr said, then you should have done psyics in the 3 days you were there, I don't thikn that turning all the teachers into hats was such a good idea...

Ezlo replies...
Say what you'd like poindexter, at least I can spell my name right.

Whocares asks
Dear Ezlo, I found the fountain of youth! It's in Brownsville, PA. Do you want the fountain to get younger? If so, you have to tell me how old you are right now. That age doesn't matter any more if you use the fountain, cause you'll be younger than that. Also, tell me where the fountain of anti-mime/Tingle matter is so I could get rid of them.

Ezlo replies...
No, get out for there! That's the fountain of vermouth and (at worst) it'll give you a nasty hangover!

Sakura asks
Dear Ezlo, I must say. You are a brave one to wake up in the morning knowing that you have to awnser the... Stupid questions that people across the globe ask you. Inclosed is a gift. The lastest iPod, and a Link spray. (It is like bug spray except you use it for Link) I hope you enjoy.

Ezlo replies...
You my friend, are one of a kind. I thank you for the gift, it will go to good use.

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, Why is there a ad for Costa Rica in the top right hand corner of this site?

Ezlo replies...
To save money on overhead costs, Jack has outsourced the entire site's operation to Costa Rica where children spin wheels endlessly to keep the servers powered and website running. The magaritas are fantastic!

(I kid, I kid!)

Otto von Bismarck asks
Dear Ezlo, make me ruler of Germany again!

P.S. Napolean III's pathetic isn't he.

Ezlo replies...
I'd love to Otto, but you're kind of... dead... and last time I checked the ability to draw breath is a qualifier for the Bundesrepublik Chancellorship. And yes, just about every French monarch was.

Jo Mama asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like Pokemon? Would you like a PKMN cameo in LOZ?

Ezlo replies...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a question that only the wise and smart would answer (such as yourself) ahem, what do I do to reset the timer on the VCR so it would stop blinking 12:00 (without the manual)

Ezlo replies...
Depends on the model, but generally you find the timer button, hold it down, and use the fast forward/rewind keys to change the time.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, I dropped a deku nut in some red potion, and it turned orange, what happened?

Ezlo replies...
It's health has been fully replenished and the nut will begin to grow into a Deku Sprout shortly. Plant it quickly!

McFat asks
Dear Ezlo, At the end of the minish cap,vaati explodes but his hat survives.How come?He's supposed to be this mighty monster and his hat is tougher than him.

Ezlo replies...
Hey now, I sewed that hat myself! If it doesn't survive a pitiful explosion, there are some words that I need to have with my yarn supplier.

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, my sister, aka "Random," let me play Minish Cap on her DS last week, and as I was fighting Vaati, the batteries died, and now I'm pretty upset. Any suggestions?

Ezlo replies...
Straighten out that stiff upper lip, what what, charge the batteries, and try again. Your victory will be all the sweeter since you had to suffer so much to get to the end.

Leinator asks
Dear Ezlo, O RLY?

Ezlo replies...
YA RLY!

someone asks
Dear Ezlo, why do the fairies change color in OoT? do the kokiri kids repeatedly switch faries when you aren't looking??

Ezlo replies...
No, it's not that complicated. Some fairies can change their color to reflect their mood, or to match that new pair of shoes they just purchased.

nerdfrombeyond asks
Dear Ezlo, are all gorons male,because if some are females,they are ugly.

Ezlo replies...
Right on the nose my friend, right on the nose.

Sally asks
Dear Ezlo, I have a 23 pound cat. What shall I do.

Ezlo replies...
23 pounds?! Mmmm, thems good eatin's!

Ms Wind asks
Dear Ezlo, Are you and Vaati related? You both talk WAY too much...) If not, what happened to Vaati's real parents?

Ezlo replies...
Ha! I should hope not! As for Vaati's parents, well, it's weird. After he stole the Cap from me, his parents mysteriously disappeared. No one knows what happened to them, except for these two stone statues of them which were left behind. Very odd.

Tetra asks
Dear Ezlo, It's me again from snot boy, but I have a small thing I noticed from one of the questions and answers. Look:

ayama asks
Dear Ezlo, why does zelda not have a father in the ocarina of time but does in the windwaker in the ocarina did her dad die????

Ezlo replies...
We can assume that Zelda's father does get killed by Ganondorf during the Imprisoning War. The King from TWW is not her father, but more like her distant greatn grandfather.

Ezlo replies...
Whoa there, I wish talking about after the seven years elapses. Yes indeed Zelda's father is alive prior to Ganondorf's attack on the castle (we see Ganondorf kneeling in fealty to him in the Castle). You asked if the King died, which I explained he did.

Sally asks
Dear Ezlo, I was asleep when a question randomly appeared in my head. What is the exact measurement of your nose(length and width)?

Ezlo replies...
It's around 13 Minishmeters high and 124 Mininches wide. Hope that answers your question!

Saicel, Link fangirl asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does everything try to asplode me? Also, if you get the chance, tell Link that he has a fangirl that shall exhibit self-control in his general vincinity.
Death to Ralph Bakshi!

P.s. The Bakshi thing is a long story, which includes Vikings in mini skirts with lightsabers and perverted Romans. Don't ask.

Ezlo replies...
Eh... wha?!

Aaron asks
Dear Ezlo, It's been a while. Anyway i regret to inform you that Tingle robbed my house in the middle of the night last night. He took every single Zelda game i had and then burned them. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW!?!?!?!?!

Ezlo replies...
I smell a posse!

Tom Cruise asks
Dear Ezlo, Dear Ezlo, can you get the six sages to summon 9999999999999 meteors the size of the sun to kill You Know Who {starts with t and ends with e). Thanks !

p.s. If people actually would think, they wouldn't have to ask you all the questions, or is your knowledge to great for the human mind to comprehend?

Ezlo replies...
The Sages aren't in the murder business, unfortunately. And the average person trying to comprehend my vast knowledge would be like an ant trying to read our mind. It just can't happen.

superfly asks
Dear Ezlo, Im new.do you know how you get the boomerang in zelda ocarina of time.

Ezlo replies...
You find it in Jabu Jabu's Belly.

Knick-Knack asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you wanna snack? Because I was sitting here wondering, "Hmmm, what should I ask Ezlo?" Then I noticed that I had a dried up sausage tortilla in my pocket, and am not all that hungry.

Ezlo replies...
As tantalizing as your offer sounds, I think I may have to pass.

young zelda asks
Dear Ezlo, Tingle just put on the Majoras Mask!!! Should i get Link to handle this or...well do you have anything to say about this?Maybe even a suggestion?

Ezlo replies...
Pray to whatever gods will hear you, the end is nigh! Daphne, prepare the self-destruct mechanism!

Chocolateapple asks
Dear Ezlo, Why didn't you jump of links messy head,heroicly defeat vaati with passion and run of with zelda?

Ezlo replies...
I HAD NO LEGS.

McBob asks
Dear Ezlo, How do you cope without a KFC in hyrule?

Ezlo replies...
Hrm? I was just at Kakariko Fried Cucco the other day? You must have missed it.

One confused Minish asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the "light force" exactly? And why did Vaati want the PicoriBlade in the first place? Lastly, is the Minish cap you, because didn't Vaati use the Minish cap on himself so that he could turn big? (I know this is long, but I really want these questions answered!)

Ezlo replies...
The Light Force was the Minish word for the Triforce (much like the Fishman "Tri Forks"). The Picori Blade was the only weapon that could defeat Vaati. The Minish Cap was Vaati's red cap that could be used to grant wishes.

Poe hunter asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you know that guy in OoT, the one who owns the poe shop? Well I have been dieing to know... What does he do with the poes you give him?

Ezlo replies...
I'd like to tell you, but then the FCC would shut me down.

Ganondorf asks
Dear Ezlo, I am wondering where Link is right now, the villians and I are going to give him weadgys, purple nurples, wet willys, noogies, make him eat boogers, and give him a swirly, then feed him to cuccos and eat his bones, where is he?

Ezlo replies...
Erm... try Tingle's house. Unleash your fury there first and let me know how it went.

wallmasterphobia asks
Dear Ezlo, please tell me if there is any wallmasters in the Ikana castle or the Stone Tower Temple? I hate those things so much that they are preventing me from beating the game because of anxiety!

Ezlo replies...
I wish I could tell you definitely, but you see, Ezlo hasn't visited Termina in some time. However, Stone Tower being such an advanced level, I would coinfidently guess that there are indeed Wallmasters there. And, speaking of your phobia, can I recommend that it is certainly the best way to deal iwht a fear by confronting it head on and defeating it? Ezlo has been nursing a fear of Octoroks for some time (erm, you can guess why) and I dealt with that phobia by dropping a toaster in a pond some of them were hanging out in. Have I mentioned how delicious CalaRoki is?

majora asks
Dear Ezlo, what is a zora? is it a bird?

Ezlo replies...
*headdesk*

Apryll asks
Dear Ezlo, In Majora's Mask it talks about a group of Ninja's called the Garo, but it never really tells you anything about them. What/Who are they? What exactly do they look like? Where do they live? Are they possibly an offshoot of the Subrosians? Please tell me whatever you can about the Garo.

Ezlo replies...
If you get the Garo Mask and walk around Ikana you'll know exactly what they look like. The Garo are an ancient band of ghost-ninjas that dwell in Ikana Valley and jump unlucky moops that wander into their midst. They have no relation to the Subrosians.

??? asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do people ask really random questions to you?

Ezlo replies...
They like the sound of my voice? Beats me. It's amazing the odd letters I get though.

mr. flachenheiner asks
Dear Ezlo, you've always said that you like typewriters. What kind (brand, model) do you use?

Ezlo replies...
I prefer my dignified Tommy 1928 Chicago Typewriter. It really gets the job done.

playa asks
Dear Ezlo, if you had a choice, what would you rather do: live with Tingle and his gang or boil yourself in a hot tub? (seriously)

Ezlo replies...
THe hot tub, without reservations.

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, I was playing The Minish Cap yesterday, and I was at the very end, right before I was to go up against Vatti, I was battling these Dark Nut things, and the bell tolled a third time and it was a game over! I thought all you had to do was beat them. I didn't know there was a time limit! Did you know that?

Ezlo replies...
I was there if you don't recall, so yes I do know. And, I could have saved you a lot of time if you just asked me about them.

darkzelda asks
Dear Ezlo, you rock, wanna come live with me?

Ezlo replies...
Depends, you got TiVo?

HHH asks
Dear Ezlo, can you touch MC Hammer??? What about Link???

Ezlo replies...
Yeah anyone can touch MC Hammer, but the question is: why would you want to? (oh, dip) Same deal with Link.

Sal asks
Dear Ezlo, are there any connections between Dark Link (OoT), Shadow Link (FSA) and Link`s Shadow (AoL)? Are they related or something?

Ezlo replies...
Nah, they're jsut all plays on the ancient fears of one's evil or mischievous shadow being materialized. Think Peter Pan.

Meggy asks
Dear Ezlo, did you know that there's a site that shows Zelda Manga Comics in English, not Japanise?!? Yeah, weird, I know, but it's true!

P.S. Do you know what Manga is? If you don't, I'll tell you later. I gotta stop Tael from setting Clock Town on fire. Tael, knock it off or I'll tell your Onee-san!

Ezlo replies...
Of course I know what manga is, give me some credit! It's that delicious tropical fruit from South and Central America.

Piglink asks
Dear Ezlo, if your so smart who created the majoras mask in Majoras Mask?

P.S I don't know either but it's not the mask guy.

Ezlo replies...
Some ancient evil tribe that worshipped Majora in the old days of Termina. All records of them are now lost except for that legend.

doodoo bird asks
Dear Ezlo, why are you green as a hat?

Ezlo replies...
Because it's not easy.

ayama asks
Dear Ezlo, hey ezlo if youre the smartest minish in the world can you tell me what 457896532586475426584465 x47859633225421221575233 equals

Ezlo replies...
According to my calculator, error. Meh.

ayama asks
Dear Ezlo, why does zelda not have a father in the ocarina of time but does in the windwaker in the ocarina did her dad die????

Ezlo replies...
We can assume that Zelda's father does get killed by Ganondorf during the Imprisoning War. THe King from TWW is not her father, but more like her distant greatⁿ grandfather.

Me! asks
Dear Ezlo, How does link fit all his stuff under his tunic. Surely if the LOZ games were realistic he would look like a bloated elephant (no his nose isn't that big). Yeah i know he has a scabbard and stores his shield on his back, but how does he light his bombs?

P.s. His nose might be that big it's hard to tell with cel-shading.

Ezlo replies...
Oh that's an easy one: he has a Tunic of Infinite Holding.

Julie the Goddess asks
Dear Ezlo, are the links in all the different games the same link, or are they desendants of the first link?

Ezlo replies...
Check out this article!

jack asks
Dear Ezlo, when exactly is the twilight princess' release date in the U.K

Ezlo replies...
We don't know, but I could have sworn Nintendo was going for a world-wide same day release...

Leinator asks
Dear Ezlo, First, have you ever made a YTMND?

and second, do you ever get tired of answering questions relating to tingle?

Ezlo replies...
No, but I still love them. As to your second question: YES.

Hlik asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you like PSP's?

Ezlo replies...
Well, Nintendo own's my soul so I'm not allowed to say either way. (Damn lawyers...)

Thelinkman asks
Dear Ezlo, Why in the Wind Waker are the bodies of people shaped so odly??? How can a 10 year old boy hold a hammer climb ropes never eat never sleep and so on???? He is amazing.

Ezlo replies...
A wizard did it.

Thelinkman asks
Dear Ezlo, do you think super mario would be good or bad in a zelda video game?

Ezlo replies...
Terrible! There will be no crossovers on my watch!

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, where did you say that the Kokiri were plants?

Ezlo replies...
I dunno. They are though, if you'd like me to repeat it. Transfigured plants.

Navi asks
Dear Ezlo, i saw Link bottle up my friend and starved her. but before she died he took her out of the bottle and ate her!! What should i do?

Ezlo replies...
Say your fairy prayers, little one. Your day will come too.

Sage asks
Dear Ezlo, why are the games called the Legend of Zelda? Why not the Legend of Link?

Ezlo replies...
Because the first game was the legend of Zelda, in which the ultimate goal of the game was too save the Princess, Zelda.

HH asks
Dear Ezlo, when is your Birthday (I got a surprise)?

Ezlo replies...
January 10... I quake in anticipation for your surprise.

Red Link asks
Dear Ezlo, What would be worst, locked in a room with no windows with Navi or Tingle?

Ezlo replies...
Tingle. While they're both quite annoying, but Tingle's smell would eventually do me in.

Triforce Sage asks
Dear Ezlo, I have heard of potions that have colors besides the typical red, blue, and green. With your experience, do you think they really exist?

Ezlo replies...
Yes, there is the infamous purple potion which will turn you into an eggplant, and who can forget the delicious fuzzy black potion (also known as Hyrule Cola) which bestos upon any unlucky imbiber the powers of being hyper.

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, in The Minish Cap, some of the Minish miners sing a bit of a song when Link goes up and talk to them, like the dwarves in "Snow White." Are such songs common only among the Minish in the mountains, or do other Minish have songs too and what would they sing?

Ezlo replies...
Great question! The Minish love to sing, but traditionally our repetoie's have been limited to 80's hair band rock ballads. Odd culture, I know.

Hi asks
Dear Ezlo, What was the scariest dream you've ever had? And what was the Best dream you've ever had?

Ezlo replies...
Well, I once had this terrible dream I was a hat. The best had to be when I chased Tingle all around Outset Island wielding a flamethrower.

Napolean III asks
Dear Ezlo, Make me ruler of France again or else!!!!!

Ezlo replies...
Fool you should have known better than to mess with Bismarck. I can't undo stupidity!

Ray asks
Dear Ezlo, I was looking at the different races at this site, and I noticed that there are no skullkids there. Are skullkids considered a race? (I couldn't find a picture of one either!)

Ezlo replies...
Skullkids aren't a race, they're more like monsters, or creatures. And, here's a few pictures of them.

The awesome caleman asks
Dear Ezlo, O wise and powerful Ezlo, I calculates that to use 100% probablity on getting figurines, you need 9316 shells. Does that sound right to you.

Ezlo replies...
You forgot to carry the one!

gig asks
Dear Ezlo, how did you obtain this vast knowledge of things?

Ezlo replies...
Well, there are these wondorous things I discovered that have pieces of paper with knowledge written on them, attached to other pieces of page. They're called BOOKS.

Tetra asks
Dear Ezlo, Is the freak with the snot hanging down his nose a minnion or child of Tingle. Because I see a reseblance.

Ezlo replies...
Nah, jsut a really gross kid with a poor sense of hygiene.

Zelda maniac asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know where I can get any Zelda merchandis? Like action figurs, collector dolls, or T shirts?....With-in the U.S.?

Ezlo replies...
Your best bet is, by far, Ebay.

Ryan asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do Tingle want to be a fairy an why does he force his brother and David Jr to turn the giant Tingle head on the tower?

Ezlo replies...
Because he's EVIL! What don't you people get it?!?!

blahman asks
Dear Ezlo, I dare you to say somthing nice about Tingle.

Ezlo replies...
I would, if it were physically possible for me to do so without bursting into flames.

monkeyman asks
Dear Ezlo, How come faries before the flood a balls of light and faries after are shaped like small girls?

Ezlo replies...
All fairies are small girl (though some are boys). The light you see is the light they naturally project from their bodies. Before the flood it was common for fairies to project enough light to hide their identity, for some reason many centuries later that practice changed so that fairies would show their bodies. I assume it has something to do with fairies becoming more integrated with the rest of Hyrulian society.

Tingles minion asks
Dear Ezlo, Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah! Do these words strike fear into your heart!?

Ezlo replies...
Like an icepick.

Skull Kid asks
Dear Ezlo, Where do skull kids come from?

Ezlo replies...
They're Hylian children who wander into the Lost Woods.

1234567890 asks
Dear Ezlo, Hello Ezlo! Do you either eat pianos or signs in the Kokiri Village?
P.S. Go for it!

Ezlo replies...
A-wha?

Lank asks
Dear Ezlo, Valentine s Day is coming up in a little more than a month. Any plans between you and the Missus?

Ezlo replies...
Well, excellent question. I was thinking of a nice dinner at Chez Mini, then a moonlit walk on the lake shore, and then retire to the marital bed for a hot, steamy game of Scrabble. I'm so romantic, no?

kupo asks
Dear Ezlo, what would happen if somebody set vaati on fire?

Ezlo replies...
I'd assume he'd run around screaming for a little while until he finally immolated to death.

Master of ALttP asks
Dear Ezlo, I actually think one of your answers may be wrong. See this question and answer below.

Rosho asks
Dear Ezlo, Why exactly do you take the form of a bird hat? Why not a...lets say Frog hat?

Ezlo replies...
Vaati had a... "bird thing". Plus the hat realized my inner self had a huge mouth and literalized it.

Now, under further examination, I noticed that your staff has an ornamental (or magical) carving on the end that looks very similar to your form when you were stuck as a cap. Also, when you are transformed, the end of the staff seems to move towards your head, which I believe was somehow transformed into your appearance, as everything you had with you had to go somewhere, so it just seems like an explanation. Don't get me wrong, I think Vaati was right that you had a big mouth. No offense intended, you just talk a lot. Well, not as much as Navi, at least. I understand your error perfectly, having vast knowledge as yourself, you tend to forget the more "simple" things. Like grooming your hair, you had a lot of it. Just wanted to point something out, as I usually do.

Ezlo replies...
Ye goddesses, I never noticed that! Excellent observation! Though, truth be told, I didn't carve the staff, Vaati did and gave it to me from "Appreciate your Really Old Teacher Day" (it's a Minish holiday). I think he was planning it all along!

Some girl asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think I have a chance at marrying one of the Links? I m very pretty for my age, smart, honest, I work hard at what I do, and I don t talk to strange guys like Tingle.

Ezlo replies...
Maybe a guy in a Link suit, but a seriously doubt your chances of snagging a video game character.

Shadow Vaati asks
Dear Ezlo, What kind of person do you think Midna wold be?Could she be good or evil, annoying or helpful?

Ezlo replies...
Mischevious, enigmatic, but overall good, I believe. Neutral at worst.

the awesome caleman asks
Dear Ezlo, I could have sworn that i killed a wisp with my unmagical boomerage. Was I delirious.

Ezlo replies...
Nah, just hallucinating. Don't eat so many Twinkies next time.

Adam scoot asks
Dear Ezlo, Even though your a hat, you must have to eat to live, so when it comes out the other end, does it end up on links head?

Ezlo replies...
You better believe it, geh heh heh.

Link asks
Dear Ezlo, Is dark link a shekiah...because he has red eyes.

Ezlo replies...
Nah, he's just a demonic water reflection mirage made from Link's visage. I really doubt he has a race of any kind.

Whocares asks
Dear Ezlo, I have found out all of Tingle's allies! They are: Carmen Sandiego, the MM aliens, evil bunnies, OOT dogs, Ganon, and that freeky Whacko-Jacko! They are going to take over the U.S., Russia, U.K., France, India, Pakistan, and China and use their nuclear missles to take over the world!
P.S. I know this because I own the L.O.T.H., League of Tingle Haters.

Ezlo replies...
To to the Ezlomobile!

Ganon lover asks
Dear Ezlo, do you think Ganon and Zelda will fall in Love?

Ezlo replies...
Not really, considering one of the two is a giant, ugly pig-beast. I can't see much chemistry there.

Timestopper asks
Dear Ezlo, I beeen on several websites, and II keep hearing about this "Zelda 64 Beta", and, I was wondering....WHAT THE HECK IS IT?!? I've been an obsesive Zelda fan for eleven years and I've seen the screenshots for it, and it's the weirdest thing I've ever seen! (Besides Princess Ruto) It is definately NOT anything from Ocarina of Time!

Ezlo replies...
Firstly Beta is, I should explain, the version of a piece of software (or in this case a game) that is the first stable, tested version. When something is in beta stage it is still quite unfinished. Indeed, Zelda 64 Beta was what OoT did look like at a time, but after much work it evolved from that to the OoT we know and love today.

The cat asks
Dear Ezlo, do you have a last name? If so, what is it?

Ezlo replies...
I do not, Minish typically do not have surnames.

???? asks
Dear Ezlo, Why are you even more anoying than Navi?

Ezlo replies...
Oh my goddesses, that was so mean! What did I ever do to you to deserve such an insult?

Aiedail asks
Dear Ezlo, A friend of mine is over obsessive. On christmas she threw a fit cause her favorite show wouldnt come on. (They were showing christmas specials.)She ignores what I say, She throws a fit if anyone else likes the same thing she does, she kids around with the worst things to kid with, She gets mad if no one says hello to her, and she thinks shes the only one in the world that matters. What should I do to stop the madness?

P.S. Do you like Fire Emblem?

Ezlo replies...
Sit your friend down and explain to them in no uncertain tones that (firstly) you love and respect her as a friend, but as a friend you feel obligated to inform her that her behavior has been unacceptable and alienating, and then prepare to be pummeled and yelled at. As to your second question, no.

thehero of time asks
Dear Ezlo, i have done alot of research on u and i have found out that you really like link.In TMC you even asked Link if you can live together wit him. I told Link that and he said that he wanted to let you but he wasnt allowed to cauz his Gramp said no.He also wanted me to tell you that cauz he saved Hyrule and Zelda ,Zelda´s father engaged them and he wanted to thank you and he says that he forgives you for everything that you ever said on this site and hes gonna invite you to Hyrule castle (he lives there know!)and you can eat all you want!!!!!!

p.s. you rule ,down with Tingle!!!

Ezlo replies...
I don't like Link, what a terrible, defaming lie. Daphne, call the lawyers!

blank asks
Dear Ezlo, I heard that Link has an unnatural fear of chickens. Is that true?

Ezlo replies...
Hey, you get mauled by a pack of predatory Cuccos multiple times and tell me what your opinion of them is, why dontcha? I bet you won't look at the vicious buggers the same ever again!

Navi asks
Dear Ezlo, Link got brainwashed by Tingle! What do I do?

Ezlo replies...
Bellow at him repeatedly in one-word sentences! It is what you do best, eh?

~Shadow asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you feel about the revolution controller's compatibility with Twilight Princess? Seeing that you have no legs or arms, this will be difficult for you, no? Do you believe this will open a new curtain to the gameplay and immersion of Zelda as we know it?

Ezlo replies...
Yes. (I'm sorry was that answer too short?)

Poli asks
Dear Ezlo, Have you ever entered Newgrounds.com?

Ezlo replies...
Nah, I prefer to get my superfluous Internet-tainment from YTMND. You're the man now, dog!

George Carlin asks
Dear Ezlo, do you know why there's no blue food? Don't say blueberries are blue 'cause you know they're purple. Look closely at a blueberry and you'll see what I mean. Every other color is represented besides blue. Okay; red is raspberry, cherry, and strawberry, orange is orange, yellow is lemon, green is lime, brown is meat, purple is eggplant, grapes, and yes, blueberries, black is black peppers (which are very good), white is coconut fruit. There's no blue food. Somebody's got the blue food, man, somebody's got it, but who?

Ezlo replies...
Good goddesses, I think my brain is bleeding. How the--??

F-Zero asks
Dear Ezlo, Zephos is the god of wind, but he's a frog. What's a frog got to do with wind?

Ezlo replies...
Not much. But a magical wind frog has plenty to do with the wind. There is a crucial distinction. Namely, magic.

Z-wha? asks
Dear Ezlo, since Ganon has (or was) been in a tower for...a long time, he became more docile (since in TWW he told link he wasn't going to kill him) I say next time put him in a box and after a millienia he can be your Uncle G! How's that for the next game? "Legend of Zelda: Uncle G's funhouse!
(PS don't take this seriously ;)

Ezlo replies...
Oh don't worry, there was no chance of that happening.

blank asks
Dear Ezlo, Personally, I think both Link and Dark Link are pretty cool. For some reason, you don't like Link, but could you put aside all prejudice and tell me which one you think is cooler?
p.s. I may be sending a fanfic to the Desert Colossus soon.

Ezlo replies...
Dark Link clearly. Nothing is cooler than red eyes.

Navi asks
Dear Ezlo, Do you think the twilight princess will be compatible with the revolution controller?

Ezlo replies...
That is indeed the rumor. We'll just have to wait and see.

Minish asks
Dear Ezlo, is Link left handed?

Ezlo replies...
Yes.

Fado asks
Dear Ezlo, Did you know Ganondorf didnt kill me, but he sent Tingle to do it. Tingle told me "You can die or be apart of my crew". And I said no and he.... you know.Im back for revenge, I just want to know, who's stronger? Ganondorf or Tingle?
Writting from the Wind temple,
Fado

Ezlo replies...
Tingle, clearly. Ganondorf can die.

Medli asks
Dear Ezlo, It was terrible. I thought that Tingle was a weird 35 year guy with a dumb dream. But, I went outside cause I heard my brother scream and Tingle jumped on me and stole my rupees and said "This will help me be a real fairy and your brother will be my brother!!". How can I get him back??!!!?

Ezlo replies...
Trust me, just let him have the Rupees. It's just easier that way.

mr. flachenheiner asks
Dear Ezlo, what is your favourite celebration of the year?

Ezlo replies...
The most magical time of the year of course—Give Ezlo Presents Day! It's a holiday, I swear.

Thahit asks
Dear Ezlo, If you had to use a computer, what kind would it be? The all-powerful, glorious, and wonderous Macintosh, as befits such a wise person as yourself? Or (gasp!) Windows?

Ezlo replies...
I've always been partial to the world's first computer, the Abacus.

Meiko asks
Dear Ezlo, I looked at your older entries and did some research. This is the impersonation website:
www.hylianworlds.net/asktingle.php
I don't care if they get flamed, but you might want to see if the web owner isn't being possesed. Or even worse, in the forces of Tingle's army. (If so, the internet is doomed.)
Meiko

Ezlo replies...
It's cool. Everyone assumed I was a ripoff of TheHylia.com's Ask the Old Man. In truth, all three of us are ripoffs of "Ask Din," which was created by Nayru many, many eons ago when Hyrule was still being created. She used it to pass the time and embarass Din by tricking her into saying words that sound like dirty words.

Many, many people declare
Dear Ezlo, Happy Minishmasukah!

Ezlo replies...
Merry Minishmasukah to all, and to all a good night!!

Bob asks
Dear Ezlo, Why does Ganondorf never give up? i mean, after being killed like 7 times I think I'd just abandon the idea. Sheesh

Ezlo replies...
He has a goal and he persues it. Terribly. He's like the Lyndon LaRouche of Hyrule.

Aryll asks
Dear Ezlo, How does Ganondorf treat his prisoners?

Ezlo replies...
Terrible. Only has basic television, no cable. The monster!

Shiek Friek asks
Dear Ezlo, Hey, you told Ö a story, wheres mine?! Make it involve some kind of ferret... please

Ezlo replies...
You may have a story, but it will involve EVERYTHING EVER, sans ferrets. Sorry.

shadow asks
Dear Ezlo, Why do you hate Tingle? (That does not mean I like him), and also, what would you do if you find Tingle naked in your room?

Ezlo replies...
Shudder.

chelsea the evil asks
Dear Ezlo, how do you pronounce vaati,makar,and saria?

Ezlo replies...
Vah-tee, Mah-kar, Sah-ree-ah.

fried siomai asks
Dear Ezlo, someone told me that the you're wanted for not paying you're bills and that anybody who helps capture you will be given a reward of 1000000000 Yen. Is this true?

Ezlo replies...
Of course not... (Daphne, bring around the Porsche, we're leaving!)

corey asks
Dear Ezlo, Do animals that mate for life actually feel the emotion we call love? Affection?, Compassion? Or is it just the instinctive need to increase in numbers that kepps them together?

Ezlo replies...
It's the latter, and a sense of colossal laziness.

rashield asks
Dear Ezlo, can you make a hylian/english alphabet?

Ezlo replies...
I could, but then your eyeballs would MELT. It's jsut that impossible.

Prince of the Mushroom Kingdom asks
Dear Ezlo, Is Donkey Kong related to King Kong?

Ezlo replies...
They are third cousins, twice removed, once reconnected.

Din asks
Dear Ezlo, why does gannondorf have my triforce?? see, faroh get link and nayru gets zelda but y am i gannon's?

Ezlo replies...
That's what you get for having the one divine power that the crazy maniacs would want to have. Last time I checked the other two pieces don't let you blast people to chunky bits or smite canyons out of mountains. By the way, for a deity you have a terrible sense of spelling.

NLink asks
Dear Ezlo, I just ate a 1/2 pound of chocolate. I passed out in front of the computer desk after a sugar rush. Now I'm sitting here with a really bad itch on my butt but I don't have the energy to scratch it. What should I do?

Ezlo replies...
Find the energy and scratch it. (Problem solved!)

Puto asks
Dear Ezlo, Why are most questions challenging your intellect instead of asking about Legend of Zelda?

Ezlo replies...
Because I am the smartest Minish ALIVE. Ha HA!!

Lily asks
Dear Ezlo, What is the body temp of a ReDead?
Why is a Redead called a ReDead if it never was really dead but is made out of magic?
Since Kokiri are plants, as you said, how are they created? From seeds?
What's the temp of the Deserted Wasteland, seeing that it's always sandstormy and blocks the sun, or seems to?
What are the wind speeds of the Desert Wasteland?
What's the approx. temp of the area around the Desert Colossus?
Where do the Gerudo keep their water sources??
Are skullkids(that stayed in the Lost Woods) good or bad?
Does it snow in Hyrule during the winter? If so, does snow get through the trees and into the Kokiri Forest? (Disregard if first ques is a no)
Uhm, that's all for now. Please answer not jokingly...

Ezlo replies...
Room temperature (about 72 degrees Fahrenheit); Hylians thought they were reanimated corpse at first; from the Great Deku Tree's magic; around 105 degrees during the day and as low as 50 degrees at night; same as the Haunted Wasteland; in underground aquifers; generally bad; no.

Master Raistlin asks
Dear Ezlo, I am wondering, I've seen the minish village but I can't seem to find your house. Do you live in the minish village, or do you live in some other, more remote village?

Ezlo replies...
My estate is acutally located in the Minish Realm, not in the colonies in Hyrule.

Timestopper asks
Dear Ezlo, hey....Wait a minute! It's 'The Pussy Cat Dolls!' "Don'cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me???" Oh, sorry! Disreguard that if you wish... Anyway, I was talking to Navi the other day, and she said that Ganondorf was angry because Tingle stole his "Bratz" dolls, (you know, the barbie-like things with big heads!) and his Orlando Bloom poster, and she also said that if you would give Ganondorf Tingle's room number at the looney bin that he would stop by and "see" Tingle to get his stuff back.

Ezlo replies...
Wh...what?!

Darker asks
Dear Ezlo, whats with those claw marks on that poor tree at lake hylia?

PS:I'm not a hippy...

Ezlo replies...
It's the sacrifice post for some Zora druidic cult. You hippy.

Lindsey asks
Dear Ezlo, Someone told me that Rauru is Zelda's father. Is that true?

Ezlo replies...
Not in the slightest.

Rosho asks
Dear Ezlo, Why exactly do you take the form of a bird hat? Why not a...lets say Frog hat?

Ezlo replies...
Vaati had a... "bird thing". Plus the hat realized my inner self had a huge mouth and literalized it.

Name:

Your Question:
Dear Ezlo,